Heartbreak.

[GeorgeP123]

Thank you. If I had wanted to break up with him, I like to think I’d have done it differently and at least offered him a real explanation and given him a chance to be heard. I certainly wouldn’t have blocked him in that way. I’d like to give him a chance to explain himself, if only because it might help me find peace. I can only do what feels right to me at the time I guess



Absolutely..I'd need a proper explanation..I wouldn't be able to let it go until I understood. I'm a bit crazy lol so I'd be getting on a plane over there and demanding to see him as soon as covid is over lol. It breaks my heart ro see so many girls upset iver

Thank you. If I had wanted to break up with him, I like to think I’d have done it differently and at least offered him a real explanation and given him a chance to be heard. I certainly wouldn’t have blocked him in that way. I’d like to give him a chance to explain himself, if only because it might help me find peace. I can only do what feels right to me at the time I guess



It’s good of you to admit you could have handled it better. We live and learn. I did not expect to be going through this in my 30s. Not really at the point where I can be hopeful for the future yet, I hope I can be soon. Thank you

Absolutely..I'd need a proper explanation..I wouldn't be able to let it go until I understood. I'm a bit crazy lol so I'd be getting on a plane over there and demanding to see him as soon as covid is over lol. It breaks my heart ro see so many girls upset over actions of men which are so disrespectful. Fair enough if you don't want a relationship no more but issues need to be discussed first...or you would hope at least

Have you got any advice on how to get through it? I'm finding it so hard. I'm messing up at work. I'm either leaving early because I can't cope or staying late because I can't face going home and being there alone with all our stuff that we chose together. Weekends are the worst because the days just seem so long.
[/QUOTE]
I plan fun things with my friends. Get invested in a series which you love. Go shopping and buy new clothes. Get hair done. A new tattoo lol. Friends help massively and holidays Haha. Have something to focus on. Get used to your own company again. Do you read books? Xx

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I kept seeing her with her new guy, and with the benefit of hindsight she was using me as potential backup if it didn't work out with him.

That's awful, I'm so sorry. At least you can see it that way now, sounds like you're definitely better off without her.

Absolutely..I'd need a proper explanation..I wouldn't be able to let it go until I understood. I'm a bit crazy lol so I'd be getting on a plane over there and demanding to see him as soon as covid is over lol. It breaks my heart ro see so many girls upset over actions of men which are so disrespectful. Fair enough if you don't want a relationship no more but issues need to be discussed first...or you would hope at least


Have you got any advice on how to get through it? I'm finding it so hard. I'm messing up at work. I'm either leaving early because I can't cope or staying late because I can't face going home and being there alone with all our stuff that we chose together. Weekends are the worst because the days just seem so long.

I plan fun things with my friends. Get invested in a series which you love. Go shopping and buy new clothes. Get hair done. A new tattoo lol. Friends help massively and holidays Haha. Have something to focus on. Get used to your own company again. Do you read books? Xx
[/QUOTE]
Shame none of those things are possible just now, COVID really is making everything harder! I used to read a lot and I did think that would be the one positive here, more time for reading, but I can't focus on it just yet. Maybe in a couple of weeks I'll get into reading again. Thank you for your input so far, it's nice to have more people's perspectives and experiences x

 

[Bellaboo83]

That's awful, I'm so sorry. At least you can see it that way now, sounds like you're definitely better off without her.


I plan fun things with my friends. Get invested in a series which you love. Go shopping and buy new clothes. Get hair done. A new tattoo lol. Friends help massively and holidays Haha. Have something to focus on. Get used to your own company again. Do you read books? Xx

Shame none of those things are possible just now, COVID really is making everything harder! I used to read a lot and I did think that would be the one positive here, more time for reading, but I can't focus on it just yet. Maybe in a couple of weeks I'll get into reading again. Thank you for your input so far, it's nice to have more people's perspectives and experiences x
[/QUOTE]

I couldn't focus on reading books when I was going through the worst of it too. Get a Netflix series on and try that, or mindlessly scroll through the Internet... Whatever works for you.

In the end nothing worked for me until (and I know this isn't universally approved) I found tit loads of Internet people saying they don't come back to you when you're all sad and moping they come back when they see you're happy again and have started to move on.

So I put every last effort into making my social media into a brilliant display of 'I've moved on and I'm happy' worked a treat, he was all over it and made contact after a few weeks of that.

Eta - that's if you want him to come back!

 

[gigi_93]

I’m so glad to see people say this thread has helped them. I felt a bit silly when I started it but it turned out to be a really good thing to do and has genuinely helped So many good people on here.

