M33L4
VIP Member
I made the comment about a B fan club, it was a joke about the IG Fan club going tits up.
I don’t want to go over old ground that you’ve all covered so well. But having been in a similar situation to IG trying to end a long term marriage with kids, I thought I’d put my tuppence in.
You start off by noticing the behaviours that are hurting you, you don’t quite believe it of this wonderful person you chose to marry but before long the little things become huge things and almost everything about that person is against you. Maybe it’s a political stance (for me Scottish independence and right wing leanings that certainly weren’t a thing when we met as teenagers) or they seem to become more obnoxious with your friends and family and events become almost triggering. You know they’re going to act out, embarrass you in front of everyone and you have to come home early and apologise for their behaviour again and again.
Sometimes it’s the behaviour with the children or their lack of parenting, you find yourself the “bad cop” against this seemingly fairy godmother type person who really doesn’t parent at all. You do all the heavy lifting and actual parenting and they become the fun uncle at the weekends. Especially with 80 kids like I did then.
I’ve prattled on a bit but these are a few examples of the last five years of my first marriage. (Possibly longer)
Someone taught me this saying on here, it’s death by a thousand cuts.
I don’t think IG and BW had a physical affair before the official date of separation, it may have been an emotional one and that’s still cheating for me. However, like some of you, I feel he was trying for years to end the marriage, to someone like Alice who is a hundred times the crackpot my first husband was.
He accused me for years of having affairs, firstly there were none, not once and not even emotionally. He put a tracker on my car and would challenge me to see where I said I was matched the position of the car. (Contained no rats!)
He’d pour over my social media asking how I knew certain people and in what capacity. He even phoned a friend I was visiting before hand to check she wasn’t an alibi for me to be cheating. We had 80 children, I was at uni when they were at school and I did 90% of the parenting. He literally took them to school and I mean that literally. I dressed them etc made the packed lunches and all he did was physically take them to school because I started uni at 9am.
It wasn’t until I realised all of his behaviour towards me was wrong and my new friends husbands didn’t behave like this towards them. I had to organise a baby sitter for any nights out, he wouldn’t stay alone with the children or he’d take them to his mums if he ever was. I’d have to be checking in constantly via text message rendering any night out a disaster. I’m a party girl at heart. I love dancing, I will stay one the dance floor the whole night and dance to anything. It’s hard to enjoy life when you’re always checking in.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s never easy to leave a marriage, the last straw for me was when I’d added my first love on Facebook, full disclaimer, we are together now but there was no cheating.
My first husband saw a few innocent comments between us and went into full detective mode. Found out where he worked and lived and went to his house. Accused us of an affair, messaged his then gf and told her of this “affair”. He went to the school and spoke to some of the other school run mums and told everyone. There was no evidence of an affair because there wasn’t one. It was the final nail in the coffin. I left him ten months after that. I’ve said before how we did the whole family holidays and pic things for the kids but I can see in those pictures the sadness in my eyes. And I get that from IG’s pics that she posted on Instagram.
I have some how written an essay and made it all about me sorry!
In processing what happened to me, my now fiancé (I did say husband before, it’s been ten years and the wedding is next year)
got in contact with me a few months after I left, his sister in law happened to be one of those school mums who heard all about the divorce and his relationship had ended too. Possibly because of my first husband’s interference.
However, and I feel this is important, our relationship was fast tracked. He didn’t meet the children straight away and he didn’t move in for at least a year. For reasons I won’t go into, I know I’ve already said a lot but this one is a secret that will stay with me forever and I’m sure you’ll understand what I’m implying without the need to say it, my ex-husband and fiancé are the only two men I’ve ever trusted, so when he wanted to get into a relationship it felt like home. We very quickly settled into a relationship (away from the children) and he is my soul mate.
We’ve since had our children (that makes 90 I think now, right??) and our blended family is good. My first husband has never moved on, he has tried parental alienation of sorts but it didn’t work. He’s had one date in those ten years since we separated.
Man this turned into a bit of an easy, is it time for a new thread yet??
Relationships are never easy, I’m a smiler, I smile at everyone and I will talk to anyone because I know what loneliness is and I know what not to be trusted is. I remember the times I didn’t speak to another adult for days on end, don’t get me wrong I adore my children but sometimes you need a little adult conversation, and you also need proper intimacy and to feel wanted.
We never know what someone else is going through, I feel sometimes those with the biggest painted on smiles need more kindness too.
I’m away for a lie down, this post was epic!
