Jack Monroe #102 Stop getting Bond wrong!

[Pocahontas]

True but you would have to endure the 20 minute monologue about how difficult it’s going to be to sing and how this is the ‘new thing’ she’s doing today and people have always told her that she should have a 12-album deal but she wasn’t confident enough and....and...ad inf.

And then the lift would judder back to life and the doors would open and you could jump out just as she took her first steadying breath.
Ah, no. I’d wait until she got through the song, for a laff.

 

[crystaleyesd]

i can't wait for her hot take on the mary wollstonecraft statue in 3 weeks time

But favourite soap is trending much higher than that Mary character who's trying to steal my thunder so feminism can wait innit

 

[Pocahontas]

Its tit and ageist. I think Jack used it re the shopping trolley.

She did. ‘Oh, I can’t maraud my nana trolley around Asda, I’d be a massive liability, me.’ Ageism sucks - we’ll all be old one day, and that’s if we’re lucky enough to be.

There are plenty of ‘nanas’ and grandads who’d pull that splinter out with their bare teeth and spit it into next Tuesday without batting an eyelid.

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

I notice Nigella is getting a lot of love on twitter and JM isn't involved - has Jackie gone off in huff? Just a bit strange because she was bum-licker in chief not that long ago?

She’s probably sulking because “Mum” is showing her up both with her TV show and with her actually nice and helpful Twitter replies to people asking her questions about her recipes.

 

[Alansbigplate]

'Hanukka Roast Pork and Crackling. I've put an Ashkenazi twist on it by using Kosher salt and getting Louisa to ride it past the synagogue..'

 

[moglits]

Re: Headrush Spaghetti. I'm not saying I ran so @TurnedUpInTipp can walk, but 2017 Moglits was a fan of Jack's (ssh) and made it.

Now. Three years is a long time, but it wasn't...bad. It broadly worked. I mean, as a Thread 2 Caballer, I am willing to take one for my fraus and herrs and make it again to the absolute letter (as I seem to remember making some small tweaks, like actually roasting the garlic rather than burning my house down), but at the same time if TUIT already has their shopping list of white chocolate and dehydrated mushrooms, then...

I've written this before but our coven has grown since then - tried and tested Jack recipes from memory...

- Chickpea falafels - they're alright
- Red bean and dumpling soup - pretty good, provided you don't mind the minky (teehee) colour
- Feisty Soup - ignore the title, it's alright. Good for blasting away a cold
- Peanut butter and jam cookies - good, in the way that child-made cookies are good and taste vaguely like Play-Doh
- Mushroom, lentil, and ale pie - actually very good, but subject to a lot of tweaking
- Spinach dumplings - absolute disaster, and I could tell from reading the recipe, but gave it a punt and ended up with a pan of floating leaves and flour clumps
- Come to Bed Parmigiana - nice! No-one came around to bone me tho
- Salad bag pesto - made it, didn't die, it was absolutely gross

I think there's more...

 

[Puddy Muddle]

At least it is vegan. Probably the only thing that is in that kitchen.

This is because she never washes her hands; that soap is all that remains from her fling with veganism and will be there until the end of time.

 

[SoulRebel]

She did. ‘Oh, I can’t maraud my nana trolley around Asda, I’d be a massive liability, me.’ Ageism sucks - we’ll all be old one day, and that’s if we’re lucky enough to be.

There are plenty of ‘nanas’ and grandads who’d pull that splinter out with their bare teeth and spit it into next Tuesday without batting an eyelid.

Old! My whiskey drinking, all swearing, all fabulous dancing Nan was 44 when I was born and I was a Nana in my forties.
(But thank you for sticking up for us oldies anyway x)
PS:- Is the splinter still in her finger? I can remember sitting atop a neighbour's wood pile and sliding down it as a little girl. My Nan made me stand on a high kitchen stool while she dug the splinters out and telling me it was my own silly fault. She cleaned the wounds with neat scotch

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Tank Jack was the very worst of them all, couldn’t even bring myself to read the issue numbers of misc army tanks coming out of other bigger army vehicles.

