Jack Monroe #129 Jack, could we have a quick chat?

[waffle maker]

She didn’t go to school in the olden days, she went to a good school in the early 2000s. I was a year head then .

To permanently exclude children you involve parents, governors and the local authority.

if she was right before GCSEs they might have put her on early study leave. They would have told her parents, for safeguarding reasons- imagine if something had happened to her. And she stole a scalpel! Even as a dare that’s a really stupid thing to do. Stabbing of headmaster Peter Lawrence would be a fresh memory then.

She wasn’t permanently excluded as she is on record of having sat her 4.5 GCSES. She actually will have more GCSEs and is being a huge snob only counting the C plus grades. A GCSE is anything A- G. At that time the ‘average’ grade was a D. In struggling city schools where worked at that time maybe 40% of kids or less would get 5 A-C grades.

 

[Harrybosch]

Catching up, but here's what's still on mine in one screenshot (all previously posted. read bottom to top)

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And this:
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Apologies if this has been said already (I'm behind) .

Spoiler: Trigger warning

There is no such thing as 'child porn', it's child abuse. And it's always severe. And it's not a fucking amusing anecdote. She is truly vile.

Mod edit: Added the spoiler.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Jack, go and answer your fucking emails.

Every Friday at 8pm her patreons should tweet and email her demanding

beige postcards
not to be ripped off for their gas money
she stops being an utter utter stiflingly smug liar

 

[AlphaBeta]

As someone who is extremely proud to work for the NHS, I am very interested to see Jack’s ideas on how she would balance the books, giving all staff the 5 Ps she has indicated, whilst still enabling access to CT scans for severely glittery bruising.

Oh what’s that, she’s moved on to earworms for songs? Alrighty then

 

[BlendedSlop]

So she had that Twitter meltdown about her lack of support the other night in full knowledge that she had ANOTHER big-name brand collaboration in the pipeline? Also can't believe she's reused the horse jism """"bechamel"""" method that failed dismally on live TV

Wonder what the oracle has to say about this?

Oh, and

 

[Pocahontas]

More night times tales from Jack Her ability to use herself as the ultimate benchmark of any known situation is astonishing.

Y’all are going to have to get rid of Trump because I stole a scalpel from the science lab.

 

[colouredlines]

I remember reading that the latest FareShare facility has been named Melanie Maynard House, after Marcus Rashford's mum. To me that speaks volumes - can you imagine Jack ever paying tribute to another person in that way? It would be Jack Monroe's Jack Monroe House on a Bootstrap by Jack Monroe.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Cor, that was quite the grunk to start my day!
I’m only up to breakfast which is cornflakes with soya milk. Stay tuned for more

congratulations to @Ladderedtights on baby tights with smol toes and feets

So, she’s invented a hashtag. I used to work for an organisation which lobbied and campaigned (told you-) so when there is an issue to change and campaign for, there is a load of boring old planning and researching that goes into it. Key individuals, supporters, grass roots supporters, fundraising, press packs, MP briefing packs. The social media campaign is the easy bit when you launch.
I’m sure the organizations she has piggybacked have already done some of this background (I really hope so) but let’s face it, what is the “ask” of the #ThunderingIdiotHashtag?
- Could the ask be written up as a change.org petition to seek debate in parliament?
- Could the ask be costed?
- MP replied to tweet/email and asks what you are proposing, how do you reply?

What Jack has done is the equivalent of invented a hilarious name for a shop and she thinks she’s Theo Paphitis.
She’s opening a hair salon called British Hairways except she’s not a hairdresser, she hasn’t rented a shop and she’s never ran a business.
Virtue signaling on a grand scale. And just look at how happy it’s made her.

Except the name she's invented isn't even good! The previous poster who said it sounded like a super-strain STD was totally spot on. Or just, like,loads of clapping? Really loud claps?

I actually was thinking about business names yesterday. If my name was Mary and I was an internet fitness instructor my youtube channel would be called Mary Queen of Squats.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Saving some receipts for the archives as some stuff already deleted this morning.

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What the actual?? I get the vibe she can’t be bothered with her own kid let alone 30+ other kids.

And she does know she’ll have to be there early in the morning every day of term? And she’ll have a lot of work to do outside school hours? There will be parents questioning her as well as having to answer to people? And ALLLLLLL the illnesses and conditions, is she going to call in sick and then dick about on Twitter?

The arrogance of her to assume she could get a teaching job when “all this” finishes. It’s an insult to teachers who train hard and work hard (now more than ever). I used to want to be a teacher but when I went to secondary school I changed my mind because I didn’t and still don’t think I could do it.

 

[Silver Linings]

Interesting that she had the shot all ready for the first meal she could taste. And what the f would all of those things taste like together?!

