Jack Monroe #112 Is that it? IS THAT IT

[Bumbear]

If your dividends are more than your wages you aren’t entitled to the self employed grant

If you’re the only director of your company you can’t furlough yourself

I’m surprised she isn’t aware of this* considering her knowledge/involvement of general government policy


*of course she is- she’s lying by omission again

I don’t know about the first point but I’m afraid you’re incorrect on the second. I furloughed myself from March to August when I had no client work. I’m a director a limited company with one employee (me).

This wouldn’t apply to Jack because she has had continuous work since March of one sort or another.

 

[Themaninblack]

That pie recipe:

First pop your lentils in a saucepan that will easily hold thrice their volume.

Cover in cold water, but do not salt for they will seize. Bring to the boil at the back of the stove, where they can be forgotten for a while. Reduce to a simmer and roundly ignore them for around half an hour, only interfering should they start to dry out a little, by adding a splash of water.

Then...

Bring to the boil, then reduce to a simmer, until the lentils behind them have softened.

All fine except the purple prose no?

But...these are tinned lentils. They are already cooked. Why do they need an extra large saucepan? They will not expand. They will not "seize" (she means harden) if you add salt. They are not going to soften, because they are already soft. There is no "rinse your lentils" step (the one time it would actually be necessary!). This recipe is clearly written for dried lentils, but the ingredients call for a tin.

This is so mindboggling stupid that I can barely process it.

Beat me to it, @colouredlines! My guess is that she has cut and pasted instructions from a recipe using dried lentils. #originalnotoriginal

 

[girolle]

That’s just known as ‘Jack’s Food’

I do often think to myself that if her recipes were my first foray into cooking, I would only eat buttered toast!

 

[Themaninblack]

Thread recap lifetime achievement award to @Pocahontas ? The threads move so fast that I believe we use dog years as time reference.

May your trophy overfloweth with “bechamel” sauce.

It will thicken up on the way home.

 

[Narner]

Have you explored the Cake Wrecks website?!

Plus this

Just spent ages with Mr Narner crying with laughter at this - thank you! Proudly presenting my new profile picture which I feel really represents me in 2020 x

 

[Captainmouse]

Why does every photo have a manky mucky looking tarnished spoon/fork/multiples of stuck in it ?
With the grimy nails I can’t begin to fathom how she ever got a girlfriend.

I can’t understand how she doesn’t get salmonella or botulism with her lack of hygiene and dodgy cooking, reheating practices

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

That pie recipe:

First pop your lentils in a saucepan that will easily hold thrice their volume.

Cover in cold water, but do not salt for they will seize. Bring to the boil at the back of the stove, where they can be forgotten for a while. Reduce to a simmer and roundly ignore them for around half an hour, only interfering should they start to dry out a little, by adding a splash of water.

Then...

Bring to the boil, then reduce to a simmer, until the lentils behind them have softened.

All fine except the purple prose no?

But...these are tinned lentils. They are already cooked. Why do they need an extra large saucepan? They will not expand. They will not "seize" (she means harden) if you add salt. They are not going to soften, because they are already soft. There is no "rinse your lentils" step (the one time it would actually be necessary!). This recipe is clearly written for dried lentils, but the ingredients call for a tin.

This is so mindboggling stupid that I can barely process it.

This is because she keeps writing the same book over and over.

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

I can’t understand how she doesn’t get salmonella or botulism with her lack of hygiene and dodgy cooking, reheating practices

Because she doesn't eat it.

 

[kachoochoo]

not wanting to sound like a party pooper, but I'm not sure if we should involve squiggles in the sloppies.

some are quite vulnerable and some are quite bigoted and I kinda don't want anything to bite us on the bum

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

The Sloppies

Surely the trophy should be a gold plated shopping trolley

Post too short with just as pic

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

Those William Morris curtains must have cost a fortune,look how much fabric there is.oh I’d I forgotten,someone gave her those specific curtains that fitted so well. She must think people are stupid

Is that an inner rail of curtain too, that I see?

 

[MrsOgre]

Finished looking at those cakes and think this is more suited to Jack...

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Thread recap lifetime achievement award to @Pocahontas ? The threads move so fast that I believe we use dog years as time reference.

May your trophy overfloweth with “bechamel” sauce.

Yes I definitely think @Pocahontas @Silver Linings and @Alansbigplate deserve lifetime achievement awards for services to Jacksville. They have collectively brought us amazing Recaps, Receipts and Refaces and I for one am grateful for your service

 

[HotesTilaire]

Finalised ten categories (plus honorary frau as a bonus):
- Most entertaingly bizarre lie
- pile on of the year
- best squiggle moment
- most nightmare inducing slop
- best chaos
- most outrageous waste of money
- selfie of the year
- most useless and/or actively detrimental advice
- most Urgent item on the to do list
- best imaginary friend/enemy

AND

Honorary frau of the year

What I'd love is if we had a 'name' for each award as the ones above are just placeholders to categorise

E.g. for the slop one we could have "The Golden Bedpan award for worst slop"

"The wooden calculator award for most eyebrow raising purchase" (for outrageous waste of money... its hard to name this one without picking one of the nominations and seeming like im favouring that one...)

Obviously my names aren't great so please if anyone better than me at naming things has any good ones stick em at the bottom of your posts (including 'sloppies' in your post makes it easier to find )

How about having each award sponsored by a company or in honour of a person?
Most useless advice, sponsored by Captain Obvious
Selfie of the year sponsored by facetune

 

[Switchstreetz]

not wanting to sound like a party pooper, but I'm not sure if we should involve squiggles in the sloppies.

some are quite vulnerable and some are quite bigoted and I kinda don't want anything to bite us on the bum

A good point, will remove that category to leave focus on jack where it should be

 

[MrsOgre]

How about having each award sponsored by a company or in honour of a person?
Most useless advice, sponsored by Captain Obvious
Selfie of the year sponsored by facetune

Cotswolds Co and Apple (when the airpods fell into a bowl of slop) could be sponsors!

 

[Themaninblack]

I can’t understand how she doesn’t get salmonella or botulism with her lack of hygiene and dodgy cooking, reheating practices

Mithridatism? Here's a new word for Jack's lexicon! https://wordsmith.org/words/mithridatize.html

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

oh i've thought of another one! Best Imaginary Character to Have Wronged Jack

-Only good for burger flipping teacher

-Old chief likes girls in skirts at the fire station (clear winner - to be presented by michael caine)

-White trash shouldn't breed lady

-Train man who sat too close and got his shins kicked

can we be included in this? ninnies and/or haus fraus?

& her NEMESIS that she's started to be kind to in order to get us to shut up about it - Miguel Barclay

 

[TVC15]

View attachment 327348View attachment 327349

So she doesn’t know what “rough-hewn” means and also uses “fiddling” and “delicate(ly)” twice in the same sentence.

 

[MrsMappFlint]

Fraus & Herrs, thinking about entertainment for the awards, what could be better than a Canal Choir singing some of the classic numbers created by the musical genius(es) within this very cabal of evil trolls, we could face our fears and howl along to such classics as:

We didn't start the fire by @colouredlines thread #47

Bird in Traaazers by @Lava, thread #67

And my personal favourite also from thread #47 a Monroe inspired take on I would walk 5,000 miles (what a wanker) by chief minstrel @TheDragonWithAFlagon

There are loads more macktastic tunes scattered throughout the threads which I just can't remember or find a the mo, easily enough for an awards soundtrack CD...(do they still make CDs?)

#The Sloppies