Jack Monroe #18 From giving THAT MAN hell to a Hellman's collab, “Baby Nigella’s” food is still making us gag.

[PennyLoafer]

Dearest Tattlers, I've made up a little something for us to sing before Leftover Larder tomorrow. Please feel free to add your own verses! XX

My Favourite Things (with apologies to Rodgers & Hammerstein)

Corned beef in chilli and rubber spam croutons
Shabby chic sheds made from surplus old futons
Horse spunk lasagne and engagement rings
These are a few of my favourite things!

Basking in praise from my sad Twitter poodles
Chickpeas and sore knees and mackerel noodles
Pink pigs that fly with my lies 'neath their wings
These are a few of my favourite things!

Gifted Smeg fridges and grim Bourdain mashes
I've got no scruples, I go where the cash is
Ratty grey pigtails that hang down in strings
These are a few of my favourite things!

Rinsing my tinned beans and flashing my knickers
Emins in toilets and schmoozing blue-tickers
Playing the victim, the fame that it brings
These are a few of my favourite things!

When the fraus bite, when my food mings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad!

 

[MancBee]

The couple of years that she was poor now completely define her whole being. I can not believe that the relatively well off and supportive mother that we see commenting on her twitter, would have stood by and see her grandchild go hungry and cold. The sort of poverty she describes could not be hidden from those close to her. I find it inconceivable that her parents would not at least try to help. It is also inconceivable that the father of her child would stand back and let his child go cold and hungry. It is odd that she would chose not to accept assistance from family, but accept charity from food banks etc. If she wanted to prove she could stand on her own two feet, she would hardly accept charity from food bank. It all doesn't add up.
I do however agree that there are problems and issues with government support, however what has she done to address any of that?

My partner of 25 years died 20 years ago, just at the time I was diagnosed with a degenerative illness that should have limited my life to a year or so. I of course had a breakdown and ended up in psychiatric care. I have since lived with the ever reducing health, unable to work, and expecting that every year would be my last. Charities have been amazing, foodbanks have proved invaluable at times, mental health and local support groups have been so supportive. I am so grateful for every additional year I have lived, it is truly a miracle and I thank the NHS for everything they have done for me. Words can not explain the admiration I have for the doctors and nurses. I know what I am talking about, and her story doesn't add up, it is totally exaggerated for effect.

My friends and family are not in a position to assist financially, they too are from a similar background, living on one of the most deprived housing estate in the country in Salford. However they have helped emotionally, shared what little food they have, as I have with them. NOT ONCE has anyone thought to follow a ridiculous rinsed bean recipie. Food is far too precious to be wasting by washing away ANY of the calories and flavour down the drain. If we get a tin of beans and a loaf in a food parcel, we eat beans on toast, if we get a tin of peaches, we have a pudding.

I am so angry at her hanging on the coat tails of poverty. Making a career out of a couple of difficult years, made worse by her refusal to access the help available from charities (there are far more than just food banks willing to help), friends and family. It is not only unpalatable (like her food), it is actually despicable.

Sorry for the rant, she is now making me very ,very angry, with all this shit about political activism reporting and friends in the political sphere. It's all about HER.

 

[Flumps]

Oh I tried to watch that video, but it just made me feel all twitchy and I had to stop. I've had a lovely weekend, I don't think I need that to take the shine off.

(Shhh.. don't tell anyone, because I haven't yet, and there's no fancy ring or anything, and I feel a bit like I might have dreamt it, but I am pretty sure I didn't and that I actually did get proposed to right nice this weekend. I can't be sure, because there was no mention of being 'wifed up' at any point, but I think it still counts...)

 

[Cheese_face]

Crikey is there any job this woman HASN'T done, I know we have a list of the jobs she has or has supposedly done , but I think the list would be shorter if we do a list of jobs Jack hasn't done...

I’ll start the list of jobs she hasn’t done:
• trained chef

 

[PennyLoafer]

How many times did she refer to being nervous, stressed, panicky etc? I winced every time.

Here's a little personal story. Call it Loafernory.

I've always been petrified of talking in front of people. I even go bright red if I'm about to speak in a small work meeting if I don't know everyone round the table pretty well.

But one day I decided to have a go at being a volunteer tour guide at this beautiful historic house near where I live. I *love* guided tours and just fancied being on the giving end. I also felt it would complement the heritage sector work I do for a living. So I signed up, did my research, and prepared my spiel.

On my way to do my first tour, I felt absolutely sick with nerves, to the point where I was praying that the estate managers would phone to say that the building had spontaneously combusted, or that a meteorite would hit my vehicle en route. Anyway, I got through it but I was shit. Visibly nervous and so reliant on my script that I was unable to extemporise and ploughed on to the bitter end, even though people - about 25 people! - were shifting from foot to foot.

