I'm miserable

[watermelon sugar]

Thank you for your messages everyone

Had a slightly better afternoon and feel a bit better

Just got baby to sleep pretty easy. Hoping he's not awake for hours through the night

Gonna talk to my partner over tea now and say he needs to buck his ideas up because I'm not happy

And yes @Mulholland Drive ill take the body massage!

 

[Babyyoda88]

I really don’t know what to say which is suitable advice only that I wish I could give you a big hug and babysit your baby for a bit so you can sleep.
I’m not a parent so it must be so so hard especially now without any support. Please let us know how you get on

 

[watermelon sugar]

I really don’t know what to say which is suitable advice only that I wish I could give you a big hug and babysit your baby for a bit so you can sleep.
I’m not a parent so it must be so so hard especially now without any support. Please let us know how you get on

Thank you! It's so just hard sometimes. I know there are worse things going on in the world than a baby not sleeping. But it just got me down and I needed to vent!

I've moved away to live with my boyfriend and I just miss my family and friends! If I were closer to my Mum I could have had her as my support bubble i just feel so alone & tired haha

I feel better for posting on here though and having such kind words back! I love Tattle x

 

[Babyyoda88]

Thank you! It's so just hard sometimes. I know there are worse things going on in the world than a baby not sleeping. But it just got me down and I needed to vent!

I've moved away to live with my boyfriend and I just miss my family and friends! If I were closer to my Mum I could have had her as my support bubble i just feel so alone & tired haha

I feel better for posting on here though and having such kind words back! I love Tattle x

There’s nothing worse than being over tired and you’re a newish mum who’s had to do all this during lock down (not the mention being away from your family and further support) if it isn’t hard enough for new mums as it is. I hope your chat will your partner goes well! X x

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

Motherhood is hard, goddamn hard. I want to give you a hug! The early days (and yes you are still in the early days) are relentless. Theyre exhausting and monotonous.

Your partner needs to step up to the plate, youre on maternity leave to recover from child birth and bond with your baby. Maternity leave is not code for 'do all house work on your own' or 'housewife'

I do find that mothers dont want to admit there kid doesnt sleep well, as if that means theyre failing at something or those who boast think its showing theyre excelling at motherhood. Sleep is luck of the draw, some babies sleep, some don't. Biologically babies are programmed not to sleep well as its there means of survival.

I have one sleeper and one non sleeper. My non sleeper finally began to sleep in there own bed at 4 years 2 months. It was a long slog believe me.

When you feel slightly more well rested you need to have a conversation with your partner, the reality of it is, if you were at work youd be paying someone to watch your child and they wouldnt be expected to watch your child and do all the other bits.

Be kind to yourself, if youre particularly exhausted have a nap with your little one, youl get a rest and your little one might settle quicker being next to you.

 

[Kindred]

Hi!

So, just wanted to hop on and say "I feel you!" and "I was/am you"
I had what's called a "high needs" baby. collic, never settled, never sleeping without being forcibly rocked to sleep, never being put down.

My advice is stop, rethink, re-evaluate, regroup and try again. Basically no, your partner working outside of the house is not a fair enough excuse for him to leave 99% f childcare to you. he gets days off, you don't. you are working 24/7, you are on call 24/7! it took 2 to make your gorgeous son, it'll take 2 to raise him. it absolutely takes team work! you are a well oiled machine, work like one mechanism, support each other like you're each-others extension. This might sound a bit strange as it is in todays society )though society is getting much better with understanding and supporting women in this way) but if we do not get a chance to heal durring the 4th trimester post partum [period and connect with the baby and our partner, we can very quickly get overwhelmed with all the absolute balls of "the housework needs to be done whilst bb is exclusively breastfed and you still put dinner out so your partner can come home like an absolute pleb and do duck-all and dnt forget to bounce back to size 8 figure before baby is even sitting". it's all brainwashing crap that makes women think they need to accept dirt poor performance from their partners because men are not to be held accountable for anything.

