well, you can have all the lengthy aparthotel stays and taxi trips to private hospitals you like, but if you don't reuse foil trays, you'll never afford your forever hydrangea
Jack Monroe #185 Serves zero
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Not to mention the re-used oil, vinegar, tin cans ... bleurgh. Sure, that'll save money in the short term, but the amount of toilet paper you'd need after consuming her food surely cancels that out??
I did have a moment the night before last when I wondered if I was turning into Fack as I carefully poured oil back into the bottle from the frying pan...
But it was only because I'd grabbed the wrong bottle and poured olive oil into the pan instead of rapeseed/canola
. I then heated the correct oil and softly, gently, softly fried my onions until they were almost caramelised and then added a couple of eggs - which I watched like a hawk to make sure the whites were cooked.
So two thoughts of Cack while cooking dinner - it's getting to me. Sob.
But it was only because I'd grabbed the wrong bottle and poured olive oil into the pan instead of rapeseed/canola
. I then heated the correct oil and softly, gently, softly fried my onions until they were almost caramelised and then added a couple of eggs - which I watched like a hawk to make sure the whites were cooked.So two thoughts of Cack while cooking dinner - it's getting to me. Sob.
Authentic clown
The first sentence has 48 words, including those that are hyphenated. Cba to read the rest but lord help Female First's SEO due to the algorithms.
A delicious word salad by Del Monte©️
“If you want to impress”
Shittest partnership ever. Hellmann's was much more fun
Wasn't it beetroot water?Not to mention the re-used oil, vinegar, tin cans ... bleurgh. Sure, that'll save money in the short term, but the amount of toilet paper you'd need after consuming her food surely cancels that out??
Del MonteR are truly dragging her name through the mud here, bylines in surprising places? The Express and Female first, home of other far more compelling content such as
I dreamt I was a Toblerone last night, but with little arms and legs like the Peperami man. I was distressed by my new form, kept crying and asking anyone who would listen 'but why do I have to be triangular?' Then I had an existential crisis over whether I was in fact triangular or pyramidal and ended up waking myself up because it was too ridiculous to put myself through any more of it.
Were you this shape
? (In the OT dreamland) that dream clearly means you're being triangulated... have you been spotted buying beans and mandarins perhaps?Oh LJChrist, I really must stop reading this thread before I go to sleep.Were you this shape
What the duck has she done with the three prior cakes to allow her to attempt re-using the tin for the fourth time? I refuse to believe she ate them. They're like breeze blocks, it's a physical impossibility. Swallowing actual concrete would be both easier and more enjoyable.
Looking at the enormous photo of her from the Tin Can Cook book cover they've used in the article, it's just struck me how odd it is to have tins that labelled Jack Monroe Tin Can Cook. What are the tin's contents? Is this a Soylent Green situation? I'd also like to issue a challenge to Jack who I know must have access to a thesaurus. Please write a recipe without using any of the following words: pop, super, low, slow, soft, base.
Looking at the enormous photo of her from the Tin Can Cook book cover they've used in the article, it's just struck me how odd it is to have tins that labelled Jack Monroe Tin Can Cook. What are the tin's contents? Is this a Soylent Green situation? I'd also like to issue a challenge to Jack who I know must have access to a thesaurus. Please write a recipe without using any of the following words: pop, super, low, slow, soft, base.
She’s being prodded and going through intensive treatment or whatever other shite she spouted. Yet this looks like an article from a perfectly healthy woman talking about the fantasy life she has.
1. She has no friends to invite over
2. Can anyone tell me which culinary muscles she has? As they are as useless as she is
3. She could’ve said these two paragraphs in two sentences. She really does write the most flowery nonsense ever.
4. Make it make sense.
1. She has no friends to invite over
2. Can anyone tell me which culinary muscles she has? As they are as useless as she is
3. She could’ve said these two paragraphs in two sentences. She really does write the most flowery nonsense ever.
4. Make it make sense.
I'm sticking by it being the same cake in both photos, she couldn't do duck all to make it different a third time, so invented breaking the pan to get out of it. She could throw that brick cake out to the birds, and not even the London pigeons would want it.
She is the worst writer in existence. Fact.
(I know how much you love facts, Jack).
How much do you reckon she got paid for those state the bloody obvious facts for Female First?
Any journalists here who would know?
Any journalists here who would know?
But she never appeared to entertain, she was either cooking bollock sausages for her poor son or on Twitter, at no point did she mention having a dinner party and if it did happen I’m sure she wouldn’t have been able to resist photographing the resulting slop
Where’s Jimmy?!
Fairly sure it'll be included in her Del Monte fee.
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