I was born and brought up in Africa. In my late 20’s I was lucky enough to move to the UK and shortly afterwards met my husband, also from Africa but a different country to me. I managed to get a really good job in the UK, but my husband was not happy and wanted to go back to his country. So we moved. For a few years all was good, but I could not work legally and my confidence dwindled. He entered into an affair with my good friend and I was dumped. What was worse was I had fallen pregnant and the shock made me miscarry at 4 months. It was so scary – I was alone in a country with no support system. I did not handle it well and started drinking a lot – I initially got angry and raged and raged when drunk – not to Alice’s extent, but loads of crying/begging/raging/pleading/angry phone calls and, I am embarrassed to say, a very short period of minor stalking ( I would pitch up every Sunday at the same church, off my face!). I really did lose my mind. However, once the anger wore off, it was replaced by a deep deep sadness. By that stage (4 months in), he was fed up of the anger/harassment and told me he was going to tell immigration if I could contacted him again. I was waiting for a resident permit and could not legally work, and needed to stay in the country. When we first arrived, I put down a big deposit on a property for us, but until I got residency I could not file for divorce or access the money. So I had to find illegal work. So I started waitressing in the the sorts of places that turned a blind eye to illegal workers. I was treated like tit by management, but in a way it was my saving grace. I had to stop drinking and I started enjoying my work – I liked interacting with customers and I was good at being a waitress and started building my fragile self esteem. One week after my residency came through, he and my ex friend left for Australia. It was a huge relief – I HAD to get on with my life. I did well for 1 year, then had a mini breakdown, got really fat (from being a gorgeous Bianca like person) and started drinking again (luckly was able to continue functioning at work). It was SO tiring being self destructive. I actually got so sick of feeling sick and sad all the time that I sat up one day and said ‘ENOUGH’. Then my life really started blooming. A few years later I got a message from the ex via SM apologising, and admitting he has ruined the life of every woman he has ever been with and is a serial cheat and was in therapy. The long and the short is, I started out understanding Alice. But watching her keep circling the self destructive and rage drain has made me lose patience. She is actively nasty, and is relentless, and I was not. She must be so tired – being sad and angry is exhausting. I wish she would wake up and be kind to herself and start gritting her teeth and accepting her new normal. Bianca is in Ioan’s life. Ioan is in her and her children’s lives – make it positive because the negative is so damn draining. So that is my me-rail – and my testimony that a lot of us started as Alice supporters – until it was clear Alice was behaving toxically. ETA typos
We all came here because of Alice but we stay here for each other.
Let’s rock, hollyhock.
Right back at you 
