How to be happy single?

[Glamourelle]

Hey everyone!
So for as long as I can remember, I have never been “truly single”. Even between serious relationships, I would spend a lot of my time swiping on dating apps and seeing men on a more casual basis (even though, on reflection, I would still put my all into it and bend over backwards for them- possibly for validation or just because I desperately seek approval and love, either way is pathetic of me I know).
I have finally come to a point now where I have just had enough. I’m starting to realise I need to have a break from dating and men in general and need to look out and care for myself a bit more. I’ve deleted all of the apps and just want to use this time, however long it will be, to just “date myself”.
I just wondered, having never done this before, who else is in the same boat, and if anyone is, how did you find getting used to being single? Does it get easier as time goes on? Are there ways in which I can learn to be happy...or even content, by myself, especially after finding it so easy to be so self loathing!
I understand this is a weird question but I would love to hear from anyone who can give me their insight .
Thanks all so much x

 

[Renata]

Hey everyone!
So for as long as I can remember, I have never been “truly single”. Even between serious relationships, I would spend a lot of my time swiping on dating apps and seeing men on a more casual basis (even though, on reflection, I would still put my all into it and bend over backwards for them- possibly for validation or just because I desperately seek approval and love, either way is pathetic of me I know).
I have finally come to a point now where I have just had enough. I’m starting to realise I need to have a break from dating and men in general and need to look out and care for myself a bit more. I’ve deleted all of the apps and just want to use this time, however long it will be, to just “date myself”.
I just wondered, having never done this before, who else is in the same boat, and if anyone is, how did you find getting used to being single? Does it get easier as time goes on? Are there ways in which I can learn to be happy...or even content, by myself, especially after finding it so easy to be so self loathing!
I understand this is a weird question but I would love to hear from anyone who can give me their insight .
Thanks all so much x

Isn’t it a case of you have to delete all the apps as you cannot physically date anyone in a pandemic?

You’re being forced to do this rather than it being a decision to better yourself?

You date to validate yourself & give yourself a boost. You sound like a serial dater.

 

[luna012432]

Don’t feel embarrassed about dating between ex long term relationships, this is something I have also done, I think it’s great you have realised that you may have been dating at some points for validation or because you wanted to be loved, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this x

The fact you have realised this now will be a game changer and will give you time to focus on yourself.

Over time you will find things you like to do that make you happy without having a man and this time will give you the opportunity to learn more about yourself and love yourself.

A couple of my tips are -

Have set times to be on social media, if you struggle a bit at first the last thing you need is to be seeing other loved up couples.

If you ever have nights you feel a little meh about things, just remember it’s better to be single and put yourself first. Instead of trying with men who treat you like crap or always leave you wondering, or mess you around.

This may be the last bit of time you get to yourself/ to only have to think about you. before you meet the one, so make this time all about and give yourself the right to be selfish and put you first xx

 

[LucilleBluth]

Isn’t it a case of you have to delete all the apps as you cannot physically date anyone in a pandemic?

You’re being forced to do this rather than it being a decision to better yourself?

You date to validate yourself & give yourself a boost. You sound like a serial dater.

Bit harsh! It’s not really about bettering yourself. We can all aspire to whatever relationship status we want. It’s good to be able to be alone but I think that’s what OP is saying - she wants to work on that for herself.

And people are absolutely dating, FYI. You can do video dates and if you’re both comfortable, meet for a walk and keep your distance.

 

[Glamourelle]

Isn’t it a case of you have to delete all the apps as you cannot physically date anyone in a pandemic?

You’re being forced to do this rather than it being a decision to better yourself?

You date to validate yourself & give yourself a boost. You sound like a serial dater.

Not necessarily! I’ve heard of quite a few people who have continued to message or virtual date through lockdown.
And yep...I’ve literally just said that myself. I recognised that I was a serial dater hence why I’m taking a break and decided to write this post asking for a bit of an insight from others?!

Don’t feel embarrassed about dating between ex long term relationships, this is something I have also done, I think it’s great you have realised that you may have been dating at some points for validation or because you wanted to be loved, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this x

The fact you have realised this now will be a game changer and will give you time to focus on yourself.

