Inheritance Money - mother recently inherited a substantial amount of money

[Mercedes12]

Thank you, I hope she is but like you say, everyone is different and if she decides not to share the money, I will deal with it. I can’t be mad at her but I’ll probably be annoyed for a while lol.
I think I feel so frustrated because, as you say, you would love to help your mum out if the opportunity arose, and I’m exactly the same. I love making other people happy in that regard.
It’s a shame that she currently doesn’t feel the same way as I do, and I’m trying not to hold out any hope that her way of thinking changes in the coming weeks.
Reading everyone’s differing opinions on this has really given me food for thought. I’m a lot more relaxed about it than I was at the start of this thread lol

If she has the chance to help your family out and make life a bit easier and chooses not to, that says more about her than you and you'd have every right to find her actions selfish.

Even so, just be content in the knowledge that you pay your own way. Like one the previous posters said - there are some people who take constant hand outs from parents. I like to think these people don't know the true value of money or how to manage their finances independently so although I'm bitter I don't have this financial security, I'm glad I can look after myself financially and don't rely on my parents in adulthood. You should feel the same!

 

[Titntat]

It's her money so she can do what she wants with it. However if it was my kids I'd help them out big time. I'd be cheeky and ask her, the worst she can say is no.

 

[Raininvain]

Your Mum could live well into her 90s and with no pension shes going find life tough which this money may help her with. Its not your money, be happy for her and not jealous because you will just turn yourself inside out and it will poison your relationship with her. She doesn't owe you anything. Instead look at other ways to boost your income.

 

[SunshineSally]

The same thing happened to me twice. First as a result of my mum dying and then with my gran. Both times my dad inherited a lot of money and I didn't question it for a minute. I was more concerned with him putting it into various savings accounts with the better rates of interest. When my mum died I was poorer than a church mouse and could have really benefited from a handout but it wasn't mine to give

 

[Oohthedrama]

Thank you for all your replies. It’s a lot to think about.
Im definitely torn between a lot of contrasting feelings. I don’t want to confront her because as some said, I shouldn’t let money come between us and it is hers to do with as she pleases. I am an only child btw I’m going to wait and see what happens over Christmas/new year and take it from there.

are you an only child?

 

[Youngmum29]

are you an only child?

I am indeed

 

[WhatABore]

I think it's so hard because everyone has different views on money ect.
My Mum and Step Dad live very comfortably. Money that my Step Dad worked hard for in the past.
My husband and I aren't in the best situation financially, a big reason is I am paying off the loan for my Dad's funeral, along with other reasons. We both work and have children.

I don't expect my Mums help, and I also don't think I would accept it if offered. If I ask to borrow a bit of money, they will always say yes as long as I give it back on the next pay day. That is just how they work.
My Sister, in her mid 20s, works full time on a good wage, still lives with them and borrows money from them at any given chance.
She is different to me and expects them to help her and will gladly voice her opinions if they say no.

My mother in law, has said many times that she doesn't agree with my Mum not helping me financially as she would help any of her kids if she had the money to, like my Mum and Step Dad does. As this is what her own Mother was like.

So everyone has different views on money. I personally wouldn't expect help as I am an adult with my own children and it is my situation to sort out. As hard as it is

 

[Orange Creme]

After my father died by brother had an argument with the solicitor. He claimed by being the eldest he should have everything despite the solicitor telling him that wasn't to be the case. He even tried going to the Police saying he was being cheated out of money. That was 23 years ago and he still doesn't speak to me or my younger brother. We don't miss him.

Wow! He expected you two to be left with nothing?

 

[Meh]

My mother came into a large inheritance back in 2013, I wasn’t expecting anything. We grew up on the breadline, and there were months were my mum didn’t have a pot to p**s in, but she tried her hardest. So when she got this money, and then decided to buy my sister and me a house I was shocked. My sister and I had been living in a very bad and dangerous block of flats at the time, but it’s was what we could afford for our independence. I’m forever grateful for getting me out of that area, I have felt them most safe I have ever been. She could have kept all the money for retirement, but she was able to buy 2 houses and keep a large amount for a comfortable retirement and to see her girls happy and safe was better that designer clothes and a fancy car. So no I don’t think you are wrong to feel that way you do if she is spending her money on crap that she doesn’t even need, if she was spending it to live it would be different x

That was really generous of your mum and definitely a great use of that money to get you into a safer environment.

However, with this OP her post comes across very entitled and huffy IMO. Her mum has no pension, near retirement age etc. So why should she give her money to her daughter? When her daughter will likely inherit one day anyway.

Instead of feeling hard done by perhaps a mature and direct approach to her mum would have been better? Why not ask for some money and offer to pay it back over long term? This would give her mum an “income” in her retirement?

 

[Gossips28]

Did you ever get gifted some money? I really hope so.

I really wanna Know too!

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

Hmmm it sure I am that generous, I have one sibling and hate their guts

Luckily we're all fairly close so it was a no brainer for us really. I guess if they were twats it would of been different

 

[bagafreebee]

You say Your mum has a husband, maybe he will inherit her money/house if she goes first. Its a very awkward situation if people remarry.

 

[Fifah1907]

when my gran died, she had made it very clear that any money from selling her house was to go to me, my sisters and my cousins. tbh she had been telling us this for as long as i can remember. atm my mum's still got most of my money - other than what is in a help to buy ISA - because she knows i would spend it on shite if i had it i guess it goes back to who she got the inheritance from and what they wanted done. we got the money from the house, my mum and my aunty get the money from the stuff my granny had in the house that we sold because that's what she wanted.

 

[pennyp]

I totally agree with you. The exact same thing has happened to me. Mother got huge inheritance, and gets huge pension, and pays no rent or bills as her partner pays everything. Some days I can't even afford to buy food, or some socks when I'm freezing. She wont give me a cent. Says she needs it for herself. And goes shopping every day. I can't even imagine refusing to help my kids like that. Once I won' $5000 and I straight away gave my grown kids $1000 each to help them.

 

[Orange Creme]

My MiL inherited a few years ago and has a naff pension. She bought a buy to let as an income. She's also buying my husband's brother a houseboat because YOLO

The houseboat is very random

 

[working9-5]

My father died a few years ago, I've just been awarded his life insurance, I am technically his only child but I have 5 siblings through my mum and I have split the money between all of us. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't?!

My estranged dad died and I wasn’t told about it. When I found out via social media, I reached out to his wife to offer my condolences and to speak to her and I was ignored. Obviously my dad and I had a strange relationship but I do feel like she thought I was trying to claim his estate and that’s why she ignored me

 

[SamBamford]

Yes and his opinion hasn't changed, everyone else is wrong and he was cheated.