Jack Monroe #300 Fauxcialist

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Cack Conroe

I for one am very sad we didn’t get a Jan Moir related chaos

I reckon she’s avoiding mentioning it like she avoids naming T*ttle.
 
Reactions: 41

Wooh

Jack Monroe #299 A wretched hive of scum and villainy!

Excuse me what the fuck I know right?????? So I'm guessing she was booked to do this ad campaign. Wonder how much that paid? If you're going to disclose your weight, you can definitely FUCK RIGHT OFF with the 'I'm fat' bollocks. Yes. She's SO ED-baiting it's unreal.
tattle.life

To the best of my newly acquired google knowledge, one does not gavotte around the internet

 
Reactions: 31

People-huv-tae-know

Well this is a momentous day dear Canal. Our tiny canal with a mere 300 threads must face off the monolith that is Jack and her flying monkeys along with lies and gaslighting to make things more difficult. She has even baked a cake for the occasion. Truly, this mirrors King Leonidas' battle against Xerxes at Thermopylae. Its pure David and Goliath stuff.

 
Reactions: 67

SlopAmbsase

Happy 300 you despicable bastards!

I was looking for something to toast our milestone with, so of course my first thought was to visit our Slop Queen’s highly responsive, intuitively designed and up to date website:



Happily, our smol maverick did not disappoint. I’m sure the canal will agree this is ideal. She makes it sounds extraordinarily disgusting and if consumed would have you feeling like Aschenbach at the end of Death in Venice.



Cheers ninnies! Hope you have a love leech OH to deliver you a passive aggressive smoothie bowl in the morning if you make it through the night .
 
Reactions: 91

katycat

I think I have tracked down the inspiration for this particular abomination....

https://giphy.com/OM4xQ1M4o8ZnW
 
Reactions: 35

traumatised sideboard

Mmm that fridge gravel cooler sounds lovely, I think I shall whip one up now. I haven't got any mint, lemon or cucumber so I've swapped them for broccoli (green), lettuce (starts with L) and gherkins (all cucumbers are the same).
 
Reactions: 59

FunnyFuneral

Happy 300th mithering ninnies one and all !
Jack keeping hinting about the canal of terrible trolls can only lead to enquiring minds wanting to have a look and eyes being opened to the grift and hypocrisy. Have you paid your tax yet by the way hen? Incidentally, I hope local politics enthusiast Jack's council tax is fully paid up to date so that funds are available for council expenditure? (Checks notes and taps sign, pal)
 
Reactions: 48

SlopAmbsase

traumatised sideboard said:
Mmm that fridge gravel cooler sounds lovely, I think I shall whip one up now. I haven't got any mint, lemon or cucumber so I've swapped them for broccoli (green), lettuce (starts with L) and gherkins (all cucumbers are the same).
Click to expand...
I say yes, absolutely, to all the above substitutions but they MUST be putrifying. Who do you think you are, a resident of Thorpe? Those of us who are merely Thorpe adjacent don’t have the luxury of fresh vegetables and if I don’t tell the povs how to eat then who will? I’m so cold and exhausted. Coops has eaten all the maize snacks, OH had better get over here with a couple of McPlants and a McGelato before I’m forced to go on a spite-tweet spree.
 
Reactions: 41

Sglodion

Soz, I typed too slow to fit this on the last thread so now it's going here where it's no longer relevant.

I think growing up in a middle class liberal family comes with a lot of contradictions. The overt messaging is that you should always remember how lucky you are, be understanding of anyone less fortunate, and not stereotype or judge others. But what usually happens in practice is that your parents can afford to live in a nice area, so you go to a decent school and make friends with other kids from 'nice' families, and basically don't cross paths with many working class people - def not ones who fit the Shameless or 'get all the illegals out' stereotypes. Then when you do encounter people like that you feel uncomfortable because you're in an unfamiliar situation and don't fit in, the same way a kid from an inner city comp would feel uncomfortable if they suddenly found themselves surrounded by kids from Eton, except that in your case it comes with a load of guilt because you've spent your whole life being told it's bad and wrong to feel that way. Not anyone's fault, it's just how things work out.

Add on top of that sneery media tropes about 'the bank of mum and dad' and general stereotypes that suburbanites are dull/clueless and a teenage identity crisis is practically inevitable. Most teenagers are kind of dumb, so we deal with it by doing things like trying to make ourselves sound more working class, getting really embarrassed about anything that might mark us out as 'posh', and adopting completely random and contradictory political takes depending on what we think makes us sound most open-minded at the time (e.g. "anyone opposed to unlimited immigration is a Nazi fascist", but five minutes later "we need to stop stereotyping working class northerners as bigots"), not realising that everyone else sees through all this and we're being extremely cringe.

For normal people, there comes a time where you realise other people have better things to think about than your background and interests, and as long as you're not a snobby twat no-one cares. At that point you learn to just be yourself instead of trying to think the 'right' way all the time. But for an emotionally stunted slopgoblin like Jack, I think she's still stuck in the teenage mindset of being convinced that everyone else is thinking about her at all times, and as a result she's still really self-conscious about all this pointless shit that any well-adjusted person would have stopped worrying about by the time they turned 22. That's why a lot of her behaviour seems so random, like lashing out at Gu puddings or needing to agree with the squigs about EVERYTHING even when it makes no sense - she doesn't have a coherent personality, she's trying to guess how to behave based on her ideas about how other people think, but most of her guesses are wildly off target and so her resulting actions often look erratic and bizarre. Just my opinion, obvs.
 
Reactions: 62

traumatised sideboard

It's ok Sloppy A, I found them leaking out of a hole in the communal bins which haven't been emptied for a while due to the bank holiday x
 
Reactions: 37
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