Inheritance Money - mother recently inherited a substantial amount of money

[Downtoearth]

My father in law died several years ago and left his estate to my mother in law, from whom he was seperated. At the time we were seriously struggling financially after my husband lost his job to care for me during a serious illness.

Did we see a penny? Not one.

Does my mother in law still see us or her grandchildren? Nope.

She spent the money (ALL of it - it was my husband's childhood home she sold) on many luxury holidays to Australia, Egypt, Canada, the Caribbean while we lived on JSA and food banks.

She didn't save a penny and is now in a council house as she's broke again.

Money may not be the be all and end all but how you treat it says a lot about you as a person. If you are really struggling (genuinely, not just luxuries) it seems very unfair of your mum. Regardless of my children's income I'd always share any windfall I had with them

 

[Blondie]

My partner always used to get bailed out by his mum when he couldn't pay for stuff or wasn't sensible with money. It was stupid of her to do that because now I have to handle all the financial side of things because he can't. She should have taught him how to deal with money wisely and stop giving him money. She still gives him money now, offers to buy things which are obscenely expensive. He can save for things obviously, but his mum just throws money at him if he wants something.
I feel like she buys his love because he won't have a bad word against her when i know he didn't have the best upbringing emotionally.

Anyway sorry a bit off topic there. If my child was struggling financially I would definitely offer to give them some of the inheritance so i think your right for feeling she is being a bit selfish if shes done all that stuff and still has a lot left over not really needing it apart from to help her retirement. I think you should ask if there would be a chance of you borrowing some and see if she lends it you as a loan or if she will let you have it.
Maybe she genuinely doesn't realise you want her to offer to give you something. As crazy as it sounds it could be the case.

 

[Youngmum29]

I completely see where you are coming from & would feel exactly the same.

My mum does struggle financially as she is single but even on occasions in the past when she has come into money, she has shared as much as she could with me and her other children. Her first instinct would always be to help us out financially and vice versa, if I inherited some money I would love nothing more than giving enough to my Mum to allow her to pay off various bills and live comfortably. I would enjoy that more than spending the money myself.

Everyone is different I suppose but in my family, nobody would even hesitate to share money out to help one another.

I hope your Mum is planning on treating you and her grandchildren for Christmas.

Thank you, I hope she is but like you say, everyone is different and if she decides not to share the money, I will deal with it. I can’t be mad at her but I’ll probably be annoyed for a while lol.
I think I feel so frustrated because, as you say, you would love to help your mum out if the opportunity arose, and I’m exactly the same. I love making other people happy in that regard.
It’s a shame that she currently doesn’t feel the same way as I do, and I’m trying not to hold out any hope that her way of thinking changes in the coming weeks.
Reading everyone’s differing opinions on this has really given me food for thought. I’m a lot more relaxed about it than I was at the start of this thread lol

 

[Orange Creme]

My father died a few years ago, I've just been awarded his life insurance, I am technically his only child but I have 5 siblings through my mum and I have split the money between all of us. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't?!

Hmmm it sure I am that generous, I have one sibling and hate their guts

 

[SunshineDreamer]

It’s such a difficult situation, and I have witnessed both sides. My great grandparents died whilst I was young, and left a substantial amount of money and property to their children and grandchildren (me and my siblings) it was all divided equally into trust funds for us and the older grandchildren also had a property to inherit when they turned 25 or left University (which ever came first). It was all extremely amicable and luckily no one felt left out.

However, whilst I was at University a friend lost an uncle and he left his estate to one sibling and not another - both felt like they were entitled and all these years later they still do not talk.

It is a very hard situation to approach without sounding bitter or jealous, and without potentially ruining your relationship. That being said, if she knows you have struggled financially, it’s in bad taste is she is flaunting it in front of you - intentionally or not.

 

[bexgreen1983]

don’t hold back, we’re on page 3 of a pretty tame conversation, go for the jugular and spice things up!!!

money and families. Oil and water.
We’ve had some real lifetime movie drama in the past with inheritance and jealousy and I’ve had a family member lose a child over money

I borrow nothing, I lend nothing, I ask for nothing. I accept nothing

Sorry.... didnt mean for it to come across so harsh

 

[Horatio]

In my ,admittedly limited , experience, nothing causes a close family member to act out of character more than inheritance. And nothing causes uglier and longer lasting rows and resentment.

Contesting someone on it is rarely worth it. I’ve learnt that just because you assume someone will behave a certain way, you aren’t always right, and you don’t always fully understand their perspective. It’s fair enough to assume an inheritance from your parents or spouse. Anything else is a bonus. But still within your rights to do what you want with it, whatever your financial situation. For some people being thought of in a will isn’t about the money but the fact that person wanted them to have something.

 

[Sp20191]

I think it's unfair to blame an individual for money struggles - you don't know what has gone on in their life. Their financial problems may be due to losing a job through no fault of their own, being unable to work due to illness, unexpected bills etc

The poster explained that she has never asked her Mum for any money previously so this wouldn't be a case of her Mum bailing her out, she simply feels disappointed that her Mum is in a position to help her and has chosen not to.

As for everyone saying her Mum is under no obligation to share the money - she is not but I don't understand (personally) why a mother wouldn't want to help their child and grandchildren.

He’s my brother...I know exactly what’s happened and it’s his fault

 

[Demiseoftheinfluencer]

I would find that difficult too. She might have some plans for treating you to something but she might not so try not to expect anything. Depending on the relationship you have, you could just ask if she had any plans to help you with it, not that you expect it. It could get awkward though...

