Saddlesoap
VIP Member
Ahh thats really good x
- Notice
LennyBriscoe
VIP Member
I think there’s sleep regression about this time, you can find the stages they might regress online and my son was pretty on point with them!
It’s such a tough time and it must be so much harder during lockdown. It will pass and it will get better.
I’m in a local Mum’s group on Facebook and it’s quite good although with everything else it can be a bit eye-rolly too!
I’ve found that being a mum is the hardest “job” I’ve ever had so please don’t be hard on yourself. Sending you lots of love
It’s such a tough time and it must be so much harder during lockdown. It will pass and it will get better.
I’m in a local Mum’s group on Facebook and it’s quite good although with everything else it can be a bit eye-rolly too!
I’ve found that being a mum is the hardest “job” I’ve ever had so please don’t be hard on yourself. Sending you lots of love
Babyyoda88
VIP Member
Hope you’re ok! Sending lots of love x x
Tinkerbell cat
VIP Member
Hun I have felt exactly like that in the past, I didn't want to die but I wanted the pain to stop. It is an awful feeling and you feel like there it will never change, or get better but I promise, it does get better. Dark times don't last. Make an appointment with your GP as soon as you can. Try speaking with your partner, tell him how you feel and what his addiction is doing to you too mentally. See if he will be willing to get help but put your mental health first here because you can not help someone else fully until you help yourself. x
Sailorontheseasea
VIP Member
Hi lovely, I couldn’t read and run as I see your posts quite a lot. So sorry to hear you are feeling miserable, I feel like general lack of sleep is 100% making everything seem much worse than it is as it definitely seems you are a happy go lucky type most of the time.
I was in the same boat with my 11 month old, in fact he has never slept a full night in his whole life and still hasn’t due to having had (key word being had there before anyone jumps on me for what I’m going to say next
) severe reflux BUT this week I said enough is enough because my partner and I were starting to really feel it (understatement) where he was waking up hourly/sometimes half hourly and having a midnight party between 12-2am and he was suffering too. I’ve never been a fan of sleep training but after chats with his paediatrician etc we felt we had no other option. It was very gentle though and seems to have worked (at least it did last night). We found 2.5-3 hours nap total in the day, exact same bed time routine every night (bath book bed, you know the drill #mumsnet), a big feed then when he woke up we left him a few minutes to try and settle himself then from there after we gave him a 5 minute cuddle and then left him for 5 minutes to have a cry/party/chat/self settle with the occasional stroking his face/singing etc but in his cot and then we’d repeat as needed. The first time it took an entire hour, the second it took 10 minutes then last night he slept for 9 WHOLE hours by himself - this has never happened ever. I felt awful but knew he knew I was coming back after 4/5 minutes and when he woke up in the morning he was happy as Larry. We’ve genuinely not slept like that for a whole year! It could just be a fluke but maybe something you could try? Obviously when he wakes up keep the room completely dark, reassure him etc but don’t take him out of his room and maybe try some white noise if that works. Please make sure he’s not teething though or poorly. Also leaps are 100% a thing, I can almost guarantee to the day our kids will be nutcases. I do agree though that you will be more chilled when you stop over analysing everything your little one does, they’re babies at the end of the day and if your son is anything like mine then sometimes they are just strong willed AF it’s so hard with your first though (assuming he is your first!) Sorry if this sounds preachy or patronising as I really don’t want it to come across as such but I can really really relate to you, our lack of sleep was driving us bloody bonkers and causing a huge rift in our relationship.
Would your partner be understanding if you just chatted to him about the current house/life/sleep situation? Could he take a night where he focuses completely on being up with the baby? Or could he give you a few hours to yourself either for a walk or a big ass nap? I hope he would be, I feel like you’re a take no shit kind of person so just have a civil chat about it all with him I’m sure he’ll be understanding about the overwhelm. Don’t let it spiral. So sorry lovely, sending you big hugs xxx
I was in the same boat with my 11 month old, in fact he has never slept a full night in his whole life and still hasn’t due to having had (key word being had there before anyone jumps on me for what I’m going to say next
) severe reflux BUT this week I said enough is enough because my partner and I were starting to really feel it (understatement) where he was waking up hourly/sometimes half hourly and having a midnight party between 12-2am and he was suffering too. I’ve never been a fan of sleep training but after chats with his paediatrician etc we felt we had no other option. It was very gentle though and seems to have worked (at least it did last night). We found 2.5-3 hours nap total in the day, exact same bed time routine every night (bath book bed, you know the drill #mumsnet), a big feed then when he woke up we left him a few minutes to try and settle himself then from there after we gave him a 5 minute cuddle and then left him for 5 minutes to have a cry/party/chat/self settle with the occasional stroking his face/singing etc but in his cot and then we’d repeat as needed. The first time it took an entire hour, the second it took 10 minutes then last night he slept for 9 WHOLE hours by himself - this has never happened ever. I felt awful but knew he knew I was coming back after 4/5 minutes and when he woke up in the morning he was happy as Larry. We’ve genuinely not slept like that for a whole year! It could just be a fluke but maybe something you could try? Obviously when he wakes up keep the room completely dark, reassure him etc but don’t take him out of his room and maybe try some white noise if that works. Please make sure he’s not teething though or poorly. Also leaps are 100% a thing, I can almost guarantee to the day our kids will be nutcases. I do agree though that you will be more chilled when you stop over analysing everything your little one does, they’re babies at the end of the day and if your son is anything like mine then sometimes they are just strong willed AF it’s so hard with your first though (assuming he is your first!) Sorry if this sounds preachy or patronising as I really don’t want it to come across as such but I can really really relate to you, our lack of sleep was driving us bloody bonkers and causing a huge rift in our relationship.Would your partner be understanding if you just chatted to him about the current house/life/sleep situation? Could he take a night where he focuses completely on being up with the baby? Or could he give you a few hours to yourself either for a walk or a big ass nap? I hope he would be, I feel like you’re a take no shit kind of person so just have a civil chat about it all with him I’m sure he’ll be understanding about the overwhelm. Don’t let it spiral. So sorry lovely, sending you big hugs xxx
Saddlesoap
VIP Member
@watermelon sugar how are you? Wanted to ask on Q&A thread, but didn't want to derail
CherryBakewell
Member
I wish I could have some words of advice for you but all I can say is I’m in the same boat. My son just refuses to nap and gets so overtired and grumpy and it’s so hard. He sleeps okay at night but is still up at least three times in the night. It’s shit. I tried to dm you but I can’t but please feel free to send me a message if you need to talk or vent
Mulholland Drive
VIP Member
I hope he doesn't spin this out, like "Man Flu"Aww everyone's been so lovely to me on this thread
I text my mate who is childless and told her how I was feeling and she said 'well you have got a baby now' so that means I should be miserable should itjheeeez it really does say a lot when people you don't know over the Internet are better friends than your actual friends!
