Phoenix Lazarus
VIP Member
After those, why are you even calling her a friend?
- Notice
swimming
VIP Member
So I usually come on this website for a laugh but having seen the massive support people give to each other on here I thought I'd come out with this as its been playing on my mind for ages and wanted other peoples opinions.....
I am pregnant with my first baby. My husband and I went through a lot (inc fertility treatment) to get this pregnancy so it wasnt anything like a whoops baby or anything.
And naturally I told my best friend as soon as the test showed positive A) because shes my best friend and B) because I was so excited.
*Disclaimer, my friend doesnt have children, is 10 years older than me, and will repeatedly slag babies and children off calling them a 'rip off', which to me, indicates she doesnt want them - but I'm starting to feel different now after this show of jealously*
But from the moment she found I am pregnant, in came the bitter and quite frankly what I believe to be jealous comments. When I told her about the positive test, rather than saying "congratulations!" (after knowing what we'd been through to get there), she said "dont get too excited, you might miscarry". Which put a downer on it.
Since then the comments have continued. Every time I excitedly mention either I've bought something, or im looking at buying something for the baby, comments like "I'd never buy that, its shit and the baby wont like it". I bought some bits the other day and she took the piss out of me calling me "keen" and "one of those mums who buys everything". She even said "I'd laugh if you ended up with twins you'd never cope it would be like watching a live meltdown" and "ha ha bet youre gutted you cant drink now at Christmas youre gonna well miss out fuck having to give up things like that all for a shitty baby" (Like that bothers me ffs!)
But the comments that have pushed me over the edge were "if your baby comes out ugly that'd be hilarious" and "if you dont breastfeed your baby wont connect to you and it'll grow up hating you"
Sorry but who the fuck says those things to not only a first time mum, but someone who's gone through extensive fertility treatment and a load of money to get this blessing?
I am very rapidly going off her and I spoke to my mum about it and she said it sounds like my friend is very bitter and jealous and is going off on the defensive, rude act to try and give off the impression that she doesnt want kids, but maybe that's what she desperately wants?
Like I said shes 10 years older than me, doesnt have a partner.
Sorry this has gone off on a rant, but I needed to air this because I am sick and tired of it. Why cant people just be happy for others?
I am pregnant with my first baby. My husband and I went through a lot (inc fertility treatment) to get this pregnancy so it wasnt anything like a whoops baby or anything.
And naturally I told my best friend as soon as the test showed positive A) because shes my best friend and B) because I was so excited.
*Disclaimer, my friend doesnt have children, is 10 years older than me, and will repeatedly slag babies and children off calling them a 'rip off', which to me, indicates she doesnt want them - but I'm starting to feel different now after this show of jealously*
But from the moment she found I am pregnant, in came the bitter and quite frankly what I believe to be jealous comments. When I told her about the positive test, rather than saying "congratulations!" (after knowing what we'd been through to get there), she said "dont get too excited, you might miscarry". Which put a downer on it.
Since then the comments have continued. Every time I excitedly mention either I've bought something, or im looking at buying something for the baby, comments like "I'd never buy that, its shit and the baby wont like it". I bought some bits the other day and she took the piss out of me calling me "keen" and "one of those mums who buys everything". She even said "I'd laugh if you ended up with twins you'd never cope it would be like watching a live meltdown" and "ha ha bet youre gutted you cant drink now at Christmas youre gonna well miss out fuck having to give up things like that all for a shitty baby" (Like that bothers me ffs!)
But the comments that have pushed me over the edge were "if your baby comes out ugly that'd be hilarious" and "if you dont breastfeed your baby wont connect to you and it'll grow up hating you"
Sorry but who the fuck says those things to not only a first time mum, but someone who's gone through extensive fertility treatment and a load of money to get this blessing?
I am very rapidly going off her and I spoke to my mum about it and she said it sounds like my friend is very bitter and jealous and is going off on the defensive, rude act to try and give off the impression that she doesnt want kids, but maybe that's what she desperately wants?
Like I said shes 10 years older than me, doesnt have a partner.
Sorry this has gone off on a rant, but I needed to air this because I am sick and tired of it. Why cant people just be happy for others?
