I've never told anyone this...

[bolimepipi]

when i was in elementary school (i think i was 7) i told all my school friends that we have a bear at home.. it was a lie.
huh feels good to get that off my chest

 

[shadyessex33]

When we’d just moved into our house 8 years ago we were having all the taps changed, so the water was off. I had a terrible stomach ache suddenly that wouldn’t wait. I’m ashamed to say I had to go in the cat litter tray in the utility room
Plumber and my husband were both gagging at the smell asking what on earth the cat had been eating. Still never told anyone the truth.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

When we’d just moved into our house 8 years ago we were having all the taps changed, so the water was off. I had a terrible stomach ache suddenly that wouldn’t wait. I’m ashamed to say I had to go in the cat litter tray in the utility room
Plumber and my husband were both gagging at the smell asking what on earth the cat had been eating. Still never told anyone the truth.

I won't ask what your cat thought!

 

[Eastonell]

When we’d just moved into our house 8 years ago we were having all the taps changed, so the water was off. I had a terrible stomach ache suddenly that wouldn’t wait. I’m ashamed to say I had to go in the cat litter tray in the utility room
Plumber and my husband were both gagging at the smell asking what on earth the cat had been eating. Still never told anyone the truth.

HAHAHAHAHAHA did you bury it with the cat litter like an actual cat would?

 

[shadyessex33]

HAHAHAHAHAHA did you bury it with the cat litter like an actual cat would?

Could you imagine if they’d walked in to me scratching litter over it I still get that embarrassed feeling when I suddenly remember it

 

[DCICassieStuart]

Could you imagine if they’d walked in to me scratching litter over it I still get that embarrassed feeling when I suddenly remember it

Shady, I have to say I never thought I'd be picturing you down on all fours, sending tit and litter flying in all directions

 

[fishlo]

Last December while on holiday in Wuhan I bought a dead bat from the wet market, had it for my tea and when I got back to the UK barfed all over the customs officers at Heathrow.


Sorry about the last 9 months everyone.

This is the funniest thing I heard today

 

[LittleMy]

I hope you’re doing okay

I am, thank you. It happened a long time ago but it’s always been there in the back of my mind. I’ve never told a soul until now, not even my husband. I don’t intend on telling anybody else either. It wouldn’t help me personally as I’m not comfortable talking about it, and it would hurt a lot of the people I care about at this point, which is unnecessary imo now that said person is no longer alive.

 

[Petulant_vlogger]

I caught someone stealing money from work. Gave evidence to my boss. He did nothing. I compiled more evidence, till trackers etc. Bosses boss tell him to look into cash loss. I get told I'm being watched. I made sure to be on the same shift as the thief and took £70 out of the till. Still nobody did anything.

I've had sex with a stranger against a bin behind a kebab shop 30 seconds after meeting. I have paid a cab fair "in kind". Nobody would ever guess because I'm so "sensible" and have been monogamous for absolutely years

 

[Jadew]

Had a sugar daddy

 

[1001 others]

Had a sugar daddy

No judgment whatsoever, just wondering what you got out of it?

(And edited to say, if I lived my time again and was a knockout I'd definitely consider it - there must be an easier way to enjoy the finer things in life. I'd want an exclusive arrangement though).

 

[Koalalalala]

My ex boss was from a vegetarian household and that included her jack russell who was also fed a vegetarian diet. One day she bought him into work because he wasn't well. She said he was whiny and fidgety for most of the night and she wanted to keep an eye on him. Around about lunchtime she asked if I would take him across the road to the park for a walk/toileting because she had been asked last minute to attend a meeting. I happily obliged so off to the park we went. I was told to keep him on the lead.

After one loop of the park I sat on a bench and called a mate for a chat. I was absorbed in the conversation and didn't take much notice of the dog pulling on the lead - at this point he was out of sight behind the bench. He had one of those extendable leads so I released it a bit more. When I finished the call I turned around to look at the dog and was horrified to see it laying into a dropped doner kebab. I tried to get him away but I hate to pull on a lead as its seems cruel so I tried to lift him but I couldn't manage it. One thing I noticed was that he seemed to be really enjoying it. His tail was wagging furiously and he couldn't get it down quick enough so it felt cruel not to let him finish it. No one would know, right?

