Helen Anderson #10 ASOS Binge, COVID Whinge and a Festive Minge

Lunamoon22 said:

VIDEO SUMMARY:
Vlogmas Day #18
4 Christmas Cocktails​

[DESCRIPTION: Me and Danni try 4 Christmassy cocktails to hopefully inspire - haha.]

Starts off saying that her new hair cut makes her look like Hermione Granger. It does not.

"oh well" she shrugs.

Today she starts off her day at PT with Kat. Then makes a weird noise in her mouth by waving her tongue side to side.

"a man honked his horn at me when I was pulling in" Because she is a shit driver

"I was indicating to go right, to pull into this industrial estate. But there was obviously cars ended up coming into the opposite direction and we just couldn't go anywhere! We were sat there for a while, whilst he was waiting for me to go and he just honked at me and I'm like "do you just want me to go into all these cars, you impatient little prick"

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She takes a gross loud gulp of her drink because her mic is strapped to her throat.

"bloody idiot"

She's early to boot camp but she's going in anyway "let's go train shall we"

She's got a fun day today (apart from her MOT later)

And great we have the fucking mic still strapped to her neck while she's exercising - because EVERYONE wants to hear you breathing while you struggle stepping up on a box.

"my legs really ache today I dunno why? I CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN IN MY SLEEP!!!!" She says to Kat. Fucking cringe.

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She waddles over to Kat to tell her how excited she is for Christmas - she's *that* excited that it gave her the shits. There are other people working out in the gym and she's yelling over to Kat about having a poo because she's soooooo excited for Christmas day.

"Me and Fil met on the 11th January and we're celebrating our anniversary on the 11th cos that's when we met each other." I don't think you need to explain how anniversaries work Helga, we've seen enough of them on your channel

She continues working out while chatting away to Kat about how she's having an exciting week this week cos of her secret break away with Fil for his birthday - remember a treat for Fil is really a treat for Helga.

Cut to the car now, her work out farts have all been released.

Says she increased her weight (that's lifting weight not body weight) to 10kg.

Now we're off to Asda, because she needs to go shopping.... again

She sticks her camera in her face and says "essentials!"

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Cut to home "bloody idiot, forgot her mask didn't she" she moans as she cuts to her violently making a cup of tea.

Cut to later on now Fil mumbles something and Helga replies "I KNOW! THAT'S WHY I HAD A FUNNY TUMMY THIS MORNING!!! SQUIGGLY EXCITED TUMMY!!!"

She then animates how her insides go "hugunnnn!" when she wakes up super excited early in the morning.

"and then I get butterflies and I need to shit"

So far this vlog is all about her shitting.

Danni's sent her a voice note, she's running late too and has to be done by 7:30pm so that's coooool by her apparently.

Helen's finished her 'work' stuff today, she had to pop out and take her car for it's mot and now the excitement starts! She gets to drink!!!!

She's already stuttering and slurring over trying to say "virtual Christmas cocktail making sesh with Danni'

Fil's going to be the guinea pig or is that the Kirby Pig?

"we're going to be making 4 different Christmas cocktails" she says while initially putting three fingers up

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Cut to Helga manically laughing so fucking loud in the kitchen. Why? Because Danni has a halo on her head. Well funny mate.

Danni's excitited to make cocktails. She's scared of the Egg though - don't worry Danni Fil's a harmless little worm (trololol)

Helen's also scared of the egg and she bought loads of them

She wants to make cocktails because a) she wants to practice for Christmas day

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"just to know what's good"

and b) BECAUSE IT'S FESTIVE TIME!!!!!!!! DURRR!!!! And they can't 'really' celebrate together (but they probably will/have already)

also we're trialing these for YOU so we can give you ideas. Ah yes because you were soooo good at telling us all how the Lush bath bombs smelled like with such gems as "it smells very Lush", can't wait how these "taste like a cocktail"

They're making a Christmas Cake Martini, a Christmas Margarita, a clementine Whiskey Sour and Egg Nog because neither of them have had Egg Nog before.

First off is the Christmas Cake Martini - aaaaand already failed, she forgot to get the almond syrup. Danni's fucking useless too and also doesn't have the syrup so suggest that they shove some disaronno in it because that has almond in it.

"THAT'S A GOOD IDEA INNIT!!" yells Helen, IT WILL JUST BE *EXTRA* ALCOHOLIC!!!!" Helen's favorite kind of drink

Danni fucks up again, she hasn't got cognac and doesn't even know what it is.

