Why you see quacks?
Jack's sucky snacks
Jack's sucky snacks
Jack Monroe #342 Dostoevsky rice encyclopaedia
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The homophobic old bastard has probably got her barred because of her glorious technicolour (lights on).
Apols for Too Much Information, but high heat has an unfortunate impact on my digestive system.
To eat anything prune based would be tsunami invoking.
Phew, saved!
Now behave yourselves!
You're taking my great aunt Lillian's name in vain 
xWhy you no yummers?
Ate weird stretchy hummus
Ate weird stretchy hummus
I can hear “Jack Monroes a fkin munchy bag, pal” in a Scottish accent
duck ooooffffff
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Oh lads it was really bad.
Started with a can of very high quality chickpeas from the corner shop when I took the dog for a stroll round the village green. The cat scared me when I was taking this so apols for the worst photo in history.
Would also like to note that I didn't use the whole can because I didn't want to be wasteful, so the other half have gone into a couscous salad with blanched red onion, fresh chilli, tomatoes, cucumber, garlic and roasted aubergine. Because I enjoy foods with texture and flavour.
She doesn't specify how much mayonnaise in proportion to chickpeas, so I guessed. The aquafaba loomed in the background.
I began my first blend without any aquafaba.
Because I'm terrible I did actually try some at this early stage and have to say that it was just as you'd expect from the following picture: gritty mayonnaise with a heavy dose of chickpea and self-loathing. I blended on.
Again, it was just a very mayo-y chickpea purée, so I decided at this point I would try adding some aquafaba. I've made good vegan mayonnaise with aquafaba before, so I was hopeful.
It did look like absolute dogshit though.
But, we blend on, boats against the current and all that. I had zero confidence in this recipe to begin with but fraus, I was disappointed.
Honestly the most astonishingly bad thing I've made. This is neither stretchy, nor is it hummus. I would describe it as a wet chickpea mayo. The addition of the aquafaba did make it less mayo-y, but only on first taste; the aftertaste was appalling. It didn't have any of the lovely tahini, garlic or lemon flavours that you might get in a homemade hummus. Did have flavours of what I imagine a chicken's arse tastes like, though, so if that's your thing then fire on in.
It also slopped off the spoon. It's got the texture of a bog.
I was going to save it for Mr Owl's return from the beach to get his reaction for you all but I think I love him too much to subject him to it.
Jack's a menace of the first water because this was rank. I'm having wine.
Started with a can of very high quality chickpeas from the corner shop when I took the dog for a stroll round the village green. The cat scared me when I was taking this so apols for the worst photo in history.
Would also like to note that I didn't use the whole can because I didn't want to be wasteful, so the other half have gone into a couscous salad with blanched red onion, fresh chilli, tomatoes, cucumber, garlic and roasted aubergine. Because I enjoy foods with texture and flavour.
She doesn't specify how much mayonnaise in proportion to chickpeas, so I guessed. The aquafaba loomed in the background.
I began my first blend without any aquafaba.
Because I'm terrible I did actually try some at this early stage and have to say that it was just as you'd expect from the following picture: gritty mayonnaise with a heavy dose of chickpea and self-loathing. I blended on.
Again, it was just a very mayo-y chickpea purée, so I decided at this point I would try adding some aquafaba. I've made good vegan mayonnaise with aquafaba before, so I was hopeful.
It did look like absolute dogshit though.
But, we blend on, boats against the current and all that. I had zero confidence in this recipe to begin with but fraus, I was disappointed.
Honestly the most astonishingly bad thing I've made. This is neither stretchy, nor is it hummus. I would describe it as a wet chickpea mayo. The addition of the aquafaba did make it less mayo-y, but only on first taste; the aftertaste was appalling. It didn't have any of the lovely tahini, garlic or lemon flavours that you might get in a homemade hummus. Did have flavours of what I imagine a chicken's arse tastes like, though, so if that's your thing then fire on in.
It also slopped off the spoon. It's got the texture of a bog.
I was going to save it for Mr Owl's return from the beach to get his reaction for you all but I think I love him too much to subject him to it.
Jack's a menace of the first water because this was rank. I'm having wine.
Kemi Badenoch flipped burgers.
Jack, Jack, political activist Jack, where are you?
Jack, Jack, political activist Jack, where are you?
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what the hell is this supposed to be
One of her foods has escaped.
what the hell is this supposed to be
One of her foods has escaped.
I'm obviously a weird little pixie (sorry, lil pixie) because stretchy hummus makes me think of something much cruder
stretchy hymen
I'm sure it's already been said but who else thought that (poor, swollen) foot was resting on a bed of maggots?The Jackolites on Twitter are still sending pictures of their lovely dogs in the vain hope that she will acknowledge them but this poor soul
Thank(space)you for taking one for the team. Enjoy the couscous - you deserve it!
You took one for the team there. Have a sucky snack as your prize. That ummmm mixture looks like it could be repurposed as a wall filler.
That'll be cracking for putting up wallpaper.
Bravo! I admire your dedication to the cause!
Won't comment on that sloppy (actually, I will - from memory, it looks like baby porridge) but your salad sounds wonderful! Enjoy your well-deserved wine! x
I feel like I say this at least once a thread but Georgiagate will never not be funny. I have an extra hoot when I hear Midnight Train to Georgia - TOOT TOOT!
It’s up there with thread 31 for me. Bangin!
Show some sensitivity. He’s only just LEFT
Do you think it would make the review of not making your family tit their pants or throwing up, because that's the aim right?Bravo! I admire your dedication to the cause!
Ah, but has she sent a video of herself in the leadership debate to her old burger boss with a passive aggressive note? If not, then she’s not Jacking properly. Nul point.
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