Even when the kebab was finished he was vigorously licking the paper. When I finally managed to get him away I got some wipes out of my bag and cleaned his snout and mouth to get rid of the smell. About half and hour after we got back he had the most violent diarrhoea. The stench and mess were awful. It was an open plan office and staff were gagging. It was putrid. Boss ended up on her hands and knees cleaning it up. It tooks ages but the smell lingered. She got her PA to arrange for specialist carpet cleaners to come out in an emrgency to deep clean. She then rushed off with him to vets linking it to him not being well. When she came back later she said he eas on a drip and they were keeping him in overnight for observation.

I know its bad but I just couldn't come clean. The only good thing was I know for definite that the dog really enjoyed that meat treat in spite of getting the squirts. When she bought him in on the day the vets let him out he ran straight over to my desk and just sat and stared at me making a whiny noise. My boss couldn't understand it. She said I must have a special vibe with dogs but I knew he wanted more kebab.

This is honestly one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. I had tears streaming down my face and was shaking with laughter

 

[HubIreLovesMnD]

Stirring the porridge is definitely the highlight of the thread for me!

 

[ChampagneBox]

I slept with an old work client a few times, in his car not too far from where he worked. Usually after we had meetings there together.

I was in a relationship at the time which was hanging on by a thread as he’d already cheated on me but showed so much remorse I stayed. I know two wrongs don’t make a right and I do feel bad about it but it gave me a push to end things and move on.

I still speak to and see this guy every now and then for work reasons. The sexual tension is ridiculous but it’s as if we both have a silent agreement that it’s over and done with. Sex was a solid 9.5/10

I’m curious to know what the .5 was marked down for

 

[Hereforthegigs]

This is the best thread on here

 

[Giggling Squid]

I love this thread, between porridge stirring and cat litter I am crying

 

[petitspois]

I had a horrible one night stand while in Uni. I was keen to get out and go home so left him upstairs while I escaped but I couldn't find a loo. I didn't want to speak to him again and was desperate for a pee so went in the corner of his living room. I still don't feel guilty now as he was a tit.

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

Am I the only one who thinks the posts by Pebbledash were bullsh#t?
Eating her thrush - come on, seriously? I think she was just a wind up merchant.

I reckon it was Sallie trolling us

 

[Practically Perfect]

mine are proper boring

When i was little i had to go to mass every week, as i got older my mum would trust me to go alone to a different later service. I would pop in the back of the church and get a newsletter (to prove i had been) then take my collection money to the shop and spend it on penny tray and spend the next hour sitting in a phone box eating my sweets and reading comics - am going to hell.

At primary school I had to look after some plants during the summer holidays, got home and promptly forgot about them. Day of new term i realised, found them all dead so I snipped off my mums roses and stuck them in the soil; however i didn't consider that A. they had no roots and .B. the school had sent me home with marigolds. I had to sit on the naughty chair all day.

I gave my best friend my sister's favourite Rara skirt. My sister still doesnt know it was me who nicked it. Still drones on about it 30 year later.

I stole a The Jam poster from my mate's brother's bedroom. I got rumbled when i married him (he had signed it)

When we got divorced and were splitting all our things; we had duplicates of LPs (records) his were all in perfect condition and mine were all scratched to duck so I swapped them.

Last month I bought two wicker Christmas tree skirts from Home Bargains - they were stuck together and as they went through the checkout i saw the young lad had only scanned one and i didnt tell him.

I am a bit like Pebbledash -when i was a kid i would eat my scabs.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

mine are proper boring

When i was little i had to go to mass every week, as i got older my mum would trust me to go alone to a different later service. I would pop in the back of the church and get a newsletter (to prove i had been) then take my collection money to the shop and spend it on penny tray and spend the next hour sitting in a phone box eating my sweets and reading comics - am going to hell.

At primary school I had to look after some plants during the summer holidays, got home and promptly forgot about them. Day of new term i realised, found them all dead so I snipped off my mums roses and stuck them in the soil; however i didn't consider that A. they had no roots and .B. the school had sent me home with marigolds. I had to sit on the naughty chair all day.

I gave my best friend my sister's favourite Rara skirt. My sister still doesnt know it was me who nicked it. Still drones on about it 30 year later.

I stole a The Jam poster from my mate's brother's bedroom. I got rumbled when i married him (he had signed it)

When we got divorced and were splitting all our things; we had duplicates of LPs (records) his were all in perfect condition and mine were all scratched to duck so I swapped them.

Last month I bought two wicker Christmas tree skirts from Home Bargains - they were stuck together and as they went through the checkout i saw the young lad had only scanned one and i didnt tell him.

I am a bit like Pebbledash -when i was a kid i would eat my scabs.

Not boring at all!

And you were doing so well...... until you mentioned you were a secret scab-picker eater (do you want fries with that, madam?)