Invited to birthday party but there's a catch 🙄

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Right this is a partial vent/partial am I being a tad precious?

A few weeks back my friend invited me to her bday party. I said great, I'm free and looking forward to it. It's a BBQ at hers so I asked, because this is what you, do you want us to bring.
Now when I'm invited to BBQ etc I of course bring stuff. We actually had a BBQ recently and although our friends brought stuff we wanted to put on a spread for them as they're our guests and we are hosts so didn't assume ppl would bring all the food/drink.

Anyway fast forward to today. I've just received a group message from my friend with a long list of requirements and instructions for the day 🙄 and it's got my back up and irritated me but I don't know quite why.

Firstly I'm now in a big WhatsApp group with randoms who can see me and my number. I find this intrusive.

Amongst The instructions are very detailed and we've been told if we want food/drink to bring a main, a side and our own drinks.

We've also been instructed that we must take a lateral flow test before we're allowed to attend.

This is where I get irritated, I feel like I'm at school or work! I don't like this idea of being told to do this in a social setting with friends. I'm double jabbed and appreciate the reason but If you're uncomfortable with mixing then don't organise a party during a pandemic, surely.

I know it's common sense BUT maybe it's the way we've been instructed.
If my friend had said in the initial invite I will expect you to take lateral flow test and be up front I'd know where I stand.

It's put me right off! I think it's the forced, most teacher type instructions and expectations that we have to do this.

I know there is logic to the test but I feel it's cheeky and not how you treat adults in a social setting and to tell us to bring a main, side and drinks again.....idk I just wouldn't dream of doing this.
I know ppl would bring stuff but wouldn't instruct them.

Rant over.
 
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I’d be telling her to shove her party. Ridiculous. Like you say if you’re that worried about covid, don’t host a party during a pandemic. They’re going on like they’re a social club or something and it’s a bit pretentious.
 
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Hm, the tests could be for the comfort of other people at the party also
 
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So she's said go to her house to have a party, but if you want to eat or drink you've got being your own stuff? Did she ask guests to bring their own toilet roll if they want to wipe their arse too?

I regularly throw parties, if my guests ask if they need to bring anything I say no, but if you really want to the just bring a bottle of mixer. If you're being the host you're meant to provide everything in my opinion!
 
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Very simple I’m no longer available to attend your bday bbq.Exit group chat 😆
 
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I think it's somewhat normal to ask people what to bring tbh. Makes it all a bit more organised and there's no risk of people bringing the same thing. Presumably the hosts will also be supplying stuff

I think as long as everything is fairly, or seems to be fairly, priced it's fine
 
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So she's providing the venue that's it and I assume they will be someone on the door to see if we've done our lateral flow test 😂

I think it's somewhat normal to ask people what to bring tbh. Makes it all a bit more organised and there's no risk of people bringing the same thing. Presumably the hosts will also be supplying stuff

I think as long as everything is fairly, or seems to be fairly, priced it's fine
I have to disagree. You don't tend to message a group of ppl you invite to your birthday and expect ppl to bring their own main, side and drinks.
When you host you put food on and if ppl bring stuff it's a bonus.
Parties/BBQ don't need to be organised like it's a school disco.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is cheeky.

It's a pass from me.

So she's said go to her house to have a party, but if you want to eat or drink you've got being your own stuff? Did she ask guests to bring their own toilet roll if they want to wipe their arse too?

I regularly throw parties, if my guests ask if they need to bring anything I say no, but if you really want to the just bring a bottle of mixer. If you're being the host you're meant to provide everything in my opinion!
Totally agree.
 
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I think the lateral flows are a good idea, whether you feel annoyed by her asking or not. We don’t know what other conversations she’s had with others wanting to go e.g maybe there is someone going who, for the first time ever since the pandemic is socialising and they’re understandably very very anxious. We don’t know what other strangers are going through. I know several people with blood cancer atm and to look at them you’d never know. With everybody going having done a neg lateral flow that massively eases someone’s nerves and anxiety.

As for the food instructions - now that’s cheeky the way it has been done! When we host a BBQ we lay it on ourselves and if guests say what shall we bring we usually say just yourself thanks! Or usually a few will insist on bringing something they’ve made to add to the food buffet! Her demands on the food front are a little annoying yes. Digging further though maybe she’s hard up but at the same time desperate to see all of her friends. Is she like this usually?
 
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An LFT to go to your friends house? Why are they even bothering if they're that fussy. They're not known for being 100% accurate anyway.

Sounds like quite a draining, domineering personality they have. Having fun in her way.
 
