House chores

[Noname12345]

I couldn't find a thread about the house chores.

Who's responsible in your homes for doing what? Do you and your partner work?

I think I got myself into the house chores corner... We both work full time. My partner cooks and is responsible for the majority of the grocery shopping (we go together, but I hate choosing veg, I get cold in the fridge /freezer section) so I wander around looking for deals and I pick up an odd item.

We usually unpack the shopping together, but not always...

Anyway, I do everything else including putting my partner's clean laundry away. Often folded in a konmari way.

I like the house to be clean and organised which is why I took on the vast majority of the house work, but I find myself angry and resentful towards my partner.

I appreciate the cooking a lot and the fact that when I can't be bothered to get up, I can ask for a tea, drinks etc.

I feel terrible for being angry at my partner, but is cooking enough or should I ask for help in running the house?

 

[Influenced]

I hear ya, except I do all the cooking too. To be fair I am a chef and don't let him in the kitchen so it's entirely my fault. I do get annoyed picking up after him and the children. He just doesn't see the clutter. Also I like a clean house. It settles my mind. He doesn't so I suppose it's my fault entirely. Doesn't stop the rage though

 

[tskiry56]

I think myself and my boyfriend do a lot of things equally. I tend to do the washing and he usually irons. Its strange having someone who doesn't always make out cleaning etc is a womens job especially when most women also now work full time.

 

[Noname12345]

I hear ya, except I do all the cooking too. To be fair I am a chef and don't let him in the kitchen so it's entirely my fault. I do get annoyed picking up after him and the children. He just doesn't see the clutter. Also I like a clean house. It settles my mind. He doesn't so I suppose it's my fault entirely. Doesn't stop the rage though

Yeah, he says that I should relax and chill, while the house is upside down. I know I've got high standards, but I'm raging when he games and I am working on growing a third arm, because two isn't enough!

 

[DCICassieStuart]

Probably about 60/40 here, but I work part time (3 days a week) and he works full time, so I think it's fair enough.
I do the grocery shopping which I don't mind. On the rare occasion he does it, it works out more expensive because he keeps picking up stuff we don't need!
We both iron as little as possible. He irons his work shirts and does the bed linen. I have a couple of tops that need to be ironed, but otherwise we rarely iron anything else.

It's the picking up after him though that drives me bloody insane! I like the house to be tidy, but he constantly just dumps stuff everywhere or takes things out, but never puts them away.
The dishwasher is the one thing that really pees me off. He throws stuff into it any old way and tells me I'm OCD about it, but I'm not. I've tried telling him that you have to put stuff in a certain way in order for it to clean properly and so that stuff doesn't break.
Most of the time though he just leaves the dirty stuff on the table or lying around the kitchen!
On the once in a blue moon occasion that he empties it, he just shoves everything back in the cupboard any old way too

 

[Web30]

I work evenings and have all day free while our daugther's at school so I do 90% of the house stuff. He cooks and tidys up before I'm home.

 

[SavvyBee]

My husband does the finances / bills etc (pays for much more than me too, his choice), I do all of the shopping and all of the cooking. He can’t cook and I can and don’t mind it. He’s also happy with beans on toast or a ready meal so I don’t have too much pressure if I’ve had a busy week or don’t fancy cooking from scratch. I do a monthly online shop and then get fresh bits during the week as we go, although we are doing Hello Fresh at the minute so that’s actually got easier for me. We have a cleaner once per week but I’ll do most of the “keeping on top” cleaning in between, although he will wipe down the sides etc after using them of course. He takes the bins out. He works from home so does 70% of the laundry in terms of putting it in, hanging out to dry etc. I will do more if I’m working from home or he will put it on during the day and I might fold in the evening. Our cleaner does the ironing and I’ll do the odd bit if needed between her visits. Neither of us feel hard done by and we both chip in if extra stuff is needed and both keep the place tidy. I am generally better at seeing little odd jobs that need doing. DIY is neither of our fortes - he will do small tasks but decorating is something we generally get people in for. We don’t have a garden but he will probably do the mowing if we did.
I make sure we’ve got everything we need, I do all of the organising for our social life and other admin / calendar keeping. I also make sure everyone has birthday cards and gifts, do pretty much everything for Christmas. He always says I “make us have a nice life” which I like - he is very generous and pays for a majority but we bring equal value to the relationship with the distribution of workload.

 

[carebear123]

I do it all theres only me and 3 kids.i bribe the older two to help sometimes oldest is 16 this year so she does need to start pulling her weight.
she can cook so sometimes cooks for us.
older two have to keep there bedrooms tidy I do go in every few days and give the rooms a good clean.
my 3 year old helps by playing a game at end of day where we both tidy toys away on a timer.(we have to beat the clock ).
I do the washing and main cleaning stuff as if I ask older ones they tend to take days and nothing would get done.

 

[urghwhy]

It is about 60/40 here with my boyfriend but only because I love doing the laundry so I do the bedding and towels on top

He does the bathroom, ironing and cooking... then I do the rest. Depending on how many dishes we have he helps out. The shopping is done by the both of us and we both have our own room which is our home office, which we are just responsible for our own space.

There is always a discussion on who puts the bin out we live in a flat and I proper cba going downstairs with a full bag

 

[Delia Smith]

I do 90% of it. I work from home mostly. OH earns far more than me and the way we work it is he pays for most things but I cook, clean, run errands, look after the pets, sort out the essentials and I pay for and maintain our car and also other critical non essentials. When he comes home from work he has very little to do around the house. He might put the bin out or load the dishwasher but thats it.

 

[Orange Creme]

I do everything in the week and husband helps at the weekend. I have a little business which take up only an hour a day and he he works full time, long hours. We have children and I like it how it is to be honest I would just like the kids to do more but that's my own fault.

