Ioan Gruffudd and Alice Evans #4 He’s just not that into you

[iamthecat]

Does anyone else feel like they are reading a back and forth between a bunch of 13 year olds who saw a boy they fancy kissing another girl at the school disco

 

[iamthecat]

I find her whole standpoint that he’s a gaslighting, narcissistic, coercively controlling abuser completely false and fabricated. The main issues I have are:
A) if he’s a controlling, abusive narcissist then he wouldn’t have filed for divorce, end of. Why would he give up a major part in controlling her? A narcissist never wants to lose control. And along with that potentially giving up control of his children? I highly doubt it. This is not a narc move.
B) if he is as bad as she says and yet he’s still decided to divorce her, then why is she not shouting for joy from the rooftops that she finally can get away from the controlling, narcissistic bastard? She can get custody of the kids. She’s free to date someone else. She doesn’t have to share a house with him any more. I smell bullshit that he’s as bad as she says he is yet she won’t sign those papers pronto.
C) he’s made no comment, said nothing, literally not a word prior to that Insta post and even then it mentions nothing of her. A true abuser would not have gone all that time in silence, letting her control the narrative in that way. Narcs have to be in control and he has not been in control of the story in the slightest. His filing for divorce and then the most recent Insta post are the only signs of him trying to assert any control of the situation.

Her posts and tweets have been shown to be false and contradictory numerous times. She spews out stories to fit her current mood and the story she’s trying to sell, often at complete odds with previous stories.

He’s close still with all his family. She’s been cut off from all of hers. Who’s the common denominator in her relationships…?

I’m not remotely saying he’s an angel and I’m not saying he hasn’t behaved poorly along the way, but he is not a controlling, abusive narcissist by any stretch of the imagination.

 

[MissMissMissy]

I’m getting on my soap box for 1 post here to say 1 thing…

if you think that anyone in any circumstance or situation should have to wait before their divorce is finalised to publicly or privately begin a new relationship then come at me.

I swear to god that I would be dead if I had not sought intimacy, affection and attention at a time when I was bleeding myself dry from trying to ‘be the better person’ and be a good mother. I lost friends and my family ran to my ex’s aid when I kicked him out. I was broken. I had 1 friend who reached out. Almost 7 years later we are due to be married next year and have a wonderful, loving relationship. We waited a year or more to introduce families, kids etc… but we were seeing each other within 5 months of my marriage ending. I do not see this as him coming after a married woman. I’m sorry this one winds me up. At the time my Mum lost it with me, telling me I should wait 5 years to start dating. I mean it when I say, I would not be here today had I not taken that leap for some self love.
I’m not saying my story relates to this or that Alice and Ioan have or haven’t cheated etc… timelines… blah blah blah… but please PLEASE don’t go after people who try to be happy before a court stamps the divorce through. Alice does not have a husband. No matter how many times she screams it. BW is NOT chasing after someone else’s husband. He’s a free man to chat up, snog, sleep with whoever he likes behind closed doors. All he has done publicly is share an ominous photo which has made the world go crazy. Shame him for that all you like but what he is doing as of the day he left Alice is really not the problem here.
Ok that was more than 1 thing but this whole thing is rattling my cage!! Come at me, but nicely

 

[EssieMay]

I’m glad you said this about internalised misogyny, I thought I was the only one seeing it. Yeah it’s hard to imagine what it be like if the roles were reversed and Alice had run off, abandoned the kids, gone abroad and hooked up with some guy. I imagine everybody would lambast her as a terrible mother, but because it’s a man doing it and that’s a story we’re all used to we all think it’s fine.

Except Ioan didn't abandon the kids and run off overseas to hook up with someone. He told his wife he no longer loves her and he moved out of the matrimonial home and set up an apartment. He was having visitation with the kids, and then he filed for divorce. He's made 1 public plea for privacy and has then STFU. He is now working for a short time overseas after which he'll go back to the apartment near his kids.
Meanwhile Alice has been posting wildly at all hours, a series of contradictory flaming tweets, apparently causing distress to their daughters and refusing to engage in the low key no-fault divorce process.
If the roles were reversed we'd all be saying how he's loopy and needs to stay off the booze and how good it is that she's setting a good example to their daughters.

 

[lucrecia]

Late to this party. I have to say I don't see why so many people are defending him. Alice seems unhinged, it is true. However, I really don't condone his behaviour either. They are both behaving like teenagers. I also have to roll my eyes at him dating a woman who is 20 years younger. I suspect that no woman his own age or even ten years younger would be interested. I am 38 and I wouldn't be, he is slimy looking and looks as if he fancies himself rotten.

 

[plinky]

It is hard to feel sorry for someone who has no job and a nanny whining about being a single parent. Trust me bish, you know nothing about being a single parent and actually being alone and all the financial burden on you. And fixing your own toilet using a YouTube video. Walking miles to get your kids to school. Eating fish bloody fingers 3 nights a week as you have no money. Wondering how much you could sell your cat/kidney for.