Norfolking Good
VIP Member
Just the miscarriage comment alone would have me leaving. What an utterly vile and thoroughly insensitive thing to say to anyone pregnant, especially when you’ve fought so hard.
Congratulations to you all and I hope you can step away from this and enjoy a stress free pregnancy x
Congratulations to you all and I hope you can step away from this and enjoy a stress free pregnancy x
Tyla73
VIP Member
"dont get too excited, you might miscarry"
I’d have told her to fuck off and not come back after that comment. This person is not your friend and she’s totally toxic.
My husband and I spent about 5 years trying to get pregnant before my gynae issues took over and I ended up having a hysterectomy. There were periods of time when it was very hard for me when friends and colleagues got pregnant but I would never dream of being anything but happy for them, it wasn’t their fault it didn’t happen for me. I dealt with my sadness in private, only talking to my husband and besties about it, and even then I was just sad, not nasty and jealous.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Enjoy it and buy all the things you want and get this horrible ‘friend’ out of your life.
I’d have told her to fuck off and not come back after that comment. This person is not your friend and she’s totally toxic.
My husband and I spent about 5 years trying to get pregnant before my gynae issues took over and I ended up having a hysterectomy. There were periods of time when it was very hard for me when friends and colleagues got pregnant but I would never dream of being anything but happy for them, it wasn’t their fault it didn’t happen for me. I dealt with my sadness in private, only talking to my husband and besties about it, and even then I was just sad, not nasty and jealous.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Enjoy it and buy all the things you want and get this horrible ‘friend’ out of your life.
Chandler Bing
VIP Member
Congratulations!
Jealousy or not, you need to cut her out that is horrible! What kind of a friend says 'not get excited, you might miscarry'? No friend would EVER say that.
Jealousy or not, you need to cut her out that is horrible! What kind of a friend says 'not get excited, you might miscarry'? No friend would EVER say that.
ChampagneBox
VIP Member
Firstly, congratulations! I don’t have kids yet but I can feel your excitement and joy! 
Secondly, I had a friend like that, and you are correct, it all boils down to jealousy. I think you need to tell her straight what a nasty piece of work she is. possibly some of it stems from her having fertility issues or something? But why would you want to bring someone else down?? No excuse x
Edited to add...I’d cut her off now rather than further down the line, when you have a newborn do you want to be worrying about what she thinks/ have her say vile things like that when the babies here?
Secondly, I had a friend like that, and you are correct, it all boils down to jealousy. I think you need to tell her straight what a nasty piece of work she is. possibly some of it stems from her having fertility issues or something? But why would you want to bring someone else down?? No excuse x
Edited to add...I’d cut her off now rather than further down the line, when you have a newborn do you want to be worrying about what she thinks/ have her say vile things like that when the babies here?
swimming
VIP Member
Thank you so much to all who have commented.
I know in my heart it’s jealousy, and the more I’ve thought about it, it likely stems from her wanting a child desperately/ possibly having infertility - which I would offer her such support if that was the case! I had no support from her when my husband and I were having treatment. Just comments like “fuck doing that!” when I had internal scans every other day etc
The phrase “pissing over my excitement” very much comes to mind. She is clearly struggling to see me so happy with such exciting plans for my (now) future and I can’t be arsed with it.
The last thing I want when baby is here and my husband is away for work days at a time is her coming round and interfering or making unkind comments on how I’m doing such/ coping and all that. A new mum needs support and encouragement, not someone coming into their home space and making life anxious.
I know in my heart it’s jealousy, and the more I’ve thought about it, it likely stems from her wanting a child desperately/ possibly having infertility - which I would offer her such support if that was the case! I had no support from her when my husband and I were having treatment. Just comments like “fuck doing that!” when I had internal scans every other day etc
The phrase “pissing over my excitement” very much comes to mind. She is clearly struggling to see me so happy with such exciting plans for my (now) future and I can’t be arsed with it.
The last thing I want when baby is here and my husband is away for work days at a time is her coming round and interfering or making unkind comments on how I’m doing such/ coping and all that. A new mum needs support and encouragement, not someone coming into their home space and making life anxious.
Tyla73
VIP Member
Can I ask if this the first time she has ever behaved like this? It's very unusual for someone to turn so nasty out of the blue. If you are really honest with yourself, does she have past form for being snarky and unpleasant? Is the first time she's upset you in 17 years?
