Ioan Gruffudd & Alice Evans #148 Malice and the 102 Ailments

[Bridgeofsighs]

"does AE have some sort of contagious virus that melts the brains and the ethics of everyone who interacts with her??"

Water finds its own level.

BTW it seems AEA was very naive and gave out her personal info and then got doxxed by someone. Deb also gave her the wrong info on the identity of the Texan to make a fool of her. AEA then falsely revealed the Texan was some rando on Instagram.

A confederacy of dunces.

Not to condone doxxing, but it can only be done if people are careless or too trusting with their info.

 

[FoxyBadger]

The First Day of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
My true love has left me
For a bogan in a movie!

On the second day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Two paid trolls abs
A squirrel up a tree.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A five grand GoFundMe.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A Cameo for a small fee

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Tone’s waiting for a kidney.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A twitter blue tick for Bee.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The Christmas Card movie.

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Piers Morgan unfollowed me.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The cops are coming for me.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
You can roll me into the sea.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A panda express takeout for tea.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Twelve lawyers letters,
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Baby Angel on the top of my tree.

 

[Georgie883]

The First Day of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
My true love has left me
For a bogan in a movie!

On the second day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Two paid trolls abs
A squirrel up a tree.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A five grand GoFundMe.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A Cameo for a small fee

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Tone’s waiting for a kidney.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A twitter blue tick for Bee.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The Christmas Card movie.

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Piers Morgan unfollowed me.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The cops are coming for me.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
You can roll me into the sea.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A panda express takeout for tea.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Twelve lawyers letters,
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Baby Angel on the top of my tree.

Just Brilliant!

 

[MarmiteMonster]

Alice is defiled by treachery most vile.

 

[SusieTCones]

Baby Angel on the top of my tree.

Thread title nomination, for sure!!

 

[CookieMonsta]

“Emotionally I was nowhere near ready to be in that courtroom”

It’s a lie cos that’s not why she didn’t attend, but this tweet makes her look pathetic. Does she think victims are emotionally ready to attend court and face their abusers? Does she think assault victims get to wait until they’ve had therapy and time to get to a place where they’re ‘ready to be in court’? No. They go because it’s important that justice is served. Alice has been so wrapped in cotton wool her entire life she actually thinks this is reasonable to say. She’s never had to do anything remotely uncomfortable in her life.

The amount of kids who have to face their rapist in court, and she whines she couldn't face her ex and his new girlfriend. Narcs can fool you for a while, but her fans who haven't seen the light yet really deserve the AE circus. Most of them are probably mini narcs themselves and are just following her for the drama anyway.

 

[ZipSilver]

The amount of kids who have to face their rapist in court, and she whines she couldn't face her ex and his new girlfriend. Narcs can fool you for a while, but her fans who haven't seen the light yet really deserve the AE circus. Most of them are probably mini narcs themselves and are just following her for the drama anyway.

And Alice is the bleeping perpetrator! Imagine a violent offender claiming they weren’t ready emotionally to be brought to justice. Laughable.

 

[Nixlondon]

The First Day of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
My true love has left me
For a bogan in a movie!

On the second day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Two paid trolls abs
A squirrel up a tree.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A five grand GoFundMe.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A Cameo for a small fee

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Tone’s waiting for a kidney.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A twitter blue tick for Bee.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The Christmas Card movie.

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Piers Morgan unfollowed me.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The cops are coming for me.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
You can roll me into the sea.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A panda express takeout for tea.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Twelve lawyers letters,
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Baby Angel on the top of my tree.

@FoxyBadger you are my favourite new member of all time

 

[CookieMonsta]

I was thinking of this very issue yesterday in relation to my own experiences. And I’ve decided that I’m tired of subconsciously or overtly thinking of myself in ‘victim’ or ‘survivor’ terms in relation to numerous SAs, DV, r*pe etc. It happened, and it was horrendous. But it is past history. I don’t want to be thought of as ‘that poor/vulnerable/abused’ person. I want to be known for my strength, and to use that strength to build a happy, contented life.

