Jack Monroe #343 A heavy dose of chickpea and loathing

[TurnedUpInTipp]

how are the lemon curd ones so many different shades of yellow?!

Depends how recently she'd been for a slash.

 

[TreeTrunksApplePie]

It’s funny that of all her identity cosplays she never goes for anything involving her relationship with her parents. She almost goes to the opposite extreme in insisting what wonderful people they are, but there was clearly some kind of conflict going in the time period between leaving school and big Dave getting her the call handler job.

I put this down to her being wise enough to know she needs them to help out, at least now, even if years ago she took them for granted.

Guessing they help out with childcare, maybe money, maybe she’s counting on an inheritance and also almost certainly counts on their silence about less truthful things she says and does.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

I’m way behind so I’m sure it’ll have been said, but why, and how, would she be using a tooth towards the back of her mouth to open a packet?

Possibly because her front ones are too fragile?

 

[NellieBoo]

I mean this might be a tad paranoid but I reckon she’s posted it cos she’s hoping a member of the canal will be daft enough to call it. And then she can triangulate them using her Mossad-level triangulation skills which will allegedly lead her all the way up to the front door.

seriously, though - she just wants another stalking storyline. Hasn’t been one of those for a while. Or it’s all about Harold, as other Fraus have speculated

Didn't she claim she could everyone to their front door by their IP address?

 

[Boogs]

I would describe those gums as inflamed myself.

I would describe them as bone crushingly terrifying.

 

[StatusWoe]

Fuck me, I pity poor Matt for being on the receiving end of THIS look.

And to think this is what Harold had to suffer.

 

[Boogs]

anyway, if this had happened, why would you seriously allow your phone number to appear publicly again?

also, ICO, loool

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Did this result in a massive go fund me which made her loads of money which she is trying to recreate? It’s alright Jack you don’t actually need to make it happen. Just pretend that it did like you do with everything else.

 

[Readingismyhobby]

I’m way behind so I’m sure it’ll have been said, but why, and how, would she be using a tooth towards the back of her mouth to open a packet?

Same logic as “falling “ onto a tap?

 

[Mrs Moon]

Fucks sake, the way she trivialises alcoholism there. "From alcoholic to don't fucking need it in 2 weeks". "Now we've kicked alcoholism's arse". Jack and recovery - completed it mate. That's not how it works. She wasn't, isn't an alcoholic. She's full of shit.

Overproof whiskey by the way, where on earth was she buying that? It isn't a commonly available drink. But of course, Jack couldn't just be addicted to whiskey, it had to be the strongest of whiskies ever .

Maybe she made it in an old bathtub in her shed by soaking old Pumble remains (has she even got a shed) my imagination is running wild here....think I'd better get to bed and stop tunnelling down a Jack rabbit hole

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

What has calcium got to do with the cookies???

That's my fault, soz. Two unconnected tweets but I screen grabbed them together.

 

[EllaEm87]

Don’t make me search Southend Deliveroo again!

When she doesn’t post pics I know she’s made it herself and it looks SHIT.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Wonder is Sb is planning a busy summer and someone's getting annoyed. She can't expect to not invite him to her fun stuff then rage when he does is own stuff.

 

[For the truth]

So by Jack’s standard of spiting those when she’d ‘made it’, I’d have sent Mr Peach, Mrs Harkness and Mrs Laidlaw in order: a milk bottle, newspaper, microphone, pack of mince, storefront and finally a thank you for putting up and educating the teenage me.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Isn't she exhausted yet? How long can one woman argue complete bollocks!

 

[auntylil]

The furlough info was on the gov website saying the company claimed

Tbh that doesn't surprise me, IIRC she said something along the lines of, she (the company) wasn't earning anything so she personally paid the furlough (even though everyone here questioned why her assistant couldn't continue working). Do you think she paid it from her house savings? Poor woman child.
It's all very weird and like most things Wacko-related, very (and probably most deliberately) complicated!

That and she claimed she couldn't get Furlough for Caroline because she filed her tax return late and so had to pay her 'out of her own pocket '.
This is also not possible as well as being a complete lie. It was a happy day in the cabal when someone found the receipts that Jack was indeed granted Furlough.

Gahh, thankspaceyou, I'd forgotten that important detail! Yes, all very deliberately complicated (and false!)!

 

[Ostapbender]

she’s COMPLETED CALCIUM MATE. Not only does she have enough calcium, she actually has too much calcium. Jack wins at calcium, ner ner ner ner!

Another thing to tell Peter when she finally confronts him!

 

[Mrs Peel]

DONTANSWER

CALL999

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

This is what she wants isn’t it. A ‘cook’ made some horrible looking biscuits.

 

[Django]

She really needs some new material. It's always stepping on glass, falling down the spiral stairs or a crumbling tooth. I want to see an electrocution or a head injury sustained from an errant tennis ball that causes her to become entangled in her hammock and blinded by her own tits.

Also she made 34 cookies. You're too early for thread 344 unless you're planning a supreme chaos for later on.

Ooh, isn't 344% the inflation rate for food for the poors?

 

[Five hundred dogs]

I always wondered how she ended up with 4 GCSEs. Oh sorry, 4.5. If she’d turned up for half of the classes, even with no revision she probably could have scraped a few E grades which still counts. Her parents don’t seem like the kind to ignore warnings from the school about missed coursework. Her school seems like the type that loves to crow about it’s GCSE results so I doubt they’d want her to leave without at least five.

I’d guess there was one of two reasons. Either there was something serious going on in her life at the time which caused her to fail, possibly even not even take, most of her GCSEs. Or (and my money would be on this) she went for the “if you don’t try you can’t fail” approach. She can’t cope with failure at all, can’t take responsibility for her own shortcomings, but if she didn’t bother and pretended it was because she was too cool for school or because the evil Borbora and co had it in for her then she could, at least in her mind, save face.