Invited to birthday party but there's a catch 🙄

[Rxt156]

Shall we make up our own endings to this story instead?

 

[Rxt156]

At least we got an answer… feel bad about joking around now

 

[NoseyNiamh]

I just came here to ask what the heck is a lateral flow test?

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

OP I would just say thanks for the invite but something has came up and I can't attend. I think the food thing is a bit strange, It would be a no from me. Just seems like so much effort for a bbq.

 

[If you say so...]

It sounds like you don’t want to go so Just tell her you’ve done a test and it’s positive so you can’t come.

it sounds like I’m in the minority but I always bring food and drink to a bbq mainly cause so many people are fussy about chicken on the bone so don’t provide it but for me a bbq is only a bbq if there’s a chicken leg on offer

if someone asked me to do a test it wouldn’t bother me but then I’m a people pleaser so if it’s going to make them happy I’d do one.

enjoy yourself if you do end up going!

 

[Tui]

Right this is a partial vent/partial am I being a tad precious?

A few weeks back my friend invited me to her bday party. I said great, I'm free and looking forward to it. It's a BBQ at hers so I asked, because this is what you, do you want us to bring.
Now when I'm invited to BBQ etc I of course bring stuff. We actually had a BBQ recently and although our friends brought stuff we wanted to put on a spread for them as they're our guests and we are hosts so didn't assume ppl would bring all the food/drink.

Anyway fast forward to today. I've just received a group message from my friend with a long list of requirements and instructions for the day and it's got my back up and irritated me but I don't know quite why.

Firstly I'm now in a big WhatsApp group with randoms who can see me and my number. I find this intrusive.

Amongst The instructions are very detailed and we've been told if we want food/drink to bring a main, a side and our own drinks.

We've also been instructed that we must take a lateral flow test before we're allowed to attend.

This is where I get irritated, I feel like I'm at school or work! I don't like this idea of being told to do this in a social setting with friends. I'm double jabbed and appreciate the reason but If you're uncomfortable with mixing then don't organise a party during a pandemic, surely.

I know it's common sense BUT maybe it's the way we've been instructed.
If my friend had said in the initial invite I will expect you to take lateral flow test and be up front I'd know where I stand.

It's put me right off! I think it's the forced, most teacher type instructions and expectations that we have to do this.

I know there is logic to the test but I feel it's cheeky and not how you treat adults in a social setting and to tell us to bring a main, side and drinks again.....idk I just wouldn't dream of doing this.
I know ppl would bring stuff but wouldn't instruct them.

Rant over.

If they want you do an LFT it’s not a big ask. Takes you about a minute to set up. I think that’s perfectly reasonable, there might be people coming who are vulnerable and might feel they can’t come unless it’s done.
The main/side/drink thing is wierd. I’d bring some meat and beer to a bbq. Who cares about sides really?! Is bread a side?

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Right this is a partial vent/partial am I being a tad precious?

A few weeks back my friend invited me to her bday party. I said great, I'm free and looking forward to it. It's a BBQ at hers so I asked, because this is what you, do you want us to bring.
Now when I'm invited to BBQ etc I of course bring stuff. We actually had a BBQ recently and although our friends brought stuff we wanted to put on a spread for them as they're our guests and we are hosts so didn't assume ppl would bring all the food/drink.

Anyway fast forward to today. I've just received a group message from my friend with a long list of requirements and instructions for the day and it's got my back up and irritated me but I don't know quite why.

Firstly I'm now in a big WhatsApp group with randoms who can see me and my number. I find this intrusive.

Amongst The instructions are very detailed and we've been told if we want food/drink to bring a main, a side and our own drinks.

We've also been instructed that we must take a lateral flow test before we're allowed to attend.

This is where I get irritated, I feel like I'm at school or work! I don't like this idea of being told to do this in a social setting with friends. I'm double jabbed and appreciate the reason but If you're uncomfortable with mixing then don't organise a party during a pandemic, surely.

I know it's common sense BUT maybe it's the way we've been instructed.
If my friend had said in the initial invite I will expect you to take lateral flow test and be up front I'd know where I stand.

It's put me right off! I think it's the forced, most teacher type instructions and expectations that we have to do this.

I know there is logic to the test but I feel it's cheeky and not how you treat adults in a social setting and to tell us to bring a main, side and drinks again.....idk I just wouldn't dream of doing this.
I know ppl would bring stuff but wouldn't instruct them.

Rant over.

I was out at the ‘bring your own food’ bit - I’m inviting you to a barbecue, which indicates eating, but if you want to eat you have to bring your own food? And then what, do you all queue up and take your turn to cook your food?

I can see why a buffet style spread isn’t a good idea just now but maybe she should just have outdoor drinks.

