Jack Monroe #234 A Grifty Kind of Self-Love

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Who is she trying to shag?
I've been thinking the same thing for days. The make up 'look at meeeeeee' thing is herself, teeing up for new years eve. bleeping hell, I'd run away so fast, I'd end up in Jan 2023!
 
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'A phew days ago' sums up most of the squiggles, are they all lobotomised? Jack, you said you were with your crack team of computer experts half the bleeding night then went to bed with chamomile tea. Stop chatting tit 😴
 
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I wish that a verification tick meant you had to follow stricter rules like adding disclaimers so horrendously depressed people weren’t thinking if only they bought expensive make up and spent half an hour stroking their faces with softy soft brushes and painting their eyes then the ‘chaos’ would abate and you too could have no pores or depression.
 
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If ‘bootstrap’ as a company is about to be struck off, is that why Jack is just leaving the website to die?
does this mean a relaunch into 2022 of whatever identity is next??
 
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She's gone undercover hasn't she!

She kind of reminds me of Janine butcher from EastEnders with the blonde hair
 
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A dozen engineers? For a website? At this time of year? Well that's a lie obviously.
There is zero chance they would be paying the hourly rate of one engineer let alone a dozen!

How does someone spout so much bullshit publicly on a daily basis? I mean, how do you even look anyone in the eye after coming out with all of that rubbish?

Oh, and if this performance over the website is trying to cover something up I hate to say it, but it won't work. It is amazing what can be recovered when you think you've deleted or destroyed it.
 
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I'm doubting that Jack even dyed her hair herself. To reach that colour would need the dark brown bleached, and an ash/purple toner applied..
Not the sort of thing you do in the middle of the night.

Definitely putting out the lures for a new mate
 
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At least the blonde/grey looks healthy, I doubt she's box dyed that herself though to get results like this! Another hair appointment yesterday seems more like it.
 
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I'm doubting that Jack even dyed her hair herself. To reach that colour would need the dark brown bleached, and an ash/purple toner applied..
Not the sort of thing you do in the middle of the night.

Definitely putting out the lures for a new mate
Oh but I'm sure if she'd had it done in a salon, they'd be busting down the door for an 'after' shot, for the 4 likes it would receive on social media from their own staff. Looks like she's had another wee touch-up trim too.
 
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I am so excited that Jack's crack team of 12 engineers and specialists are so collectively tit at their jobs, because this website drama has unearthed forgotten slop!

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Did you know she rents?

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...what?

Literally the first sentence is all that's needed. The rest is nonsensical filler. Recipes don't need filler! They should be clear and concise!

In fact, you don't even need any of this if you amend the ingredients list to 200g bread, finely chopped or grated. There, I saved your poor arthritic hands some painful keyboard-banging.

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Again, this could stop after "mix well". More filler in this thing than in Jack's lips.

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Leaving aside the sheer horror of the phrase very runny apple-water in a description of something that in theory you're supposed to want to put in your mouth...

...this is getting ridiculous. It's actually making me uncomfortable - it reads like she has no friends, and writing recipes is her only social outlet.

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Deep reddish curious slop. Yum.

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Classic Monroe one and done. No triple-testing team of home economists here! Fills you with confidence, doesn't it?

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But earlier you told us to use a shallow tin? Now we can use whatever tin we like, but we have no idea how long it will take to cook?

PS Jack, the key dimension here is the area of the tin, not the depth. As we are all faithfully following your recipe, we all have the same amount of deep reddish curious slop. But I put mine in a 22cm tin, and someone else put theirs in an 18cm tin. The depth of the tins is irrelevant - their mixture will be deeper than mine because of very basic maths. Pythagoras would be disappointed in you.

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What?

No, really, what is this nonsense?

Jack, you're a hermetically sealed heatbox.

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Utter bullshit, as we all know Jack believes there is only one trifle recipe. And it's not this! What would Dad say?!

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Plus ça change...
Bread pudding's already super frugal and one of the easiest things to make, why soooo much fuckery? The way too long explanation about her hands is just an excuse for a jar rattle. Small Boy could've easily been utilised in bread destruction if he lived with her The cooking time seems ridiculously long as well.
 
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