@GeorgeP123 I have thought about just getting on a plane, not gonna lie! I just couldn’t do it though. He’d probably just have me committed

 

[Lovethesun]

It helped me loads & the other thread I started . Because you feel like your the only one In the world going through it & you feel silly for feeling the way you do . But then it makes you realise we all go through the same in one way or another . And I liked hearing the stories about how people come out the other side so you know how you feel won’t last forever

 

[Imonlyme]

Shame none of those things are possible just now, COVID really is making everything harder! I used to read a lot and I did think that would be the one positive here, more time for reading, but I can't focus on it just yet. Maybe in a couple of weeks I'll get into reading again. Thank you for your input so far, it's nice to have more people's perspectives and experiences x

I couldn't focus on reading books when I was going through the worst of it too. Get a Netflix series on and try that, or mindlessly scroll through the Internet... Whatever works for you.

In the end nothing worked for me until (and I know this isn't universally approved) I found tit loads of Internet people saying they don't come back to you when you're all sad and moping they come back when they see you're happy again and have started to move on.

So I put every last effort into making my social media into a brilliant display of 'I've moved on and I'm happy' worked a treat, he was all over it and made contact after a few weeks of that.

Eta - that's if you want him to come back!
[/QUOTE]
I've never really used social media to show I've moved on, but I will say there is an element of truth to what you said about them coming back once you're back on your feet. Every single guy I've been out with, including ones I've dumped and ones that have dumped me have all came back eventually, begging for another chance.

Like I've said before, my ex was a complete hole and I finally ended our relationship 6 years ago. But he has never once moved on, even for a quick fling. I know because we had the same circle of friends, my best friend was married to his best friend. He's still to this day trying to win me back. He's a completely changed guy to the one he was before and we've spoken many times, but I will never take him back.

Once you get to a stage of feeling better, you often wonder if you actually want to get back together. I know I wondered it many times, but I just know for a fact now that I don't.

I've read somewhere before that the more times you forgive a guy, the more he will come to like you, but the day he loves you most is the day you will feel nothing for him and I can say this is true for me. I forgave my ex everytime he broke my heart and now I feel nothing for him. While he says that he doesn't want to ever be with anyone else and if he can't be with me then he will stay single, and so far he has.

Heartbreak changes you, it sort of tears you down and you're forced to rebuild yourself. But once you do, you're not the same person you were before and I think that's why a lot of us end up not wanting to get back with our ex's once they come crawling back. For me, it would be far too difficult to trust that he wouldn't break me again. I've been through it and a relationship with him, or anyone is not worth losing myself for again.

The one good thing that came from my ex begging for another chance was that it provided me with the closure and explanation I needed to heal because he was willing to answer anything I needed to know.

I hope everyone on this thread who's currently going through it gets their peace and the outcome they truly want.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I’m so glad to see people say this thread has helped them. I felt a bit silly when I started it but it turned out to be a really good thing to do and has genuinely helped So many good people on here.

@GeorgeP123 I have thought about just getting on a plane, not gonna lie! I just couldn’t do it though. He’d probably just have me committed

This is not silly at all, it's really helping me to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. People say they understand but they don't really if they haven't been through it.

Thank you so much to everyone

 

[gigi_93]

This is not silly at all, it's really helping me to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. People say they understand but they don't really if they haven't been through it.

Thank you so much to everyone

That’s good to hear. If anyone wants to keep posting about anything I will always try to reply. Sometimes I have to wait until my anxiety calms down before I check in! hope you’re ok today

 

[LateG0ssiper]

That’s good to hear. If anyone wants to keep posting about anything I will always try to reply. Sometimes I have to wait until my anxiety calms down before I check in! hope you’re ok today

I know what you mean, sometimes I wasn't checking in as much but I'm making an effort to now as I think it is helping me a little. Had a terrible sleep last night after a very anxious day and getting some financial advice but I'm calming down a little now. Hope you're doing OK too x

 

[gigi_93]

I know what you mean, sometimes I wasn't checking in as much but I'm making an effort to now as I think it is helping me a little. Had a terrible sleep last night after a very anxious day and getting some financial advice but I'm calming down a little now. Hope you're doing OK too x

So glad it’s helping. Good to hear you’re getting some financial advice, that can never hurt. I feel like I’m in limbo now, not sure what my future holds at all, whereas before it was all mapped out. He’s still texting me on and off. Weird.

 

[Longtimesnooper]

I was 18, naive, little confidence in myself, plain jane when a colleague took an interest in my. He was 7 years older than me & I guess gave me an ego boost, I'd only kissed one boy never mind had a boyfriend at this point in life. It just started off with a bit of flirting but he actually told another member of staff that he liked me, who then told me. Of course I was flattered, he invited me over to his to "watch a dvd" (the old Netflix & chill lol). What happened happened & he told me we should just stay friends, which I thought I was ok with. I text him later that night, no reply. He was funny with me the next day at work & when he finished his shift I saw him leave with a girl. A girl who was the year below me at school & a nasty piece of work. I literally felt my heartbreak at that moment, I realised I'd been used & the fact he picked that girl to be his actual girlfriend while I was just a shag hurt me & I questioned what kind of person I was. They didn't last long but sadly we kept hooking up & I kept getting hurt, I just didn't learn. Hes married now (short story, on a night out he told me that we should run away together & start fresh, I said no of course, was well over him by this time & a week later he was engaged), I'm engaged with a baby. He really did build my confidence & shattered it. I wish I could turn back time & give myself a shake but it was life lesson if nothing else.
I'd like to say he was the only waste of time heartbreak I had but no! The annoying thing is both these guys chased me, I had no interest to start with

 

[Reverend]

That's awful, I'm so sorry. At least you can see it that way now, sounds like you're definitely better off without her.

