Jack Monroe #102 Stop getting Bond wrong!

[MancBee]

it was all of those things. It did taste better than it looked, especially with a bit of doctoring



Right, who is making something next?

Hope you had a nice pudding.

Not me, I've already done my bit, once is definitely enough.

 

[chocolate choux]

Spoiler: ED

Ok, so I am fuming about this. How on earth can this serve 4?

I use my fitness pal and have put the ingredients into the app. I have been generous and given her the benefit of the doubt and said each person gets 100g of beans, when actually the net weight once the water has gone is nearer 250g .
It comes to about 140 calories (including the spices) and I cannot see how that will be enough to feed a family unless you cost in rice/naan etc. The alarm bells started ringing with 100g of spinach.

If she carries on posting triggering pictures and writing recipes that clearly do not contain enough calories to feed a family without the addition of extra, uncosted ingredients then I may have to get my #buddle to delete my twitter to prevent me from spouting off.

It would be so interesting to see what a month of eating her food (including portion sizes) would do to a healthy person, Super Size Me style. I can just imagine the blood test results now

 

[blurstoftimes]

@Fruitjack you have my greatest respect! I'm afraid i'm not brave enough to follow in your footsteps though

I do have a confession to make though dearest Frauen and Herren, tonight i have made anchovy butter! before you ban me from here for life - i'm frying breadcrumbs in it to be sprinkled on top of steamed broccoli and served with braised chickpeas and spinach and crusty bread and I promise that no devilled eggs are going anywhere near it and my ovaries are not trembling

 

[bazzam]

View attachment 304879

it looks like it has been cooked down a mine,

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

I made Mac and cheese tonight. No jack recipe required.

 

[blurstoftimes]

I made Mac and cheese tonight. No jack recipe required.

that looks really really REALLY good

 

[MooBelle]

Oh dear god she's sunk to a new level of low.
Two squiggles have sent her money for the shopping trolley, despite another squiggle saying thst a trolley has been sent to her agent for her.
Due to diligent sleuthing of Fraus it turns out the original 2 squiggles are in bad times financially. One of them is in receipt of the Winter Warmer fund.
FFS. How is this legal? This is an out and put scam. She's taking money from people in actual poverty to fund her bleeping sideboard addiction. If you found out a vulnerable friend or relative had given their last 20 quid to some rich celebrity because of lies they were telling you would ring the bleeping police.
Absolutely fuming mad...

 

[Alansbigplate]

I made Mac and cheese tonight. No jack recipe required.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I hope Jack's livestream went ahead with no tech glitches, that Louisa wasn't watching online causing an absolute chaos and hopefully Jack didn't have to go to another room to find a knife.

I look forward to seeing it when she uploads it

 

[Blurp]

Snakes wedding?! what an image!

Sailor's phrase!

 

[Pixieboots]

View attachment 304810

She's slimmed down her neck and chin Zoom in and you'll see where she accidentally loses some colour in her shirt collar. This makes me so mad, she is ED-fishing shamelessly.

She has also flattened her eye(?), so well done Jack.

ETA: something weird going on with the hair on the back of her neck too, to the point that her earring is distorted. She is so bad at this! (and everything else)

TBF, her earrings always look like they're not actually in her ears. I notice every time and then can't summon the energy to figure out why.

 

[MaggyMay]

Sorry for random question but out of interest when did Louisa 'she left' ? Was it after leftover larder/ mid lockdown? And did she broadcast it?

 

[Blurp]

I made Mac and cheese tonight. No jack recipe required.

I'm going for a crispy-salt-skinned baked potato with beans - something SB and BB must be gagging for after eating her cooking.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Sorry for random question but out of interest when did Louisa 'she left' ? Was it after leftover larder/ mid lockdown? And did she broadcast it?

Mid lockdown. Late April/early May. It was kept quiet at the time.

 

[tippingpoint]

I love this thread. It’s really...smart? Does that sound wanky? Everyone is smart, really quick witted and there’s Partridge references. Favourite thread on Tattle by far.

 

[Lastoftheflumps]

I honestly would prefer a bowl of spaghetti with Worcestershire sauce or Henderson’s relish if you are vegan which I am than any of the rubbish she punts online.

Those carrot cumin and kidney bean burgers give me the actual boak

Everything she cooks just looks horrid

 

[traumatised sideboard]

A commendation for @Fruitjack I got as far as reading the cannelini (sic (not a pun)) beurre blanc recipe and that's as far as I want to get. I thought you were parodying her writing style with 'provocative shroud' for pasta but no, she genuinely wrote that. Other gems include:

-her first sentence being a run-on behemoth that spans no fewer than six lines of text
-the physical impossibility of anything being 'subtly powerful'
-unctuous
-use white wine or cider, because like herbs, mushrooms and indeed ALL VEGETABLES, alcohol is interchangeable

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Oh, Christ! "Mumgella" has mentioned Proust..
Literary Jack will hit Twitter any second now.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

TBF, her earrings always look like they're not actually in her ears. I notice every time and then can't summon the energy to figure out why.

Every time I see a pair of those nana earrings hanging on for dear life I think this, she needs proper backs on them else they'll be looted by the Disney mice or end up embedded in a limb (call the plastic surgeon !)

 

[Fitnessqueen]

it was all of those things. It did taste better than it looked, especially with a bit of doctoring



Right, who is making something next?

Shan’t. Made the peach curry once and that’s enough. Plus I sprained my ankle doing step earlier and now I have an ice pack on it as it’s SWOLLEN AND OUCHY. I’d go to hospital but it’s a seven hour walk across windswept countryside. Meh.