Next time, I was still nervous but slightly less shit. I stuck with it and got better. I still felt nervous inside but I was learning how to think on my feet, answer questions and even try a little humour. The 20-page script was reduced to a few cue cards and then no cards at all. I started getting lovely feedback in the visitors' book, handshakes and, on a few occasions, a round of applause! I'll never not be nervous but I learned to manage my nerves to the point where they weren't getting in the way of enjoying interacting with people.

I persevered because a) I love sharing things I'm passionate about and b) I didn't want my fears to keep me in a headlock for the rest of my life. I can now give public talks in my workplace. And last year, for the first time in my life, gave an interview presentation - and got the job! This has been a huge, positive step forward for me.

The big thing I learned along the way is that my shyness (and shyness is very real) was not the main issue. My acute self-consciousness was rooted in ego. How am I coming across? What will people think about me? What if I cock up? I had to let go of that and realise that while people are sympathetic to your nervousness, it's not fair to them to make it all about you. They've paid to hear an interesting story, so forget about how you look, how your voice sounds, and just tell them the story.

So, anyway, sorry for the long ramble. I guess my point is that if you want to achieve something which doesn't come naturally to you, you have to work hard at it. If the pain outweighs the gain, let it go and try something else.

 

[HockyRorror]

She's on a bit of a militant rant on Twitter. Don't know who or what has rattled her cage this time but it hurts my head to read her words. Bed time for me I reckon!

View attachment 139021View attachment 139023

“I cannot and will not sanitise my work to make it easier for you to swallow”

Ok, but what about the food?

 

[PennyLoafer]

Also, did she check the weather forecast first? Just saying.

I may end up eating humble pie here but I don't think for one minute that she actually removed a window. She just saw a crowbar and fancied a bit of Rosie the Riveter cosplay to get her fans swooning. And 'cleaner filming shot' - what, she's Kubrick now?

I can't see Leftover Larder achieving much beyond pleasing her cult. The lockdown cooking ship sailed weeks ago. Miguel Barclay does what Jack does but far, far better so will very likely leave her offering looking poorer by comparison.

Forgive me, because I know we've covered this already, but what the ACTUAL fuck is this?



Ah, the famous dance classes.

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Shame that the mum who paid for all those dance classes doesn't even get a reply.

View attachment 138392

Also no reply to this:

Or this:

So her mum gave her homemade fruit crumble and didn't even get a reply, let alone a thank-you.

Sorry, Jack's mum, but you'll have to get yourself a blue tick if you want your daughter to respond to you!

If I were Jack, I'd be sharing my mum's baking with everyone on my Twitter and saying 'look how awesome my mum is! She's a much better baker than I am!'.

Jack is a gross human being.

 

[Musicfan99]

Long time lurker here to say hello and thank you for the proper laughs these past few weeks. I feel like I know you all I’ve been driven to break cover because if I rant at my OH any more they will kill me
So - I’ve just watched bits of the shed show and here is a list of things I am gobsmacked by....
It didn’t start on time
She was in no way prepared
She wasted her guest
She admitted if it works it’ll continue for 6 weeks leaving door wide open for major face palm embarrassment..
The ‘recipe’...
The arrogance...
The wifi
The hygiene (shudders)
The side eye reading
The flipped camera
The total lack of charisma
And at the risk of joining the party bus to court...I for one find it *very difficult* to believe that haircut was done by her own fair hand with a beard trimmer
Phew, it feels GREAT to get that off my chest

 

[Yel]

"what potatoes are they?"

Jack "they're just standard potatoes"

Oh I'll look out for that variety

 

[Cheese_face]

Personally I do think the partnership is real, ill advised but real. I do however think that they haven’t researched Jack very well. I also don’t think they are that invested. They have sent her stuff but not a lot. I work for a company that Tabasco wanted to work with, I’m no one important yet they sent me one of everything from the Tabasco range (about 30 different bottles), a pen, an oven glove, an apron, key rings...I didn’t have to do a cringe worthy live insta . So I think they’ve bunged her some stuff and will see where it goes...I think paid partnership is a very lose term for this.

edit: I just realised I did a massive Jack and over exaggerated my Tabasco haul, it was in fact only 20 bottles (I looked at the photo I sent my husband because I was so excited at the time) I do apologise to you all and to all of my followers. I shall now take a break from twitter to really get myself together again.

 

[Breakdance Badass]

@Saturn. You’re a right cheeky one!

 

[Caffeine_Queen]

Better qualified than Jamie Oliver!

 

[MancBee]

Um, I went to work in the Building Services section of our local council around six years ago. I was asked atcthe interview whether I was easily shocked by "industrial language"...... Having said that, it tended to be the F word mainly, but it wasnt unknown to be dealing with a tenant on the phone while a manager laid into an errant plumber or whatever at the next desk - with full use of all sorts of language, industrial or what!

Imagine being an openly gay man working as a bricklayer back in the 80's. Oooop North to boot. I can tell you I had to have skin as thick as a rhino.

I revelled in it though, I gave as good as I got, mostly with whit and sarcasm, and gained the respect of most of the others on site. I think JM likes to think of herself as a pioneer, standing up for LGBTQ+ rights, but she wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes back then. She wouldn't gain respect from anyone with her tactics of retaliating to "abuse" with similar verbal abuse and physical assault.