We can tell the level of organisation these girls have done for this amazing piece of content. Fucking none.

"OH MY GOD!!! CAN I TELL YOU SUMFINK MNHGI I NEED TO MAKE A CONFESSION!!!!" what now? Did you broke even more Covid rules Helen?

"I WENT 'AW FIL! I GOT THE CHEAPEST KOG NACK IN SAINSBURY'S!'" she wheezes out a laugh, "AND HE WAS LIKE 'IT'S KONG YAK' AND I WENT 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'"

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Danni laughs, "like yer Pee Knot"

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Helen's face melts into her hands

After that hilariousness, we're on to finally making the first drink. Her camera keeps going in and out of focus.

They both struggle to open the disaronno

"this feels like a lot of whiskey" says Danni,

"yeah...well.... it da... yeah.... excitin" stutters Helga, probably sampling as she's pouring it in

Danni opens a bottle and doesn't even know what she's pouring in. They're both thick as shit.

"FIL!!!!" yells Jelly Belly, "WOT IS KONG YAK????"

Danni joins in the yelling "WOT IS KONG YAK??" they keep yelling that phrase at Fil.

We can't hear Fil over the yelling but Helga says "HE FINKS IT MIGHT BE BRANDY!" does no one google shit? The phone is RIGHT THERE, or just fucking ask the Alexa you have in your kitchen. Idiot.

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She's shaken it, poured and now to decorate with a cinnamon dusted cherry - she doesn't have a cherry... she only have an absolutely pathetic tiny dried cherry, so she plops that in and it sinks to the bottom.

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Helen complains what a small amount of drink she managed to get out of all this.

Time to sample. Helen yells "WOOOOOAH! WOOOOOAH!!!" she cringes, and then says "it's definitely festive"

They both take sips and scrunch their faces up at it. Helen covid coughs over the drink, ready to go into the living room to give Fil a taste. Yum.

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Change of plan, Fil's going to walk into the room and acts like he's a judge on a cooking show "Hello Danni" he waves, as if he wasn't talking to her moments ago. He holds the glass "Christmas Martini" he takes a slurp, which we can all delightfully hear because of Helga's neck mic



The verdict from Judge Fil? "That's... that's... alcoholic" and that's the exciting taste test conculded, he's back off to the living room

"YOU WRAPPIN MA CHRISTMAS PRESENTS???"

"Nooooooo"

"OH MY GOD HE'S WRAPPING MY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!!!!!" She jumps up and down screaming into the neck mic

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"HEHEHEHEHE!!!!!"

"right I suppose we better drink this before we move on...." of course you do Helga.

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Danni's goal is to be able to drink straight liquor without making a face..... great goal Dan.

Danni says you know when rum is fancy, it comes in a tin.

Dan tells a story about how she managed to drink Whiskey neat but ended up in a hole. Literally.

Next is a Christmas Margarita - Helen's just going to shove everything in the cocktail shaker.

Jump cuts galore, Fil makes an appearance (probably to cut the lime because he's well good at cooking innit) then he goes back to the living room - not before Helen demands an update on him wrapping ALLLL her presents.

He mumbles about putting them under the tree but he knows she'd poke them, Jelly Belly jiggles her whole body jumping up and down, yelling "I WOOOOON'T!!!!!! PUT THEM UNDER THE TREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

Fil's going to find a space under there to hide them. This satisfies the grown child.

She violently pours out the Margarita "OH MY GOOOOD!!!! ITS REALLY MILKY LOOKING!!!"

She's supposed to garnish with mint and cranberries, but guess what? She didn't bother to get them.

Helen's disappointed "DAT DONT TASTE LYKE A MARGARITA DOE" Jelly Belly and Kirby Egg decide that it tastes like a Pina Colada. Danni thinks hers is right on the money.

Two drinks downed and Helen says she's feeling a bit pissed now - because they're making 4 cocktails and drinking them within the allotted hour time frame.

Next drink - the whiskey sour.

Helen says if it wasn't for Danni she wouldn't have bitters in her life. Danni then tells the audience that Angostura Bitters is a great cure for constipation, the shits, if you feel sick, if you got a headache. "it's always a Bitta's n 'ot wata"

Helen asks why that is, Danni says it's because her family are Trinidadian and it was made there.

Cut back to Helga making the weirdest face

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Danni interviews Helga, by asking what song she sings to herself when she shakes. DON'T DO IT DANNI. FFS. She's going to sing isn't she.

