Heartbreak.

[BettyCrockerr]

But t

Exactly. I had friends who once said a relationship I was in wasn't real because we didn't live together, share finances or have children with each other. It's very condescending not to mention rude.

It's amazing how many women think for it to be real you have to have a ring on your finger. Or you have to completely uproot your life to become a "we" If this couple chose to do long distance, then that's up to them. They did what worked for them and every couple is different. What works for one, may not work for another and that's fine. Doesn't make it any less real.

Just to add to this; every relationship is different and unique in it's own way. There isn't a one size fits all for it. As long as the love, trust and respect is there, then every couple has the right to decide their own terms and design their relationship how they see fit. No one has the right to then say it's not real just because theirs is different to how you would do it.

but The “love, trust & respect” isn’t there. That’s the point I’m making. In 4 years he’s been to see her in the UK once. She’s the one doing all the leg work and making the effort to go to him. To be part of his life. He’s not given her the same back. Yes there’s other things to consider like work & children etc but that doesn’t alter the fact that he’s not really made the effort. For how long was this arrangement going to carry on? Another 4 years? 8? 10?

The way he’s ended it shows no respect whatsoever towards her or to their relationship. If he genuinely loved or respected her would he have seriously just ended it like that? No.

I know loads of couples who started out long distance and you know what, after a time the relationship has to evolve to move forward. You make plans to be together, to share a life together. I think she’s doing herself a huge disservice to just view a few FaceTime calls or a few weeks holiday in Florida a year as a solid partnership.

 

[Imonlyme]

This is very well put. I've been with my partner for over 3 years and we don't live together/share finances/have kids. I'm too familiar with people side-eyeing and assuming something is wrong because we don't live together - but we own our own homes so it's not as easy as just moving in. Like you say, every relationship is unique and what works for you might not work for someone else.

As long as a couple are happy and there's love and respect towards each other then I say do what works for you, not what society or anyone else thinks you should be doing. You're relationship should look how YOU want it to look.

But t


but The “love, trust & respect” isn’t there. That’s the point I’m making. In 4 years he’s been to see her in the UK once. She’s the one doing all the leg work and making the effort to go to him. To be part of his life. He’s not given her the same back. Yes there’s other things to consider like work & children etc but that doesn’t alter the fact that he’s not really made the effort. For how long was this arrangement going to carry on? Another 4 years? 8? 10?

The way he’s ended it shows no respect whatsoever towards her or to their relationship. If he genuinely loved or respected her would he have seriously just ended it like that? No.

I know loads of couples who started out long distance and you know what, after a time the relationship has to evolve to move forward. You make plans to be together, to share a life together. I think she’s doing herself a huge disservice to just view a few FaceTime calls or a few weeks holiday in Florida a year as a solid partnership.

I agree that the way he ended it wasn't very respectful or sympathetic to her. But I dont think anyone has the right to tell this woman that her relationship wasn't real.

Relationships do evolve over time, but there isn't a mould for how it's supposed to be or what it's supposed to look like. As I said, relationships aren't a one size fits all. And just because long distance isn't something you would do, doesn't mean it's wrong or that it means there's no love or respect in that particular relationship.

We are in 2021, there are so many options and choices for relationships now. A couple don't have to be married, living together, sharing bank accounts or children for it to be meaningful. People have the choice to choose what works for them. Even as I'm writing this I'm thinking about those couples decades ago that were separated by war, with their men spending years in another country fighting in battles. Their only communication at that time was the odd letter here and there. Were those relationships not real?

 

[Barbie2020]

When my ex split with me he blocked me, didn’t give any real reason and wouldn’t talk to me. I was devastated. Turned out he had a bit of attention off other girls and was bored with me. I slowly started to get past it and just start to get myself in a place where I was eating and looking after myself. He had my sister on fb and as soon as he saw I was going out and having a nice time again bam he unblocked me and stared saying how he’d been struggling without me.

I fell for it, decided I still really loved him and would do anything to see him again and the games started up again for months. He was basically sleeping with me but didn’t want to officially get back together as he wanted to “take it slow”. Soon found out there was other girls involved and I was heartbroken again.

