I'm glad you're focussing on bettering yourself cause that is amazing and I find it really admirable that you are willing to admit that you needed validation as that can be really vulnerable. Keep your standards high cause you ARE most certainly more than enough and you absolutely shouldn't settle for anything less than you deserve!
Thank you
I hope you don't mind me asking but a lot of your story resonated with me! Not to sound like a consellor but have you ever thought about why you're always the one compromising?
sounds wacko but let me explain.
In all of the men I've been on dates with or were talking to the ONE thing they all always had in common was that they were all emotionally unavailable. It was always when it was convenient for them to talk to me or see me, even with just a simple text back. Always made me feel confused about whether they liked me or not.
I'm aware that the issues I have are pretty much with myself - I am quite an anxious and insecure person, due to the fact that the 3 relationships that I had were pretty bad, it almost acted as a way of confirming for me that I am not good enough and I have to "work harder". It took some time for me to realise that
I am not the problem, the problem was with the men that I dated because similarly to you - I went for men that were emotionally unavailable! So I was stuck in a horrible cycle of dating men that were bad for me, and confirming that I don't deserve better. Until I finally broke the cycle. It basically took "sitting myself down"
and having an honest conversation with myself, and facing all of my worries and insecurities, rather than denying it. I am not perfect, and I have to work on myself.
I am so sorry to hear about your dad and just know that you deserve much better from him, and from the men that you date! I'm glad you had that moment of reflection though, and realised the type of men that you were drawn to and for what reasons. I think that wake up call can be a horrible experience, but also necessary to be able to move and find happiness!
With the last guy I dated when I ended it I was angry about it cause 1. cause I felt like I'd ignored my gut instinct that it wasn't what I wanted and 2. because I felt like I'd invested so much, texting him back, hinting that I liked him for him to shut me downed give me nothing in return. Now I do think that he wasn't really doing anything wrong I suppose, he just couldn't give me what I wanted/needed. He did reply properly but only when it was convenient and he wouldn't compromise to see me. I remember once messaging him saying I was going out for a drive at 9pm after dropping my friend off somewhere and asked if he wanted to come out for a bit and he said no cause he goes to bed at 10pm cause he's tired*. There realistically isn't anything wrong with that but it really used to stress me out cause I felt like if you wanted to see someone you would stay up later and that's what I want. I want someone who would jump at the opportunity to come out with me even if it was inconvenient. He's still bitter about me ending it (mutual friend told me) and I always said "well he never gave me any indication that he liked me" which I partly do believe it as there were a bunch of red flags other than the ones mentioned but I also think that maybe he did in his own way but it wasn't what I personally needed so I didn't see it.
*(that said he was happy to go on the piss with his mates all weekend but that's a story for another day as well)
I've been in that situation so many times!
I think the problem that I had was that
I expected to receive the same love that I gave - every time. And I couldn't accept the fact that everyone is different and has their own "way" of giving love, and it might not be the "love" that I personally needed or expected.
For example, I've always been the type of a person to pick up a little gift for the person I care about (lets say they mentioned there was a book they really wanted to read), or buy them their favourite food or snacks - like, they were always in the back of my mind and I wanted to do things to make them happy. And it was a slap in the face, when the person did not return the same. I am not saying I wanted gifts, but it's nice when that person thinks of you, and makes effort to put a smile on your face!
But I do think coming off Instagram especially would help people.
makes you feel lonely .
Which is horrible to say but they let me down all the time. It has jaded my view of them. So I’m very cynical of people in love and relationships all together now. I think that helps me be happy single - I would have never have written that or even thought that this time last year.