Danni sings "shake shake shake, shake shake shake"

Helen sings out of tune "shake it oft, shake it oft"

Drink is made. We hear her gross gulp. Ughhhh.

But Helga likes that. Fil's back and he's into that. "It's well good.... citrus.... whiskey... it's good"

Helen's drunk, she's slurring that she's going to share the recipe with Fil. Fil wants to get back to his game, not before Helga gets the worlds most awkward kiss. It's like he's giving his Nan a peck on the lips.

Last one is Egg Nog. The camera is sozzled, it's out of focus and just wants to go to bed.

And yet another fucking fail Helga doesn't have the brandy for the recipe. Danni doesn't have it either. Helga puts her face in a cupboard and raises her arse to the sky while yelling to Fil if they have brandy. Fil tells her to use "kong yak"

Skip to them sipping it and thinking it's nice. Fil asks her whats in it and then laughs at her "KOG NAK" boo boo, he's so amused he has to do a little replay of what happened over and over

"SHAAAT UP FILLLLL!" slurs Helga.

Danni has to rush off now, she's got a works Christmas Do and it's great because she's now pissed as a fart for it.

Helen's now going to have fondue

The end

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Emmapism said:

Sadly she would only pay attention to the rules if her or someone she loved was affected.

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Emmapism said:

Sadly she would only pay attention to the rules if her or someone she loved was affected. Or it was printed on a dress she could buy from ASOS. Then again we know she has trouble with reading and writing so maybe not.

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microwavequeen said:

Or if someone paid her to do a #ad follow the rules campaign But she'd probs do it for a day then go back to her normal ways.

Just like how she advertised some random ice cream saying its her fave when we all know she has a mini magnum everynight

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luckyblue said:

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anyone else getting Emilia Fart vibes from these dresses Helga keeps wearing?

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Adoraborealis said:

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No thank you.

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Lunamoon22 said:

It was virtual over zoom, but if she could 'get away' with having Danni over in person she most definitely would have.

Also this comment

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Lunamoon22 said:

It was virtual over zoom, but if she could 'get away' with having Danni over in person she most definitely would have.

Also this comment

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Tyla73 said:

Ouch, that kiss was awkward. I do wonder what Phil is doing there.

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sorenips said:

Poor old Fil. The more I watch him, the more I feel sorry for him. Fil Dim-But-Chill.

Also check out Danni with the Helen level cringe. The delivery, the weak laugh afterwards, the moment of silence afterwards...

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Lunamoon22 said:

This year has made me realize just how important my family are. It made me realize that I defiantly took my vulnerable family's illnesses for granted before the pandemic, and seeing my room mates healthy NHS worker mum become so ill with it at the beginning, to the point where she was in the ICU twice, was scary. Seeing how she, 9 months later, is still having respiratory issues and still can't work full time made me understand how devastating this virus is, and how it's important that we to the absolute most we can to avoid spreading it.

It's made me see just how awful the human race can be:

- From Helen's insistent refusal to wear a simple mask, her constant excuses - ironically saying that she couldn't breathe with it on.

- To her rushing off to get as many holidays as they can, going to the Aphetor Games with their lies about social distancing, still yelling how "we're all in this together", while the weak and vulnerable were still under lock down.

- To her doing so, so, so many unnecessary trips to shops and seeing as many friends as she could, yelling how she just wants to "live her life", while people are still at risk, still in hospital, still dying.

- To her going out shopping and mixing with people when she was sick with a 'cold', and didn't bother to get herself tested even though she had Covid symptoms

- To her filming that pathetic music video with a bunch of crew, while she was still sick with her 'cold', filming in a shop with no mandatory mask on because she's a 'rock star'

- To her not doing a single fucking thing to help those who are struggling to put food on the table, how she has only just realized that Food Banks are a thing is fucking shocking.

- To her going out EVERY SINGLE DAY yet has the audacity to hypocritically tell everyone "in the grand scheme of things, it's not that hard to stay home"

- To her obviously organizing yet another party for her friends, the Boxing Day BBQ party - with that much food there's no way that's for two people.

- To her only admitting she broke covid rules after deleting a bunch of comments being called out for it, then making out that it was HER idea to get things off her chest, feigning guilt and sadness yet admitting that if she knew what she was doing was breaking the rules she would have just gone without mentioning it!

- To her knowing that now people are struggling even more, going on and on about how her Christmas is going to be the most exciting one ever - she could do with reading the room and keep that shit to herself.

- Her reaction with this news of a new strain of the virus that has been proven to spread even faster than before, this doesn't phase her in the slightest, she's still acting her normal selfish bitch ass self.

