Jack Monroe #311 Please consider the environment before printing this thread

[kachoochoo]

chapeau nigella!

 

[sleepisforwimps]

Train chaos fraus - she’s on a train toot toot
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More ouchy mouth misery
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She’s been listening to someone’s music for 25 minutes on a train but only 30 minutes ago she was gargling her med and salt shot

So working class that she'd like to know what the Debrett's guide would say...

 

[allybongo]

Sorry but I’m a few pages behind on an eternal grunk.

But her main priority for her will is that someone sends out her crappy leftover tweets? Nothing about provisions for her son???

 

[Geetbo]

I really hope I die before Jack. Her tweets about wanting to fist Nigella will tip me over the edge.

 

[Smeghead]

This is the last will and testament of Jack Monroe, author, writer, columnist, poet, song writer, chef, cook, dancer, campaigner, activist, ADHD, arthritic and much much more…
To SB I leave the Lego
To my military brother I leave the rug
To my friends everything else to charity
PLEASE throw all paperwork in the fire it will help others who also need cremating that week.
Thankyou

Please send a copy of my orbituary to my teacher who said I’d never amount to anything. Needless to say I had the last laugh.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I reckon she's been told to wind her neck in about JO and TK too.

I bet she's one of those people who checks in on fb at hospital and does the 'I'll DM you babe' when someone asks 'You ok hun?'

Was it “unscripted” with David Tennant and Michael Sheen? Anyway people were being big egos and bickering so someone called Dame Judy Dench or Maggie Smith IDK to phone them and tell them off.
I imagine Tom has called That Man whose people had the phonebook open with Mom’s number ready to dial. Jack’s had a call from West London telling her not to be gauche.

 

[sleepisforwimps]

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She's admitted there that she was in the vulnerable category not CEV. I didn't think she had been shielding given her attitude to getting out and about when having supposed Covid, lack of acknowledgement re vaccines, no talk of the cost of mask buying N95/FFP2 masks for those who are the most vulnerable physically and often financially too and need them to step foot outside their front door, no talk of the fear of socialising and the general isolation.

I'm so glad I found this place to show me the inconsistencies, inaccuracies and downright lies she tells. Being autistic, I'd believed every single word, and without the screenshots, I'd probably still be a fan. Plus you folks are incredibly funny, sympathetic and caring, all things Jack (at least in her public persona) unfortunately lacks.

 

[Nonah]

Why does she need a will, when she constantly goes on about having zero assets?? SB has his dad. What’s she going to write?

I, Jack Monroe, Foodbank user, single mum, disabled, 17th most important les, bean rinser, etc etc bequeath to my son SB:

A fugly pigskin hat
The sentient mirror
Ten year old performative spices

Performative Spices would be an excellent band name

 

[MeeShellMahBell]

I really hope I die before Jack. Her tweets about wanting to fist Nigella will tip me over the edge.

Let's hope she at least washes her hands first..
Filthy fisting with soil stained fingers is likely to lead to infections.

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

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Excusing my pardon! Now, I really do not believe you wanna be intending to say vicariously as it would mean living your life through the experience of another. I believe the word you are looking for is voraciously or perhaps vivaciously, thereby living it in an exceedingly eager or avid manner or perhaps in a lively and spirited way. Cheerio, Bye, Ta-ta!

Courtsey of Harry Enfield.

 

[bladiesla]

Christ, I wish adults, not ust JM, could stop using the word 'adulting'. It's not as cute as they think it is.

 

[FrumpyCat]

library fraus can we put her right again - she pulling out this classic again
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No Jack, they weren't.

 

[gashlycrumbtiny]

Sorry but who did Jack joke about fisting?! I completely missed this and I’m traumatised at the thought of it

 

[Ohnoshebettadont]

It also affected the way people spoke, firstly due to the compensatory ways people had to shape their mouths, then copied by infants learning to speak, giving rise to the use of 'shree' instead of 'three' in predominantly working-class communities, as an example.

Spoiler: OT Shree patter

Is this shree thing for real? I’ve often wondered why some of the towns around the Lothians () pronounce ‘3’ this way. Where I’m from no working class people say shree but we have our own weird accent .
When I first moved here I thought loads of people had a speech impediment because they said ‘shree’ and ‘sangwich’ before working out it was part of the accent

 

[Hollaaa]

Spoiler: OT Shree patter

Is this shree thing for real? I’ve often wondered why some of the towns around the Lothians () pronounce ‘3’ this way. Where I’m from no working class people say shree but we have our own weird accent .
When I first moved here I thought loads of people had a speech impediment because they said ‘shree’ and ‘sangwich’ before working out it was part of the accent

Spoiler: Shree patter response

Yep, it's one of the few things I remember from studying Linguistics in Celery Town

 

[HotesTilaire]

And he has conquered YouTube with his many onion-chopping videos.

I hear there are certain alliums who refer to him as “the commissioner” of course, I’m not saying he’s in charge of the Onion Police, but he’s not not in charge IYKWIM?

 

[Captainmouse]

Angela hartnett on the one show

 

[Emmapism]

There's a book awards show tonight. Wonder if our favourite word mangler will be in attendance.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Also, does she know what "vicariously" means?

I think, for this one she was probably trying for 'vivaciously'. She really needs a dictionary.

 

[Powershower]

Oh my word - https://365retail.co.uk/superdrug-a...ers-shop-smart-through-cost-of-living-crisis/

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My boycott list rn