 

[Silver Linings]

I like him so much I tell the world his job, relationship status and discuss the health of his children.

 

[I’MBUSY!]

Sure, sure. I imagine it was absolutely the policy of schools in Southend to leave up to the child who had been expelled the job of telling a parent that their child had been expelled. There are absolutely no holes in this story. None at all.

 

[Ladderedtights]

Thank you for all your congratulations. Might have to avoid you all for a bit because if I laugh I’m going to blow my fanny stitches!
Middle name is an ingredient in gin...

 

[Oofadoofa]

Sure, sure. I imagine it was absolutely the policy of schools in Southend to leave up to the child who had been expelled the job of telling a parent that their child had been expelled. There are absolutely no holes in this story. None at all.

This is *brilliant*, just absolutely, classic Monroe - has told an absolutely huge lie, a fucking whopper, but she knows that it can't be in any way corroborated by her family so what to do......tell another whopper by way of explanation! beautiful!

She is of course super calculated and clever with her lies, she knows no one will check with the school and that the school would be unlikely to give details of their students away so she can lie about it/them with wild abandon, they're an easy target. Its just the pesky family who stand in the way, so a good job she's totally shameless and doesn't think twice about lying through her back teeth to and about them - the absolutely priceless thing would be to see her parents reading, for the first time, that 16/17 years ago they're fantasist daughter was apparently expelled from school and the school didn't think to call them at any point, it didn't show up in any letter or record and no sibling or friend of the family thought to mention it either - imagine reading this bollocks and thinking ''haha, THAT didn't happen...'' but not being able, in good conscience, to say anything for fear of embarrassing your pathological liar daughter and alienating her and her son from you. You have to wonder if they just read it with a bowl of popcorn, laughing, like us...


And about the PRU: *another* little roll she has 'on the quiet', perhaps we need to start compiling a list just to keep up - so far we have government school food policy mastermind, Rashford career mastermind, PRU stalwart and a few more that I quite frankly know i'm missing but can't remember.. but it does seem strange, to a simple man like me, that someone who was ahem, 'expelled' from school with nearly no grades would assume that a teaching career would be attainable or that the teaching profession would even want her... not that it matters, there is precisely zero chance of it ever happening because, as ever, she's talking straight out of her arse.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Note how she is implying that she SHOULD have received an acknowledgment from the Camerons, because it took her such an effort (supposedly) to write. That they are somehow falling short in not acknowledging her.
If it took her 3 days to write, then it will have seemed like a very much belated “apology” - not to mention cynical, given that Sainsbury’s etc. were breathing down her neck. And that’s even without knowing what was actually in the “apology” letter. (Knowing how appallingly self-obsessed Jack can be, I dread to think.)
That’s pretty disgusting of her.

Dear Dave and Sam, I wrote you but you still ain’t calling, I left my cell, my pager and the shitty bungalow at the bottom....

 

[DinosaurSenior]

A little 29p roll up for a Saturday. If this lot comes good I'll sign up for fifty shades of shite.

 

[MancBee]

No it's not.

Not everything needs to be defined by ADHD or being neurodiverse Jack.

When I see a dirty and messy cutlery drawer I get an irresistible urge to tidy it . Is it an ADHD or ND thing?

When I get up in the morning, I can't get a cup of tea out of my mind. Is it an ADHD or ND thing?

When I watch TV, my mind wanders and I haven't taken in anything I've seen. Is it an ADHD or ND thing?

When I read a book, sometimes a read a page and realise I haven't taken in a single word and have to read the page again. Is it an ADHD or ND thing?

NO IT BLOODY ISN'T.

 

[Silver Linings]

Linda McCartney!! Quids in.

 

[holliebollie]

As an ex special school teacher (), it really grinds my gears when people say they might ‘fall back on’ teaching. I spent 4 years at uni to become a teacher, not piss about on Twitter 16 hours a day. Not to be a Jack but I graduated and passed my PGCE while commuting 2-3 hours a day and having a baby at the end of my first year, making it even more of an achievement. Teaching itself is fucking hard, hence why I’m now retraining in something else.

I’ve just had a rant on Facebook about how teachers are seen as glorified babysitters in this country. Their qualifications, professional judgment and all consuming commitment to other people’s children is dismissed. Jack saying she might one day ‘fall back’ on it like it’s picking up a few evening shifts in Tesco is fucking annoying. Does anyone say they’ll fall back on nursing? Being a solicitor? Detective? No, just babysitting teaching. And sorry Jack, you would not make a good teacher in a PRU just because you stole a scalpel (in your imagination) 17 years ago.

 

[waffle maker]

Also you don’t say ‘ceremoniously expelled’ unless they had a big ceremony? She is trying to say unceremoniously I think.

WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Today we are all here to ceremoniously expel the future Jack Monroe, inventor of a hashtag.