I'm miserable

[Beverley Macker]

I always think how lovely you sound on here watermelon, your posts make me smile. The same thing happened to me, I thought I was going mad from the lack of sleep, I was having heart palpitations and I hadn’t slept for more than 2 hours straight for nearly a year. Like Sailorontheseasea I did sleep training. It’s so hard because it has stigma attached, and goes against every instinct as a mum, but it worked.
I wish I’d done it sooner.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I always think how lovely you sound on here watermelon, your posts make me smile. The same thing happened to me, I thought I was going mad from the lack of sleep, I was having heart palpitations and I hadn’t slept for more than 2 hours straight for nearly a year. Like Sailorontheseasea I did sleep training. It’s so hard because it has stigma attached, and goes against every instinct as a mum, but it worked.
I wish I’d done it sooner.

Thank you, that's so sweet
I had a good night's sleep last night he was a bit fidgety through the night but he managed to self soothe and werent awake any of the time so I managed to sleep and he didn't get up till 6.40
It's mad how much better you feel when you've had a proper sleep

I was so down yesterday, I'm hoping to have a better day today!

I have considered sleep training tbh. I'm such a pushover though I dont think I could do it

 

[birdiefly246]

He's really good with the baby playing wise. He'll play with him for hours but it's when it's night time and nap time he gets frustrated if he doesn't get to sleep straight away
When he cries due to teething/this regression he goes through he gets really pissed off and stressed. Then that's when he moans about his sleep
Yesterday he took the baby for a walk while I hoovered up, babies scared of the hoover
He does the odd chore like brushing up but I have to repeatedly ask him
He's more of a got nothing to do- ill sit and chill and play on my phone type
He gets it from his Mum...

Bless you I hope the sleep situation eases for you soon! I have no advice for that I'm afraid as not a parent but I really hope it gets better and remember if your baby is happy overall (sleeping aside) then you are doing a great job!

As for the partner situation, sorry but he is totally out of order. He's not in work everyday? Why can he not get up early on the days he's off? He's already up early for work anyway throughout the week?! I understand that people have different standards of things, so one person's clean may be another person's half a job but he's not doing anything unless asked?
I'm sorry to be harsh but anyone can play with a baby. Woohoo he's a great dad, he entertains the baby while you run around doing everything else. That doesn't make you a father. That makes you a baby-sitter! Fair enough he gets stressed but does he think it's not stressful for you? Also what's going to happen when the baby is older? When he's having a tantrum in the supermarket? Is he just going to never go out without you? God forbid but what if you died? Who's going to take care of the baby then cause he's stressed? It sounds like he just cba and is using the fact that he's working as an excuse.

 

[coconochanel]

Aww everyone's been so lovely to me on this thread

I text my mate who is childless and told her how I was feeling and she said 'well you have got a baby now' so that means I should be miserable should it jheeeez it really does say a lot when people you don't know over the Internet are better friends than your actual friends!

I'm feeling a lot better, baby has been a bit better with his sleep but I dont wanna jinx it my fella broke his ankle this morning the wally so it's like I've got 2 kids atm

I'm glad I've got this thread to rant tho
Thanks everyone you're all the best

get him a wheelchair for his broken ankle, wheel him to the bloody sink and leave him there to wash the dishes.

 

[Kim Mild]

Honestly my husband is the same .I think he believes the fairies come and do all the little jobs. He has to be told ( several times) to do anything or else it just doesn't occur to him .

 

[BettyCrocker]

I have friends and family, but i have not told any of them about the addiction and i wont be able to do that. Hopefully i am just having a very low day, but i cant do this anymore. i am at work, a smile on my face, treating my staff as if all's ok but i know i am dying inside. I dont feel hope, joy, trust anymore. All i want to do is to go and sleep and not wake up and i know it is a HORRIBLE things to say especially now during Covid when people is fighting to stay alive. I am sorry.

You need urgent help and support and you need it now - today. Please contact either your GP or the Samaritans.
I know this is hard but your family and your friends love you and will absolutely be there to support you. I’d urge you to confide in them. You can’t shoulder this alone anymore.
I know he is your husband and you love him but this is a situation out with either of your control now and you need outside help.

