My eyes!!! Aaargh!
Jack Monroe #344 344%
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There was an old woman called Jack
Who struggled to cope with her twit
Her unruly labia
stretched to Arabia
And got in the way of her gak
Who struggled to cope with her twit
Her unruly labia
stretched to Arabia
And got in the way of her gak
iirc, I was in the unhappy position of doing war poems at both gcse and a level
can't wait till jack catches up and posts a pic of a war memorial with a sassoon or owen quote
can't wait till jack catches up and posts a pic of a war memorial with a sassoon or owen quote
Jack/Larkin full version mashup
She fucks them up, the soup and beans
She may not mean to, but she does
She slings them in the slow cooker
Then gets online and makes a fuss
"But the beans were fucked up in their turn
By Tories ramping up the price!"
But you could just... not rinse the beans
Then act like it's a sacrifice
Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a piling debt
Live your life off Twitter, Jack,
And also, stop adopting pets
She fucks them up, the soup and beans
She may not mean to, but she does
She slings them in the slow cooker
Then gets online and makes a fuss
"But the beans were fucked up in their turn
By Tories ramping up the price!"
But you could just... not rinse the beans
Then act like it's a sacrifice
Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a piling debt
Live your life off Twitter, Jack,
And also, stop adopting pets
Boring Jack can get in the sea. Come on Essex Police, Iqbal, Borb, Pete and Jenny come to Tattle and do an AMA.
Well, I blinked and missed 30 threads 
I occasionally lurk
To check in on the berk
I saw she was on tinder
And on a Bootstrap Ltd has been dissolved to a cinder
I'm crap at poetry
Has she done the Vimes Boot Index yet?
I occasionally lurk
To check in on the berk
I saw she was on tinder
And on a Bootstrap Ltd has been dissolved to a cinder
I'm crap at poetry
Has she done the Vimes Boot Index yet?
Since she’s apparently so KNOWLEDGEABLE about poetry and also so incredibly Greek, why isn’t she quoting some Greek poets, come on Jack where’s Seferis and Cavafy? Or she could go way back in time to the Braided hair ancient Greeks and give us some Homer. Maybe the bit in the Iliad where Achilles goes off on one about how much he hates liars and manipulators and people who do no work but take all the rewards. That passage might be particularly apt perhaps.
I cannot deal with poetry Jack right now. Only had one beer.
But my sister is doing a Jack like chaos at work with her phone and non mediterranean arse.
It genuinely got right under my skin and that made me realise how little tolerance I have for random tit because of Jack there was one message before this.
But my sister is doing a Jack like chaos at work with her phone and non mediterranean arse.
It genuinely got right under my skin and that made me realise how little tolerance I have for random tit because of Jack
there was one message before this.
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I read this whilst eating and nearly died.
Send heimlich manoeuvreios.
Coops definitely has big Lenny energy.
Here we go again.
Absolutely love the cable's poetry. Jack's quite the muse! I'll never think of anyone else when I hear JCC'S twit from now on. Here's one that rattles round my head (it's a song not a poem coz I'm poor) and offers sage advice for the Jack's of the world:
If you must write prose and poems,
The words you use should be your own,
Don't plagerise or take on loan.
There's always someone, somewhere,
With a big nose who knows,
Who'll trip you up and laugh when you fall.
If you must write prose and poems,
The words you use should be your own,
Don't plagerise or take on loan.
There's always someone, somewhere,
With a big nose who knows,
Who'll trip you up and laugh when you fall.
There was a young woman called Jack
Who thought she had a hell of a rack
She posed in the hammock
Then opened her buttocks
And sprayed prune tit all up her back.
duck OFF JACK YOU WILL NEVER CONVINCE ANY OF US THAT YOU ARE ANYTHING OTHER THAN A THICK twit. GO AND SPEND TIME WITH YOUR SON/PUPPY/CAT/HOSTAGES FROM AA.
Oh I hope we get Euripides Jack, although of course she's had it harder than every protagonist of every Greek tragedy. Sure, Pentheus was tricked by a god, torn limb from limb by temporarily maddened women and ended up with his own mother planning to nail his severed head up above the front door, but Jack once ran out of jam.
Chomp a sandwich of pickle and cheese
Slurp a curry of peach and chickpeas
But the sausage of jewels
And hole nodules
Is the favourite for arthritic knees...
(...and shoulders, fingers and toes).
Slurp a curry of peach and chickpeas
But the sausage of jewels
And hole nodules
Is the favourite for arthritic knees...
(...and shoulders, fingers and toes).
Quoting myself like a prick to say, even the “thank you“s in POEMS become thankyou once Jack‘s done with them.
tit, not Kipling! Duck and cover!
Fun fact, I read the first tweet and just assumed Jack was malfunctioning
Of course they do. Jack hates the English language.
(She's also misquoting the Kipling poem, so no Jack, you CAN'T recite it by heart. Whatever happened to forensic autism?)
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