I'm in my mid 40s now and have parted company with two very close friends in the last few years (separate incidents/arguments), both of whom I was friends with since my teens. It was one particular incident that caused the breakdown of the friendship with each of them, but in both cases, when I thought it through, there had been lots of stuff that I'd been letting go or ignoring over a few years. It's sad but sometime we just outgrow people and there are definitely some who think that the fact you've grown up together means they can be as obnoxious as they like and you'll put up with it indefinitely.
Itsalwayssunny
Well-known member
If you dont want to be the one to cut her out then why don't you put the ball in her court.
If you can't do this face to face then a message will suffice.
' I am not sure what has come over you since we announced our pregnancy but you have said some exceptionally hurtful things. Perhaps my pregnancy is hurting you or you are just genuinely not happy for me. Either way this cant continue. I would like you to not contact me till you can address what is going on because I will not be subjected to your spiteful words'
If you can't do this face to face then a message will suffice.
' I am not sure what has come over you since we announced our pregnancy but you have said some exceptionally hurtful things. Perhaps my pregnancy is hurting you or you are just genuinely not happy for me. Either way this cant continue. I would like you to not contact me till you can address what is going on because I will not be subjected to your spiteful words'
JoeBloggs
VIP Member
Congratulations! I would say the whole I don’t like kids thing is probably a cover up for her either not meeting someone to have children with or not being able to have them.
As soon as she said the miscarry comment she’d be gone. Regardless of her own issues, she should be pleased for you if she was a true friend!
As soon as she said the miscarry comment she’d be gone. Regardless of her own issues, she should be pleased for you if she was a true friend!
usefullyuseless
VIP Member
Congratulations on your pregnancy
This woman is not your friend. No friend would mention miscarrying or having a 'shitty baby' to someone who is pregnant. You need to cut her out of your life, she sounds vile and toxic.
This woman is not your friend. No friend would mention miscarrying or having a 'shitty baby' to someone who is pregnant. You need to cut her out of your life, she sounds vile and toxic.
Raininvain
VIP Member
Its total utter jealousy, a lot of women are absolutely desperate for a partner and baby. Just because she hasn't voiced it doesn't mean anything.
I had a friend once who was totally obsessed with another woman and it wasn't because she fancied her it was because she was very jealous of all the male attention the other girl got. Jealousy is a very powerful emotion and can run very,very deep.
I'd back off from her and tell her that she needs to stop making nasty comments otherwise you wont be able to see her anymore. I'd mean it as well. Congratulations anyway and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.
If someone is a total bitch its usually one or a combination of these 3, 1)They really dislike you 2)Jealousy, 3) Poor mental health like severe depression which makes people very negative generally.
I had a friend once who was totally obsessed with another woman and it wasn't because she fancied her it was because she was very jealous of all the male attention the other girl got. Jealousy is a very powerful emotion and can run very,very deep.
I'd back off from her and tell her that she needs to stop making nasty comments otherwise you wont be able to see her anymore. I'd mean it as well. Congratulations anyway and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.
If someone is a total bitch its usually one or a combination of these 3, 1)They really dislike you 2)Jealousy, 3) Poor mental health like severe depression which makes people very negative generally.
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Barbie2020
VIP Member
Sorry to say but your “best friend” sounds horrible. Whenever any of mine or my partners friends announce a pregnancy I’m so excited for them and couldn’t imagine saying any of these things she’s said to you. I don’t have kids yet but I do want them. Even if I didn’t want kids I couldn’t imagine wanting to say any of these things to my friends when they are expecting. I’m at a point in life now where I would cut people off if they are twats and I wouldn’t bother with this friend anymore. You deserve to be excited about your pregnancy. Surround yourself with people who are happy for you!
1001 others
VIP Member
That is absolutely awful!
My gut feeling is that she doesn't want children, but she doesn't want you to have them either. I wonder if she worries that she is losing you?
Regardless of what might be going on her mind, she has no right to talk to you like that or say those awful things, and I'd be inclined to say to her that if she can't be supportive then perhaps you can no longer be friends.
