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Cantthinkofausername

Well-known member
Delurker here. Hi everyone!

I've used food banks a few times in the past. It is true it's nice to have a treat in there, though it doesn't have to be 'posh'. We really appreciated any treat, no matter how tiny. Thanks to all who donate.
 
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Emmapism

VIP Member
Everything is dispiriting right now isn't it?

I'm out of work looking for my next job and made the mistake of going on LinkedIn to see all the wonderful Netflix, award-winning stuff my colleagues and friends are making. One woman I worked with a few years ago has just gotten an MBE. It's true what they say, comparison truly is the thief of joy. Feel very low.

Between that and Jack's epic Patreon grift, I just don't have the energy to try and be funny about it. I know I am lucky in many ways and have a lot to be thankful for, but feeling that way is another matter.

Big loves to anyone else feeling like we are the last sane people in the world ❤
 
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Flumps

VIP Member
Hello mendacious ninnies. I've been BUSY (for like ever, so hello, I used to post here), but watching this latest Jacktastrophe through my fingers.

You've all said it all before. I can't decide what makes me more furious, the fall of Nigella or the complete lack of thought about those people (especially at the end of the supply chain) whose lives are so much harder and poorer than any smol pixies because we in the Western world seem to think we're entitled to such cheap food. It's all backwards and wrong and everyone is cheering. And, again, oh, Nigella.

I am a sad flump and I am so pleased you are all keeping up with the grift.

And I love TD. Love her.
 
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Pocahontas

VIP Member
Moderator
‘The halcyon days of 1995’?!?!
When you were seven years old? Give over, you top troll.

It’s nice to see Flumps, Poor Patrol and Jenny back again. Who knows, maybe Grunka Lunka will come back to the fold. It’s like in heist movies when the temptation for ‘one last job’ is too powerful to resist and they come out of retirement from their sexy Spanish villa. Only in this case, it’s indescribable collective disbelief and disgust, not a bank job (and Jack’s getting away with the loot).
 
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HotesTilaire

VIP Member
FML you want me to recap the terriblest thread ever? TW for depressing shit coming right up.
1. Jack continues to take her “insufferable” pills and may even be mainlining some kind of “fuckwit” serum.
2. Asda want a meeting with her, hopefully it ends in them giving her a “cease and desist” but don’t be surprised if you see her doing the pocket tap on her Mediterranean Arse sometime soon.
3. Mom!! What you doing!? Nigella only went and tweeted about Jack’s Patreon. On a Saturday. Which Jack retweeted (darling, bit gauche) on a Sunday. The figures went crazy! Doubling and sadly as we write, near treble the number of patreons going from 250ish to 700ish.
4. A few brave squigs tried to have a go at Mom and she was mean back. For shame, Nige, for shame. And I really liked your squash and sweet potato curry, y’know?
5. 👑 TD continues to be one of the few not infected and is out there with GoHenrySquig and one or two brave survivors going “wtf does Jack do, though?l
6. Squigs are suggesting they don’t want any rewards, they’re happy to just give the monthly Patreon cash to Jack Monroe, Director of On a Bootstrap Ltd just for existing. Which is lucky, because there’s precisely no chance of them getting any rewards! she hasn’t sent any since Nov 2020, no matter how much is paid to her.
7. You will never guess what, LJC used to have an “on air” light in the loo for like a joke, so Jack comes home today and there’s a parcel and now she’s also go one! Off a friend! For the loo!
8. Asda’s put the 45p rice (which was available in store) on the website. Jack is claiming victory for this, and where any squigs see the smart price rice in the wild, this is further proof of Jackvine intervention, praise beans! Although it was already there last week though.
9. Jack had that ragtag team of ppl doing the Victoria Beckham Index but now it’s just her, she’s just a woman with a biro or a child with a pocketful of stones or summat. Defo a smol child who needs babying by everyone. Just chuck her some pocket money for doing tweets, why dontcha?
10. The Vimes Boots wording was lifted from seminal social history text “The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists” by Robert Tressell. Surely Jack knows this, how could she not 🙃
11. Sainsbury’s also want to meet her. Ffs. I’m off for an afternoon bath, send smart price-o’s.
12. There are more Lidl’s or Aldi’s than there are Asda food shops in the UK! Hooray! Still not going in Jack’s Index though. Does Jack’s nemesis work on the till of Shoeburyness Lidl?
13. She mentioned her cat (singular) no news of Mini or Dash.
 
