Jack Monroe #116 Burger and lies

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THE FOUR JACKS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Mom-ish one will bite the heads off your dinosaur biscuits and take photos of you in your pants. She’ll take last minute trains to Scotland.

Butch Girls Unite will smother you with overcooked lentils and reconstructed sausages whilst complaining about a mysterious For Sale sign you can’t see.

Student Jack will giggle nervously and show you a never ending stash of receipts and ask you to total them up. They’ve all been dipped in Mayo and you can’t wash your hands.

Rat-Tail Crop Top Jack will trap you in a hotel room for various workouts and kettle pasta. She hands you a kitten costume and asks you to put it on as she takes photos with her tongue.


It's so freaky to me that these are all within the same year! It's like a conference of jacks from alternate realities.
 
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She should have moved on from poverty food to say family cooking or single parent cooking (I’ve not seen anyone do that).
but like someone said, she doesn’t like food. There’s no joy, she just thinks it clever to mix random things together.
I also don’t see genuine cheap cooking. There’s no food planning, the £20 shop is useless and harmful.
I love Nigel writing about food and watching him eat, his genuine love is infectious.
 
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Totally agree with this and ScamSandwich.
One of the (many) issues is that Jack won’t have training or coaching because she doesn’t feel she needs it. She thinks she’s great at this stuff and the reason she doesn’t get the gigs is because she’s too much of a rough diamond (or whatever it was she said). Not because she’s simply not good enough. Everything is everyone else’s fault and it’s not fair (That Man for example).

That’s not to say she never would be good enough: that’s what coaching and courses are all about. A decent coach would give her some home truths and either get her to where she needed to be or give her the tools to go and do something else.
 
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It's so freaky to me that these are all within the same year! It's like a conference of jacks from alternate realities.
They all share one thing - the smiles and facial expressions don't look genuine, they look forced. It doesn't matter what is happening around the edges, whether it be make-up or hair or even in the touched up photos, it all just serves to frame her one feature that is authentic and fixed - her cold, dead eyes.
 
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Have just seen a clip of Nigela saying "meekrowahhhvay" instead of "microwave" and now I wonder if Jack will copy "Mom" and pronounce things in a similar fashion.

P.s. I keep getting adverts on this thread for onesies with a bottom flap...what the?!
 
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Completely agree, it does not have to be Cordon Bleu school or whatever but a nutrition course would not do her and other internet gurus who preach about food harm either. There is so much damage being done, I am not solely referring to JM. Those raw vegans basically eating or pretending to eat a diet loaded with fruit sugar or eating too little and then have their hair falling out, if the latter is not a lie. But as @NoseyParkour pointed out-her actual relationship with food is a disturbed one, so no course will ever fix it.
I have to agree that she really did have things thrown at her. I mean, who survives that long in any showbiz environment, always being given more chances while constantly spoiling it. Normally you disappear if you don't deliver but she was very lucky. And you are right, she could practice in her bloody shed doing Youtube clips if you are not a complete natural talent. Why does she not make that most obvious choice??
The chances that I would survive in the TV world are very low, not that I have been given the chance but I don't sit around thinking I am entitled to and suited for a TV career. JM always seems to be lacking something that she thinks she deserves while never acknowledging what she has got.
 
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I love Nigel writing about food and watching him eat, his genuine love is infectious.
I think that’s it though, isn’t it. Nige, Nigella, Jamie, Nadiya, etc., etc., - they all show you themselves tasting their own food - they take a big bite and they go, ‘Mmm’ and shut their eyes in pleasure. And it makes you want to taste their food cos they’re loving it so much / their enjoyment is vicarious.

Jack never shows herself taking a bite, she never shows a half-eaten bowl - just a staged photo of ... frankly bizarre-looking and unappetising food. And then says she ate it fast, then had a second and third helping and she also ate it from the pan while cooking. But she only says it, never shows it.
 
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Only four threads today! Is this the end, dear hearts? Is this an unprecedented occurrence within the Jack-Tattle symbiotic relationship? No chaos today....Don’t make me howl and crawl on the floor like a banshee, begging the moon to make her do a chaos. Was looking forward to a right juicy grunk this evening
 
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Four threads?!
PS - I don’t wish too hard for chaos ... But I suppose when it’s Jack quiet we always get some kind of in-thread drama ... it’s quite nice to have a slower pace at times and not have either. Plus Silver is having a nice bubble bath right now and resting her thumbs
 
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We get onto some interesting topics when Jack is quiet and I agree with Pocah, it's nice to have a rest from her
 
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ah, she's probably just having a big dinosaur nap after a few busy days.

there'll be something simmering in the bungalow of dreams before too long
 
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Have just seen a clip of Nigela saying "meekrowahhhvay" instead of "microwave" and now I wonder if Jack will copy "Mom" and pronounce things in a similar fashion.

P.s. I keep getting adverts on this thread for onesies with a bottom flap...what the?!
Me too with the adverts for onesies. They are disturbing.
 
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It gives the Grunka-ing fraus a chance to catch up!
 
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JM has never campaigned about anything unless she benefitted herself - either financially or from attention.
 
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Ah you know what I mean, four thingies, pages, whatsits she’s sent me all off kilter with her lack of chaos. Silver is probably relaxing in a flotation tank, listening to pan pipes! At this rate I’ll have to see what FOD is up to.
https://giphy.com/3ubqmFn2F7ytq
 
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