Omg guys I’m sorry I say nana so much! I genuinely call my baby’s grandmother nanny/nana/nan so now worried she hates me for it?! I’d feel weirder calling her grandma tho? Hopefully this is just like those pudding pies and regional rather than me being Satan xx

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Re: Headrush Spaghetti. I'm not saying I ran so @TurnedUpInTipp can walk, but 2017 Moglits was a fan of Jack's (ssh) and made it.

Now. Three years is a long time, but it wasn't...bad. It broadly worked. I mean, as a Thread 2 Caballer, I am willing to take one for my fraus and herrs and make it again to the absolute letter (as I seem to remember making some small tweaks, like actually roasting the garlic rather than burning my house down), but at the same time if TUIT already has their shopping list of white chocolate and dehydrated mushrooms, then...

I've written this before but our coven has grown since then - tried and tested Jack recipes from memory...

- Chickpea falafels - they're alright
- Red bean and dumpling soup - pretty good, provided you don't mind the minky (teehee) colour
- Feisty Soup - ignore the title, it's alright. Good for blasting away a cold
- Peanut butter and jam cookies - good, in the way that child-made cookies are good and taste vaguely like Play-Doh
- Mushroom, lentil, and ale pie - actually very good, but subject to a lot of tweaking
- Spinach dumplings - absolute disaster, and I could tell from reading the recipe, but gave it a punt and ended up with a pan of floating leaves and flour clumps
- Come to Bed Parmigiana - nice! No-one came around to bone me tho
- Salad bag pesto - made it, didn't die, it was absolutely gross

I think there's more...

You go for it @moglits if you have all the ingredients.
I'm still waiting on Mrs TUIT to get her tit together so we can go shopping. (Which could involve a Garda checkpoint because of lockdown restrictions!)

 

[Walkdengirl]

Honestly, this is the best option and foodbanks really appreciate it. Getting chocolate is great and people love it but last Christmas we were bundling clients out of the door with like three selection boxes each plus all of their food. Getting money donations allows them to buy crates of stuff which people don’t generally think to give - pet food, UHT milk, nappies, etc etc.

I’m currently working with a charity who, outside of their usual remit, are distributing food parcels at the mo and some of the stuff they have donated is wild: whole wheels of cheese, literal buckets of mozzarella, kombucha, McDonalds sauces, mad seafood, veg like celeriac which a lot of people simply don’t know what to do with. It makes for some super fancy (and also oddly matched) boxes, but honestly people just want simple, filling food and it’s important it can be heated in a microwave IMO as so many people struggle with keeping their meter topped up.

Pissing myself at the commenters to Jack berating her for using toiletries with palm oil: this is the problem that she’s created for herself - she’s spent so long pandering to the middle class Guardianista brigade who can afford to be conscientious in their purchasing habits and worked so hard (for once!) to position herself as one of them that she’s simultaneously expected to Feed The Poors (Let Them Know It’s Christmas Time) and be an ethical buyer. In reality she’s doing neither and I’m enjoying seeing her between a rock and a hard place.

We have a charity called kitchen for all where I live, they batch cook and distribute meals to all sorts of people 'and their stuff looks so amazing, (I felt like messaging them saying If I pay can I have some please?), they've had stuff like that donated but for them it's been great (lots of restaurants etc where I live).

Our little local one run by a lady sometimes gets inundated with so much stuff they can't use and she puts a post on saying please come and help yourself and leave a cash donation.

 

[Clarends]

Tank Jack was the very worst of them all, couldn’t even bring myself to read the issue numbers of misc army tanks coming out of other bigger army vehicles.