I'm feeling a lot better, baby has been a bit better with his sleep but I dont wanna jinx it
I'm glad I've got this thread to rant tho
Thanks everyone you're all the best
BettyCrocker
VIP Member
does he do anything at all around the house? Does he take any interest in your son at all - does he play with him, bath him, feed him?? Or does he literally go to work, come home and sit on his arse while you do everything? What was he like before the baby arrived? Did he do his share of household stuff then??
Saddlesoap
VIP Member
Sorry you are feeling rubbish again 
I agree with the others to speak to your GP. Our local MH self referal is First Step, but I have a feeling you are on the other side of Lancashire to me. Honestly though, there's a really long wait.
Did you get anywhere with your HV?
If you aren't getting anywhere with your GP, try a Pharmacist? I spoke to one a few years ago just after starting my meds and he was honestly so helpful. Took me into a side room and had a chat while I blubbed at him.
I think recognising you're not happy is so important, if you are depressed/anxious (for whatever reason), it makes you feel like you have a super short fuse and small things that normally wouldn't bother you really piss you off. I reacted badly to so many things before I started meds, looking back I was suffering for a lot longer than i'd like to admit.
ETA: Try doing some yoga, or meditation even if you do feel silly. Otherwise, if you can, running is a huge mental booster.
I agree with the others to speak to your GP. Our local MH self referal is First Step, but I have a feeling you are on the other side of Lancashire to me. Honestly though, there's a really long wait.
Did you get anywhere with your HV?
If you aren't getting anywhere with your GP, try a Pharmacist? I spoke to one a few years ago just after starting my meds and he was honestly so helpful. Took me into a side room and had a chat while I blubbed at him.
I think recognising you're not happy is so important, if you are depressed/anxious (for whatever reason), it makes you feel like you have a super short fuse and small things that normally wouldn't bother you really piss you off. I reacted badly to so many things before I started meds, looking back I was suffering for a lot longer than i'd like to admit.
ETA: Try doing some yoga, or meditation even if you do feel silly. Otherwise, if you can, running is a huge mental booster.
Saddlesoap
VIP Member
Side idea, if he's sleeping a lot could he be depressed?
BettyCrocker
VIP Member
Hey OP, did you speak to the Doctors this morning?? Xx
watermelon sugar
VIP Member
This was what came up first! Maybe it's cos I'm closest to Lancashire? Who knowsI didn’t realise it was a Lancashire thing
Attachments
watermelon sugar
VIP Member
It was planned
Tilly3
VIP Member
Oh no double trouble for you now, at least he’ll get to see just how much you do day in day out now.Aww everyone's been so lovely to me on this thread
I text my mate who is childless and told her how I was feeling and she said 'well you have got a baby now' so that means I should be miserable should it
I'm feeling a lot better, baby has been a bit better with his sleep but I dont wanna jinx it
I'm glad I've got this thread to rant tho
Thanks everyone you're all the best
Hope he’s not crocked for too long xx
Misbehaving
VIP Member
How about he gives you a lie in now and again though?
It doesn't seem fair if he sleeps a lot but your exhausted?
Could he not be with your boy for a bit sometimes so you can get some rest?
My husband can be a real dick sometimes but even he used to take the baby for a couple of hours either in the night time or in the morning just so i get a bit of sleep?
I realise that things might be a bit tense right now but maybe see if you can come to some kind of compromise/arrangement?
Chronic sleep deprivation can affect some people really badly (myself included) and it can be difficult to function properly?
I really hope he can be understanding and see things from your point of view?
Yes he has needs but so do you and you are just as important and as others have said its his child as well he should also help?
I know its tough but i hope you work it out because its not good for you to be struggling with everything yourself and because you don't have family back up he needs to pull his weight a bit more i think?
Its not just your job?
I hope things pick up for you i really do and good luck with everything.