Jack Monroe #194 She only came back cos we were about to put out an album

[kachoochoo]

trifle defender took second train journey. it was... not unruly

 

[MancBee]

Good morning to the cabal. Are we all ready for Jack's Sunday tweetathon?

Will it be Changing Rooms Jack, where we see her rearrange the furniture in the shitty bungalow?

Will it be mid summer, winter warmer, slow cooker food Jack, where we see her making seasonally inappropriate food?

Or will we have a whole different Jack this week?

I am almost beside myself with indifference. I'm only here for the humour and support you load of ninnies have for each other.

 

[glowsquid]

long time lurker ahoy! just dropped in to say that I've been away at these threads for months and you're all so lovely!

also to add to the cabal album (cabalbum?), not to disrespect the classic that is that's amolé but ever since the mole all I've been thinking is mole mole mole mole eating slop slop slop

as you were, dear hearts

 

[traumatised sideboard]

RE: why would you ask to draw someone's garden. As an artist and not an actual freak, I wouldn't. It's not even a good picture worth drawing. There's no real focal point and it's actively snowing. If you were going to draw it you'd struggle to render all the lights properly, bearing in mind that's the only thing of interest in the photo. The reasons Jack asked are twofold: firstly to get Nigella's attention and secondly because she's a monumental twat.

 

[ThunderClapForCapers]

..... lovely to see old posters back, and new ones emerging

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

At the end of the mumsnet ama with Mack, someone asked a question about their child’s anatomical anomalies (obscured for ease of reading) see The reply from MxJackMonroe
View attachment 615039

Suspect these GOSH trips were the making of the beast of Jackie. If the only time she got the attention she feels she deserves was on hospital trips I’m not surprised she feigns every illness under the sun.

Sorry but after the vaccine rollout prioritising actually unwell people no one with a brain can still believe half the illnesses she’s rolled out to keep partners hostage or book paid media work on.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Uh oh!

 

[Saint_clemmie]

Exactly! When I first became a single mum I used to alternate between the cheapo ready meals from Asda and Tesco. They’re not fine dining by any stretch but if you add in some frozen veg/own brand beans/couple of slices of basics bread then they’re surprisingly filling.

Besides the realities of cooking on a small budget. She speaks like she's referring to a long period of time that she learned to cook, forgot how to cook because “the poverty”, and then fell in love with cooking again. It couldn't be more than 4 years that she went from a good job, to unemployed with a small boy, then 18 months later her blog took off? I mean by the time he was 4/5 she was living with a literal millionaire, so it can't have been that long until her life had turned around, surely. Not to mention the supportive family and father of her child throughout. How this person has made a career out of being poor for a bit blows my mind.

This has turned into a pointless re-cap sorry fraus & herr's. Giovanna & Tom have tipped me over the edge tonight. These people are so entitled, proper Tory energy, just like Jack.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Lovelies, have we ever had Cycling Jack…

 

[Saint_clemmie]

Delurk and you too could one day… have a chuckle every time you can legitimately answer with ‘Absolutely x’

I genuinely struggle to write texts to non-cable mates without using “SEVERELY”, “SHE/I LEFT”, “YES ABSOLUTELY”, at this point Jack speak is my mother tongue.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Lmao positive LGBT role model. She's the closest anyone or anything has ever got to making me wish I was straight.

 

[colouredlines]

Last weekend I was visiting a friend in another city, and I ordered a crepe with white chocolate and ice cream. This is what I was given:

I'm still not sure if it was a language issue or what (the accent is very different there), but fuck it, that turquoise crepe still looks more appetising than Jack's latest riff on fish'n'eggs.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Has anyone else heard this? Apparently classical music is her secret thing, and she started listening to it, yup you guessed it, as a single mum in a freezing cold flat etc etc. Is there anything she won’t shoehorn her tale of woe into?

So whilst she unplugged lightbulbs & the fridge she kept a radio running? Ok

 

[traumatised sideboard]

The Trifle Defender tweet swiftly followed by Mr KCC's gift and then the 'white trash shouldn't breed' picture almost made me choke with laughter. I would like to know what kind of outdoor physical work requires floral yoga pants and a Cath Kidston bag. Maybe she was mining for ore and storing it in her bag. Maybe she was excavating a ditch to bury all her failed brand partnerships. Maybe she just stepped outside for the sole purpose of taking a photo that puts her rack on full display so fawning squigs can replenish her attention stores. Also she does eat pies but only if they're Charlie Bigham's. She doesn't get them from Waitrose though. The last time she went, security stopped her at the door and said 'white trash aren't allowed to shop here'.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Oh, I didn't realise the award was for being an LGBT role model. Well we certainly won't be voting for her now on account of the cabal as a collective unit hating gays. Giving gays an award is disgusting and I for one won't stand for acknowledging their success.

Lenny, Jack cannot cycle! It's her old nemesis, the roundabouts. In fact it was probably the roundabouts that got her fired from Sainsbury's, Hellman's and Linda's, made her send all those vitriolic tweets and forced her to take a break from television after DKL. I think they killed her rosemary too.

 

[Powershower]

Whilst I have not made a stellar cook book career out of it I am a bit partial to odd food combos. Usually on freezer night!
Tonight- white basmati rice (cooked with salt and chives) with cheap Youngs fish cakes and a good Sploge of garlic Mayo (because I was too bloody hot and tired to make parsley sauce).
Remarkably tasty

Interesting that you cooked them as individual items. Did you not even consider putting them in the slow cooker! Weird.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

View attachment 613145View attachment 613146View attachment 613147

It’s scary that if anything she’s gotten *better* with time. These are really fucking weird.

The happy sounds thing I’m sure he’d prefer one singular ball in your garden or a trampoline or any sign of a child’s life but .mp3 it is x

 

[HotesTilaire]

Wasn’t it a young mum with 3 under 5, who also managed to pick pocket her purse? Fair play to her she must be one of Fagan’s elite, I’ve had to take my car keys off my fob cos I leave it in the front door so often

I think Fack assumed this single mum drinking during the day with small kids, who interrupted Fack doing some single mum drinking in the day, stole the wallet but on return Fack forgot it and it was behind the bar? Gonna have to find the mumsnet thread.

When Sidey T prorogrammes Slopbot
To sing our verses, the whole lot,
That’s a-moleeeee

Found it!
Worse than I remembered, there was £2,200 at stake!!! Practically a mumsnet begging thread. August 16, what was going on around that time?

 

[colouredlines]

I love that both bakes turned out the exact same shade of bland brown.

Wow, next month is the 9 year anniversary of Hunger Hurts. 9 years of the exact same shtick. Brava Jack.

Wow. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating:

Think of how much you've grown and changed over the last 9 years.

Now look at Jack Monroe.

Don't you feel so good about yourself now?

 

[kachoochoo]

I think Fack assumed this single mum drinking during the day with small kids, who interrupted Fack doing some single mum drinking in the day, stole the wallet but on return Fack forgot it and it was behind the bar? Gonna have to find the mumsnet thread.

When Sidey T prorogrammes Slopbot
To sing our verses, the whole lot,
That’s a-moleeeee

Found it!
Worse than I remembered, there was £2,200 at stake!!! Practically a mumsnet begging thread. August 16, what was going on around that time?
View attachment 613135

I'm not generally a fan of the "didn't happen" brigade...

but this did not happen

it's just Jack showing herself up as the mc pearl clutcher she really is