 

[judsmum]

We both work ‘full time’ although he is in the construction/maintenance sector and so is often out of the house at 5am and home at 6pm.
I do ALL the housework and cooking. Everything. And that is how I intend it to stay. It’s not like if I asked him to do something he wouldn’t do it, he would, it’s just that I prefer to do it my way! I just ask him not to and we’re both happy with that.

 

[CrazyCatLady101]

we both work full time, I take care of all the bills (he transfers money into my account from his wage and I pay them all/have the DD or SO set up for them) I do the food shop on my lunch from work as Tesco is right behind my office. I get up at 6.30 and he gets up at 7..by that time the cats are fed, watered and litter trays cleaned out. he is usually in before me so will have a shower and if I have prepped dinner he will msg and ask what time and temp to pop it in the oven. he also leaves before me in the morning for work so after I am dressed, hair & make up done I try and clean a room a day in the morning before work. If I don't manage that then its all done on a Friday night after work whilst hes on the Xbox or if he sometimes does OT on a sat morning I will get up the same time as him and have the whole house done by 12/1pm when he gets home, he will pop on a washing if I have loaded it up or transfer it to the tumble dryer for me and at the weekend he will sometimes make dinner or lunch. we tried doing the food shop together but he gets really annoyed at ppl and ends up going and waiting in the car, I also spend a lot less when hes not there dumping in random rubbish. I unpack the shopping to and tidy up after him, yes its annoying but at least its tidy and I know where everything is... then he has to ask where this or that is as hes left it at his arse as usual. I don't think I could have it any other way tho as I am super organised with everything and like to stay on top of things. I have been referred to hosp for something and I may need a operation, the recovery period is 6 to 8 weeks and when I reminded him of this and he will need to pitch in more he simply said well stuff wont be getting done then. he was half joking but I also know it wont be done or will be done half heartedly. I am praying I don't need this op as it will drive me mad being bed bound in a messy house xx

 

[SunshineDreamer]

We have it split 50/50 but I’m not going to lie, we do have a cleaner who does a deep clean once a month, other than that we share all the cooking, cleaning and child care.

 

[Dizzy]

50/50 - my OH is very hands on which is something I really really love about him! I work part time and him full time. My ex was a lazy, messy fucker (nothing was ever his "job") and I used to do everything even when the kids were babies and I was on my arse with PND so to be with someone now who's really proactive and will just get on with stuff that needs doing was and still is a revelation. We often argue about who's going to load the dishwasher or take the rubbish out (I'll do it, you sit down - no, I'll do it you go and have a bath if you like). I really do wish he would take things a bit easier as he works so hard but he's just wired that way I guess. I totally get the resentment when it's one sided BTW, I used to get so angry that I was doing the lions share (and then some).

 

[Twinkle485]

My oh does sod all.
He may cook now and again. He wouldn’t know how to wipe his own arse if I didn’t pass him the loo roll.
I’ve made my boys start doing their own washing recently obviously I supervise but they can load and unload a washer and tumble, they can hoover and clean a loo which they hate but they have to learn
Whatever my mil taught my oh was ridiculous he has no idea.

 

[Dizzy]

My oh does sod all.
He may cook now and again. He wouldn’t know how to wipe his own arse if I didn’t pass him the loo roll.
I’ve made my boys start doing their own washing recently obviously I supervise but they can load and unload a washer and tumble, they can hoover and clean a loo which they hate but they have to learn
Whatever my mil taught my oh was ridiculous he has no idea.

This was exactly the issue with my ex - he'd never been expected to lift a finger (my ex MiL still says this now) so it was like living with a huge, messy, annoying, untrained third child. He never made a bed in all the time we were together, he never cleaned a toilet, put the hoover round, put a wash on. When we first met I had to explain to him how and why he needed to rinse the basin after he'd had a shave!

 

[Laur91]

I lived with my parents until I was 26 and my partner had been living alone since 17 so he was far more domesticated than I was when we moved in together! we split a lot of chores like when we deep clean the house we do our own bathrooms, I do the spare room, he does his office and we both do the main bedroom etc

I HATE washing up and our rule is whoever doesn’t cook does the washing up (we alternate each night for cooking) but he knows I hate it so sometimes he’s nice and does it for me we do our own clothes washing etc and his job is putting the bins out on a Weds night. I like how we’ve easily slot into our roles!

 

[CrazyCatLady101]

I lived with my parents until I was 26 and my partner had been living alone since 17 so he was far more domesticated than I was when we moved in together! we split a lot of chores like when we deep clean the house we do our own bathrooms, I do the spare room, he does his office and we both do the main bedroom etc

I HATE washing up and our rule is whoever doesn’t cook does the washing up (we alternate each night for cooking) but he knows I hate it so sometimes he’s nice and does it for me we do our own clothes washing etc and his job is putting the bins out on a Weds night. I like how we’ve easily slot into our roles!

so you wash your clothes separate to him washing his? doesn't that mean you do double the washings? would it not be better doing a dark load, light load, towels ect.

no hate just curious

 

[Laur91]

so you wash your clothes separate to him washing his? doesn't that mean you do double the washings? would it not be better doing a dark load, light load, towels ect.

no hate just curious

oh the man has SO many clothes, he can easily fill a wash with just his own stuff like he collects socks so will sometimes just do a sock wash and there just be like 30 pairs crammed in there

if he’s running low on whites one day I’ll add a few of mine in but we both usually fill the washing machine with our own stuff easily without having to split it all! He’s also super fussy about his stuff so he puts extra bits and bobs in to soften his T-shirt’s etc so this way just works for us!