I should add that she got in contact with me 18 months ago after she divorced. The guy she ditched me for dumped her after 4 year, and she had two relationship that ended up with men walking out on her after she became pregnant. She did marry another guy with whom she had 3 more kids, but he became possessive and violent and they divorced.

In an email she said that we were 'such a nice couple' and that 'we would have 5 children now, if we had stayed together'. Dodged a bullet there I think......

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I should add that she got in contact with me 18 months ago after she divorced. The guy she ditched me for dumped her after 4 year, and she had two relationship that ended up with men walking out on her after she became pregnant. She did marry another guy with whom she had 3 more kids, but he became possessive and violent and they divorced.

In an email she said that we were 'such a nice couple' and that 'we would have 5 children now, if we had stayed together'. Dodged a bullet there I think......

Oh wow! Yes I think you did.

So glad it’s helping. Good to hear you’re getting some financial advice, that can never hurt. I feel like I’m in limbo now, not sure what my future holds at all, whereas before it was all mapped out. He’s still texting me on and off. Weird.

Is he still stressed with work or does he seem more settled? I'm guessing you're still waiting for him the address what he's done.

 

[Lalisa_mb]

I was 18, naive, little confidence in myself, plain jane when a colleague took an interest in my. He was 7 years older than me & I guess gave me an ego boost, I'd only kissed one boy never mind had a boyfriend at this point in life. It just started off with a bit of flirting but he actually told another member of staff that he liked me, who then told me. Of course I was flattered, he invited me over to his to "watch a dvd" (the old Netflix & chill lol). What happened happened & he told me we should just stay friends, which I thought I was ok with. I text him later that night, no reply. He was funny with me the next day at work & when he finished his shift I saw him leave with a girl. A girl who was the year below me at school & a nasty piece of work. I literally felt my heartbreak at that moment, I realised I'd been used & the fact he picked that girl to be his actual girlfriend while I was just a shag hurt me & I questioned what kind of person I was. They didn't last long but sadly we kept hooking up & I kept getting hurt, I just didn't learn. Hes married now (short story, on a night out he told me that we should run away together & start fresh, I said no of course, was well over him by this time & a week later he was engaged), I'm engaged with a baby. He really did build my confidence & shattered it. I wish I could turn back time & give myself a shake but it was life lesson if nothing else.
I'd like to say he was the only waste of time heartbreak I had but no! The annoying thing is both these guys chased me, I had no interest to start with

Oh babe reading this really triggered this vital post for me - please give it a read girls! Xx you’re the prize don’t ever forget

 

[gigi_93]

Oh wow! Yes I think you did.


Is he still stressed with work or does he seem more settled? I'm guessing you're still waiting for him the address what he's done.

He’s still stressed because he’s got 2 weeks worth of final exams and evaluations coming up. I can’t be bothered trying to talk to him about anything when I know his mind won’t be fully on it.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

He’s still stressed because he’s got 2 weeks worth of final exams and evaluations coming up. I can’t be bothered trying to talk to him about anything when I know his mind won’t be fully on it.

That's even more frustrating as it's keeping you in limbo.

 

[gigi_93]

That's even more frustrating as it's keeping you in limbo.

I just keep sitting here thinking I cannot believe our relationship has come to this. It’s so absurd it almost makes me laugh. I’d have laughed at anyone who told me we’d end up here. It’s exhausting.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I just keep sitting here thinking I cannot believe our relationship has come to this. It’s so absurd it almost makes me laugh. I’d have laughed at anyone who told me we’d end up here. It’s exhausting.

It sounds exhausting! I'd maybe cut the contact right down, if not altogether, until he's finished with his exams. Maybe after that you can have a proper talk.

 

[gigi_93]

It sounds exhausting! I'd maybe cut the contact right down, if not altogether, until he's finished with his exams. Maybe after that you can have a proper talk.

I’m not chasing him by any means. I’ll reply when he texts because I’m not petty but he has to tell me his intentions eventually. He’s insane if he thinks I’ll ever just be his friend how are you doing today?

Oh babe reading this really triggered this vital post for me - please give it a read girls! Xx you’re the prize don’t ever forget

This is great.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I’m not chasing him by any means. I’ll reply when he texts because I’m not petty but he has to tell me his intentions eventually. He’s insane if he thinks I’ll ever just be his friend how are you doing today?

I'm not doing well at all to be honest. I've been feeling really unwell, I think it's just the stress and exhaustion catching up with me. I was really shaky on my way home last night. Dreading work today and dreading the weekend again. Still haven't heard from him, almost two weeks now with nothing. I'm really struggling to come to terms with this.