Jack Monroe #152 Gorgonzola semi freddo with dessicated olive and grape

[colouredlines]

She comes across a lot more competent in the Sainsbury's ad than she does in her vids today. You'd think you'd get more confident in front of a camera, and get more natural cooking and presenting slop, she's regressed!

All her recent stuff has been live or her "one and done" Youtube videos. She clearly needs a LOT of takes to get it right (remember the Marcus Rashford thing was a full day of filming for 2 minutes of video). She is disastrous in every live thing she's ever done.

Of course, she's on the record as preferring live because it's more authentic/she's a lazy tit (delete as appropriate).

 

[Flash123]

Got to be the classics, both 'Horse Spunk' and 'Terrible' are on the recommended watch list but any one of them will do!
Although 'Horse Spunk' will be considered by future generations as THE defining moment of our era as peak Jack, it isn't the abomination of white sauce that makes the episode for me.
There is a moment when Sir Matt of the Forearms is interviewing the interviewee on the monitor and Jack has a Narc moment. She just can't handle the fact that our Matt isn't focused on her. She starts to have a tantrum and interrupts. She quickly stops talking, presumably because the director/floor manager tells her to shut up.
She then tries to get both Matt and the Camera's attention by flapping her hands and mouthing 'look at me, focus on me'
She looks deranged.

I loved DKL.... I used to skive off work during that part of the morning and stick my do not disturb on lol...... except the difference between me and Jack is that I meet all my deadlines and do above and beyond.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Christ this is literally my lock down hair cut

Do you also get mistaken for Eva Green?

 

[FunnyFuneral]

Sexy is one of my least favourite words , if I can avoid saying it I will. It makes me shudder and not in a good way

How does sexy "gusset" grab ya gusset is the most horrible word

Do you also get mistaken for Eva Green?

You are too kind dear heart - not ever funnily enough

 

[Flash123]

I’m rewatching Friends from the beginning and Ross playing the organ in Central Perk sounds like Slopbot playing the onion song.

I wish slopbot would start a crowdfunder for its first album release.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

yeah, it’s pretty painful to watch. My knives skills aren’t amazing but I can do an alright job. I remember years ago going to one of those Pampered chef parties and the girl flogging the stuff was telling us all about this knife and decided to tell us how sharp it was by cutting into a tomato and it was excruciating and it reminds me of this. I didn’t buy the knife.

Mr D was horrified by my spending money on knives and then taking care of them. It hadn't occurred to him how much they cost until I shrieked expressed displeasure at them being dumped in the sink. He seemed to think they weren't any better than the ones from IKEA. Ten minutes later, he'd been taught how to use them instead of assuming they were blunt as duck - and been told exactly how many days' work each of them cost me. Things are properly cut now.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

I think I started following her in the internet dating phase. At the time it didn’t sit well that a cooking account was constantly putting pics of herself wearing too much make up and often with a bra on show (male aesthetic).
I’d also thought there had been male dates mentioned but thought I had been. Bisexual.

Anyone watching Married at First Sight Australia. It’s like Lauren saying she used to be a lesbian, bisexual then.

 

[Traazers]

My gousto dinner tonight was all up in jack’s niche. Strange combo, check! Del Monte, check! Gently, soft combining, check!

I’m not really sure what I was thinking when I chose it tbh, she must have infiltrated my brain.
Bonus pic of the finished result- wasn’t completely beige, was a bit slop-esque (they even insisted I cut everything into tiny bits!) but it tasted alright I guess. Not hugely looking forward to having it again tomorrow, might order a pizza instead.

 

[Jelly Bean]

@MarzBarzie you must watch the This Morning lingreenie car crash. You will watch in wonder as Eamonn says absolutely nothing for 6 minutes, but sits in stoney silence as Jack prods uselessly at raw pasta with her back to the camera. Meanwhile Ruth tries to jolly her along and actually get her to talk and explain what she is doing.
It is a most amazing mix of appalling and hilarious. Plump up a cushion.

 

[I’MBUSY!]

I think I started following her in the internet dating phase. At the time it didn’t sit well that a cooking account was constantly putting pics of herself into much make up and often with a bra on show (male aesthetic).
I’d also thought there had been male dates mentioned but thought I had been. Bisexual.