I have 3 kids, expecting my 4th and what I have learned is that kids are all different. all of mine are! one slept, one never did, one gave me absolute headache with everything they came up with. You gotto remember that this is such a short little season of life, you will sleep through the night soon again!
the baby is developing, learning the world still and has such big uncontrollable emotions. And the thing he knows the best is that YOU are GOOD. you are warm, soft, you smell lovely to him, you come when he is not ok, you come when he calls for you. 7
you are a steadfast source of love and comfort for him, of course he will fight sleep and scream for you, why would he sleep through when he can rock out with mumma?!
You are his whole world, he's only been alive for such a few short months...
This is what I remind myself and all new mommas who are so so tired because their babies need them so much in the night.

This too will pass. stay strong. Stay strong for you little one and also put your foot down with your partner.
my ex was the same way, he's make a big deal about being woken up by baby and how tired he is but he was never the one up for hours every night with the baby. he'd talk about how hard work is but would never help with any housework whilst I was balancing postpartum and newborn and colic and depression. He's been kicked to the curb when said baby was half a year old because that's not the MAN my daughter needed to be "raised" by. man child more like.

follow your sons lead, if he needs to be up or cosleep or feed to sleep or more skin contact, do that. whatever gives you both more sleep and makes you both feel happy.
anyway, you got this! apologies for the essay. but I FEEL YOU, YOU ARE NOT ALONE though you may feel very lonely (we all do, it's a hard situation to exist in atm)
sending you hugs xx

 

[NH14]

This is the toughest time ever , a global pandemic plus a tenth month old baby but I promise it will pass and one day you will barely remember these times ! In the meantime come on here and rant as much as you like , a few kind words amd support goes a long way xxx

 

[watermelon sugar]

So our talk didn't go well

Just gone to bed feeling even more unhappy than I did this morning. You know it's bad when you'd rather talk to strangers over the Internet than your own boyfriend

I feel so alone

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Plus, the month of January is traditionally quite a depressing month for a lot of people, myself including. With the mania of Christmas and New Year out of the way, what we're left with is the cold month of January, which really doesn't help lift people's moods.

Get to February, and things become a little better. And by March the clocks go forward and we start to see the early stages of Spring, and lighter/warmer mornings & evenings.

It all helps psychologically even if we're still in lockdown by then.

Try to think of the positives no matter how small or insignificant - glass is always half-full, and all that .

 

[watermelon sugar]

Plus, the month of January is traditionally quite a depressing month for a lot of people, myself including. With the mania of Christmas and New Year out of the way, what we're left with is the cold month of January, which really doesn't help lift people's moods.

Get to February, and things become a little better. And by March the clocks go forward and we start to see the early stages of Spring, and lighter/warmer mornings & evenings.

It all helps psychologically even if we're still in lockdown by then.

Try to think of the positives no matter how small or insignificant - glass is always half-full, and all that .

I'm usually super happy & positive as well

I always try and see the good in things but I'm stumped at the minute

 

[Misbehaving]

So our talk didn't go well

Just gone to bed feeling even more unhappy than I did this morning. You know it's bad when you'd rather talk to strangers over the Internet than your own boyfriend

I feel so alone

Oh i'm so sorry thats not fair please turn to us here anytime you feel alone or need support we are here for you.

 

[Kindred]

So our talk didn't go well

Just gone to bed feeling even more unhappy than I did this morning. You know it's bad when you'd rather talk to strangers over the Internet than your own boyfriend

I feel so alone

Talking about hard subjects can be tough on both parties! you feel misunderstood and unsupported, he feels attacked as he thought all was fine and he was fine doing the minimum and now this... I say sleep on it, brush it off and address it tomorrow morning (unless he addresses it this evening) with a fresh mind. tell him you don't want it to be an argument, you just need for you both to be on the same page and the same team to be best mummy and daddy and if you argue or don't fill each others love tanks then no one is happy.

having children helps bring out the "kinks" in a relationship an ironing said kinks out is a craft in itself! it's also a hard job to learn to argue respectfully and to let the other person win/figure out what hill is worth dying on (this one is, lol) Hopefully after a nights sleep your bf can understand a bit better where you're coming from.
deep breath, try again tomorrow. just remember all is well, you are ok, your son is safe and loved and resting, you're a good mum and you are loved.

 

[Saddlesoap]

So sorry to hear you are feeling so down.

I don't have kids, so cannot appreciate what you are experiencing, but my friend/colleague has an absolute mare with her little boy not sleeping and being on the go all the time. She considers work a break. I assume you aren't working at the moment - is that maternity leave or otherwise?

