Jack Monroe #260 Stop trying to make macro philanthropy happen, it’s not going to happen

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[jenny2603]

On the plus side this dim Squig apparently believing that Jack now runs Asda has cheered me up immensely.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Yes, I remember hearing that lots of melted cheese is good for the joints. I think it helps keep them lubricated. My physiotherapist told me to eat cooking bacon and butter for my shoulder injury but I screamed 'I'M VEGAN YOU NINNY' and karate chopped him in the throat then everyone in the waiting room clapped.

 

[its.the.truth.suck.it.up]

GOSH. THANK YOU for your diligent cataloguing of Jack's timeline. What a read! I have not been this shook since I was 7-years-old and the Scooby Doo gang unmasked the nice old man who run the funfair as the villain - What??? Devastated.

Blimey, I always liked her - I'm a bit of an armchair lefty - she was fighting the good fight, etc. BUT I have had growing suspicions and the thing which finally rattled the cage was when she took credit for the supermarkets bringing back their value ranges last month - NO - you did not do that! It's ludicrous to claim you did. Do you really think we are going to fall for that? Oh, shit, we did - 500 new subscribers to her Patreon last month. This will make her thousands of pounds per month. THOUSANDS OF POUNDS. PER MONTH. From ONE stream of revenue. She can't possibly continue to plead poverty now. Can she? CAN SHE???? Sorry, I am new here

 

[colouredlines]

I'm going to make two assertions. I have no evidence for these claims, but I am willing to bet that -

a) almost all women have, at some point, used a wad of toilet paper as a makeshift sanitary pad when unable to find the right products for whatever reason.

b) nobody in the history of the universe has ever used a sport sock as a makeshift sanitary pad.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

And squig is absolutely right that Asda have been able to keep prices low by laying staff off and absolutely slashing the hours of the ones who remain. I’ve already mentioned my SiL having her hours cut and she was telling me this week that she’s having to take back on the cleaning jobs that she was delighted to get rid of when she was originally given more hours. She leaves the house at 3am to walk to work in Asda until 11am, then walks back home to collect her bleach and stuff, then walks to her cleaning jobs and back at about 7 when she has her tea and goes to bed ready to get up at half 2 again. This is the reality for thousands of working class people - and predominantly women - but glad you got to shout all over the internet about 45p rice to keep up the poverty charade, Jack. Thanks to your actions* Asda workers will either work themselves ragged or be forced back into the not-fit-for-purpose benefit system that you never fucking experienced because “Mummy works” you massive, bastarding Tory.

*I mean that Jack’s performative outrage shite has compounded and justified the actions of ruthless businessmen, ofc. They’d be heartless, profit-driven wankers without her but she’s given them carte blanche to continue. Cunt.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

<tannoy announcement> could Tomato Jack please attend the Absolute Fuck aisle. I repeat, Tomato Jack please get to Absolute Fuck.

 

[Dogmuck]

Not in the least bit bothered that the ex is having a ball and looking great in NYC…

 

[Silver Linings]

Must not google bum gun

Must not google bum gun

Must not google bum gun.

 

[SweetTransvestite]

 

[its.the.truth.suck.it.up]

MASSIVE APOLOGIES but I am new here and I created this entire account to ask this question. I'm sure it's been asked before so please just link me to discussion - I couldn't find anything BUT HOW is Jack still tweeting as if she is living on the poverty line? She has a successful media career with numerous books. Is she not getting paid? Does it all go to charity? Or is the whole thing faked? So confused.

 

[Veronicaaa]

She's liked this - a "grassroots homeless group" suggesting that their followers paypal her.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

The above mention of DEPRESSIPES reminded me to check on Jack's trademarks.

Then I thought I'd post this for any of our new cabal members:

Lol dickhead.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[jenny2603]

I'm really freaking out about Bum Gun. There is a high risk of TMIJack having lots of hilarious scrapes with the gun of terror and telling us all about it on Twitter. With that in mind I'm raising the horror threat level to red and calling upon my fellow Tattlers to convene a COBRA meeting at the earliest possible opportunity.

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Oooo, good question! Obviously not properly answered though. You can save on shampoo by not washing your hair, or just using hotty hot water or drying it with tights or some such loblocks.

You can get to absolute funk with your bum gun, mate.
Again feeding into the narrative that any old (literal) shit will do for The Poors.

Yes, you don't need deodorant, toothpaste, tampons/towels, cleanser, soap, shampoo or conditioner, poors. Just wash yourself with washing up liquid and cheap vinegar because you can't afford basic self respect.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I hate cooking bacon Jack, fucksakes we get it, you can get really cheap shit bits of leftover bacon to have with the shit leftover bollock sausages. She goes on about it like she’s discovered a Primark dupe for Urban Decay eyeshadow that’s just as pigmented but only costs £4. BORING. Also I’m almost afraid to mention it but remember when she couldn’t stop quick fucking pickling everything. We get it, 15 minutes in vinegar, it’s pickled
Get some new material. Go and pretend there are no petrols in your local BP then get the petrols put back or something

I think one of the most irritating things about Jack and her cheap unethical meat, is her trying to justify it by describing it as nose to tail eating . Nose to tail eating is ensuring that no part of an animal that has died for food goes to waste, first and foremost for ethical reasons. It is not about continuing to provide a demand for intensively reared, cheap imported meat.

And FYI Jack, there will not be any "artisan" bacon in that cooking bacon you muppet. It is offcuts yes, but it's offcuts of cheap, salt and water pumped bacon, from random European countries. Let's not pretend otherwise.

 

[Powershower]

That’s a baguette with melted cheese, overcooked tomatoes and undercooked bacon on. It’s not a toastie. It also looks shit. This is absolutely the hill I will die on

 

[Pocahontas]

Are there any other Fake Sleeping photos, please? I want to revisit them all.

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Her eyes are barely closed.
How sweet that she decided to initiate skin-to-skin contact with her certificate, I’ve heard that does wonders towards first time bonding.

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Currently mid-grunk. I’ve been trying to catch up since Friday and I’m onto the latest thread but waaaaay behind.

Spotted on Twitter tonight, here’s one for free Jack. Get it posted.

Spoiler: Me-Rail

I was taken poorly at work, three hours from home midweek and genuinely thought I was going to die. Stupid 111 told me the fact my hands and feet were cold were that ‘your body is shutting down’ and then everyone looking at me because of my Geordie accent in the midlands Thankfully after a second trip to A&E when I got home managed to get myself on the mend, and now I’m ready to be back at work tomorrow. Three days without being able to look at my phone without throwing up has been awful, but since the first signs of feeling okay came again, it’s this place that has kept my spirits up. After never so much as breaking a bone in my life, going through this makes me realise Jack and her fake illnesses is some serious psychological shit going on there. Why anyone would want to pretend to feel the way I actually did is absurd.