Is my 'best friend' jealous of my pregnancy?

[JoeBloggs]

Congratulations! I would say the whole I don’t like kids thing is probably a cover up for her either not meeting someone to have children with or not being able to have them.

As soon as she said the miscarry comment she’d be gone. Regardless of her own issues, she should be pleased for you if she was a true friend!

 

[Definitelyme]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

Do you know her history in relation to pregnancy? I know a lot of people just don’t want kids, but they aren’t usually so OTT in expressing disdain for kids or pregnancy. I wonder if maybe her jealousy stems from the fact that maybe she DID want kids in the past and for some reason (infertility, lack of partner, loss of baby) that she hasn’t shared with you.

Have you got any mutual friends who have been pregnant? Did she behave the same towards them?

Her comments are horrible and unforgivable. I would be very much distancing from her over the next while. If these are her true colours the it’s better you know now than when your baby comes and she makes a comment that will destroy your friendship forever.

 

[Tyla73]

I totally hear ya. But this is a difficult time for me. Shes been my best friend for 17 years (I forgot to add that in), and for someone to turn like this after you've shared some amazing news is very hard to digest.

Can I ask if this the first time she has ever behaved like this? It's very unusual for someone to turn so nasty out of the blue. If you are really honest with yourself, does she have past form for being snarky and unpleasant? Is the first time she's upset you in 17 years?

I'm in my mid 40s now and have parted company with two very close friends in the last few years (separate incidents/arguments), both of whom I was friends with since my teens. It was one particular incident that caused the breakdown of the friendship with each of them, but in both cases, when I thought it through, there had been lots of stuff that I'd been letting go or ignoring over a few years. It's sad but sometime we just outgrow people and there are definitely some who think that the fact you've grown up together means they can be as obnoxious as they like and you'll put up with it indefinitely.

 

[sarahboo]

Firstly, congratulations!!

Secondly, I myself have felt jealous about pregnancy announcements (friends & family) as I have had some gynae issues I am apprehensive about being able to fall pregnant eventually. However, I wouldn't ever dream of being negative towards them and my happiness for them far outweighed any jealous thoughts & feelings I had. For me, I've got to a stage where I don't need friends like that (been burned loads in the past) so if I was in your shoes I'd cut ties but I appreciate you've had a long friendship so perhaps an open conversation about how she made you feel and how inappropriate here comments were, then depending on her reaction decide whether you go forward with the friendship.

 

[allforthegram]

First of all congratulations! Hexciting for you both!

Whether you’ve been friends 17 years or 17 minutes any person that says such vile, rude and horrendous things such as she has, is and would no longer be a friend. She does sounds bitter and jealous, I would absolutely phase her out... you have bigger fish to fry now or baby to bake! Spend your time and energy focused on your soon to be family, this friend doesn’t seem worthy of your time!

 

[LittleMy]

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

She could be jealous, but if she was a real friend she would never think such vile things, let alone say them to you. Ditch her quick. She’ll make your mental health suffer once baby is here, if she doesn’t bugger off herself anyway, as often is the case when you have a baby and your friend doesn’t (in my experience anyway).

Congratulations btw!

 

[Lauz666]

She sounds vile sorry. You need to cut her off.

I don't like children but not in the way she has spoken. I don't want them however I'm looking forward to be cool auntie.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

She sounds absolutely horrible. After her comment about a miscarriage, that would be it for me. I'd be telling her where to go.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Enjoy every moment

 

[swimming]

Thank you so much to all who have commented.
I know in my heart it’s jealousy, and the more I’ve thought about it, it likely stems from her wanting a child desperately/ possibly having infertility - which I would offer her such support if that was the case! I had no support from her when my husband and I were having treatment. Just comments like “duck doing that!” when I had internal scans every other day etc

The phrase “pissing over my excitement” very much comes to mind. She is clearly struggling to see me so happy with such exciting plans for my (now) future and I can’t be arsed with it.

The last thing I want when baby is here and my husband is away for work days at a time is her coming round and interfering or making unkind comments on how I’m doing such/ coping and all that. A new mum needs support and encouragement, not someone coming into their home space and making life anxious.

 

[Chewycinema]

Congratulations!
My advice is just cut her out. If she realises and apologises fair enough but no one would say something like that to their supposed best friend!
I cut off one of my oldest friends when I was pregnant, but left the door open. She said something about my daughter when I was pregnant and I decided I didn't want to speak to her anymore unless she apologised. She tried to brush it under the rug and sent me a couple of messages but none were ever an apology so got left on read. She didn't even congratulate me on her birth then deleted me from socials etc when she was a couple of months old. Its been no loss and I didnt want nor need her negative attitude in my life. The funnier part was she was so excited when I told her I was pregnant then turned into (more of) an hole as time went by.
You deserve better!

 

[Poptart]

She sounds like a vile twit and I'd have nothing more to do with her after those ridiculous comments. I found having kids shows who your real friends are.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, enjoy it

 

[1001 others]

That is absolutely awful!

My gut feeling is that she doesn't want children, but she doesn't want you to have them either. I wonder if she worries that she is losing you?

Regardless of what might be going on her mind, she has no right to talk to you like that or say those awful things, and I'd be inclined to say to her that if she can't be supportive then perhaps you can no longer be friends.

 

[BettyCrocker]

Congratulations on your lovely pregnancy news!!!!

Your “friend” sounds like she has some serious issues. Have you tried asking her directly why she keeps making these horrible comments? Or told her how awful it is she’s saying these really horrible hurtful things to someone who is supposed to be her best friend? I’d call her out on it, make it known that she’s completely out of order and is never have anything to do with her again.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Congratulations! That's amazing news!

