Inheritance Money - mother recently inherited a substantial amount of money

[Youngmum29]

Hi

I don’t want to sound spoilt/jealous when I discuss this, I just wonder if anyone else agrees with my point of view.

My mother recently inherited a substantial amount of money. She has, and rightly so, used some of the money to pay off her mortgage, unpaid bills/credit cards etc.

she’s also spent some of this money on things she wanted to indulge in; expensive Apple products/staycation and other small things. Can’t blame her, I’d do the same.

What I have a slight issue with is that she hasn’t offered any of the money to me, my husband and our kids. Whilst I understand that it’s hers to do with as she pleases, she’s also very aware of money problems we have faced continuously over the years and that even a small amount would go a long way to helping our situation.

she doesn’t have a pension so I understand the need to keep a lot of the money in a pot for that chapter of her life. she has a very well paid job, as does her husband, so they don’t need this money, but all she’s done so far is spend the money and flaunt it in front of me, knowing that I can’t and am unlikely to be able to buy the same things she can.

am I wrong to feel a bit pissed off? I’ve tried to broach the subject of money with her but she gets very defensive and simply won’t discuss it. I realise the money is hers but I feel like she’s being selfish?

I’m waiting to see if she gifts us some money for Christmas as a surprise, but so far nothing points to that.

 

[Noseynora91]

My mum recently came into a large amount of money. I don’t expect or want anything, it’s simply not mine

 

[Tor88]

My mother came into a reasonable sized inheritance, nothing major but it’s allowed for a few luxury items/trips and renovations in her home. I did not expect anything as I know it’s not my inheritance, if someone wanted you to have it they would’ve left you something. I’m regards to her sharing the wealth around, if you’re genuinely struggling to pay bills/put food on the table then I think it is selfish of her to not have offered anything or gifted you something to help. My mother gifted me a small amount when I moved home for furnishings and treated me occasionally but that was it. At the end of the day it’s her money, her choice. If you need help then ask, she may give it or loan you.

 

[Bobby bunny]

If it was me my children would most definitely be benefiting from it , would love nothing more than to be able to help them/treat them more financially....without a shadow of a doubt....but everyone is different and each to thier own I suppose.

 

[Milwalkeemarion]

Yeah I get where you are coming from but like you said it's your mums inheritance so it's up to her what she does with it.

Maybe she planned to use this as her pension as she hasn't got one, retirement is expensive so she might not be able to afford to give loads away. That being said I personally would have given some to my kids even if it was just a little bit but everyone's different.

Do you normally get on ok with your mum? Dont let money come between you x

 

[Oohthedrama]

I assume she will leave what she has to you eventually.
are you an only child!?

 

[Lynseyp]

Maybe your mum feels that your inheritance will be the house that she's just paid the mortgage off for which you stand to inherit.
If like you say she doesn't have much of a pension pot then perhaps she wants to keep some of her money for when she does retire so that she can enjoy it without having to work on after she retires.
Believe me there's more to life than money, i onow easier said than done but don't fall out with your mum over it. Im sure she will treat you all in the future.

 

[Luce0331]

She may think that by simply giving you her money she’s sorting out your problems for you when actually as a grown up you should try and do it yourself? (Not meaning to sound patronising I just know this is some people’s approach) She must work hard for her well-paid job and perhaps thinks that you need to work hard or harder to pay off your debts or what ever money troubles you have x

 

[Yel]

It feels like I've wondered into Mumsnet. Thereyou would be told to duck off, it's her money and you sound grabby.

If I was struggling financially and my mum was spending frivolously and flaunting it I'd find it hard.

But I've got adult friends (one in particular) who's always getting hand outs from her parents because of situations she's put herself in and I'm embrassed on her behalf that she's unable to support herself.

 

[Downtoearth]

My father in law died several years ago and left his estate to my mother in law, from whom he was seperated. At the time we were seriously struggling financially after my husband lost his job to care for me during a serious illness.

Did we see a penny? Not one.

