Jack Monroe #102 Stop getting Bond wrong!

[kachoochoo]

Recipe for star trek pasta is apparently coming “today or tomorrow.”

We need to add it to the list.

tis on. and this is how I learnt that my phone knows the word Klingon, despite me never having typed it on my life!

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

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Didn’t realise Jack was a Trekkie as well as a Bond superfan. Must have missed her Twitter chat about the latest Picard and Star Trek: Discovery. You’d think she’d be right on that.

Bollocks. She's too young for TNG (or TOS) to have been on after school. Unless we're talking about when SKY took over the franchise (satellite TV in the early 90s - fancy) and went on to show DS9 after rerunning TNG. Although she would still have been too young for something that started at 8pm. Actually seeing ST:V is vaguely possible, as that was in late 1995/6.

The movies might have been possible, as they had started flogging video box sets by then, even though they were rated too high for a child of her age to watch - but she doesn't seem to think anything about Kirk or the actual barriers that Shatner et al broke down. As though she hadn't seen them...



This is a niche that nobody should consider trampling their boots into.

 

[bazzam]

Time for a repeat of one of your faves

Eating her cooking could be one of the live challenges. I would rather take my chances with the maggots and tartantulas.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Same. I have no idea what any of these things smell like.

The only reason I know of some of them is because of mum/granny/older sister. My sister is 8 years older and would've got the bath pearls at Christmas. I would've been too young for that kind of stuff. Why does she do it. I guess she has an older following and this shit is how to get them going

 

[Blurp]

They last longer because you don't use them enough.


And you need a nailbrush and packet of orangesticks.


Not expensive at 79p a bar from Superdrug, plus 50p for the brush and around £2 for the sticks.

I've considered sending her a nail brush.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I'll show you my workings - £20 a week x 52 = £1040. Divided by 12 = £86.67.

For purists and pedants
20x52.142
Divide by 12 = 86.90 per month
.142 takes account of leap year (I only know this from being a payroll clerk back in the day!)

 

[CottageWitch]

Do you mind if I give it a miss? I’ve already nearly been poisoned this week. Mr ssw decided to do a Jack style chaos involving a sticky toffee pudding and garlic Mayo.

I don't wish to be considered overly dramatic but, I hope you LEFT. That's an irreconcilable difference if ever I heard one

 

[SequinnedElephant]

We have a photo of the injury
Is that a bottle of wine bottom left by the way?

The dirty nails!

 

[spirals]

I am making the cannelini buerre blanc and it’s all your fault.

Viel Glück, brave Frau. Let us know your fate

 

[Lanie]

The only thing she is mindful off is how many more sideboards is too many

* Her answer ":none"

 

[Boyo]

Oh no Moms now cooking with banana skins and FAT cloves of garlic ...wtf!

We just caught the end of that and Mrs B looked at it disgusted and said “See, this is everything that’s wrong with the world”.

 

[JoyceDivision]

Fraus, I'm never going to catch up so I'm skipping today's mayhem, however...she totally bought these herself, didn't she?

Yes absolutely x

 

[discokebab]

Yep! All of this! Jackie is SO lucky most of her work can be done remotely & if not, outside of peak commuting hours so she’s never had to think about these things? @discokebab said it perfectly, this is peak gammon discourse. No one can be 100% ~environmental 100% all of the time, but you do have to listen and work towards what you and your family can manage? I didn’t know that about asparagus so now it’s something I’ll bear in mind. It’s not a personal attack it’s a learning opportunity, she’s so weirdly vexed at everything? Like sorry you don’t have the fleet of vehicles you want sweetie but stop being mean to people

Also whilst we’re here she chooses to buy from fast fashion retailers who have appalling environmental and human track records! I would never usually point this out as it’s usually a classist af gammon statement and I appreciate that clothing is the lowest of priorities for families but if you’ve got £350 for a scarf you don’t need to be buying a mesh PLT dress to wear once to a virtual awards ceremony do you

Bueno.

 

[Pocahontas]

yes when the South African guy comes over and the house isn’t finished yet, maybe she’s made a chandelier out of a load of torches too or just get Louisa to hit the hazards

And put on a bad South African accent to top it off.
Eeeeeeeee when he takes a cup of tea of the end of the table

ETA: This shot below

 

[emmer_moans]

Ah Brussels, more parping in bed then!

A random selection. Brussels and apple stew, anyone? Xx

 

[Themaninblack]

BUT SHE'S 90% VEGAN YOU SQUIGGLE what would she do with free eggs and butter?

As she spends the best part of 90% of the day in dinosaur naps she can eat them when she chooses! Why must you be so mean to the poor little Oliver Twist(er)??

 

[Bobtheknob]

OT but every time I see your profile pic I think I have a skinny boaby on the screen.

I am reminded of “veiny cock hands”! Sorry! That’s going back a bit.

 

[blurstoftimes]

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Hi. Jackie M here. Welcome to Lockdown Larder in the Year 2342. I’m the world’s foremost talking head on food poverty, as I used food banks for a short time over 300 years ago, so my finger is right on the pulse of what’s current and important for people who are struggling…..well, obviously when I say finger, I don’t mean it literally as you can see. It all started with a rogue splinter – I was moving a 93kg something-or-other ON MY OWN and got a splinter in my finger, which became infected, spread and I ended up like this. Honestly, you wouldn’t believe my luck, fam. Anyhow, I get by quite well by using my tongue for pretty much everything, from tweeting to taking photos to…..to…..well, that’s it, really. Not much else I can do, living inside a 23rd Century bullet blender like this – btw, if you like the look, click on the link in my bio and get your own (Not aff. Honest…well, ok, yes, aff.)

PS Anyone want to buy an antique shopping trolley? I’ve got dozens. Gifts from mugs dear hearts. Can‘t shift the buggers on Space-eBay.

Dear heart! This is perfect. Just perfect. It also reminds me of one of my favourite tv clips of all time.

 

[Flivver]

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Sprout and pomegranate

 

[Sooverthat]

She also likes (selected for ease of dropping off on doorstep)

1. Sweaty Betty gym gear
2. Le creuset cooking sets
3. AirPods
4. Roberts radios
5. Kettlebells
6. Shakti mat

Got bored. Sorry.

Wall mounted soap dispensers.....