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Rat

Member
This slogan is so incredibly distasteful, like I'm finding it genuinely upsetting that she not only went ahead with it but is getting support for it as well? As if it isn't horrific?

I've been reading these threads for a while, came across them completely by accident after googling an influencer and tattle popping up. I'd been following Jack on socials for a while before that. I don't know exactly how long but I wasn't someone who was a "fan" from the start. I was pretty young when she first got media attention and she left a bad taste in my mouth then, her agenda of "you can eat well on tupenny guv'ner" was horrific to me in its dishonesty and the rhetoric it supported.

Then years later she popped up again, she was claiming to have severe arthritis at a young age. I also have severe arthritis at a young age. I'm also a single mother who had my child at a relatively young age (and at this point I thought she was in a similar situation, raising SB completely alone) and have had to make some painful sacrifices to make sure my kid would be alright financially. I thought I'd just misjudged her before.

What I'm saying is that I was following her due to a particularly emotive set of connections and if I'd seen this shirt, this slogan pop up in the wild on my feeds (which it would have had I not found these threads) it would have really fucked with my head.

And I'm really glad that instead I'm seeing it in the context of you horrible ninnies with your humour and understanding.
 
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57539049-13F3-4666-9A44-BA32DCF050EE.jpeg


Here we fucking go guys, it’s Patreon month end:

Firstly please ask questions & question any assumptions, it only stands to make this work better. This is not the VPL index for people with KS2 maths.

Secondly pre empting some confusion re: opening / closing versus what we can see online now. She closed the month with 728 Patrons so will have been paid on this figure, the figure you’re seeing now is plus additions. The monthly updates have always worked on v specific timings so it’s staying that way for comparability, we can do ad hoc updates as the situ changes.

Our traditional monthly update, she gained 198.4% in month and lost no one.

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Yes this is depressing but interesting as we’d always assumed that those that left did so passively through payment failures - this suggests otherwise, that they are active cancellations as no one went in to cancel their unfulfilled subscription

With regards to revenue estimates, we always go the most conservative with our £3.50 min less max 12% fees. This shows a range, going from left to right in the blue row you see how a change in platform fee effects her take home. From top row to bottom you see how an increase in the blended avg sub (eg how people are distributed across the tiers) impacts her take home.

2EFEE953-9B52-4EB6-BA1C-F280A12B4551.png

* going left to right along the blue line you see how a change in fees effects her take home, still assuming 100% of ppl are on the £3.50 tier depending on their fees, she could take home £2.2k - £2.5k this month.
* I think the reality is closer to the higher end in grey. Doing some playing with distributing her subs across tiers, keeping the majority in the £3.50 but moving just 20% (n = 146 subs) up to the £7.0 physical goods tier yields an avg sub of £5.25. Again keeping everyone in £3.50 but moving just 10% up to £24pcm (n = 73) yields an avg sub of £6.17. Very small changes can have quite an impact on the avg sub figure so it can quickly move above our assumed minimum or £3.50
* conscious of sharing too many tables and overwhelming / boring you all but I created a distribution I felt happy with, with 45% of subs still in the minimum tier and 85% of total paying under £10pcm and this gave us an avg sub of £8.77.
* Therefore I think it’s wholly reasonable to assume she could have taken home something between £3.5k - £5.1k this month. This doesn’t account for the double payment she’d have received.
 
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Pavlova

VIP Member
Sorry but I've just got home from work and grunking...
Eta, I laughed out loud too (what will Nicholas Cage think).

Screenshot_20220131-181258_Twitter.jpg
 
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