So - I’m done with my past. Over to you, Alice Evans.

I'm so proud of you @Autisteuse I think we reach this point when we've walked through the fire and done so much of the work to heal and recover, when we're ready to let go of the pain and not allow the past and our abusers to define us anymore. It takes so much pain, honesty, integrity and just hard, hard work to get to this place and I'm so happy for you and proud of you.

she is pretty desperate: Lin & Deb said zero about how Ioan feels about the divorce. And if they mentioned in private that he is asking them on stuff on Alice ehat exactly is the issue here? lol

But see, it was so obvious that she will spin him forgiving them as proof of him spreading/approving of abuse about her, she is not very smart

I think she is scared tbh "its beneath Ioan & Bianca" etc. a clear "pls drop them its bad for me"
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he is already back to his kids lol

what she means it that he should come back to her, with Bianca's money if possible

told you she will gain confidence by him forgiving nasty people

"Frantically trying to reunify him and the girls." "Desperately wants to be a blended family."
Figuratively speaking sometimes I so badly wanna punch this witch in the throat!
With one of her Louboutin stilettos.

I am not sure she knows what a blended family is. Maybe she thinks Ioan and Bianca move into the garage.

Just as long as they give AE all their money and allow her to abuse them a couple of times a day, I'm sure she'd be happy as pie with that arrangement.

 

[BessieNessie]

The First Day of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
My true love has left me
For a bogan in a movie!

On the second day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Two paid trolls abs
A squirrel up a tree.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A five grand GoFundMe.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A Cameo for a small fee

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Tone’s waiting for a kidney.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A twitter blue tick for Bee.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The Christmas Card movie.

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Piers Morgan unfollowed me.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The cops are coming for me.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
You can roll me into the sea.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A panda express takeout for tea.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Twelve lawyers letters,
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Baby Angel on the top of my tree.

Do I know you? WHO ARE YOU??

You’ve walked into tattle gone straight up onto the podium and taken all the gold medals for this thread.
I salute you.

 

[IKickLikeKatya]

"However, what is certainly true is that Ioan should keep firmly away from them. They are just as bad influence as Alice was. And I'd worry for his judgement that after everything what happened he isnt seeing that (I'm sure Alice loves this, because it shows her that she can get back into his good books). You can accept apologies but if he said this whole "you are also victims of Alice's abuse" thing he is nuts: As stupid as Alice's fans are. almost none of them was as nasty as Lin was and plenty of her supporters kept the abuse towards Ioan at a moderate level. No one makes you do anything, it's up to you to decide what's the decent thing to do."

A lot of abuse was not directed at IG and BW - just bitching about them without 'at-ing' them. But Lin was directing it at both of them and using the #ioangruffudd too. Here is but a small selection of her greatest hits on IG and BW. BW is a dog abuser who will go on to abuse his kids [!!!] and a 'braying ass GF' according to Lin. IG is a hack actor who will make his kids homeless to give BW the high life. She hopes his roles flop and he will not have anyone 'strong' promoting him like her. lol

You couldn't make this tit up. The webmistress of his former fansite April was a class act (who AE had fired by IG) and she gets replaced by these nasty fuckwits??

Little booties on a dog are animal abuse? All the digusting things about Ioan and Bianca!? And wow, the inflated egos! I have so much to say about these people but I'll leave it with I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.

 

[Nixlondon]

Title thread suggestion :Alice continues her madness & wrath, YoBee skip merrily on love's gentle path

 

[barre19]

The First Day of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
My true love has left me
For a bogan in a movie!

On the second day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Two paid trolls abs
A squirrel up a tree.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A five grand GoFundMe.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A Cameo for a small fee

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Tone’s waiting for a kidney.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A twitter blue tick for Bee.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The Christmas Card movie.

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Piers Morgan unfollowed me.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The cops are coming for me.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
You can roll me into the sea.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A panda express takeout for tea.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Twelve lawyers letters,
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Baby Angel on the top of my tree.