My gut feeling is that she doesn't want children, but she doesn't want you to have them either. I wonder if she worries that she is losing you?
Regardless of what might be going on her mind, she has no right to talk to you like that or say those awful things, and I'd be inclined to say to her that if she can't be supportive then perhaps you can no longer be friends.
Yorkshirewife
VIP Member
Definitelyme
VIP Member
Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!
Do you know her history in relation to pregnancy? I know a lot of people just don’t want kids, but they aren’t usually so OTT in expressing disdain for kids or pregnancy. I wonder if maybe her jealousy stems from the fact that maybe she DID want kids in the past and for some reason (infertility, lack of partner, loss of baby) that she hasn’t shared with you.
Have you got any mutual friends who have been pregnant? Did she behave the same towards them?
Her comments are horrible and unforgivable. I would be very much distancing from her over the next while. If these are her true colours the it’s better you know now than when your baby comes and she makes a comment that will destroy your friendship forever.
Do you know her history in relation to pregnancy? I know a lot of people just don’t want kids, but they aren’t usually so OTT in expressing disdain for kids or pregnancy. I wonder if maybe her jealousy stems from the fact that maybe she DID want kids in the past and for some reason (infertility, lack of partner, loss of baby) that she hasn’t shared with you.
Have you got any mutual friends who have been pregnant? Did she behave the same towards them?
Her comments are horrible and unforgivable. I would be very much distancing from her over the next while. If these are her true colours the it’s better you know now than when your baby comes and she makes a comment that will destroy your friendship forever.
blondelolita
Chatty Member
Congratulations lovely! Focus on yourself, your baby and your partner - this is something you’ve really worked hard for (money, time, physically) and don’t let anyone make you feel shit, friend or not.
Personally I agree and do think it’s jealousy, but she’s taken it a step too far.
Personally I agree and do think it’s jealousy, but she’s taken it a step too far.
Flossy2019
VIP Member
Trust me I know how it feels to lose a friend after getting pregnant. I have written it on a thread a while back.. can’t remember which one. However , your happiness and baby come first over those comments. I would be absolutely distraught if anyone said you might miscarry especially after struggling to get pregnant. I’m sorry but as a friend she should be happy for you and support you.
When I got pregnant my friend cried saying I wouldn’t have time for her anymore Etc and would send me videos of women in labour when I told her I was absolutely terrified being a FTM .. we were friends for 10 years. Anyway we haven’t spoken in two years and I can’t say I’m sad about it. She showed her true colours ( there was a lot more issues I can’t be bothered to write them all
) but I think when you’re pregnant things come into perspective sometimes you do realise who your true friends are and I’m sorry she doesn’t sound like one of them .. one comment I could live with but there are numerous hurtful spiteful ones I really think you should say something or not speak to her for a while. Like another poster said when you’ve just given birth the last thing you want is her making more comments you will be emotional as it is!!!
Hope your ok and sorry for
The long winded response.
When I got pregnant my friend cried saying I wouldn’t have time for her anymore Etc and would send me videos of women in labour when I told her I was absolutely terrified being a FTM .. we were friends for 10 years. Anyway we haven’t spoken in two years and I can’t say I’m sad about it. She showed her true colours ( there was a lot more issues I can’t be bothered to write them all
) but I think when you’re pregnant things come into perspective sometimes you do realise who your true friends are and I’m sorry she doesn’t sound like one of them .. one comment I could live with but there are numerous hurtful spiteful ones I really think you should say something or not speak to her for a while. Like another poster said when you’ve just given birth the last thing you want is her making more comments you will be emotional as it is!!!Hope your ok and sorry for
The long winded response.
LittleMy
VIP Member
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
She could be jealous, but if she was a real friend she would never think such vile things, let alone say them to you. Ditch her quick. She’ll make your mental health suffer once baby is here, if she doesn’t bugger off herself anyway, as often is the case when you have a baby and your friend doesn’t (in my experience anyway).
Congratulations btw!
She could be jealous, but if she was a real friend she would never think such vile things, let alone say them to you. Ditch her quick. She’ll make your mental health suffer once baby is here, if she doesn’t bugger off herself anyway, as often is the case when you have a baby and your friend doesn’t (in my experience anyway).
Congratulations btw!