Over time you will find things you like to do that make you happy without having a man and this time will give you the opportunity to learn more about yourself and love yourself.

A couple of my tips are -

Have set times to be on social media, if you struggle a bit at first the last thing you need is to be seeing other loved up couples.

If you ever have nights you feel a little meh about things, just remember it’s better to be single and put yourself first. Instead of trying with men who treat you like crap or always leave you wondering, or mess you around.

This may be the last bit of time you get to yourself/ to only have to think about you. before you meet the one, so make this time all about and give yourself the right to be selfish and put you first xx

This is great advice, thank you so much! Especially the social media part. I think we all underestimate how mindlessly scrolling on there can put a dampener on my mood as it’s so easy to compare.
I think it’s definitely the nights you mentioned where I can be prone to feeling a bit meh. I’ve spent a lot of time putting the needs of men before mine that it’ll take a bit of getting used to doing it for me, but I’m here to try!
Thank you so much again x

 

[Monkeybum]

I've been single 5 years after just being done with men and dating.

On nights where I'm feeling a bit meh I find my favourite things that a man wouldn't particularly enjoy, a bit of a pamper, my favourite film, that kind of thing.

And always bear in mind people only put out there what they want you to see. I talk to my married friends regularly and so when they post happy family pics remember that behind that there's the whinges and arguments I've just been told about

I just keep myself so busy with different friends that actually I don't really have time for a man now and he would have to bend over backwards to persuade me, not the other way round

 

[Glamourelle]

I've been single 5 years after just being done with men and dating.

On nights where I'm feeling a bit meh I find my favourite things that a man wouldn't particularly enjoy, a bit of a pamper, my favourite film, that kind of thing.

And always bear in mind people only put out there what they want you to see. I talk to my married friends regularly and so when they post happy family pics remember that behind that there's the whinges and arguments I've just been told about

I just keep myself so busy with different friends that actually I don't really have time for a man now and he would have to bend over backwards to persuade me, not the other way round

I actually love this, especially the last part! I think I spend so much time trying to prove my worth to men that I don’t stop to think whether they’re good enough for me, if that makes sense? Thanks so much for your input

 

[Sunflower91]

A few years ago I could have written this myself.
Ive been single for 6 years now after being in relationships constantly. It took a while but I actually really enjoy being single and I think being with yourself is such a healthy step in moving on to the right person.
For me it’s been recognising small things like:
-not having to tell someone where I’m going or being checked up on
-freedom to choose everything for myself
-not having to visit in-laws
-being able to go on nights out when I like (pre covid) or to just randomly decide to go somewhere
And then around Christmas I always treat myself to something because I don’t have a boyfriend to spend money on so might as well buy myself a treat.
In the beginning I made myself a list of all the things I wanted to do, with no pressure to do it. And just slowly ticked them off. I remember one was dying my hair and another was to go on a girls holiday.

At times it’s bloody hard, especially since all my friends are getting married now. But I try and put the blinkers on. Everyone finds happiness in different things and nobody has it perfect

 

[Monkeybum]

I actually love this, especially the last part! I think I spend so much time trying to prove my worth to men that I don’t stop to think whether they’re good enough for me, if that makes sense? Thanks so much for your input

Completely makes sense, that's exactly how I was, now they need to prove they're worthy of me. And if noone comes along then I'm happy on my own.

A single friend recommended the book 'The unexpected joy of being single' by Catherine Gray. I haven't read it but she said it really changed her mindset so might be worth looking up x

 

[Londoncailín]

I've been single 5 years after just being done with men and dating.

On nights where I'm feeling a bit meh I find my favourite things that a man wouldn't particularly enjoy, a bit of a pamper, my favourite film, that kind of thing.

And always bear in mind people only put out there what they want you to see. I talk to my married friends regularly and so when they post happy family pics remember that behind that there's the whinges and arguments I've just been told about

I just keep myself so busy with different friends that actually I don't really have time for a man now and he would have to bend over backwards to persuade me, not the other way round

I think we may be the same person

 

[Renata]

Bit harsh! It’s not really about bettering yourself. We can all aspire to whatever relationship status we want. It’s good to be able to be alone but I think that’s what OP is saying - she wants to work on that for herself.

