Jack Monroe #300 Fauxcialist

[Ostapbender]

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Jack Monroe Enemies List:
The BBC
Jamie Oliver
Security guards in Wilko
Voters in Thorpe area
Old Chief
I'd add more but I'm BUSY

 

[trueblue222]

Funny how her OH and their relatives get smoosh and the poors get mixed beans with stewing steak.

Horrible inverted snob.

 

[EllaEm87]

I’m very BUSY so constantly on a mega grunk and not able to hand out my s as freely but please know, dearest canal, I am owl champagning along with you all, and loved the cameo from @Silver Linings. You are missed!

Now fuck off x

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

s

Well she has made her entire brand of the fact she starved him rather than go round to her mum and dad’s for food.

True. I’ve had times when I’ve ran out of money and food - each time I’ve called my Grandparents who have rocked up an hour later with £50 and a weeks worth of food shopping.

That’s not happened for a decade now but I suspect it will happen again soon, the way things are going.

Swallowing my pride and asking for help so I can feed my kids doesn’t fucken bother me at all - cos, ya know, it’s not about me, is it?

And it’s not as if her entire family are Povs, they’re all wealthy and if they are the sort that would have done nothing to help, then, well… Words fail me.

 

[humpty.]

In honour of the big 300 I’m finally watching the DKL and 10 mins in she’s said “now you’ve stopped talking” to Matt who was asking her what’s going into the recipe. She is so rude, her hair looks lovely, but so fecking rude. Please learn some manners and maybe a touch of kindness.

 

[Geetbo]

It’s quite interesting that Monroe seems to have stopped tweeting on weekends? Good for her, in a way.

It does though lend weight to the idea that she considers tweeting ‘work’, and has thus decided to give herself weekends from this apparent daily grind. Which of course, puts her whole “100 hour weeks” into ever clearer perspective.

Or she’s gone gavotting off on another mini break with OH.

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

I don’t like to @ people when they’re choosing to stay away but it’d be a real shame if @Silver Linings didn’t pop in to help us mark this momentous occasion. If Hi Ho had £1 for every screenshot they’ve posted over the last 300 threads, they’d be in that forever home in Thorpe Bay with an orangery, a tennis court and a swimming pool. And have money left over for a goat’s leg!

This. It must have been exhausting at so many times, but Silvey and Marmy battled through to bring us the breaking news. Thank you both.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Just wanted to get in on this historic occasion to see my bespoke hat and say you're all great (not you, Jack) and it's wonderful to see Silver back with her Spite Orangery pics.

Going back to lay in bed wide awake and be screamed at by my cats until my alarm goes off at 7 now. They've learned some new stupid noises recently, so that's fab.

 

[PoorPatrol]

The whizzing up flour in a blender tip is bullshit too I take it?
I know the sugar thing works but the flour thing is different but I’m too tired to google

She’s an absolute fucking moron for Tweeting that to help people ‘save money’. They’ll end up with a shit result. Bread flour has more protein, and pasta and pizza flours have different gluten ratios. I would expect Jack Monroe former Foodbank user and literal food expert to know this. You can get away with using plain flour but, truly, you will get different results.

 

[Toffee finger]

Wait, are you, you’re not…OH are you?!??

ETA I am so very very sorry Toffee for suggesting such an egregious thing about you.

Dude living in Southend near Jack is bad enough but to suggest I’m the OH?!

Maybe @Toffee finger is Jack's long-suffering landlady

If I am can you tell me where my millions are? Maybe stuffed down the sofa? Have a lovely evening thankyou x

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

She is bascially a chihuahua, tiny,. Annoying as fuck and overly aggressive till properly challenged then the shaking and crying starts.

Could not love this description more. Nailed it.

ETA Especially “tiny” “annoying as fuck” and “shaking and crying”. I don’t know why but I just love it

 

[Brian Butterfield]

HAVE A LOVELY EVENING X

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Passive aggressive Jack is the absolute worst.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Vienetta hats Thank you @Yel this is brilliant <3

 

[Emmapism]

300 threads. Holy moly. Thanks mods for the celebratory hats. I'm off on a coach to go see my mate who is celebrating a big birthday, so it's a doubly momentous day

Big love to you all from this irritating paperclip

 

[SarcasticEllis]

Happy 300th thread - remember Jack we wouldn’t have the canal, the fraus or the vienettas if you didn’t tell so many lies, stuck to your commitments, submitted your accounts and donated what you said you would to charity!!
thank you all for all the owl champagne

 

[Upthisweek]

How can she not cringe inside fucking out at saying ‘father in law’ and ‘other half’ after a few months dating???? Especially given her dreadful dating and relationships history. I feel sick for her, it’s so devastatingly cringe.

Must never forget to add, in amongst this perpetual cycle of new family, poor SB

That's a very narcissistic trait, intensity so quickly in relationships, describing someone as your OH or soul mate from the off, rather than naturally letting things progress.

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

An addict who’s relapsed goes to extreme lengths to obtain booze and hide the evidence of it <bitter experience that I won’t go into> they sure as shit don’t do stuff like that.

Spoiler: ND rants

A lot of women are diagnosed with NDs very late, my local NHS service has a brand new service that’s set up to assess and treat 500 patients per year and is currently getting 500 referrals per month and they are desperately applying for more funding and advertising more jobs.

