Jack Monroe #246 Vimes Boots Index cheese £1

[Thank(space)you]

It is the pettiest attempt at revenge simply because Asda Shoeburyness only had fusilli* and no penne.

*the official worst pasta shape

That's my pasta shape of choice! So clearly this a hellscape and you're a mithering ninny.

 

[BlendedSlop]

These receipts being emailed to Jack will pretty much all be sent as email attachments right? Isn’t that a bit of a risk? I’m not part of an IT crack team for NASA but I’m sure I heard that a lot of computer viruses are sent via opening attachments?

Oh God.

"A SEVERE VIRUS has infected my laptop, phones and sentient mirror and has DESTROYED MY LIFE'S WORK. Now I'm going to have to buy new devices and pay a team of 50 experts triple time to try to fix things over the weekend, just when the #VimesBootsIndex was about to be finished. Oh, this old thing? Why, it's just a link to my PayPal, I'm not even sure what it's doing here to be honest, but since you asked..."

 

[HotesTilaire]

I have no idea where she lives, but based on the size from the pictures she's posted it's got to be one of the higher ones? I live in an average 3 bed semi with postage stamp garden and I'm band B. Detached, 3 beds, 2 reception, hand entrance hall, reasonable kitchen, massive garden - D+?

Let’s just go with expensive council tax because it’s a large expensive rented house

 

[Terrible]

Imagine trying to put together an entire database of...*checks notes* old receipts just because something was out of stock at your local supermarket

It probably WAS in stock, but on the bottom shelf, and we all know she’s too arthritic to bend down without collapsing (unless it’s a day she’s doing marathon training or weightlifting).

Has she paid her taxes yet?

 

[Dogmuck]

Let’s just go with expensive council tax because it’s a large expensive rented house

Wonder if she’s claiming single person discount whilst her “house mate” sons dad is lodging

 

[MooBelle]

OMG this is actually happening! An actual CHAOS in real time. I think the last time this happened to this magnitude was Hellmans over a year ago?
I've had some wines so apologies for what follows....
Seriously though. 2 years later and we're still going over the same old tit.
Pay your taxes
Stop lying
Stop fleecing the vulnerable
Learn to bleeping cook
Sort your nasal issues out.
Don't even get me started on the hair(is anyone else my age and remember the early days of Neighbours? Is she channeling Daphne? Seriously, not just the awful hair, it'sthe make up too)
Also, just wanted to say about the 10 year receipts thing and agree with all those who posted how different their lives are. 10 years ago I worked part time and had 5 children in school. Now I work full time and it is just myself, Mr Moo and the youngest Mini Moo at home. That is normal. Normal people have ebb and flows in their financial situations. Jack doesn't. She is in the exact same situation as 10 years ago. SB is rarely there and she only has her and the cat to care for. The only difference is she is now minted and feels like she can lecture the world on finance.
Good night fraus x

I wish someone could include the council tax band of the crappy bungalow but I guess that's too close to doxxing territory.

Give me a minute.....

 

[Walkdengirl]

The poor squiggles she recruits for her Working Group ™️. They’ll be sat in a semi-circle, led by god, in her “crappy bungalow” with spiral stairs, perched on all the chairs, surrounded by burglar-trampled bits of paper. They’ll be frantically trying to reconcile an invisible receipt for 500g basmati rice from Lewisham Tesco in October 2013, with 1kg of long grain from ASDA in Newcastle from March 2017, and weeping with frustration.

They will be paid handsomely for their graft, in the form of a FaceTuned picture of a random local tree, lovingly hand-framed in Wilkos finest deforestation squares. They’ll be in the post, Squigs!

I'm sniggering, and my son thinks I've gone crazy

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I’m really tempted to go and buy a lamb joint, bottle of Moët and some condoms tomorrow and send her the receipt just to duck with her .

 

[Morrisey]

Not paying £4 for a bus ride is Jack's hill to die on. She just wont accept going elsewhere.

With £34.34 in the kitty, you'd have £30 for lovely food at a better price. Why can't she see basic logic? Why is she so dense?

Or, bleeping move closer to where she can afford to shop (would probably pay less rent too). Of course Jackie won't do that as how dare anyone suggest she lives within her means with no tip jar.

 

[Captainmouse]

You'd could even buy more, like heavy po-tat-toes or the bigger jugs of milk, that are usually better value, if you're getting the bus home too.

She has that delivered via the milkman, which was another sleight of hand with the £20 shop she never included the stuff the milkman delivered In the £20

 

[kachoochoo]

I wish someone could include the council tax band of the crappy bungalow but I guess that's too close to doxxing territory.

just a mithering thought here, but the crappy bungalow just might be a band f... there may possibly even be band gs on her street. possibly.

she's pretty much doxxed herself over the years, let's be honest here

 

[HansThatDoDishes]

Check out Vlad here being too good for hair and dryer fluff...

 

[MooBelle]

I wish someone could include the council tax band of the crappy bungalow but I guess that's too close to doxxing territory.

Band G and F which are the 2nd and 3rd highest bands in the country.
Basically that means it is a high priced property in a well to do area with good amenities and little crime and good schools.
So yeah, pretty swanky.

 

[Justacatindisguise]

Or, bleeping move closer to where she can afford to shop (would probably pay less rent too). Of course Jackie won't do that as how dare anyone suggest she lives within her means with no tip jar.

Don't give her ideas, she'll be tin rattling for a deposit that she totally doesn't have next.

 

[Morrisey]

Or get a Tesco flexi slot home delivery for £1.50. I do this quite often and stock up on basics tomatoes, chickpeas etc so then I can just do lighter top up shops from my local Aldi. Cheaper than getting a taxi with heavy tins and they have 20p spaghetti too.

 

[Justacatindisguise]

just a mithering thought here, but the crappy bungalow just might be a band f... there may possibly even be band gs on her street. possibly.

she's pretty much doxxed herself over the years, let's be honest here

I might have already found it from her self-doxxing, but as I OWN my house I'd rather avoid her litigious nature. Not that she'd want an ex-council up north, mind.

 

[Captainmouse]

I’m really tempted to go and buy a lamb joint, bottle of Moët and some condoms tomorrow and send her the receipt just to duck with her .

Do any of the supermarkets sell items for her 'drawer'?

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Do any of the supermarkets sell items for her 'drawer'?

Need a combined laugh/vom react for this one

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Sorry so it’s…

Send me thousands of receipts for supermarkets all over the country.
What I’ll use is pricing from my local one? I couldn’t give a duck what others prices are. What the actual duck….

Make it make sense….please?

 

[Captainmouse]

Need a combined laugh/vom react for this one

I was thinking it might be a fun item on the receipt, along with the lamb and champers