After quite a long time of being officially single I started seeing my current bf. And guess what? Ex wanted to get back with me then as he realised he didn’t want to lose me

My point is that most of the time they don’t want to be with you but they don’t want you to be happy with anyone else. As heartbroken and as much as you want to talk to them, carry on with no contact, I can guarantee it will save you further heartache down the line rather than placing so much hope on a message here and there. I wish I’d saved myself more pain.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

As long as a couple are happy and there's love and respect towards each other then I say do what works for you, not what society or anyone else thinks you should be doing. You're relationship should look how YOU want it to look.


I agree that the way he ended it wasn't very respectful or sympathetic to her. But I dont think anyone has the right to tell this woman that her relationship wasn't real.

Relationships do evolve over time, but there isn't a mould for how it's supposed to be or what it's supposed to look like. As I said, relationships aren't a one size fits all. And just because long distance isn't something you would do, doesn't mean it's wrong or that it means there's no love or respect in that particular relationship.

We are in 2021, there are so many options and choices for relationships now. A couple don't have to be married, living together, sharing bank accounts or children for it to be meaningful. People have the choice to choose what works for them. Even as I'm writing this I'm thinking about those couples decades ago that were separated by war, with their men spending years in another country fighting in battles. Their only communication at that time was the odd letter here and there. Were those relationships not real?

Comparing this situation to a couple separated by a war is nonsense.

 

[Imonlyme]

Comparing this situation to a couple separated by a war is nonsense.

I didn't compare those situations. I stated a fact. You claimed that long distance relationships weren't real and I pointed out ways in which they are.

 

[gigi_93]

It was my choice to have him not come here. It’s not like he didn’t offer but I’d rather go there. The kids are there, my stuff is there, and it’s Florida! Drab boring north west England in my tiny house or sunny Florida in his big apartment. Was not a hard choice to make for me.

When my ex split with me he blocked me, didn’t give any real reason and wouldn’t talk to me. I was devastated. Turned out he had a bit of attention off other girls and was bored with me. I slowly started to get past it and just start to get myself in a place where I was eating and looking after myself. He had my sister on fb and as soon as he saw I was going out and having a nice time again bam he unblocked me and stared saying how he’d been struggling without me.

I fell for it, decided I still really loved him and would do anything to see him again and the games started up again for months. He was basically sleeping with me but didn’t want to officially get back together as he wanted to “take it slow”. Soon found out there was other girls involved and I was heartbroken again.

After quite a long time of being officially single I started seeing my current bf. And guess what? Ex wanted to get back with me then as he realised he didn’t want to lose me

My point is that most of the time they don’t want to be with you but they don’t want you to be happy with anyone else. As heartbroken and as much as you want to talk to them, carry on with no contact, I can guarantee it will save you further heartache down the line rather than placing so much hope on a message here and there. I wish I’d saved myself more pain.

I feel like this is how men behave 90% of the time in breakups. I don’t understand the attitude of not wanting to be with someone but also not wanting them to be with anyone else?!

 

[rebremm99]

Comparing this situation to a couple separated by a war is nonsense.

Honestly why are you even here if you’re just going to insult and belittle her relationship? It’s not helpful and you’re kicking the girl when she’s down which is absolutely horrible to do. It was real and valid to her and that’s all that matters. I’ve lived with an ex before and it was the worst relationship of my life, my partner and I are in a LDR and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in. In my line of work it’s common for couples to live in different countries for long periods of time.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I didn't compare those situations. I stated a fact. You claimed that long distance relationships weren't real and I pointed out ways in which they are.

No actually you made a comparison.

A couple being separated by a war, where they have no choice but to be apart and who had limited communication due to the technology available at the time is NOT the same as discussing a couple now who are CHOOSING to have a long distance relationship for YEARS where the only one making any effort it appears is this lady and when the guy ends it like this without any care, compassion or any decency.