 

[Perplexity]

Just from scrolling through her insta;

-She repeatedly says how Ioan will be mad about her posting things, especially if he doesn't look Hollywood perfect in the snap. Most pictures are near identical of him. Criticising her about not getting his angles and colours right.
-There's a few videos on her insta where it cuts off just as you see Ioan being irate, or you actually hear him ask her to not post it.
-Many times she gets criticised by him for 'talking to much', even makes her move seats if it's annoying him, or just out right ignores her. (Yes she talks a lot, some people just do).
-He is so bloody vain, and stuck on his phone in so many photos/videos, ignoring family life around him. I think he cares more about public opinion than she does. All about his image.

I disagree with this really hard. Taking photos of someone they don’t like and posting them without their consent is shitty and intrusive. My husband knows I do not like pictures and videos to be taken of me, much less posted online, and I’m not remotely famous (or vain), I’m just very private. If he’s actually getting angry and asking her not to but she does it anyway, how does this make him the shit one? She’s supposed to love him! But the truth is she didn’t seem to care about his discomfort and just wanted the sweet dopamine hit from the SM attention.

Also the photos when he’s looking at his phone could just as easily be moments when he’s having a bit of peace and quiet and she couldn’t bear his attention not being on her - so what does she do but take his photo and post it online yet again, accompanied with a sarky comment. It’s horrible behaviour and I don’t understand anyone being fine with it. Is this considered ok in the world of SM to post pictures whether the other person wants them there or not? Photos of you in a private moment at home? Details of a private argument? It sounds absolutely exhausting.

And posting a photo of you and your new girlfriend on Instagram doesn’t fit any definition of coercive control I’ve ever read.

 

[Trollstice]

The irony is that AE is fluent in 3 languages, writes extremely well and is naturally very funny. In my opinion she’s vastly more talented/educated than IG who comes across as incredibly vain, self involved and frankly not very bright. She doesn’t need him but like many women of a certain age she’s given up everything for him and he’s shagging a 29 year old. I just want to see her pull herself together and actually use her potential.

 

[welp]

If Gloria intents to write a book I'd buy it

 

[testingonetwothreefoiur]

The "we are still married" stick is just indescribably bonkers and embarrassing to watch. Legally, you are only still married because you are blanket ignoring the divorce papers. It's like getting fired from a company and saying no, you are still employed and still working for that company because you refuse to acknowledge the P45. It's barely even a technicality when the reality of ignoring divorce papers is that you'll enter a default divorce and lose the right to have any say in the proceedings. She is literally jeopardising her future, her access to her kids, the roof over her head and her financial standing with this carry-on. She may well end up broke, homeless, and without her children at this rate. Add her alcohol addiction and lack of a support network or any family or friends to look out for her and this is someone that may well DIE as a result of behaving this way without intervention. It's so sad to watch.

 

[EssieMay]

Just FYI I have not 1 but 2 women friends who have been in similar no-publicity situations. They are nobodies so no media coverage. In both cases they worked to care for their kids when the husband/father actually dropped his bundle. One of them got a job and worked to support her 4 kids, even though she was getting more on govt welfare. The other one had her husband drop back into their lives every few months when he was in town, causing enormous disruption before pissing off again. She too kept the roof over their heads, food on the table, and the kids in school.
I currently have a niece in a similar situation, caring for 3 girls between 5 and 1 YO, just bought a house, working shift work at hospital, while her husband with a serious gambling problem wonders what he did wrong.
Alice is not caring for those 2 girls (when she's drinking), she's not paying for any of the costs involved, she's not working so not setting a good example, etc.

Just as soon as Alice starts behaving like those women - straightens up and flies right - responsibility before rights - I'll stop criticising her. For now, all I see is someone NOT working, NOT caring for her daughters, NOT setting a good example and throwing daggers at their father who may or may not be a cad and a bounder but is at least paying the bills and not mouthing off about her in public.

 

[Sunlifeover50]

She really does need help and I’m being very sincere with that.

My mum was the same when my dad left (way before SM thank god). It’s agonising as a child and really embarrassing- my mum used to cry at the school gates every day for about 18minths I bet the other mums used to hate it. She went from being this really beautiful well dressed smart lady to turning up in dirty clothes, unkempt hair. She was suffering but it was like she wanted the attention and people to validate her sadness, coming out of school most days to that was horrific as a child. Having experienced it myself I could never do it to my kids. It’s cruel.

 

[Honey to the Bee]

Good ol Sandra is the gift the keeps on giving. She’s been more vocal than FM1 (Lin) FM2 (Deb) and FM3 (Lupine) put together over the past few days. Anyone else notice that when she’s asked AE where she’s getting some of her information, like about how he quarantined with BW in Oz, AE ignores it? AE, if even one of your own FMs is telling you to stop believing unsubstantiated shit you read online, it’s time to take the tin foil hat off and back away from the internet.