WE ARE NOT WORTHY

 

[CookieMonsta]

Is a positive quote from @welp as good as a like from @unobtrusive lurker?

I made @welp laugh tonight - twice! I went into the kitchen, got myself a snack, and did a little happy dance.

 

[brie l]

Agreed. Deleted it !

I get it, but I still thought it was funny!

 

[Jemadah]

Little booties on a dog are animal abuse? All the digusting things about Ioan and Bianca!? And wow, the inflated egos! I have so much to say about these people but I'll leave it with I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.

BIB. Tell me the numpties don't understand why you'd put boots on a dog without telling me the numpties don't understand... etc etc (Broken glass, hot pavements or a cut paw being the main reasons - are they abusive?).

 

[IKickLikeKatya]

BIB. Tell me the numpties don't understand why you'd put boots on a dog without telling me the numpties don't understand... etc etc (Broken glass, hot pavements or a cut paw being the main reasons - are they abusive?).

Yeah, they clearly have no experience with dogs AND no common sense. Dogs often get dry, rough paw pads. Put treatment on and put the booties on so they don't lick it off. And even if not for that, booties are not abuse! I literally want to slap these idiots.

 

[lulooo]

You haven’t met my ex, then
I would love, love, LOVE to get Malice in a room with Gabbie Hanna, Louise Thompson, Meghan Markle and Erika Girardi. The blend of toxic narcissism could possibly end in a Kill Bill-style massacre, or an explosion that takes out a three-block radius due to overinflated egos colliding. Honestly, why hasn’t some TV producer come up with a narc-off competition programme? It would be the *best* carcrash TV ever made (although would probably end up like Battle Royale). Whom would we pick to go on the show beside Malice?

I’ll just go and get the beer and popcorn

She said So many people came to me, about 10. Yeah that's not a lot in the grand scheme of things, quite sad actually; not that I feel sorry for her, that she's clearly driven so many people away over the years, plus her two year public melt down, and abuse of I &B. I think a lot of her "friends" after probably trying to help gave up (probably as she abused them because they were trying to help!)
And all this bollox about trying to help the kids with their dad. How about not alienate them in the first place

She is trying to push this narrative about helping the children get closer to their father because something has happened i believe. The therapy that the children are having has officially proved beyond any doubt that she has, and is still going hell for leather on the PA. She is now looking at losing her income stream any custody at all of her babies, and any financial settlement from Ioan. Couldn’t happen to a more deserving bleep.

 

[sh1tsandgiggles]

The First Day of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
My true love has left me
For a bogan in a movie!

On the second day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Two paid trolls abs
A squirrel up a tree.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A five grand GoFundMe.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A Cameo for a small fee

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Tone’s waiting for a kidney.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A twitter blue tick for Bee.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The Christmas Card movie.

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Piers Morgan unfollowed me.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The cops are coming for me.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
You can roll me into the sea.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A panda express takeout for tea.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Twelve lawyers letters,
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Baby Angel on the top of my tree.

FUCKKKKING HELL!!!!!



Welcome aboard Sailor!

 

[sevenyearbiatch]

The First Day of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
My true love has left me
For a bogan in a movie!

On the second day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Two paid trolls abs
A squirrel up a tree.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A five grand GoFundMe.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A Cameo for a small fee

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Tone’s waiting for a kidney.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A twitter blue tick for Bee.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The Christmas Card movie.

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Piers Morgan unfollowed me.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
The cops are coming for me.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
You can roll me into the sea.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
A panda express takeout for tea.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love has left me
Twelve lawyers letters,
Eleven pints of rosé,
Ten flying monkeys,
Nine turds a-tattling,
Eight made up ailments,
Seven cunts a-cunting,
Six Loopy wank tweets,
Five salad creams,
Four restraining orders,
Three glue guns,
Two paid trolls and
Baby Angel on the top of my tree.

Brilliant

Move over Oscar Wilde. Shove up Pam Ayres. Get out of Whosville Dr Seuss.
Foxy Badger has arrived, and is taking requests