And people are absolutely dating, FYI. You can do video dates and if you’re both comfortable, meet for a walk and keep your distance.

It was a bit harsh. I thought I was speaking to a man - similar to the men I have been meeting.

 

[Glamourelle]

It was a bit harsh. I thought I was speaking to a man - similar to the men I have been meeting.

I promise you the last time I checked I am definitely 100% woman . No worries- have a lovely Christmas x

A few years ago I could have written this myself.
Ive been single for 6 years now after being in relationships constantly. It took a while but I actually really enjoy being single and I think being with yourself is such a healthy step in moving on to the right person.
For me it’s been recognising small things like:
-not having to tell someone where I’m going or being checked up on
-freedom to choose everything for myself
-not having to visit in-laws
-being able to go on nights out when I like (pre covid) or to just randomly decide to go somewhere
And then around Christmas I always treat myself to something because I don’t have a boyfriend to spend money on so might as well buy myself a treat.
In the beginning I made myself a list of all the things I wanted to do, with no pressure to do it. And just slowly ticked them off. I remember one was dying my hair and another was to go on a girls holiday.

At times it’s bloody hard, especially since all my friends are getting married now. But I try and put the blinkers on. Everyone finds happiness in different things and nobody has it perfect

Wow- six years! That’s amazing. And you are so right- it’s all steps in the right direction and allowing that time for yourself to do the things YOU want to do. I love the idea of a list- I’ve just started journaling so will definitely work on a list too. Thanks so much!

Completely makes sense, that's exactly how I was, now they need to prove they're worthy of me. And if noone comes along then I'm happy on my own.

A single friend recommended the book 'The unexpected joy of being single' by Catherine Gray. I haven't read it but she said it really changed her mindset so might be worth looking up x

Adding it to my Amazon list now! Thanks so much and have a lovely Christmas x

 

[Renata]

Thank you! You are sweet

 

[Monkeybum]

Adding it to my Amazon list now! Thanks so much and have a lovely Christmas x

Thank you! You too x

 

[HankMcPrank]

I love being single!! X

 

[Mulholland Drive]

I have often wondered about leading the single life - such an uncomplicated way of doing things, without being distracted by the needs/demands of others.

But then when I have my girlfriend with me, either sharing the sofa, or in my bed asleep, or just walking in the park (pre covid), I am immersed with love and devotion of having someone with me, talking to me, holding me, reassuring me, making love to me, making me smile and be genuinely happy with my life.

It's a hard call sometimes

 

[Glamourelle]

I love being single!! X

I hope to get to this stage soon!

I have often wondered about leading the single life - such an uncomplicated way of doing things, without being distracted by the needs/demands of others.

But then when I have my girlfriend with me, either sharing the sofa, or in my bed asleep, or just walking in the park (pre covid), I am immersed with love and devotion of having someone with me, talking to me, holding me, reassuring me, making love to me, making me smile and be genuinely happy with my life.

It's a hard call sometimes

Awh that’s so lovely to read

 

[Clementine]

I’m happy being single because men are TRASH. Every time I dip my toes back into apps etc, I’m just reminded of this.

I’m happy just fantasising over Jamie Dornan being my husband right now

 

[Renata]

I think being single is a huge privilege and blessing.

Some of the men I have met are a mixture of narcissistic, mummy’s boys, bordering on abusers - and many cheat very easily.

So yes - I love being single if that’s the options available.

There are loads of serial daters that go home to a family. Loads. Don’t be fooled.

Merry Christmas

 

[Glamourelle]

I’m happy being single because men are TRASH. Every time I dip my toes back into apps etc, I’m just reminded of this.

I’m happy just fantasising over Jamie Dornan being my husband right now

You have Jamie Dornan and I’ll have Idris Elba

I think being single is a huge privilege and blessing.

Some of the men I have met are a mixture of narcissistic, mummy’s boys, bordering on abusers - and many cheat very easily.

So yes - I love being single if that’s the options available.

There are loads of serial daters that go home to a family. Loads. Don’t be fooled.

Merry Christmas

You have literally listed all of my exes!