 

[watermelon sugar]

i dont want to die, but i no longer want to breath

Speak to your gp. I felt the same the other day. I seen your post about your husband, I sometimes feel the same with my boyfriend, I've never told anyone this but he has a bad gambling problem that puts me under a lot of stress & worry. I've never told him how much it worries me until the other day and he was understanding. I know it must be scary to open up about how your other half and their problems make you feel but you have to for your own sake. I was having an awful time, still am really but im glad I admitted it to everyone and got the help. Talking always does help & make you feel better xx

 

[watermelon sugar]

Is anyone about for a chat? Sorry to drag an old thread up again but I'm feeling shit and don't know what to do or who to talk to

I just feel so stressed and miserable all the time. I'm constantly on edge. I feel anxious about absolutely everything. I come on here and try to be funny but I feel like I'm living a lie putting on a happy face all the time. I'm so unhappy

A few weeks ago it was because me and my boyfriend weren't getting on, we're better, he is still annoying but it's just everything getting me down. He suggested I have post natal depression. I did think that when the baby was first born but I got fobbed off because it was the start of covid. I dont think the situation with everything going on helps either

Meh

 

[ChloChlo]

I'm an ex addict myself, my advise is to leave. I lost my entire family (even the care of my eldest children until I realised the error in my path). The more you make life comfy for an addict, the more we will carry on even of it means hiding it. Nothing but losing everything and being soley alone with what I abandoned everyone for was a soul destroying moment of realisation and probably the only thing which made me seek help.

My partner is also an ex addict. I won't lie and say it has been plain sailing and happy because at times it certainly hasn't. We are recently trying again after our sons first birthday, after having to part while I was pregnant. He relapsed and for my own sanity and safety, I had to end it, as sympathetic as I was towards him over it and offered to wait whilst he got clean as I adore him, he is my sons father and I didn't want him to have the extra anxiety I could be talking to another man. Lying and addiction often go hand in hand. The trust goes completely out of the window and at that time it was the best choice I made for me and our son.

 

[skvallertant]

I wish I could give you a big hug

 

[NH14]

This is the toughest time ever , a global pandemic plus a tenth month old baby but I promise it will pass and one day you will barely remember these times ! In the meantime come on here and rant as much as you like , a few kind words amd support goes a long way xxx

 

[watermelon sugar]

I really don’t know what to say which is suitable advice only that I wish I could give you a big hug and babysit your baby for a bit so you can sleep.
I’m not a parent so it must be so so hard especially now without any support. Please let us know how you get on

Thank you! It's so just hard sometimes. I know there are worse things going on in the world than a baby not sleeping. But it just got me down and I needed to vent!

I've moved away to live with my boyfriend and I just miss my family and friends! If I were closer to my Mum I could have had her as my support bubble i just feel so alone & tired haha

I feel better for posting on here though and having such kind words back! I love Tattle x

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

Motherhood is hard, goddamn hard. I want to give you a hug! The early days (and yes you are still in the early days) are relentless. Theyre exhausting and monotonous.

Your partner needs to step up to the plate, youre on maternity leave to recover from child birth and bond with your baby. Maternity leave is not code for 'do all house work on your own' or 'housewife'

I do find that mothers dont want to admit there kid doesnt sleep well, as if that means theyre failing at something or those who boast think its showing theyre excelling at motherhood. Sleep is luck of the draw, some babies sleep, some don't. Biologically babies are programmed not to sleep well as its there means of survival.

I have one sleeper and one non sleeper. My non sleeper finally began to sleep in there own bed at 4 years 2 months. It was a long slog believe me.

When you feel slightly more well rested you need to have a conversation with your partner, the reality of it is, if you were at work youd be paying someone to watch your child and they wouldnt be expected to watch your child and do all the other bits.

Be kind to yourself, if youre particularly exhausted have a nap with your little one, youl get a rest and your little one might settle quicker being next to you.

 

[BettyCrocker]

Yeah I tell myself so many times to stop looking online at what the baby should be doing and why he is acting the way he is. I try to and it goes well then when he's going through a bad phase I always end up googling. I can't help myself, I've always been like that though, a stresshead

He's never been very good. Always has a feed through the night and up early but he used to go back to sleep pretty quick. All of a sudden he's awake for 3 hours. Last night he woke up at 2.30am and was awake til 5am
One of my best friends has a 6 month old and all I hear is 'she's been sleeping through since she was 12 weeks old' just not what I wanna hear!!!

Yeah I am, in March, working from home though. I had a year off. Even though the whole year hasn't felt like maternity leave lol. I think that affects me a lot as well, covid happening and having a new baby and being a ftm

Thank you. I think I've just got to boiling point today x

try taking the little one out for a walk during the day - even if he falls asleep, just get him out in the daylight and the fresh air for a good hour. The daylight will help set him up for daytime/nighttime. Keep him stimulated through the day - I know it’s not easy but if you can keep his mind active during the day you’ll probably find he will sleep better for you at night. Do you have a bedtime routine? We always stuck to the same time for bath, milk and then bedtime - do the milk in the darker room and keep it all very quiet & chilled. And once he’s settled then take yourself off for a bath and an early night, the housework can wait.

I think you & your partner need to sit down and really talk. If he says that he’s tired too then yeah, fair enough- it’s bloody hard working and having a family but the two of you are in it together and need to support each other. You are knackered from looking after the baby but he still expects you to do all the household chores while he sits on his phone? When do you ever get a break? Put it to him like that.