Also sorry your boyfriend isn't being more supportive. Could he possibly take a holiday to get some catch up time at home with you and baby?

Not excusing his behaviour, but lockdown is hard. Is he really exhausted, or just emotionally? I'm tired all the time with no good reason!

Are you getting plenty of daylight? It's a bad time of the year for feeling blue/run down.

 

[watermelon sugar]

So sorry to hear you are feeling so down.

I don't have kids, so cannot appreciate what you are experiencing, but my friend/colleague has an absolute mare with her little boy not sleeping and being on the go all the time. She considers work a break. I assume you aren't working at the moment - is that maternity leave or otherwise?

Also sorry your boyfriend isn't being more supportive. Could he possibly take a holiday to get some catch up time at home with you and baby?

Not excusing his behaviour, but lockdown is hard. Is he really exhausted, or just emotionally? I'm tired all the time with no good reason!

Are you getting plenty of daylight? It's a bad time of the year for feeling blue/run down.

I'm taking a year off for maternity leave so I go back in March! But I'm wfh if things haven't gone back to normal by then

Yeah I try to go for a walk everyday with the pram! I love getting out and having fresh air

I can see why he is tired - he does work a fair bit when he is in. Hes not in as much due to covid but when he is he works 7am-5pm. But he has a good few days off a week and everytime hes off he falls asleep early on the couch and has lie ins till 10/11am not to make it all about me but I get up every night through the night with the baby then get up at 5.30/6am with him everyday!

 

[Pinkblush]

I do have kids but I can't imagine what it must be like being a first time mum in a lockdown situation. It must be so incredibly difficult for you and the baby. You and your baby are missing out on interacting with other mums and babies and being out and about in the hustle and bustle of the local community, which must be so hard.
I'm so rubbish at relationship advice but as long as you know you have people here who you can confide in and sound off too, for what its worth.
#wecare

 

[watermelon sugar]

I do have kids but I can't imagine what it must be like being a first time mum in a lockdown situation. It must be so incredibly difficult for you and the baby. You and your baby are missing out on interacting with other mums and babies and being out and about in the hustle and bustle of the local community, which must be so hard.
I'm so rubbish at relationship advice but as long as you know you have people here who you can confide in and sound off too, for what its worth.
#wecare

Thanks so much!

I feel so stupid moaning about being tired and complaining that my boyfriend has more sleep than me but it's the whole lockdown situation getting to me too. My poor little boy hasn't met his whole family, he has cousins that forget he exists he's spent his whole life cooped up basically and it's horrible!

 

[Saddlesoap]

I'm taking a year off for maternity leave so I go back in March! But I'm wfh if things haven't gone back to normal by then

Yeah I try to go for a walk everyday with the pram! I love getting out and having fresh air

I can see why he is tired - he does work a fair bit when he is in. Hes not in as much due to covid but when he is he works 7am-5pm. But he has a good few days off a week and everytime hes off he falls asleep early on the couch and has lie ins till 10/11am not to make it all about me but I get up every night through the night with the baby then get up at 5.30/6am with him everyday!

That's not cool. It pisses me off enough that my husband sleeps in til 10/11 at weekends.

I do 10 hour days and it's not that bad. I can still do stuff when I get home.

I think get some sleep and try and have another conversation in the morning. At the end of the day, the baby is his child as well. Maybe you just need to be ruthless and say you're going out and leave them together for a few hours (go and sleep somewhere in your car if you need to?!)

 

[bolimepipi]

don't feel stupid or silly for ''moaning'' about this!
i think it's a very common situation to find yourself in where the other side doesn't realize how much work you are putting in just because they are the one ''officially working''. i am sorry to hear the conversation didn't go well, maybe he doesn't want to admit to himself that work is slow atm or that he kind of let you down! it's just a very difficult time in general, with covid and you're not sleeping and you're both on edge, it will get better

 

[Saddlesoap]

Side idea, if he's sleeping a lot could he be depressed?

 

[Pinkblush]

Thanks so much!

I feel so stupid moaning about being tired and complaining that my boyfriend has more sleep than me but it's the whole lockdown situation getting to me too. My poor little boy hasn't met his whole family, he has cousins that forget he exists he's spent his whole life cooped up basically and it's horrible!

Its not moaning, you simply have concerns and they are valid concerns