This Christmas I will be alone. I am sad about it, but I'm okay about it. We have zoom. I'm not sitting her thinking "fuck Boris, I'm entitled for MY Christmas!" (After all, other religions have had their celebrations cancelled earlier in the year too - such as Eid, that was cancelled a day or so before!) I've decided that I'm going to plan the next one nice and early and think of ways to make it incredibly special for the ones I love.

The greatest advice I heard months ago was "act like you have the virus" - you become so much more aware of what you touch, how close you are to people and if that trip out is really necessary.

The sad thing is, is if you look at other countries dealing with a virus you really do see which places care for the fellow humankind. If the UK didn't have idiots like Helga acting so incredibly selfish and entitled, the pandemic on our island wouldn't be in the state it is now.

You can blame the government all you like Helen, I am not one to sing their praises, but at the end of the day it's YOUR duty and responsibility to do the right thing. Common sense is a marvelous thing - it's a shame that people like you, Helen, have none at all.

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Lunamoon22 said:

This year has made me realize just how important my family are. It made me realize that I defiantly took my vulnerable family's illnesses for granted before the pandemic, and seeing my room mates healthy NHS worker mum become so ill with it at the beginning, to the point where she was in the ICU twice, was scary. Seeing how she, 9 months later, is still having respiratory issues and still can't work full time made me understand how devastating this virus is, and how it's important that we to the absolute most we can to avoid spreading it.

It's made me see just how awful the human race can be:

- From Helen's insistent refusal to wear a simple mask, her constant excuses - ironically saying that she couldn't breathe with it on.

- To her rushing off to get as many holidays as they can, going to the Aphetor Games with their lies about social distancing, still yelling how "we're all in this together", while the weak and vulnerable were still under lock down.

- To her doing so, so, so many unnecessary trips to shops and seeing as many friends as she could, yelling how she just wants to "live her life", while people are still at risk, still in hospital, still dying.

- To her going out shopping and mixing with people when she was sick with a 'cold', and didn't bother to get herself tested even though she had Covid symptoms

- To her filming that pathetic music video with a bunch of crew, while she was still sick with her 'cold', filming in a shop with no mandatory mask on because she's a 'rock star'

- To her not doing a single fucking thing to help those who are struggling to put food on the table, how she has only just realized that Food Banks are a thing is fucking shocking.

- To her going out EVERY SINGLE DAY yet has the audacity to hypocritically tell everyone "in the grand scheme of things, it's not that hard to stay home"

- To her obviously organizing yet another party for her friends, the Boxing Day BBQ party - with that much food there's no way that's for two people.

- To her only admitting she broke covid rules after deleting a bunch of comments being called out for it, then making out that it was HER idea to get things off her chest, feigning guilt and sadness yet admitting that if she knew what she was doing was breaking the rules she would have just gone without mentioning it!

- To her knowing that now people are struggling even more, going on and on about how her Christmas is going to be the most exciting one ever - she could do with reading the room and keep that shit to herself.

- Her reaction with this news of a new strain of the virus that has been proven to spread even faster than before, this doesn't phase her in the slightest, she's still acting her normal selfish bitch ass self.

This Christmas I will be alone. I am sad about it, but I'm okay about it. We have zoom. I'm not sitting her thinking "fuck Boris, I'm entitled for MY Christmas!" (After all, other religions have had their celebrations cancelled earlier in the year too - such as Eid, that was cancelled a day or so before!) I've decided that I'm going to plan the next one nice and early and think of ways to make it incredibly special for the ones I love.

The greatest advice I heard months ago was "act like you have the virus" - you become so much more aware of what you touch, how close you are to people and if that trip out is really necessary.

The sad thing is, is if you look at other countries dealing with a virus you really do see which places care for the fellow humankind. If the UK didn't have idiots like Helga acting so incredibly selfish and entitled, the pandemic on our island wouldn't be in the state it is now.

You can blame the government all you like Helen, I am not one to sing their praises, but at the end of the day it's YOUR duty and responsibility to do the right thing. Common sense is a marvelous thing - it's a shame that people like you, Helen, have none at all.

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sj96 said:

I played it at 0.5x speed just to truly experience the severity of the cringe, he looks trapped She’s wasted and he just wants to get the drink and fuck off away from her, but the arm grabbing and awkward peck just to show up/prove a point for the camera Grossssss

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luckyblue said:

View attachment 355808
anyone else getting Emilia Fart vibes from these dresses Helga keeps wearing?

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