Jack Monroe #269 The secret ingredient is … SPITE

[PinkMariner]

More bait 🥱

Convenient that she's looking to spend £10,000 on something isn't it.

Now, why would that amount sound familiar to us?!?!

 

[Mel Donte]

Has she just added her birthday to her profile? Rattle rattle.

 

[Lazarus]

I’d rather pull every one of my teeth out using rusty pliers than hang about with the fucking gif who said:


‘Can I offer you a huge squishy hug? You can cry into my shoulder and I will hold you tight.’

 

[jenny2603]

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No Jack that isn't going to work.

1. It's in Scotland and we all hate you.
2. You are not Bagpuss so can't live in a shop.
3. You need to give the 10k to the Trussell Trust and unknown amount to the unknown charities.

 

[Veronicaaa]

My first ever downvote

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[kachoochoo]

18 years of renting?? i know it's nearly her birthday, but that would still have meant she'd have been RENTING since she was 16

unless of course... 1978

 

[LennyBriscoe]

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She’s fucking insufferable isn’t she?! Someone could tweet her “the only thing that ever worked for me was gargling cat piss three times a day and flushing my head down the bog last thing at night” and she’d reply “I do that anyway, that’s my go to when I pop my kneecap out”



Imagine your circumstances have changed, your budget has tightened and you see Jack on the telly having spoken at the Parliamentary Committee. You think, ‘I’m going to follow her, I bet she has some Jack Hacks’. What do you get? Sandwich chat for days, shit chat about a shop in rural Scotland and ouchie teeth that she absolutely doesn’t want help with.

Is someone paying her per tweet?

 

[BubbleDuck]

Has Jack Monroe, Director of On a Bootstrap Ltd paid her taxes or donated £10k to the Trussell Trust yet?

Has she named the additional charities along with the amounts of their donations?

I have a question for everyone, the entirety of Jack Monroe Tattle is sat in a conference room with Jack in her haunted Victorian schoolchild look with trainers on the stage. Every Tattler gets to ask Jack one question which she has to answer truthfully. What would your question be?

If this ever happens, please make sure I am at the back of the queue for question asking just in case we run out of time for all questions, because there is a massive possibility I would squander the opportunity and just ask what Sit Matt of Forearms smelt like .

Does anyone happen to know if Jack Monroe has managed to transfer the £10k charity funds to The Trussell Trust yet ? And on the subject of it being 10k, i was looking back at Jack’s promised transparent updates of total raised .

Hopefully the Trussell Trust made some form of record of this phone call . And just in case any one from the Trussell Trust is reading this , Jack confirmed that the first batch of money would be teaching her account on 4th March. Today is the 15th of March . That’s * checks notes* 11 days .

out of interest, if one poor taste T-shirt/bag pays for 3 days food, how many people could £10k feed? Bet you can get a metric fuckton of sandwiches for £10k

 

[colouredlines]

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Interesting that she cares so much about the green credentials of her jeans, but not of her steampunk leggings, cat balaclava, and Primark boots...

Face it Jack, there's more unnecessary tat in the shitty bungalow than there is in the entirety of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

 

['EllsBells]

If she has spent the last 10 years working to alleviate poverty well I must admit she's not done a very good job has she?

 

[Emmapism]

Can I say this post

'I guess I'll just have to put up with it for now...'

You can stick your tip-jar rattling, crowd funding ellipsis up your arsehole you unrepentant abominable beg.

I don't know how you can sleep at night, function during the day or do anything at all really.

You should be blushing for the rest of your life at the sheer SHAME of those three little dots. Disgusting human excrement.

You wanna know what makes me angry? That. Making yourself the victim so you can encourage other people to pay your way. If you were my child I'd be ashamed of you.

 

[Alansbigplate]

A repetitive shame injury.

Now that’s a thread title

 

[PoorPatrol]

Posted without comment

I’m really starting to suspect that Susie is a frau

 

[Veronicaaa]

Guys, I think Jack has put a hex on me. First I was saying how Cathedral cheddar only cost £2.50 in Morrisons, only for the next time I went to notice that it had gone up to £2.75. Then I asked her to make sure that my fizzy fishes stayed at £1 a bag, only for them to disappear off the shelves completely. And last night I was eating my dinner when half of my back tooth fell out . Dentist appointment at 9am today. Happy St Patricks Day but be careful out there!

 

[HotesTilaire]

I wish the read-along squigs wouldn’t use our actual terminology (brilliant as it is) just makes it look like we go twitter trolling on the haunted bird app, which we don’t.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I don’t really do social media and I know people put self congratulatory stuff up about themselves all the time, so can some fraus help me out here, it’s not normal for people in their mid thirties to post baby pictures of themselves and write about their entrance into the world is it? Honestly, if someone I knew did that I’d cringe so hard on their behalf because I’d everyone else we knew in common would be laughing at them for being a twat.

Also, I’ve no idea how early Jack was born, but I think she’s misusing the term “very premature”. I know a couple with a very premature baby, I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say the last year has been hell on earth for them. The poor lad spent his first four months in hospital, he’s had numerous operations on his eyes, heart and stomach, he has a shunt and a feeding tube, is rushed back to hospital regularly and will almost certainly suffer life long complications.

I just tried to find info on how premature she was, didn't find it at a brief glance, found this though -
Article from 2017 when Jack was going to run for parliament.

Huge eye roll

 

[BubbleDuck]

Same. I have a ton of work to do and now all I can think about is which pro dancer Jack would get paired with.

Neil or Karen. You heard it here first.

Alas I think Jack has ruled herself out of strictly because as we all know her years of dance experience means she would be a sure fire contender to lift the grifter ball ( budget cuts means this is now 2 trifles sandwhiched together and sprayed gold ) . As she is crippled by arthritis, and after weeks of strenuous intense dance training on top of her 100 hour work weeks , attempting to lift such a heavy trophy would likely lead to a severe injury . Also, can you imagine the shitstorm the BBC would get if mid ballroom lift , an unruly labia escaped the 3 leotards and smacked Shirley Ballas in the face ?!?

much more likely that Anton has decided to return to dancing , and Jack has taken his place on the panel

£20 a week shop? No way she's snaffing those sandwiches on the daily.

Twice daily - don’t forget she said that sometimes they look so delicious that she can’t wait for lunchtime and just truffles it right up as a smol midnight snak

edited due to a pesky auto of Anton to Aaron

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

I hate being the preachy one and I am not necessarily defending jack but our language around invisible illnesses shows that unless we either suffer or someone close to us does (as in your case) that we will be disbelieving and scathing

If someone had an invisible illness who wasn’t Jack, my attitude and my words would be a lot more emphatic and showing my caring, wanting to help and understanding nature because I appreciate these things exist.

The difference with Jack is she’s a compulsive liar, I don’t think she has any invisible illnesses, not even arthritis/ADHD/autism, I think she wishes she had them because she could shout more about how she’s the eternal victim. Absolutely nothing she says has any sort of truth behind it, and I think that’s why a lot of people use the language they do on this thread. It would be completely different if the person wasn’t a compulsive liar.

 

[Pavlova]

Sorry for my rant earlier. I had to go and have a piss and a sandwich to calm down. Guess what though. I've got some news from Twitter that's made me hoot and fizz. Apparently they are introducing down votes. So I'll be there like ET and his glowing finger down voting everysingle Jacksie tweet. Toot toot