Song for the list:
Blackfield: Go To Hell
read the lyrics
Seeing a lot of commentary about how some will lose respect for Ioan, be ‘done with him’ etc. if he doesn’t apply for a PRO. Totally respect that viewpoint and right to hold it. But I feel like we shouldn’t forget that this is an abuse victim that fled his home, leaving his children and all of his possessions behind, unable to ever return without protection. Who said (allegedly) he’d rather die than continue living with his abuser. Who has been kept forcefully from his children for over a year. Who has had to endure harassment, publicly and privately, for the crime of leaving an abusive marriage.
it’s extremely common for abuse victims to feel unable to press charges against or pursue restraining orders against their abusers. Sometimes out of fear: they’re scared if they do, the abuser will escalate. Sometimes out of misplaced hope: they desperately hope that if they’re lenient and forgiving the abuser might take pity and move on. Sometimes out of Stockholm syndrome, they identify too much with the abuser’s needs over their own after years of conditioning.
I’m just deeply uncomfortable seeing anyone judge an abuse victim that has fled their home and required an actual restraining order against their abuser being accused of not having a backbone, would we hold this same expectation over a female abuse victim? It can take YEARS and so much therapy to process and overcome the effects of long term abuse.
i’m fully aware there’s plenty going on behind the scenes we’re not privy too and whichever way it goes, it’s with legal counsel and I’m sure a considered decision. As much as I’d love to see Alice see some consequences for once.
I for one recognise the immense strength it has already taken for Ioan to have left, forged a new life, gone through a protracted legal battle to extricate himself from this succubus and fight to be with his children. Anyone who has read the TRO documents can see his ongoing attempts to remain civil and arrange to see his children and how much Alice has continued to use that avenue of communication to torment him.