Anyone watching Married at First Sight Australia. It’s like Lauren saying she used to be a lesbian, bisexual then.

Oh my GOD, Married At First Sight Australia has been the thing, additional to (first and foremost) the wit and wisdom of the Frauen and Herren, getting me through lockdown.

Ultimately, I just don’t know that people need to label themselves. I get that sexuality can seem fundamental to a sense of self, but...really it should only be to the sense of self. Not *for* anyone else.

 

[moosesauna]

Episode 4 - where rinsed beans meets pet food

Spoiler: Trigger warning: Jack's food

View attachment 444098

Sudden flashbacks to my uni hall bin after weeks of us refusing to take it out ...

 

[MarzBarzie]

@MarzBarzie you must watch the This Morning lingreenie car crash. You will watch in wonder as Eamonn says absolutely nothing for 6 minutes, but sits in stoney silence as Jack prods uselessly at raw pasta with her back to the camera. Meanwhile Ruth tries to jolly her along and actually get her to talk and explain what she is doing.
It is a most amazing mix of appalling and hilarious. Plump up a cushion.

I have actually watched that horror show! I made Mr Barzie watch it too. I actually cringed when she put the food processor on.
PS I’m gonna have to wait till he goes to bed to watch DKL. I have a cunning plan though...I’m gonna, ahem, tire him out.
(Just as soon as MAFS is finished that is).

 

[moosesauna]

@MarzBarzie you must watch the This Morning lingreenie car crash. You will watch in wonder as Eamonn says absolutely nothing for 6 minutes, but sits in stoney silence as Jack prods uselessly at raw pasta with her back to the camera. Meanwhile Ruth tries to jolly her along and actually get her to talk and explain what she is doing.
It is a most amazing mix of appalling and hilarious. Plump up a cushion.

Just noticed that the bowls she has in the video look a bit like NotJack's plates..?

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Oh my GOD, Married At First Sight Australia has been the thing, additional to (first and foremost) the wit and wisdom of the Frauen and Herren, getting me through lockdown.

Ultimately, I just don’t know that people need to label themselves. I get that sexuality can seem fundamental to a sense of self, but...really it should only be to the sense of self. Not *for* anyone else.

I was thinking of that quote where she said someone said she wasn’t a ‘proper lesbian’ because she had a child. I would have thought dating blokes might have been a bigger issue.

 

[Themaninblack]

...I got sick of my long hair after winter and my hormones fucked it up and the second I'd finished cutting it all I could think was 'oh god this is gonna look horrendous growing out'.

Jack??

 

[OpalMushroom]

Just rediscovered Slopbot, and I’m dying

’My latest creation is cooking bacon scraps, clotted cream and meringue risotto. I assimilated it ephemerally on a non-essential jaunt to Edinburgh during a pandemic and the bot from Mel Donte he say 'tin of mandarin perfect for your Christmas din'.’

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I’m rewatching Friends from the beginning

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

Your job’s a joke,
you‘re “broke“,
CAROLE MALONE’S AWAAAAY!

It‘s like you haven’t got a real career,
and without the facetune you look,
a bit,
just like,
the guy from Top Gear

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I’ve never used fennel seeds but I was always under the impression you would grind in a pestle and mortar to release the flavour or am I full of shite-yourself bread?

I love fennel seed. They can be ground but It's not necessary. I never do.

 

[moosesauna]

I was thinking of that quote where she said someone said she wasn’t a ‘proper lesbian’ because she had a child. I would have thought dating blokes might have been a bigger issue.

Yeah, that quote bugged me a lot - I've seen far more lesbian couples with kids than lesbians who go out of their way to date men...?

 

[I’MBUSY!]

I was thinking of that quote where she said someone said she wasn’t a ‘proper lesbian’ because she had a child. I would have thought dating blokes might have been a bigger issue.

I see what you mean! That would make zero sense.

Prob what happened was someone asked Jack if she was sure she was a lesbian, on the basis she was/is also sexually attracted to men. And because Jack is Jack, she’s re-imagined that conversation as some massive diss.