Jack Monroe #102 Stop getting Bond wrong!

[Terrible]

We’ve seen her swigging a bottle of milk, pasta, pizza, cheese, butter fucking curry, shit tons of chocolate, giant grapes, cat food, egg yolk crisps, lentils... the leeway on store cupboard items and ‘gifts’ here is bloody Narnia.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Louisa is such an apparently fussy eater, yet goes out with Jack. That won't help the situation much, will it?

 

[Veronicaaa]

What the F*CK is the point of all this. Like wow, yeah, you can make your weekly shop come to £20 when you've only got to buy some fresh meat / veg / bread the occasional bag of rice ***BECAUSE YOU HAVE ALL THE OTHER STUFF ALREADY IN YOUR LARDER, 3 FRIDGES AND A FURTHER 3 FREEZERS!*** What's the revelation / skill / but most importantly, WHAT IS THE POINT?

 

[Silver Linings]

So defensive. So pointless.

 

[HarderFaster]

I feel really lazy but I just donate money to the local food bank. I never have any time to do food shopping so do that online as well.

Honestly, this is the best option and foodbanks really appreciate it. Getting chocolate is great and people love it but last Christmas we were bundling clients out of the door with like three selection boxes each plus all of their food. Getting money donations allows them to buy crates of stuff which people don’t generally think to give - pet food, UHT milk, nappies, etc etc.

I’m currently working with a charity who, outside of their usual remit, are distributing food parcels at the mo and some of the stuff they have donated is wild: whole wheels of cheese, literal buckets of mozzarella, kombucha, McDonalds sauces, mad seafood, veg like celeriac which a lot of people simply don’t know what to do with. It makes for some super fancy (and also oddly matched) boxes, but honestly people just want simple, filling food and it’s important it can be heated in a microwave IMO as so many people struggle with keeping their meter topped up.

Pissing myself at the commenters to Jack berating her for using toiletries with palm oil: this is the problem that she’s created for herself - she’s spent so long pandering to the middle class Guardianista brigade who can afford to be conscientious in their purchasing habits and worked so hard (for once!) to position herself as one of them that she’s simultaneously expected to Feed The Poors (Let Them Know It’s Christmas Time) and be an ethical buyer. In reality she’s doing neither and I’m enjoying seeing her between a rock and a hard place.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Don’t think she was a tv cook before was she? She’s desperate to get back in tv.

Oh she must have decided to stop taking a break from TV, will be nice to see her back on our screens soon. Perhaps she’s back on This Morning

 

[LavaFlake]

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Can we add ear infection (raging) to the ailments list please @SoulRebel

 

[xoxo]

We should probably come up with some new injuries for her to fake, keep things exciting. I'm going for the following:

Trapped under dead cow thrown off a bridge by angry farmers.

Piercing her foot on a spiiiiiike.

Unspecified damage inflicted by a cup o beans.

 

[HotesTilaire]

You know who else has a lower carbon footprint? Vegans lol
What time is this Guardian thing being cancelled for tomorrow

 

[Harrybosch]

Isn’t silent labour when you don’t know you’re in labour? Like the magazines where they just pop to the loo then they feel like pushing and a baby comes out and they had no idea they were pregnant?

Nah, it's just like with all things in life, women cope differently in labour. Some swear and kick their partner's shins, some take drugs and don't give a shit, some remain silent, some focus on breathing, some want to walk, others want to curl up in a ball. It doesn't fucking matter. You don't get a medal for any of those behaviours. It's just another thing SOME women like to lord over others.

 

[nicjd1]

On a mini grunk but wow this shopping budget Bellshill is ridiculous!! How, how (and sorry if I've missed something) has no one said, but what about the miso butter aubergine!!

And thanks to you lot, lovely cabal, I had a SEX DREAM about r Jackie, unruly labia and all (im gay which makes it more understandable but ) im so unbelievably traumatised, and I completely blame you lot.

However, I'll forgive you as you have been giving me some rare laughs whilst going through a grim break up in lockdown!

Rattling the tip jar for my therapy...

 

[Alansbigplate]

Go on then. Have a vote and I'll make whatever you choose tomorrow.

 

[Satisfying Click]

The fact that she mentions 'cheating' when putting together the food shop and spending shows it's a game to her and not done out of necessity

 

[Veronicaaa]

Flying off the handle at that poor squig for daring to question her in the slightest. Yikes

It's honestly like a cult. How dare you question our Dear Leader. And Jack, because you're reading, no one thinks you shouldn't have nice things, just that you should be HONEST about having all the nice things you do have, instead of pretending to be poor and getting people who actually ARE poor to send you money. Hope that helps!

 

[chocolate choux]

#AccidentalPartridge

 

[Silver Linings]

I know it’s preaching to the choir, but ‘I barely drink coffee and sometimes have a cup of tea’ is so harmful. It basically says that poor people don’t even deserve that, and if they do have it they’re not as virtuous as saint bloody Jack.

 

[NP]

Is Annunziata Rees-Mogg allowed to spend £2.40 on duck eggs? What if people don’t have £80 to spread over the month? She can’t keep up with her own bullshit. Changes the goalposts to fit whatever poverty game she’s playing this week.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Think she has changed her Twitter Bio...TV chef- dear hearts, I laughed up a lung
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Oh god, also who describes themselves as a 'talking head'?? The CRINGE is real!

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

I was doubting her tales of extreme poverty already, but today has really made me think she’s made most of it up and once 10 years ago only had £50 to last her to the end of the week or something. She’s got 2 very minor and possibly fake injuries, been told that a vegetable she’s using has a high carbon footprint this time of year...and she’s written the day off and acting like her life is over? If she had actually been so destitute that she’d had to sell her lightbulbs and turn to sex work then I think she would have literally died.

 

[instacharlie]

Hold on.......(again)

So Bubble Buddy can go off and buy whatever she wants.
Jack has to buy Bubble Buddy's meals out of her weekly shop.
Jack buys herself treats of duck eggs and mussels as she fancies them.
Jack buys followers treats of chocolate and crisps and pisses money on postage for them.
Her son gets one small gingerbread dinosaur that has a bite taken out of it??
Is there really nothing else for her son? No chocolate? No crisps? No curly wurlys? Not even a pack of fucking maize snacks?

Forget about the soap on the doorstep, please someone leave something bloody decent on the doorstep for that boy