But what galls me, as I’ve said before, is the super power bollocks. I mean - I can’t be certain if the only reason I handled 3 kids alone whilst doing University is because I have ADHD, or if I handled it despite having ADHD.

And me saying to people “If I did it, so can you, it’s a superpower” is just fucking ridiculous, patronising and awful.

 

[Boyo]

No, no! Not the pumble pit! That YEET at the end has ended me.
I haven’t been here for very long, I think only since October or so (though I had been sus about Jack for a while after being suckered in to her kickstarter) but it has rapidly become my very most favourite place on the internet.
sadly though I think I also need to be yeeted somewhere unpleasant as my favourite viennetta is also the mint variety…sigh…YEET!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Just reading Jack's article about her alcoholism and this bit leapt out at me.

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Frauen, I am at the notion Jack requires a "private hideaway", like she'd be mobbed if she went somewhere else.Also hooting at the bar staff just plonking down her order without having to ask what she wants. I imagine them all whispering "it's Jack Monroe- yes THE Jack Monroe before scampering off to fetch something non alcoholic to support her sobriety.

Looool she’s vastly overestimating the ~exclusivity~ of the Groucho as it’s very much not private at all! They rent space out to literally anyone, theres an area that’s basically a wework for big meeting rooms, there was a point I was there semi regularly for work meetings and in the proper guest areas I never saw anyone female or under the age of 50, it truly is for the Brit pop era coke head? Only saw a few shit older comedians in terms of celebs. Interiors wise it’s pretty blah, tiny toilet upstairs felt like a hovel maybe they give the glistening STARLETS access to posher ones tho, have been to more aspirational Zizzis tbh.

They used to give out tote bags to non members, I had a few I kept in my car for shopping but since these threads did got rid but I can’t imagine Annabel’s would be giving 20 something schmucks totes? Like they’re not desperate?

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

Soz, I typed too slow to fit this on the last thread so now it's going here where it's no longer relevant.

Spoiler: class waffle and armchair psychoanalysis

I think growing up in a middle class liberal family comes with a lot of contradictions. The overt messaging is that you should always remember how lucky you are, be understanding of anyone less fortunate, and not stereotype or judge others. But what usually happens in practice is that your parents can afford to live in a nice area, so you go to a decent school and make friends with other kids from 'nice' families, and basically don't cross paths with many working class people - def not ones who fit the Shameless or 'get all the illegals out' stereotypes. Then when you do encounter people like that you feel uncomfortable because you're in an unfamiliar situation and don't fit in, the same way a kid from an inner city comp would feel uncomfortable if they suddenly found themselves surrounded by kids from Eton, except that in your case it comes with a load of guilt because you've spent your whole life being told it's bad and wrong to feel that way. Not anyone's fault, it's just how things work out.

Add on top of that sneery media tropes about 'the bank of mum and dad' and general stereotypes that suburbanites are dull/clueless and a teenage identity crisis is practically inevitable. Most teenagers are kind of dumb, so we deal with it by doing things like trying to make ourselves sound more working class, getting really embarrassed about anything that might mark us out as 'posh', and adopting completely random and contradictory political takes depending on what we think makes us sound most open-minded at the time (e.g. "anyone opposed to unlimited immigration is a Nazi fascist", but five minutes later "we need to stop stereotyping working class northerners as bigots"), not realising that everyone else sees through all this and we're being extremely cringe.

For normal people, there comes a time where you realise other people have better things to think about than your background and interests, and as long as you're not a snobby twat no-one cares. At that point you learn to just be yourself instead of trying to think the 'right' way all the time. But for an emotionally stunted slopgoblin like Jack, I think she's still stuck in the teenage mindset of being convinced that everyone else is thinking about her at all times, and as a result she's still really self-conscious about all this pointless shit that any well-adjusted person would have stopped worrying about by the time they turned 22. That's why a lot of her behaviour seems so random, like lashing out at Gu puddings or needing to agree with the squigs about EVERYTHING even when it makes no sense - she doesn't have a coherent personality, she's trying to guess how to behave based on her ideas about how other people think, but most of her guesses are wildly off target and so her resulting actions often look erratic and bizarre. Just my opinion, obvs.

Personal Waffle re class

Spoiler: Personal class waffle

Proper working class, from an ex mining town, loads of siblings. Went to a private school, a GDST one. Via a very large scholarship and bursary, and my very comfortable but certainly not wealthy Grandparents (I’m their only grandchild) covering the rest like uniforms, bus fare, trips, extra curriculars etc. None of my siblings went as they would never have passed the entrance tests. Soz not soz.

I agree with everything you said - I was 1 of 4 out of 120 kids in my year that did not come from a wealthy background. I didn’t have much to talk to them about as we had fuck all in common, and alongside my undiagnosed NDs, it was a lonely place to be.

At the very least, they had 4 - 7 bedroom homes in the most exclusive areas, at least two very expensive hobbies and had extensively travelled. I lived in a 4 bed council house on a rough estate and my travel was limited to the 20 miles to school and back

Fortunately I did make an incredible friend, who has been in my life since the day we met 23 years ago, but she was the year above me. She has a lot of MC guilt, tbh I fully encourage her to take up everything that gets handed to her because fuck having a difficult life when you don’t need to.