Jack Monroe #322 Mr T Roll and the Mitty Bungalow Mystery

[Elastoblast]

I'm hoping for one extra engagement on her schedule for Scotland
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Hooting and Fizzing!

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

I'd never heard of Jack before I joined Tattle and openly admitted such when I first commented but everyone welcomed me and laughed at my lame jokes plus took the time to explain anything I didn't get. Not cliquey in the least, although having Susan* as my avatar probably helped break the ice.

*Susan is my naturally startled-looking tuxedo cat.

ohhh I remember your Susan pic, such a pretty kitty

while Jack’s being quiet, HTTIA and Lenny thank(space)you for your calm and kind info re your experiences and recovery. All the Fraus have so much to offer these threads, it really is a great bunch, but I’ve got big admiration for both of you and your posts.
Enough sentiment and misty eyed rhetoric though, Jack’s a moron, slop slop, toot toot!

 

[Kittypops]

Why you sad, Scots?
Slop gave us trots

 

[Powershower]

The thread when Jack's away has enormous 'the teacher LEFT, no cover arrived and the class is being hilarious' vibes, love it!

If she doesn’t arrive in the next ten minutes we are all legally allowed to leave

 

[definitelynotvlad]

I’d give Jack a wide berth
If she came to Perth

I wouldn’t be merry
If she yomped to Broughty ferry

She won’t visit Montrose
As there is no Waitrose

Aberdeen is too far
For a pixie with no car

The north east stays Jack-free
As it always should be

( I do not live in Perth, Jack, so don’t come looking for my shins to kick x)

 

[Boyo]

There’s so many things I’d like to ask but obviously it would have to be about the SECRET INGREDIENT which was coming soon on October 9th 2020.

 

[colouredlines]

I hope Jack does make it to Aberdeen, simply because there is a very high chance she'll confuse it with Aberdeen, Hong Kong, and attempt to go for a sampan ride around the harbour.

BTW I love that we have turned Jack speaking briefly at a couple of conferences and spending the rest of her stay locked in an aparthotel tweeting furiously into an epic tour of literally every town, city, and neighbourhood in Scotland. Real Jack is so much duller than what we come up with...

 

[Boyo]

I hope Jack does make it to Aberdeen, simply because there is a very high chance she'll confuse it with Aberdeen, Hong Kong, and attempt to go for a sampan ride around the harbour.

BTW I love that we have turned Jack speaking briefly at a couple of conferences and spending the rest of her stay locked in an aparthotel tweeting furiously into an epic tour of literally every town, city, and neighbourhood in Scotland. Real Jack is so much duller than what we come up with...

Bib, too early

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I hope Jack does make it to Aberdeen, simply because there is a very high chance she'll confuse it with Aberdeen, Hong Kong, and attempt to go for a sampan ride around the harbour.

BTW I love that we have turned Jack speaking briefly at a couple of conferences and spending the rest of her stay locked in an aparthotel tweeting furiously into an epic tour of literally every town, city, and neighbourhood in Scotland. Real Jack is so much duller than what we come up with...

Ooh, there's an Aberdeen in New South Wales. Jack'd hate it, she'd get her arse handed to her at one of the two watering holes. Fun fact, this is where Katherine Knight committed the crime which has her currently in jail for the term of her natural life. Don't google her if you've a weak stomach.

 

[Veronicaaa]

ETA: TBH I would LOVE Lurker Frau to start a lengthy conversation about the methodology used for the VBI, but now that I've said it, she can't really.

That's a really good one, because you can disguise it as being genuinely interested in her body of work whilst also making her squirm. I have no idea what I'd ask, the thought of being in the same room as her gives me the heebie jeebies, I'd probably just be sat there frozen in fear.

 

[MooBelle]

Ooh, there's an Aberdeen in New South Wales. Jack'd hate it, she'd get her arse handed to her at one of the two watering holes. Fun fact, this is where Katherine Knight committed the crime which has her currently in jail for the term of her natural life. Don't google her if you've a weak stomach.

Now I have to Google.

Eta well that was unpleasant

 

[trueblue222]

So she's coming to Scotland to talk for an hour about something she's not yet completed

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

Oh, I am SO tempted to get the sleeper. It'd be fun putting this arrogant, grandiose, lying cow to rights and asking the organisers why they haven't done their research.

 

[trueblue222]

This made me laugh harder. You can watch online for a donation. Helping those society has left behind. Her bleeping arse. Do these people never watch the tit show that is her twitter?

 

[Archduchess of Luxembourg]

Late to the party...

Ego feels sore?
Head to Aviemore

 

[Boyo]

So she's coming to Scotland to talk for an hour about something she's not yet completed

 

[Sglodion]

Robert Burns has risen from his grave to bless us all with a new poem called:

Tae A Smol Pixie
On Turning Her Up in Her Nest with the Polis
June, 2022

Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim’rous smol pixie beastie,
O, what a panic’s in thy titmas breastie!
Thou need na start scampering awa sae hasty,
Wi’ bickering rage tweetin brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an’ chase thee,
Wi’ murdering pumble!

I’m truly sorry HMRC's dominion
Has broken Pixie's Patreon union,
An’ justifies that ill opinion
Which makes thee startle
At us, thy poor, earth-born Tattlers
An’ fellow- honest non griftin mortal!

I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve;
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live oan Cotswolde Sideys!
A daimen-icker tiffany in tha lugs
‘S a sma’ requet;
I’ll get a blessin wi’ the lave,
An’ never miss’t!

Thy wee-bit shitey housie, too, in ruin!
Its silly wa’s the win’s are strewin!
An’ naething, now, to big a new ane,
O’ orangerie and hydrangie blue!
An’ bleak December’s win’s ur honkin,
Baith snell an’ keen!
Thy posties askin

Thou saw the pay pigs laid bare an’ waste,
An’ weary poverty comin fast,
An’ cozie here, beneath the grift,
Thou thought to dwell,
Till crash! the cruel polis past
Out thro’ thy cell.

That wee bit heap o’ muddy puddle,
Has cost thee monie a weary nibble!
Now thou’s turned out, for a’ thy trouble, by wicked land lady
But house or hald,
To thole the per Rialto,
An’ cranreuch cauld thy feet in snow!

But Pixie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o’ smol pixies an’ goblins
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

Still thou are not blest, compared wi’ me!
The money only toucheth thee:
But Och! I backward cast my e’e,
On prospects drear!
An’ forward, tho’ I cannot see,
I guess an’ fear that taxman, the polise, plus Lozza an his pals!

This has ended me. Send necromanceos.

 

[Veronicaaa]

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"Non-binary Jack Monroe is on the autistic spectrum" - It's such a bizarre way to introduce someone professionally. But I suppose you have to focus on (what should be) her personal life when she has nothing to boast of work-wise. I would die if this was written about me in a work capacity. Cis woman Veronicaaa is neuro typical and speaks out on the grifter that is Jack Monroe, which has led to vague threats of triangulation.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Hey guys, I found her Scotland speech! It's her best one yet!

 

[jenny2603]

"Non-binary Jack Monroe is on the autistic spectrum" - It's such a bizarre way to introduce someone professionally. But I suppose you have to focus on (what should be) her personal life when she has nothing to boast of work-wise. I would die if this was written about me in a work capacity. Cis woman Veronicaaa is neuro typical and speaks out on the grifter that is Jack Monroe, which has led to vague threats of triangulation.

I'm just appalled at their erasure of Jack's other SEVERE conditions.