 

[Joeyjojo]

Hi

I don’t want to sound spoilt/jealous when I discuss this, I just wonder if anyone else agrees with my point of view.

My mother recently inherited a substantial amount of money. She has, and rightly so, used some of the money to pay off her mortgage, unpaid bills/credit cards etc.

she’s also spent some of this money on things she wanted to indulge in; expensive Apple products/staycation and other small things. Can’t blame her, I’d do the same.

What I have a slight issue with is that she hasn’t offered any of the money to me, my husband and our kids. Whilst I understand that it’s hers to do with as she pleases, she’s also very aware of money problems we have faced continuously over the years and that even a small amount would go a long way to helping our situation.

she doesn’t have a pension so I understand the need to keep a lot of the money in a pot for that chapter of her life. she has a very well paid job, as does her husband, so they don’t need this money, but all she’s done so far is spend the money and flaunt it in front of me, knowing that I can’t and am unlikely to be able to buy the same things she can.

am I wrong to feel a bit pissed off? I’ve tried to broach the subject of money with her but she gets very defensive and simply won’t discuss it. I realise the money is hers but I feel like she’s being selfish?

I’m waiting to see if she gifts us some money for Christmas as a surprise, but so far nothing points to that.

Did you ever get gifted some money? I really hope so.

 

[Frenchie]

Hmmmmm if it were my mum I know she would make sure we are ok, and if it were me I’d make sure my children were ok , I’d help out especially if they were struggling

 

[Orange Creme]

Everyone's situation is different. Everyone sees things differently.If you're hard up I can imagine it's hard to see her spending money like it's nothing.

I lost my mum long ago and would do anything to have her back, seeing xmas cards in card shops for 'mum' makes me want to rip them all up!

I wouldn't bring it up though. In fact I would ignore her when she talks about it in case she's trying to wind you up!

 

[judsmum]

Personally, I would feel the same. But then I know that any money that befell either my parents, me or my sister by way of inheritance would be split 3 ways because we’re all very close and that’s always been agreed upon. I would give away a lot to my son too. Buts that’s me and mine. It’s your mums money and it IS hers to do what she chooses with it. It might be an hard pill to swallow, particularly as you’re struggling but I would bite your tongue for no other reason than it’s your mum and money isn’t worth falling out with her over.

 

[Youngmum29]

Hi

I don’t want to sound spoilt/jealous when I discuss this, I just wonder if anyone else agrees with my point of view.

My mother recently inherited a substantial amount of money. She has, and rightly so, used some of the money to pay off her mortgage, unpaid bills/credit cards etc.

she’s also spent some of this money on things she wanted to indulge in; expensive Apple products/staycation and other small things. Can’t blame her, I’d do the same.

What I have a slight issue with is that she hasn’t offered any of the money to me, my husband and our kids. Whilst I understand that it’s hers to do with as she pleases, she’s also very aware of money problems we have faced continuously over the years and that even a small amount would go a long way to helping our situation.

she doesn’t have a pension so I understand the need to keep a lot of the money in a pot for that chapter of her life. she has a very well paid job, as does her husband, so they don’t need this money, but all she’s done so far is spend the money and flaunt it in front of me, knowing that I can’t and am unlikely to be able to buy the same things she can.

am I wrong to feel a bit pissed off? I’ve tried to broach the subject of money with her but she gets very defensive and simply won’t discuss it. I realise the money is hers but I feel like she’s being selfish?

I’m waiting to see if she gifts us some money for Christmas as a surprise, but so far nothing points to that.

 

[Milwalkeemarion]

Yeah I get where you are coming from but like you said it's your mums inheritance so it's up to her what she does with it.

Maybe she planned to use this as her pension as she hasn't got one, retirement is expensive so she might not be able to afford to give loads away. That being said I personally would have given some to my kids even if it was just a little bit but everyone's different.

Do you normally get on ok with your mum? Dont let money come between you x

 

[Emmmberly]

My MiL inherited a few years ago and has a naff pension. She bought a buy to let as an income. She's also buying my husband's brother a houseboat because YOLO

 

[Youngmum29]

I think the fact that you feel entitled to some of it says a lot. It's not yours, you didn't work for it. It would be nice if she gave you some but do not expect any.

One day when your mum is no longer around it will be yours to do with as you please.

I do agree with that but to be fair, she didn’t work for it either.

 

[Lollyjane25]

My dad received an inheritance a few years ago and gave myself and my bro an amount that was around 5% of it, so a really lovely gesture as it was HIS and I didn’t really expect a penny or ask for it. But in his position then yes I would definitely want to be able to either help my children out if struggling, or just as a gift to enjoy if financially stable.
I certainly wouldn’t have given it a thought if he hadn’t given me anything though.

 

[Emmmberly]

The houseboat is very random

We are very financially independent (not a brag) so we find it quite amusing. Other family members not so much. I am basically that Yoda meme as it unfolds.

It's also worth mentioning that no matter the relationship with the person - money always comes with strings attached and there is no solution that pleases everyone.

 

[Mercedes12]

I completely see where you are coming from & would feel exactly the same.

My mum does struggle financially as she is single but even on occasions in the past when she has come into money, she has shared as much as she could with me and her other children. Her first instinct would always be to help us out financially and vice versa, if I inherited some money I would love nothing more than giving enough to my Mum to allow her to pay off various bills and live comfortably. I would enjoy that more than spending the money myself.

Everyone is different I suppose but in my family, nobody would even hesitate to share money out to help one another.

I hope your Mum is planning on treating you and her grandchildren for Christmas.