Omg guys I’m sorry I say nana so much! I genuinely call my baby’s grandmother nanny/nana/nan so now worried she hates me for it?! I’d feel weirder calling her grandma tho? Hopefully this is just like those pudding pies and regional rather than me being Satan xx

I dont mind people calling their parents mothers nan or gran or anything else. Its using nanas to mean old in a derogatory way. Whether you've got grandkids or not.

 

[Flumps]

I hate it too, BB. It’s bleeping derogatory - like ‘nanas’ are stupid, basic and twee just because they’re older, women, and have children who have children.

I've been a 'nana' (albeit step-nana), since I was 24. I'm occasionally basic, but I don't believe it's related to my nana-ness. Though no one calls me nana, tbf, except my step-son when he's had one drink too many and thinks he's oh-so-hilarious.

 

[Lanie]

So now she's withering in about soap. Her conversations are full of intellectual whit and fact. NOT. Why does anyone care what soap a person's grandparents used generally they used the same sort of stuff carbolic and or imperial leather etc. Soap is soap. It doesn't need an essay writing about it.

Just get a job please and bore your colleagues with this innate rubbish. For someone who lives alone and has finally got someone to talk to, she spends an awful lot of time ignoring them.

 

[Pocahontas]

Old! My whiskey drinking, all swearing, all fabulous dancing Nan was 44 when I was born and I was a Nana in my forties.
(But thank you for sticking up for us oldies anyway x)
PS:- Is the splinter still in her finger? I can remember sitting atop a neighbour's wood pile and sliding down it as a little girl. My Nan made me stand on a high kitchen stool while she dug the splinters out and telling me it was my own silly fault. She cleaned the wounds with neat scotch

I didn’t mean you had to be ‘old’ to be a nana, I know that I was just raging against ageism.

Tank Jack was the very worst of them all, couldn’t even bring myself to read the issue numbers of misc army tanks coming out of other bigger army vehicles.

Omg guys I’m sorry I say nana so much! I genuinely call my baby’s grandmother nanny/nana/nan so now worried she hates me for it?! I’d feel weirder calling her grandma tho? Hopefully this is just like those pudding pies and regional rather than me being Satan xx

It’s not the word nana - if that’s what you use - like granny, nana, grandma - it’s what they are
It’s when it’s used as a put down or an explanation for someone being daft or to patronise.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Tank Jack was the very worst of them all, couldn’t even bring myself to read the issue numbers of misc army tanks coming out of other bigger army vehicles.

Omg guys I’m sorry I say nana so much! I genuinely call my baby’s grandmother nanny/nana/nan so now worried she hates me for it?! I’d feel weirder calling her grandma tho? Hopefully this is just like those pudding pies and regional rather than me being Satan xx

They’re all Nana in my family I think that’s fine it’s the using it as a homogenous group in a derogatory way that happens like the Karen thing recently too. My Nana is a bleeping Queen and a warrior and angel sent from heaven tbh

 

[Clarends]

Just looked up obsolete derogatory words for old women. Hag and crone. I fancy being a crone . I never got round to a between lockdown haircut and I dont know how to facetune away Jack-style the crumbly bits of my face. So a proud crone.

 

[NP]

shut up lard soap - surely not? Surely no one would do this...

Which one of us is taking one for the team and making their own lard soap?

 

[Alansbigplate]

 

[Chip1984]

I took this as a sign of narcissism/BPD. Meghan Markle had a cat called Archie. Mrs. Jack is whoever Jack's current victim is. To a narcissist, they are not individuals - just an adjunct.

It's not a trait of BPD. I'm not focusing this at just you but I've noticed a few fraus have suggested Jack may have BPD. As someone with the diagnosis, it's can be quite hurtful, as there seems to be the assumption that people with BPD have no empathy and are manipulative, which is completely untrue. I wouldn't be able to do the job I do if it was.

It is a very misunderstood and stigmatised disorder. People with BPD can infact have a strong sense of empathy; they can empathise with the suffering and also the joy of others. I would never dream of treating people the way Jack does - she is definitely leaning more towards the traits of NPD and HPD than BPD.