I’ve already said my comments aren’t intended to be inflammatory but I just find it baffling that people are willing to settle for this kind or non-relationship/part time relationship and then don’t like it when people point out the fact.

Honestly why are you even here if you’re just going to insult and belittle her relationship? It’s not helpful and you’re kicking the girl when she’s down which is absolutely horrible to do. It was real and valid to her and that’s all that matters. I’ve lived with an ex before and it was the worst relationship of my life, my partner and I are in a LDR and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in. In my line of work it’s common for couples to live in different countries for long periods of time.

I’m not at all. She deserves better than to be treated like this. Being strung along by this guy for years and then dropped like none of it ever mattered is bloody awful and she’s worth more than that. Wasting time with this guy who has his own life thousands of miles away is stopping her from recognising her own worth.

it’s a gossip forum; people post and other people comment & give opinions. It’s not an echo chamber.

 

[gigi_93]

Honestly why are you even here if you’re just going to insult and belittle her relationship? It’s not helpful and you’re kicking the girl when she’s down which is absolutely horrible to do. It was real and valid to her and that’s all that matters. I’ve lived with an ex before and it was the worst relationship of my life, my partner and I are in a LDR and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in. In my line of work it’s common for couples to live in different countries for long periods of time.

Thank you, it’s ok though really. Nothing would ever make me question how real my relationship was and how much love was there.

 

[Imonlyme]

No actually you made a comparison.

A couple being separated by a war, where they have no choice but to be apart and who had limited communication due to the technology available at the time is NOT the same as discussing a couple now who are CHOOSING to have a long distance relationship for YEARS where the only one making any effort it appears is this lady and when the guy ends it like this without any care, compassion or any decency.

I’ve already said my comments aren’t intended to be inflammatory but I just find it baffling that people are willing to settle for this kind or non-relationship/part time relationship and then don’t like it when people point out the fact.

The point I was making is completely lost on you. You seem to want to just make snap judgements on other people's relationships and feelings.

You came onto this thread with a very aggressive remark, completely dismissing what someone has been through, and putting down what they chose for their relationship. Even now, you've used the term 'non -relationship'

You've also made this woman feel like she has to justify her relationship to someone who doesn't even care, or want to try and see things any other way. Relationships aren't always and don't need to be the traditional marriage, house and babies. Some people don't want that, but that doesn't mean their relationship is any less real than couples who do want that.

I've already agreed that how her partner dumped and blocked her was 100% disrespectful, but none of that takes away from the fact that this was indeed A REAL RELATIONSHIP.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Thank you, it’s ok though really. Nothing would ever make me question how real my relationship was and how much love was there.

Re-read your first post on this thread.

He ended the relationship without any hesitation, warning or consideration for you or how you felt. He didn’t discuss his feelings at all with you, didn’t communicate with you that he wanted out other than to tell you he was over it. He then blocked you so that you couldn’t contact him.

wake up. Don’t waste your life and your love on someone who so easily disregards you and some who who blatantly doesn’t care for you to even check that you are ok?? That’s not how someone behaves if they love you and it’s awfully sad that you can’t see that.

 

[gigi_93]

I’m not defending his behaviour though? I never have. I’m talking about when we were IN the relationship. I don’t have any crazy ideas that we’re getting back together.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

We are posting on here for support. Some of us are really struggling. I don't think it's fair to be arguing. Can we please keep this as a respectful space?

 

[no-no]

When my ex split with me he blocked me, didn’t give any real reason and wouldn’t talk to me. I was devastated. Turned out he had a bit of attention off other girls and was bored with me. I slowly started to get past it and just start to get myself in a place where I was eating and looking after myself. He had my sister on fb and as soon as he saw I was going out and having a nice time again bam he unblocked me and stared saying how he’d been struggling without me.

I fell for it, decided I still really loved him and would do anything to see him again and the games started up again for months. He was basically sleeping with me but didn’t want to officially get back together as he wanted to “take it slow”. Soon found out there was other girls involved and I was heartbroken again.