I could tell you some tales, but not for this thread, there may be children reading!!

 

[Raker]

Erm, possibly more palatable to “Waitrose” if:

(i) the food proffered was palatable/attractive/enticing; the writing, photography and presentation were good

(ii) the author was knowledgeable about fundamental food facts, ranging from basic info about “types” of food — potatoes, mince — through potential substitutions or replacements, to seasonality; or if the author was less seemingly xenophobic about cheap, nutritious and delicious foods from other cultures

(iii) the author had some basic cooking skills and was therefore knowledgable about how to cook said food, without “slinging“, “bunging” or “nuking”— I’m sure there is a place for each of these actions somewhere across the global food pantheon, but surely not all in the one dish;

(iv) the author paid attention to contrasts, textures, colours — these are important to not just the overall appearance of the dish in question, but also have some bearing on nutrition and digestive (and otherwise) health

(v) there wasn’t such a reliance on tinned food where fresh was often more easily available and cheaper — not withstanding important information put forward in an articulate and, more crucially, a non-haranguing way by previous posters in this forum on food deserts and the abhorrent situation many in this supposedly wealthy country are still facing in bloody 2020

(vi) the author would use her considerable platform to address point (v) above, rather than attempting to solve it for those living in these conditions by rinsing tins of baked beans

(vi) the author didn’t have a track record of online bullying/setting sycophants on others with differing opinions/deleting evidence of this. Or could demonstrate a willingness to take any form of constructive
criticism

(vi) the author’s continuing peripheral and self-created dramas did not detract and distract from what is put forward as her primary objective (e. the food)

(vii) the author would update her ongoing and ever changing narrative about her various experiences (food/poverty/gender politics/veganism/mental health/physical health/shared parenting). Or settle for a single version of the truth.

(viii) the author would accept that live broadcasting on any medium is not for her, and concentrate on developing her own skill set, perhaps starting with cookery techniques and food basics

(ix) the author’s reliance on “blue ticker” approval was not her sole form of validation. Arselicking the famous while being snippy to “ordinary” people is not working out well for Sali Hughes either.

(x) the author’s familiar diatribes on “poverty, exploitation and injustice” were updated to be not just focussed on her individual temporary experience from over a decade ago, but in what is happening today, in different parts of the country, to people if different backgrounds, i.e. acknowledging the valid experiences of others

 

[MancBee]

Crippling arthritis, my arse.

This is another bugbear, people see her with all these ailments throwing herself about, working 28 hours a day (exaggerated for effect, your honour), "smashing shit up", hoicking umpteen cans of paint from store to home, decorating, moving heavy furniture and carrying out manual work. People see this and it gives a narrative that others with the ailments she says she has are malingering. If she can do it, why are all these lazy bastards claiming they are sick and scrounging off the state?

Disabled people are getting abuse because of the likes of this idiot.

 

[Absolutely hooting]

I work in marketing and probably shouldn't be posting here but she "yes absolutely" was paid for that. Probably in the region of 6-8k, although in covid times and if it's in a series more of more paid posts to come it may be closer to 2k a post, no chance it was lower than that. Yes it sounds like alot but it's still way cheaper than a 20 second ad slot on channel 4 at 5pm for an hour of video that they were hoping would reach @ decent percentage of her 400k+ followers who would trust her and take her mayonnaise advice!!

 

[Silver Linings]

Apols for the shit picture, but her militant vegan phase is going to bite her in the bum.

 

[Cheese_face]

I’m starting to sound like I’m a little bit obsessed with JM & Mrs J but I am really fascinated by her disappearance. It’s all so unnecessarily cryptic which really annoys me! This person was just trying to be genuinely nice and got snapped at. If you don’t want people to ask about your life then don’t splatter it all over social media. You can’t be surprised that people would question it when you have previously been forthcoming. Obviously everyone has a right to privacy but come on!

 

[Tabitha D]

I know Jack will be on here now awaiting a reaction, and I completely agree with her. It is far better that she stay outside a kitchen rather than inside one.

Hang on - “I sat up all night at the EU Referendum” (at the Groucho ) counts as some kind of political qualification?? So did most of the country missus.

 

[Hunty]

She really should learn to stop spilling her lunch down herself. Oh Jack what are you like?

The first Is an excuse for owning a fancy fatface shirt.
The second because she turned up to a shoot in a corset.

- Jack you don’t need an excuse, just wear what you like hun.

I really hate that there has to be a big long stupid back story to everything, how about "Awww, that's so sweet of him, tell him I said thanks".

Nothing else is required, not even where it is from, nobody asked, and if they did, simply state, oh its from Fatface... Why does there need to be this big huge story? Nobody fucking cares...... just like when people say to me oh that's a nice dress and I say, thanks it, I got it in primark for a fiver, nobody really cares, except me well that's until I drop the best part.... IT HAS POCKETS , then everyone is interested