Jack Monroe #206 I wouldn’t trust her with a spam fritter

[MancBee]

I suspect they're superfluous chocolate vermicelli

They could be mendacious vermicelli, metaphorically recumbant in a somewhat complacent manner on the surface of the unctuous layer of the oleaginous cake.

 

[MooBelle]

Jack’s last attempt at writing about climate change involved an article in which she compared herself to Greta Thunberg

It also featured one of my favourite Jack fantasies of all time…the fantasy being that as a child she was basically Matilda
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You know, I'm not even sure she knows she's lying.
She says it all with such conviction.
I read 'The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe ' when I was seven. I must be a fucking genius (alas, I am not)
They stopped dishing out the 'Village with 3 corners' books in the eighties. That's where Billy Blue hat lived with his friends Roger Redhat and Jennifer and Johnny Yellowhat. My eldest is a couple of years younger than her and he read those god awful Biff and Chip books. Why is she pretending to be a child of the 70s?
Why would a parent governor ever speak to a Y1 child about what they are reading? What kind of arse would say something like that?
Why would a High School give a psychiatric cognitive test on a y7?
No such thing as a 'gifted and talented school ' unless they just meant a grammar school.
The fact she's got the balls to put all this into print is a sign of her Narcissistic personality. If a Narc says something then it is true, even if it isn't.

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

I've read some of it. I'm not a troll, no. Just someone who isn't convinced Jack is all 100% terrible. I don't think she's above criticism but I don't think she's as bad as some people make out. I think she has genuine difficulties with organisation and people skills, and she commits to things she can't actually fulfill. I also think she needs help for her mental health. But I don't think she's malicious.

One word: kitten.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

I forgot all about Eamonn's cousin. Although I love that advert he's in for the leg thing

 

[FrumpyCat]

Not gonna lie

ETA which coming from Jack is very funny.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I chose an album at random from my Spotify library to listen to during my grunk and this is the first track on it, I'm hooting.

Here is an excerpt of the lyrics:

The dogs bark at the moon, children wake at night
Since the appearance of those weird black eggs

Yep, sounds like Sunday in Southend to me.

 

[NomDeGuerre]

Okay, I can't find it. But I *swear* she did.

Jack could tweet that the sky is blue and I'd still look out my window to check.

 

[kachoochoo]

also, if one was unfortunate enough to be seated at "the naughty end of the table", you'd fucken hope Jack was on the sparkling water rather than diet coke (1g notwithstanding, the caffeine would do enough damage) can you imagine the verbal diarrhoea? cos I can...

"hello fren, I'm jack monroe cook writer campaigner conqueror of fears poked and prodded recovery friendship goals anchovy fiddler bff of marcus rashford *gasps for air* hur hur hur what am i like ooh aren't we naughty down this end ooh end that's sounds kind of rude don't it hahahahaha that walk to the big asda's murder ain't it hahahahahaaa that's why I have the ocado deliveries but don't tell anyone yeah I'm spokesperson for the Poors you know and if you said anything that's LIBEL wooooooh! naughtiness! *inexplicable egg guffaw* now if you'll excuse me i have to take a picture of myself to prove that you are real"

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

Oh my days NEW GAME, NEW GAME!!! The cabal selects their favourite Jack posts and does image descriptions for them. Someone do Mary Poppins please!

Several stalks of celery have been chopped into smol pieces. The pieces of celery are placed on a chopping board with a large knife (probably expensive, possibly Japanese) beside them. It's impossible to tell the location of the celery from the photograph, but it's EDINBURGH ok, the photographer's spiritual home.

 

[waffle maker]

I guess the 'office' means she has to sit beside her publisher and write her book there again.

 

[Joan of Narc]

LJC has re-tweeted Marcus Rashford.

 

[MancBee]

No group photos of the totally real friends though, because they want to remain anonymous. Big hint that they’re all famous, but more likely that they don’t want anyone to know they’ve been out with her.

A group of people you meet at a rehab clinic (which Jack is implying they are) are not your friends. They are acquaintances at best. Friends take time to develop, most of those in the group that she spent time with last night will fall by the wayside within weeks.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

1. Change the font.
2. Change the font.
3. Stop using gold shit.
4. Change the font.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Impulsive spending is part of ADHD, so perhaps she treated herself with one of her book advances? I think she might be traumatised by when she was poor so she still has the mindset of someone living in poverty, and that's what comes across when she chooses to do things the long way for the sake of a few ££s. I'm inclined to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, to a point.

You really need to read the wiki. Pink button, top right hand on this page. She was never poor. The selling lightbulb stories is a lie. She said only last week that she’s still got a laptop she had since way before “the poverty” - why would you sell your son’s toys but not a laptop? Her dad inherited a property empire. She’s extremely well connected and lies about being working class as a “niche” in the food world. Either you’re trolling or you’re naive as to why someone who markets herself as doing good has over 200 threads debunking her many and constant lies.

Just saw this on Ching’s Insta - Sir Matt of the Forearms’ mystique has fully left the building. He’s just any moist, slurring rugger bugger you’d see on the train into London from Twickenham on a Saturday.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

An evening in Jack’s draining company, listening to the six hundred and seventy-fifth anecdote of the night about secondary school or ballet class or wherever the fuck it was when her development was arrested, would be enough to send me flying off the wagon.

And isn’t it a bit dodgy for her to be posting this picture, given that she is - for better or worse - a public figure? Like if other diners and staff saw her out with the group it effectively “outs” the other members? I dunno, it strikes me that the whole performance is the exact opposite of what AA is about. And it’s odd to call them friends - weirdly familiar and possessive.

 

[Pocahontas]

Maybe it’s a meeting of her celebrity Sober WhatsApp group? Has to be in London then surely!

Transport links so much easier for Jada Pinkett et al.

 

[Veronicaaa]

oh no, now i’m scared i also just incorrectly used the word meme…

No you used it perfectly, that 'just out of frame' tweet is definitely a meme. What's *not* a meme is this ...

(be better to use 'to bastardise a popular saying / phrase, imo)

 

[Boyo]

Is this recipie called "smash my biscuits up"

Little nod to prodigy. ( Sorry keith)

I’m a pile-on starter, twisted pile-on starter.
(Sorry guys.)

 

[Emmapism]

Jack Monroe #207 #Friendshipgoals

 

[BlendedSlop]

Lads, you're all overthinking it. Remember, she said she just fancied a Twitter break, okay? Which is totally a decision she has the willpower to make and stick to!

She has really low engagement on Instagram despite the massive number of followers. That often happens when people buy followers, doesn't it?

Uh oh...