 

[BettyCrocker]

He's really good with the baby playing wise. He'll play with him for hours but it's when it's night time and nap time he gets frustrated if he doesn't get to sleep straight away
When he cries due to teething/this regression he goes through he gets really pissed off and stressed. Then that's when he moans about his sleep
Yesterday he took the baby for a walk while I hoovered up, babies scared of the hoover
He does the odd chore like brushing up but I have to repeatedly ask him
He's more of a got nothing to do- ill sit and chill and play on my phone type
He gets it from his Mum...

but he has to realise he does have stuff to do! I guess it comes down to sharing the workload at home. Ok, if he’s really not good with the baby during the night fine but he needs to understand that you need a break - if he’s around during the day and just sitting on his phone that’s the time you should be going for a rest and he should have the baby. Or he should cook dinner. Or sort the washing. Or hoover up etc - he doesn’t get to just lounge around while you run around doing everything and looking after the baby.....

 

[Flossy2019]

I’ve only just stumbled upon this thread. I feel for you I really do. Boys don’t sleep as well as girls from my experience so don’t beat yourself up that your friends daughter is sleeping well. Mine doesn’t sleep well either , he’s 21 months this month and will only sleep well when I’m around. He has been in my bed for a while now purely because I can’t cope with no sleep so shoot me we don’t have a routine as such but try to but doesn’t always go to plan as always home from work at different times and so is my bf. It also took me a while for my bf to see I was struggling. They think because they are working they are entitled to be tired and we aren’t blah blah blah. Unless you have a breakdown he won’t see sense. Sit him down and explain .. don’t worry if your behind on washing. You’ll catch up. My house is a tip probably 5 days a week but it’s lockdown no one is coming round and as long as the basics are done I’m not overly bothered. How are things now? We get it in our head what kids should be like but remember they aren’t robots and can’t be forced. We don’t always go to bed at the same time as adults we don’t always sleep through the night we don’t always want to go to bed .. cut yourself some slack and your son. Get out of the house as much as you can with the pram. Makes the world of difference some fresh air

 

[birdiefly246]

Aww everyone's been so lovely to me on this thread

I text my mate who is childless and told her how I was feeling and she said 'well you have got a baby now' so that means I should be miserable should it jheeeez it really does say a lot when people you don't know over the Internet are better friends than your actual friends!

I'm feeling a lot better, baby has been a bit better with his sleep but I dont wanna jinx it my fella broke his ankle this morning the wally so it's like I've got 2 kids atm

I'm glad I've got this thread to rant tho
Thanks everyone you're all the best

I mean with friends like this
I hate this idea that that's just your lot in life now and you should just suck it up. When I was recovering from anorexia, my (ex) friend and I were looking at old pictures from school and I commented it on how much weight I'd actually lost, mainly because as you can imagine your mind plays tricks on you when you have an eating disorder, and she said "well you had anorexia, what do you expect?" I was in shock at the time but afterwards I was thinking god would it kill you to have a bit of compassion!

Some people really just have no sense of how anyone is feeling but themselves!

 

[Annie101]

An addict will never put anyone or anything above their addiction. It’s futile to even try or expect him to do so - he has a illness that he needs help for but that’s his problem, his issue to sort out. This lady needs to put herself first and put her health first.
Annie do you have any trusted friends or family you can seek help from?

I have friends and family, but i have not told any of them about the addiction and i wont be able to do that. Hopefully i am just having a very low day, but i cant do this anymore. i am at work, a smile on my face, treating my staff as if all's ok but i know i am dying inside. I dont feel hope, joy, trust anymore. All i want to do is to go and sleep and not wake up and i know it is a HORRIBLE things to say especially now during Covid when people is fighting to stay alive. I am sorry.

 

[Annie101]

I'm an ex addict myself, my advise is to leave. I lost my entire family (even the care of my eldest children until I realised the error in my path). The more you make life comfy for an addict, the more we will carry on even of it means hiding it. Nothing but losing everything and being soley alone with what I abandoned everyone for was a soul destroying moment of realisation and probably the only thing which made me seek help.

My partner is also an ex addict. I won't lie and say it has been plain sailing and happy because at times it certainly hasn't. We are recently trying again after our sons first birthday, after having to part while I was pregnant. He relapsed and for my own sanity and safety, I had to end it, as sympathetic as I was towards him over it and offered to wait whilst he got clean as I adore him, he is my sons father and I didn't want him to have the extra anxiety I could be talking to another man. Lying and addiction often go hand in hand. The trust goes completely out of the window and at that time it was the best choice I made for me and our son.

Thank you, last night i started looking for a place to stay that is pet friendly - i dont want a divorce but i need the separation

 

[under the ivy]

I want to echo what @Mulholland Drive said, I like to think of you as a Tattle friend Although I don't have any advice, I'm sure you're doing a great job considering all of the circumstances x