Australian here. It would’ve been completely impossible for IG to “sneak” BW into his two week quarantine, hotel or private residence. Every quarantine facility had police watch and check-ins daily to make sure they were complying. For 14 days, no exceptions. No one from the outside is allowed in at all, even family or friends of return travellers who wanted to drop off items to those quarantining had to leave them with the security who then delivered to the rooms.
If someone like Novak Djokovic and Hugh Jackman (actual big names) had this then someone like IG is not “too famous” to bypass these rules. Australia has been strict about the quarantining and travel restrictions from the start.
She really doesn’t understand how any of it works and is making up things to fit her narrative.

 

[welp]

For some reason this thread title reminds me of that legendary post Alice (or rather her strongly suspected sock) pulled on the imdb board ages ago where she defended herself from the accusations that she is jealous of his fans by saying "Why should Alice Evans be jealous, she has Ioan every night inside her" LOL

 

[Penguin86]

If he was with her for two years then that is shitty behaviour and cowardly on his part. He has obviously been unhappy with Alice for many years (and having seen her behaviour we can see why he was unhappy with her) but he could have just walked away from her without having the replacement lined up.

He comes across as a bit spineless even if the above isn’t true. He allowed Alice to abuse and walk all over him for years. I hope he has learned some lessons and had good healthy boundaries in place with his new girlfriend. It will save him the years of pain he will now have to endure from his ex wife.

That's a disgusting attitude to have towards someone if they have been abused. I must be spineless for letting an ex beat me up physically and emotionally by your logic.

 

[katieeleanor]

New to this thread but I’ve been following this car crash divorce/separation for a while. I just have one thing to say about all of this (it’s possibly already been said, apologies!).
I despise partners who involve the children in breakup dramas and arguments. However bad they are as a partner to you (cheating etc) it has NO reflection on their parenting. The two need to be separated - someone can be a bad partner and cheat on you, end the relationship etc but they can also be a brilliant parent to the child/ten.
Kids don’t need to be involved in the upset and chaos of this divorce, it is so unfair and it will mess with their heads. I feel like AE knows she has lost all control over IG and so is resorting to using the children as weapons.

 

[Marj24]

I have only recently read these threads, what surprises me is that if you are appalled by Alice's behaviour some automatically think you are pro Ioan.

I feel sorry she is so hurt, but the way she is behaving is unforgivably toxic, in my opinion. Also I am sure Ioan has a team documenting every thought she publicly shares.

I have no opinion on Ioan, other than his recent IG post was a bit of a dick move, but I suspect the media were circulating.

I just feel so very sorry for the daughters that are caught up in this shit show.

 

[upyernelly]

I don't understand the selfies. Half of them have eyeshadow smudged into her eyebrows, lipstick bleeding, smudged eyeliner. She really needs to take a step back.
She's asking commentators on her pictures if they would pay for a personalised Christmas message from her, she's really lost her touch on reality, it's hard to see

I noticed this also.
like she’s applied her makeup drunk to take the selfie. Like a deranged woman you see on thriller movies. I’m actually very concerned that we are watching the real life break down if a woman. Someone needs to intervene before something terrible happens.

 

[Bridgeofsighs]

The first time I posted here someone said "I hope you don't have kids".

I was like

What I absolutely hate is the gleeful tone of the whole "she's gonna get sent to rehab/she's an alcoholic/she's going to get reported to CPS/she's having a nervous breakdown"

I don't like that. It feels purient and like people really really want her to get such a dose of schadenfreude that those kids lives come apart.

At the moment they have stability - they have their home, their Nanny, their schools, their neighbourhoods and yes their Mum. Lord knows I would hate any of those elements to disappear and I can't believe how blithely people dismiss the importance of each of those elements staying in place.

I agree we shouldn't make personal remarks about each other. After all we are all strangers here, so what kind of bs is that? Stick to the thread topic.

I don't think there is a gleeful tone to concerns about the kids, AE's drinking or mental health. They are all valid concerns based on evidence so where do you get that from? The whole point of this thread is to comment so are we supposed to ignore these issues?

As for the kids, the home WILL have to be sold so they may well have to move out of their schools and neighbourhood. As for custody we will have to see how that pans out but AE will have to share the kids which she doesn't seem willing to do. Divorce means change for kids - that's just reality and clinging to the past like AE does is not a wise strategy imo. Or good for the kids as it gives them false hope that things won't change. It is much more protective to prepare them for changes that will come.

Also, I and others have been accused of being #teamIoan, "internalised misogyny" by Rufus / Lupine "giving him a free pass" etc. Is this fair? What I notice is people come on here without reading the previous threads and they take everything AE says at face value. If they bothered to read the other threads, that wouldn't be so easy to do.

As for people leaving because this used to be a "fun" thread and now it isn't - well this is where we are at. Divorce, parental alienation, mental health issues and narcissism aren't really fun and games, so you are looking on the wrong place. That said, I always appreciate a witty remark from Tattlers. I often thought that if AE didn't take herself so seriously, she wouldn't be so fucked up.

 

[Libbyaugust737]

I have no words...