I don’t want to go over old ground that you’ve all covered so well. But having been in a similar situation to IG trying to end a long term marriage with kids, I thought I’d put my tuppence in.
You start off by noticing the behaviours that are hurting you, you don’t quite believe it of this wonderful person you chose to marry but before long the little things become huge things and almost everything about that person is against you. Maybe it’s a political stance (for me Scottish independence and right wing leanings that certainly weren’t a thing when we met as teenagers) or they seem to become more obnoxious with your friends and family and events become almost triggering. You know they’re going to act out, embarrass you in front of everyone and you have to come home early and apologise for their behaviour again and again.
Sometimes it’s the behaviour with the children or their lack of parenting, you find yourself the “bad cop” against this seemingly fairy godmother type person who really doesn’t parent at all. You do all the heavy lifting and actual parenting and they become the fun uncle at the weekends. Especially with 80 kids like I did then.
I’ve prattled on a bit but these are a few examples of the last five years of my first marriage. (Possibly longer)
Someone taught me this saying on here, it’s death by a thousand cuts.
I don’t think IG and BW had a physical affair before the official date of separation, it may have been an emotional one and that’s still cheating for me. However, like some of you, I feel he was trying for years to end the marriage, to someone like Alice who is a hundred times the crackpot my first husband was.
He accused me for years of having affairs, firstly there were none, not once and not even emotionally. He put a tracker on my car and would challenge me to see where I said I was matched the position of the car. (Contained no rats!)
He’d pour over my social media asking how I knew certain people and in what capacity. He even phoned a friend I was visiting before hand to check she wasn’t an alibi for me to be cheating. We had 80 children, I was at uni when they were at school and I did 90% of the parenting. He literally took them to school and I mean that literally. I dressed them etc made the packed lunches and all he did was physically take them to school because I started uni at 9am.
It wasn’t until I realised all of his behaviour towards me was wrong and my new friends husbands didn’t behave like this towards them. I had to organise a baby sitter for any nights out, he wouldn’t stay alone with the children or he’d take them to his mums if he ever was. I’d have to be checking in constantly via text message rendering any night out a disaster. I’m a party girl at heart. I love dancing, I will stay one the dance floor the whole night and dance to anything. It’s hard to enjoy life when you’re always checking in.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s never easy to leave a marriage, the last straw for me was when I’d added my first love on Facebook, full disclaimer, we are together now but there was no cheating.
My first husband saw a few innocent comments between us and went into full detective mode. Found out where he worked and lived and went to his house. Accused us of an affair, messaged his then gf and told her of this “affair”. He went to the school and spoke to some of the other school run mums and told everyone. There was no evidence of an affair because there wasn’t one. It was the final nail in the coffin. I left him ten months after that. I’ve said before how we did the whole family holidays and pic things for the kids but I can see in those pictures the sadness in my eyes. And I get that from IG’s pics that she posted on Instagram.
I have some how written an essay and made it all about me sorry!
In processing what happened to me, my now fiancé (I did say husband before, it’s been ten years and the wedding is next year
)got in contact with me a few months after I left, his sister in law happened to be one of those school mums who heard all about the divorce and his relationship had ended too. Possibly because of my first husband’s interference.
However, and I feel this is important, our relationship was fast tracked. He didn’t meet the children straight away and he didn’t move in for at least a year. For reasons I won’t go into, I know I’ve already said a lot but this one is a secret that will stay with me forever and I’m sure you’ll understand what I’m implying without the need to say it, my ex-husband and fiancé are the only two men I’ve ever trusted, so when he wanted to get into a relationship it felt like home. We very quickly settled into a relationship (away from the children) and he is my soul mate.
We’ve since had our children (that makes 90 I think now, right??) and our blended family is good. My first husband has never moved on, he has tried parental alienation of sorts but it didn’t work. He’s had one date in those ten years since we separated.
Man this turned into a bit of an easy, is it time for a new thread yet??
Relationships are never easy, I’m a smiler, I smile at everyone and I will talk to anyone because I know what loneliness is and I know what not to be trusted is. I remember the times I didn’t speak to another adult for days on end, don’t get me wrong I adore my children but sometimes you need a little adult conversation, and you also need proper intimacy and to feel wanted.
We never know what someone else is going through, I feel sometimes those with the biggest painted on smiles need more kindness too.
I’m away for a lie down, this post was epic!
They look better in sunlight because the gold & little diamond rings sparkle, but!
