My hot take on AE and narcissism.
Narcissists are made not born.
It’s not a condition that you can be born with. It’s a learnt pattern of behaviour. Generally learnt from parents or other primary care givers.
A narc will often have a relationship with another complimentary narc or an enabler. The enabler is often also a child of narc(s) but not always a narc themselves. Sometimes they fall into the flying monkey category. Sometimes they are just so ground down by the narc, they may as well not be there. Sometimes they are a narc in their own right (my parents are a bog standard narc mom and a cerebral narc dad - he made a load of money and propped up her lifestyle, she made him feel smart and “normal”).
Narc parents will often use their children as tools to prop themselves up. They see their children as elevated pets - they love them in their own way, but they must be controlled at all times and obey the narc. They will also be used to project stuff onto that the narc doesn’t want to have to deal with.
There will often be a Golden Child. This child can do no wrong: they are the best child, the narc’s favourite. The narc will have high expectations of the GC. The GC will try to fulfill these expectations so as to get the love and attention of the Narc.
There will also be a scapegoat child. The SG is the worst child. They are always wrong. Their achievements are nothing. They often deal with the Narc’s projections.
In single child families the child will often swing between GC and SG.
Other children will sometimes play the roles depending on what the narc needs or generally be forgotten about.
The Narc will triangulate their children all the time, making sure they can never build a bond stronger than that with the narc. The narc must always be in control of everyone.
The GC will often grow up to become a narc themselves, if they keep sipping the cool aid. It’s what they’ve learnt from the narc. The Scape goat and other children will also often display narc tendencies as that’s all they know, but find it much easier to unlearn these behaviours (I was the SG and used to have what’s known as narc “fleas” or “ticks” - it’s taken years for me to unlearn some of these behaviours).
My theory with AE is that her mom may have been a narc and AE her Golden child. When mom died, dad and brothers are finally free of the pattern of behaviour dominated by the mom. AE by this point is probably full narc as well but she doesn’t the control over them that mom used to have. Dad meets a new lady, they all fall out because AW throws a narc tantrum.
The best family to look to to see how it looks in reality is Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Kris Jenner is a typical narc (learnt from MJ - note how you never hardly see anything about Kris’s sisters and the cousins on that side). Kim is her GC, more recently being usurped by Kylie.
Rob was the scapegoat, but when he cut contact, Kourtney and to an extent Kendall became the SG (note how Kris never sticks up for them or has their backs). Khloe is absolutely desperate for love and attention and will do anything for Kris and Kim to get it.
Happy to answer any questions anyone has about narcs
Having my kids was what really pushed me to getting rid of those behaviours and mindset once and for all. I’ve happily sacrificed my relationships with my parents so that they can grow up emotionally secure and they can have good relationships with their parents and everyone else they meet in the future.