Does my mother in law still see us or her grandchildren? Nope.

She spent the money (ALL of it - it was my husband's childhood home she sold) on many luxury holidays to Australia, Egypt, Canada, the Caribbean while we lived on JSA and food banks.

She didn't save a penny and is now in a council house as she's broke again.

Money may not be the be all and end all but how you treat it says a lot about you as a person. If you are really struggling (genuinely, not just luxuries) it seems very unfair of your mum. Regardless of my children's income I'd always share any windfall I had with them

 

[Fifah1907]

when my gran died, she had made it very clear that any money from selling her house was to go to me, my sisters and my cousins. tbh she had been telling us this for as long as i can remember. atm my mum's still got most of my money - other than what is in a help to buy ISA - because she knows i would spend it on shite if i had it i guess it goes back to who she got the inheritance from and what they wanted done. we got the money from the house, my mum and my aunty get the money from the stuff my granny had in the house that we sold because that's what she wanted.

 

[No style rocky]

I know it’s her money but I’d feel a little aggrieved. I guess I’d hope that they would add some money to an ISA for the grandkids [emoji2368]

 

[Blondie]

My partner always used to get bailed out by his mum when he couldn't pay for stuff or wasn't sensible with money. It was stupid of her to do that because now I have to handle all the financial side of things because he can't. She should have taught him how to deal with money wisely and stop giving him money. She still gives him money now, offers to buy things which are obscenely expensive. He can save for things obviously, but his mum just throws money at him if he wants something.
I feel like she buys his love because he won't have a bad word against her when i know he didn't have the best upbringing emotionally.

Anyway sorry a bit off topic there. If my child was struggling financially I would definitely offer to give them some of the inheritance so i think your right for feeling she is being a bit selfish if shes done all that stuff and still has a lot left over not really needing it apart from to help her retirement. I think you should ask if there would be a chance of you borrowing some and see if she lends it you as a loan or if she will let you have it.
Maybe she genuinely doesn't realise you want her to offer to give you something. As crazy as it sounds it could be the case.

 

[Youngmum29]

Thank you for all your replies. It’s a lot to think about.
Im definitely torn between a lot of contrasting feelings. I don’t want to confront her because as some said, I shouldn’t let money come between us and it is hers to do with as she pleases. I am an only child btw I’m going to wait and see what happens over Christmas/new year and take it from there.

 

[Oohthedrama]

Thank you for all your replies. It’s a lot to think about.
Im definitely torn between a lot of contrasting feelings. I don’t want to confront her because as some said, I shouldn’t let money come between us and it is hers to do with as she pleases. I am an only child btw I’m going to wait and see what happens over Christmas/new year and take it from there.

are you an only child?

 

[GossBoss]

It's a really difficult situation + I can see it from both sides. I'm not going to comment on who should or shouldn't do what as I don't know you or your family. All I will say is, as an only child myself, don't let it come between you. Everything will happen as it's meant to whether that means your Mum gifts some to you or she decides not to. As hard as it is, respect what she decides as we only have 1 set of parents and they aren't around forever. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, it's certainly not meant to be, just I totally get where you're coming from but at the same time can see it from your Mum's side too.

 

[Youngmum29]

are you an only child?

I am indeed

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I think the fact that you feel entitled to some of it says a lot. It's not yours, you didn't work for it. It would be nice if she gave you some but do not expect any.

One day when your mum is no longer around it will be yours to do with as you please.

 

[Youngmum29]

I think the fact that you feel entitled to some of it says a lot. It's not yours, you didn't work for it. It would be nice if she gave you some but do not expect any.

One day when your mum is no longer around it will be yours to do with as you please.

I do agree with that but to be fair, she didn’t work for it either.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I do agree with that but to be fair, she didn’t work for it either.

No she inherited it and one day you will as well. So tread carefully and stop asking because if you fall out you will get none and it will go directly to your kids.

Rather be happy for your mum and just keep your head down, maybe your mum feels you are being greedy and if you stop mentioning it she will surprise you with it