If you’re all going to be outside the whole time (which you will be if you’re last in the queue for the bbq! ) I then I don’t see the need for a lateral flow test at all. I can understand it for things like hen nights because catching COVID could ruin the big day. If that was the only thing she was being demanding about I would probably roll my eyes and go with it but the whole thing sounds a bit like a carry on.

I gave this a little more thought and it sounds like something isn’t right in this situation. Maybe check in with her and see if everything’s okay? I would still plan to eat ahead of time but offer to bring brownies (not “that” type!) to mark the occasion that it’s her birthday.

I wouldn’t object to the LFT but it seems like it was more a matter of phrasing. It sounds annoying. If you like her generally I’d reach out to speak to her one on one.

Obviously the OP will know if this is a possibility and I’m maybe doing the friend a disservice but I don’t think unreasonable or demanding behaviour can always be attributed to some sort of mental health issue - apologies if that’s not what you were meaning in your post but some folk are just like that.

 

[kadykal95]

The Lateral Flow test seems reasonable to me...it's going to have to be the new normal. People want to get back to normal, have parties, live their lives etc but they also want to be safe and if it means everyone has to take a simple LF test why not?

The food thing is weird though, i'd be expecting them to provide the food

 

[Kim Mild]

Maybe the people who went tested positive, so they are keeping quiet.

 

[Blue pumpkin]

I can see the LFT becoming a normal thing for some in terms of managing risks. She may be inviting elderly people or people with existing medical health conditions however that aside, I just can't stand how everything is so overly complicated these days with parties/hen do's/birthdays invites where you get a list of 'instructions' and 'demands' . It's takes the fun out of everything.

The food and drink thing is cheeky though. If people turn up to mine with booze or a box of chocs or krispy cremes then fine but I wouldn't dream of specifically asking them to provide/bring food and drink ...but food especially is a no from me if I'm hosting.
There's always a heightened risk of food poisioning at bbq's so I would be nervous about feeding my guests food that other people have prepared whether its cooked or uncooked. That's a massive alarm bell for me. I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all.

Just tell her you can't make it because you, or someone you live with has symptoms.

 

[rainbowlemon]

At least we got an answer… feel bad about joking around now

Same hun.

 

[blossombloss]

Don't go, it seems like you don't want to.

The bringing my own main side etc is enough to make me not want to go!! If you're hosting you gotta host!! If money is tight she could have asked for a kitty to buy stuff, but why on earth am I bringing my own fucking food for someone else to cook? You could just eat at home! Like you said, you bring stuff when you go but I bring like a fancy extra or a drink, not my meal!

I think the lateral test is fine, but if you don't want to do it, don't go. Just in the same way that if she wants people to attend they have to take the test. I would say it's just for her peace of mind because I know people taking the test who have been getting a negative result but still having covid, but I think it's important to respect people's wishes on these things if they are inviting you to their house. You have the option to not go if you don't want to do these things. In all honesty the food situation is enough to make me not even go!

 

[hiya_hun]

We need to know if you went

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Maybe the person hosting the party and I use the term hosting very loosely was on this thread... Plot twist

 

[rainbowlemon]

You can mute notifications and unwatch threads.

 

[Readread]

I wouldn't be arsed about the test, but the food and drinks?! Is she the most miserable stingy person on earth?! It's a given to just take some bits and a bottle of wine/beers whatever but it's not a party if it's self catering. Nah you're alright thanks!

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

@Inforapenny can you update please?!

 

[Sheabutter]

Agreed, takes the stress off of going. She clearly just wants people to show up and doesn’t want to be bothered with food - you don’t have to shoulder that burden.

I gave this a little more thought and it sounds like something isn’t right in this situation. Maybe check in with her and see if everything’s okay? I would still plan to eat ahead of time but offer to bring brownies (not “that” type!) to mark the occasion that it’s her birthday.

I wouldn’t object to the LFT but it seems like it was more a matter of phrasing. It sounds annoying. If you like her generally I’d reach out to speak to her one on one.

 

[Rxt156]

This must be a wind up

 

[Sea]

@Inforapenny is your friend born and raised in the UK?

I've been wondering because where I'm from it's standard to bring your own food to a BBQ (not a dinner party or lunch invite, where the host provides and cooks all the food - it's specific to BBQs). I might take a potato salad and sausages, someone else might take a green salad and lamb chops; and then we all share what we've brought and have a bit of everything.

Maybe this is some sort of cultural misunderstanding?

I know some cultures do potluck dinners.
As a general to any BBQ culturally guests offer to bring a dish eg extra meat, salad to share and contribute. Her friend is saying BYO to eat your own food.