Your friend doesn't sound like a friend at all. She sounds like a very horrid, miserable, negative person. The 'you might miscarry' comment would just have me gone straight away. Your friends should be happy for you & building you up, especially after all you have been through

You need to be surrounded by positive and supportive people, not people that try and tear you down at every chance x

 

[MissRabbit]

Congratulations!

As everyone else has said, it is probably best to cut contact with her. The miscarriage comment is the lowest of the low, I would not say that to my worst enemy, never mind my best friend.

You don't need this negativity overshadowing your pregnancy and your journey as a first time mum. Wishing you all the very best for now and the future

 

[Sunshinegal]

Congratulations!

I'm actually shocked at how vile your supposed friend has been. The things she has said are unforgiveable. I think you need to cut her off and tell her why or have a proper chat with her.

Even if she is jealous I don't know how she can say things so awful, especially knowing you have gone through fertility treatment. If you carry on being friends you'll need to sort this before the baby arrives. As you said, if she comes around all negative and putting you down that could be really bad for your mental health, and actually, really isn't a friend.

I hope you have other lovely positive people around you at this amazing time. Xx

 

[Vee6]

Wow. That is a difficult one. Sounds like there is a big dose of bitterness and jealousy going on.

congratulations!! This is an exciting time for you, don’t let anyone spoil it. As someone who went through fertility treatment to have my children I can see it from both sides.
I remember how painful it was when someone announced a pregnancy. But then again i was always happy for them and wouldn’t that’s dreamt of saying anything like she has. Can still be so painful though.
And years lasted my sister in law blanked me completely when I was pregnant with my second as she had just miscarriaged. And that was incredibly painful and our relationship has never recovered.

I expect your friendship will drift apart for a few years anyway now as baby land is intense and I doubt she would want much involvement anyway.
with covid rules this would be a good opportunity to phase her out of that’s what you want.
she might be different when she has got used to the idea or when the baby is actually born.

maybe She is worried she will lose your friendship and you won’t have time for her or have as much in common in the future.
how bothered are you about her comments? If you accept she’s jealous and it’s not really personal would you be able to let it wash over you?

the miscarriage comment is certainly very shocking. I know that personally I cringe if people anounce a pregnant early and I have asked people not to tell me before 12 weeks or I will just worry and worry every time they phone or message. Mayeb she’s had a bad experience?

 

[Dolly x]

So I usually come on this website for a laugh but having seen the massive support people give to each other on here I thought I'd come out with this as its been playing on my mind for ages and wanted other peoples opinions.....

I am pregnant with my first baby. My husband and I went through a lot (inc fertility treatment) to get this pregnancy so it wasnt anything like a whoops baby or anything.

And naturally I told my best friend as soon as the test showed positive A) because shes my best friend and B) because I was so excited.

*Disclaimer, my friend doesnt have children, is 10 years older than me, and will repeatedly slag babies and children off calling them a 'rip off', which to me, indicates she doesnt want them - but I'm starting to feel different now after this show of jealously*

But from the moment she found I am pregnant, in came the bitter and quite frankly what I believe to be jealous comments. When I told her about the positive test, rather than saying "congratulations!" (after knowing what we'd been through to get there), she said "dont get too excited, you might miscarry". Which put a downer on it.

Since then the comments have continued. Every time I excitedly mention either I've bought something, or im looking at buying something for the baby, comments like "I'd never buy that, its tit and the baby wont like it". I bought some bits the other day and she took the piss out of me calling me "keen" and "one of those mums who buys everything". She even said "I'd laugh if you ended up with twins you'd never cope it would be like watching a live meltdown" and "ha ha bet youre gutted you cant drink now at Christmas youre gonna well miss out duck having to give up things like that all for a crappy baby" (Like that bothers me ffs!)

But the comments that have pushed me over the edge were "if your baby comes out ugly that'd be hilarious" and "if you dont breastfeed your baby wont connect to you and it'll grow up hating you"

Sorry but who the duck says those things to not only a first time mum, but someone who's gone through extensive fertility treatment and a load of money to get this blessing?

I am very rapidly going off her and I spoke to my mum about it and she said it sounds like my friend is very bitter and jealous and is going off on the defensive, rude act to try and give off the impression that she doesnt want kids, but maybe that's what she desperately wants?

Like I said shes 10 years older than me, doesnt have a partner.

Sorry this has gone off on a rant, but I needed to air this because I am sick and tired of it. Why cant people just be happy for others?

Distgusting comments , how dare she . Bitter and twisted. You need to block or at least distance yourself . Congrats by the way . Such a positive time for you don’t let her vile comments ruin it. She is not a friend . She is jealous!!!xx

 

[Itsalwayssunny]

If you dont want to be the one to cut her out then why don't you put the ball in her court.
If you can't do this face to face then a message will suffice.

' I am not sure what has come over you since we announced our pregnancy but you have said some exceptionally hurtful things. Perhaps my pregnancy is hurting you or you are just genuinely not happy for me. Either way this cant continue. I would like you to not contact me till you can address what is going on because I will not be subjected to your spiteful words'

 

[hypoharpy]

My friend of 2 years desperately wanted a baby but had no partner. When I became pregnant she was really pleased for me but rather than jealousy, a real sadness enveloped her. She came to the hospital to see my baby and when he was 6 months old but I then never saw her again. I did hear shed done the same thing to another friend of hers. I just feel sorry for her .