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I think the lateral flows are a good idea, whether you feel annoyed by her asking or not. We don’t know what other conversations she’s had with others wanting to go e.g maybe there is someone going who, for the first time ever since the pandemic is socialising and they’re understandably very very anxious. We don’t know what other strangers are going through. I know several people with blood cancer atm and to look at them you’d never know. With everybody going having done a neg lateral flow that massively eases someone’s nerves and anxiety.

As for the food instructions - now that’s cheeky the way it has been done! When we host a BBQ we lay it on ourselves and if guests say what shall we bring we usually say just yourself thanks! Or usually a few will insist on bringing something they’ve made to add to the food buffet! Her demands on the food front are a little annoying yes. Digging further though maybe she’s hard up but at the same time desperate to see all of her friends. Is she like this usually?

I actually disagree about the lateral flow and having to take them because of potential others health or mental issues. I've spent 18 months desperately trying to protect those the most vulnerable in society we all have but at the same time I can't constantly worry about all the possibilities and others illnesses. I have an under lying health issue and wouldn't dream of expecting strangers to constantly think about me.

I get your point but I know it's a request by my friend because of HER worries. She's the one that is worried for herself, again don't organise a party and then put these stipulations of you're so worried.

She definitely not hard up. She's got a big inheritance and a house that's all.paid for her.

If she was hard up then she could've organised say a picnic in the park surely that would mean guarantee guests bring food.

An LFT to go to your friends house? Why are they even bothering if they're that fussy. They're not known for being 100% accurate anyway.

Sounds like quite a draining, domineering personality they have. Having fun in her way.
This has been noted befoee 😂...very much always a one way dialogue and very draining
 
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Is the food you bring just for you or to share with the other guests?

I would be tempted to eat a meal beforehand and turn up empty handed and tell her you've already eaten .
 
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I wouldn’t mind doing an lft 🤷‍♀️
With the food I think it is a bit strange, you’d expect mains to be served and if you wanted any particular drink or side you could bring it. It doesn’t sound like you’d like to go, so just tell her and leave the WhatsApp group if that’s the case.
 
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I agree the food thing is cheeky. If you’re throwing a party then you should provide at least a majority of the food imo. Nothing wrong with asking someone to bring a dessert or salad or something if they ask but to give everyone a list, yea that comes across a bit odd to me!

However the LF test I have to agree with. I think (assuming you’re in the UK but correct me if I’m wrong!) because of the current situation with the track and trace and the risk of getting told to isolate, doing a LF test to add a further sense of security is a good idea. Granted they aren’t totally accurate but I know I would feel more relaxed going somewhere knowing everyone had done a LF beforehand. My hen do is in a couple of weeks and we will be asking everyone to take a LF before they come. I will do anything to reduce the risk of having to isolate for 10 days! There is definitely a certain way to word things though. It can easily come across as telling people what to do and like a “teacher/pupil” thing so I can see how it can rub people up the wrong way.
 
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Clearly you don't want to go so don't go.

It's a bit pathetic to moan about somebody wanting you to take a test before going to her house. Her house, her rules. If you want to throw a party where nobody has to take LFT then do that.
 
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Is the food you bring just for you or to share with the other guests?

I would be tempted to eat a meal beforehand and turn up empty handed and tell her you've already eaten .
Agreed, takes the stress off of going. She clearly just wants people to show up and doesn’t want to be bothered with food - you don’t have to shoulder that burden.
 
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I’ve been to a party today, did a lateral flow test without a second thought. The food thing is weird though.. if someone invited me to a bbq I wouldn’t be turning up with my own three courses 🤦🏻‍♀️ Would expect them to cater and bring some drinks with me
 
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Clearly you don't want to go so don't go.

It's a bit pathetic to moan about somebody wanting you to take a test before going to her house. Her house, her rules. If you want to throw a party where nobody has to take LFT then do that.
I'm not pathetic 😂 but if you feel that strongly.
I was looking for opinions on the situation and asked if I was being a bit precious - which some people have said yeah they think I am which is fine. Especially about the LFT but to come on here and say someone is pathetic....meow.
 
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The food thing is weird, if I was hosting a BBQ and inviting people to it, I wouldn’t ask them or expect them to bring food or drink. Can understand why that’s got your back up.
In 2 minds on the lateral flow test. Personally, I don’t think they are that reliable and I wouldn’t think of doing one before going to a party or bbq unless I was asked- having said that, if I was asked to by the host I would. I guess it gives some people an extra level of reassurance. But there is a difference between being politely asked and instructed to!
 
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The food thing would be a hard no from me! Imagine how much food will end up there if everyone brings two or three courses how ridiculous 🤣

Hosting means you have to fork out (ha) for the food and at least the basic drinks. If you don't like it then don't host haha.

Some people are very odd.. I blame the pandemic 😉
 
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A bbq that you need to bring starters and mains for? ...what are they actually cooking!? 🤣

duck that. I wouldnt go cos of the faff
 
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