Jack Monroe #102 Stop getting Bond wrong!

[Lanie]

What danger does the raw onion pose?

She could accidently put it in a hot pan?

 

[Satisfying Click]

I cannot even with this charlatan anymore. This is the what, third/fourth shop with no toilet paper, shower gel/nana soap, toothpaste, bin liners, cleaning products, containers, pet food. Between three people, a cat and rabbit.

 

[Cuileann]

Pissing myself at "Do you drive, Amanda?"

Is the fact she doesn't drive her get out of jail free card that means she is untouchable in her environmental credentials?

Fuckkkkkkkkk Offfffffffffffffffffffff you haughty bitch, it's none of your fucking business how Amanda gets around! Respond to her point, or just ignore it! Stop attempting to personalise it and start a pile on.

Love that no-one has leapt to her defence, usually there's a least a few JM cultists to hand.

Also, when she says that Mickey Bubbles has seen the tweet about the asparagus food miles, I sooooo wish squiggle had replied with AlanPartridgeShrugging.gif



Honestly, her twitter feed is like a live action Alan Partridge.

Her rudeness to Environmental Squiggle had me raging during my early morning grunka. ES makes a fair point which has NOTHING to do with driving. Most people need to drive, to get to work or get food or whatever (for example, I live in a rural area with a woefully unreliable bus that goes out to one town in the morning and back in the afternoon and is never on time, so to get to work for certain, I drive) but it's all about minimising your impact and cutting down on what you can cut down on. No one is going to have zero impact, that's not possible. But there are things everybody can do. Just because you don't do one thing (drive) doesn't mean you have a free pass to do whatever you want. I don't know much about asparagus food miles tbh. And I'm not hating on people who choose to eat out of season ES is clearly more educated on it all than I am. But - it's like turning your thermostat up as high as it can go and leaving all your windows open, or chucking your litter into the hedgerows - but it's okay, because you don't drive

She always has to make it personal too. 'You're saying something that criticises me, so I'm going to sulk and try and guilt trip you so that you feel bad about it. I'm also going to do that publicly in the hope that some of my sycophantic army might pile on you.'

No Jack, no. If you don't like it, ignore it. You don't need to be so rude. You don't need to turn it back onto whoever said it when they genuinely meant no harm and wreck their day.

Do you think when she talks about trolls, she means anyone like this who dares not to fully absorb themselves into the jackolyte frame of mind? I really feel for this squiggle.

 

[Veronicaaa]

I feel that in all the hilarity (seriously, thank you Frauen! A good start to my week!) we have overlooked the fact that she claimed to shop "seasonally, locally and mindfully". I can't get over this. She DOES realise that going to her nearest Asda does not equal ~shopping locally~ doesn't she???

 

[Emmapism]

I'm so glad we are on a bit of Foodbank chat. Popped into my local this morning with loo rolls in amongst it and some body washes and stuff. Mainly because they are often neglected items on the Foodbank list as we've all talked about before.

Don't know if you Fraus remember that Foodbank I visited in Cornwall for a TV project that didn't make it past development (the story I was told about the lady would couldn't afford sanitary towels so was stealing loo roll). But they just appeared on the Simon Reeve Cornwall show. It's on iPlayer now. Donations have started to flood in. Honestly stuff like this makes my heart burst out of my chest.

 

[xoxo]

omg who did this

 

[Silver Linings]

So rude, as always. That asparagus squiggle has really started something with this pretend environment stuff.

Real poor people don’t have the option to spend £2.40 on duck eggs because they couldn’t resist them, you plank.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[lilamay]

I found the marble-effect soap dispensers on Wilko and erm...

 

[Alansbigplate]

And all the printing she's doing of these pages! Which in its self must have wiped out a rain forest or two.

 

[colouredlines]

View attachment 305879

"Haven't bought butter in ages."

YOU HAD BUTTER MISO AUBERGINE WITH EXTRA BUTTER LAST WEEK

TBF it wouldn't surprise me to hear there was no real butter in the butter sausage curry though

 

[MancBee]

Those mushrooms are large, but no way are they as big as her face. It is called perspective. She is holding the mushroom closer to the camera (phone).

It brings to mind Father Ted, these toy cows are small, those out there in the field are far away. Small, far away.

 

[Silver Linings]

urgh. Shut up shut up shut up.

 

[colouredlines]

"Puppyishly honest", you lying twat.

 

[Veronicaaa]

She’s actually an evil genius. The squiggles are falling over themselves to berate the haterzzz and the trolls and tell her to mute them but there’s nothing negative at all on twitter. She may as well have said tattle in every tweet. One person asked about contingency money and Jack jumped down her throat and spun the web of lies and hair shirtiness from it. Well done, Jack. You win.

It's definitely us she's addressing

 

[Terrible]

Burns tongue off on a scalding peach chunk
Traps top lip in a jar of Nutella
Bruises Mediterranean arse with post office door
Loses toes in freak field mouse attack
Snarls her nose out of place

 

[discokebab]

On a slightly relevant note - we're approaching the November to March season at the foodbank where everything goes completely to shit for numerous reasons. However, the most fun we have is this is the time of year where we get donated the strangest items. I've never established the true why for some of them but in my head its this...
"Quick, we need to clear this shit out the cupboard so we can get 40 varieties of Christmas chutney in there! Its out of date? WHO CARES"
"The paupers should appreciate foie gras and kangaroo pate as they dine around their single plant pot candle"
"I am getting FIT in January so here, have all my chocolate"
"I do not want this gift set"
"I was going to try Veganuary but what the fuck is mock duck"
"I have purchased 20 yellow sticker yule logs and now feel very guilty"
"ALL THE MINCE PIES FOR THE POOR"
"I will donate *only* prune juice"
"I say, this jar of pickle is half used - I know who needs it. The foodbank"

I could create a blog where I create only from the out of date or completely unusable donations but I would fear my long suffering husband would leave.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Isn’t silent labour when you don’t know you’re in labour? Like the magazines where they just pop to the loo then they feel like pushing and a baby comes out and they had no idea they were pregnant?

It's the type of labour you go into when you're better than every other woman who's ever graced the earth dear heart x

 

[Alansbigplate]

For the avoidance of doubt, my wink to you was enquiring if you could work your magic on the images, not suggesting you were in a frenzied state.

For the avoidance of doubt my gif to you was suggesting I cannot be arsed

ETA here’s one I did earlier tho

 

[Alansbigplate]

And, now we have the 'people don't want me to have nice things' again. Have all the nice things you want, big grapes, tiger bread, out of season vegetables, expensive cheese from Wairose, No one gives a flying fuck. Just stop the damaging cos play.

Even your dimmest followers are thinking why do you need to stick to a £20 budget when your fubble is so obviously loaded?