After quite a long time of being officially single I started seeing my current bf. And guess what? Ex wanted to get back with me then as he realised he didn’t want to lose me

My point is that most of the time they don’t want to be with you but they don’t want you to be happy with anyone else. As heartbroken and as much as you want to talk to them, carry on with no contact, I can guarantee it will save you further heartache down the line rather than placing so much hope on a message here and there. I wish I’d saved myself more pain.

This nails it. My recent ex done this, liked the chase but wanted the ego boost off any female and completely shut me off emotionally once he thought he’d won me round. Wouldn’t even comfort me if I was upset but his DMs were always open for female coworkers because he was such a nice guy™ House devil, street angel, as my mum says. I found out when we split he was still messaging exes, one married, from over 15 years ago, just why?! (That’s rhetorical, he was a narcissist).

It isn’t the majority of men who do this though, if that’s your perception (not you, Barbie) then unfortunately it sounds like you’ve dated men with narcissistic tendencies and should read up on the red flags to break the cycle.

 

[gigi_93]

We are posting on here for support. Some of us are really struggling. I don't think it's fair to be arguing. Can we please keep this as a respectful space?

I’m not adverse to a bit of tough love but I won’t listen to anyone saying my relationship wasn’t real because it was long distance!

Also to anyone who cares, we texted for a few hours last night. He just caught me up on the kids and their schooling and a few other things. I don’t really know why he’s chosen now to contact me and there’s obviously a huge elephant in the room that nobody has addressed yet

 

[Lovethesun]

I’m not adverse to a bit of tough love but I won’t listen to anyone saying my relationship wasn’t real because it was long distance!

Also to anyone who cares, we texted for a few hours last night. He just caught me up on the kids and their schooling and a few other things. I don’t really know why he’s chosen now to contact me and there’s obviously a huge elephant in the room that nobody has addressed yet

Not posted on here for a while , hope everyone’s doing ok

weird isn’t it why he’s messaged now but not addressing the split issue ? Least it’s nice to catch up & I'm sure you get comfort chatting through text with him I know I would . My heart would skip a beat I think .

my ex is currently trying his hardest to get me back , I was pleased at first but now I’m actually questioning if I do want him back I don’t think I do .

I was getting over him & in a really good place so I don’t want to feel how I did again . I’m so torn between did he realise he’d made a genuine mistake or is he just testing the waters to see if I’ll have him back or like someone else said he doesn’t want anyone else to have me ? I make such bad decisions aswell . But I really don’t think I love him anymore - then he makes me feel guilty for not having him back when he caused the split !! Bloody men

 

[LinaLamont]

Breakups are horrendous and the grief you feel after can be unbearable, especially when the guy just cuts you off like you meant nothing. I get where the poster talking about real relationships is coming from however it wasn’t very sensitively put. It’s much easier to not be fully honest or committed when you’re in a LDR or portray everything is being perfect because you don’t deal with the mundane day to day issues that come with a ‘normal’ relationship. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real for OP or that she shouldn’t be heartbroken. As for the ex, he clearly wasn’t the person you thought he was if he was able to cut you off so easily and then reply weeks later not to give you an explanation but share memes and talk about the kids? How incredibly flippant and disrespectful. It’s an absolute piss take tbqh. OP my advice is to draw a line under it because you’re never going to get the answers you want - his actions should be closure enough - and try to move on. You deserve so much better than to be treated like this.

 

[gigi_93]

Not posted on here for a while , hope everyone’s doing ok

weird isn’t it why he’s messaged now but not addressing the split issue ? Least it’s nice to catch up & I'm sure you get comfort chatting through text with him I know I would . My heart would skip a beat I think .

my ex is currently trying his hardest to get me back , I was pleased at first but now I’m actually questioning if I do want him back I don’t think I do .

I was getting over him & in a really good place so I don’t want to feel how I did again . I’m so torn between did he realise he’d made a genuine mistake or is he just testing the waters to see if I’ll have him back or like someone else said he doesn’t want anyone else to have me ? I make such bad decisions aswell . But I really don’t think I love him anymore - then he makes me feel guilty for not having him back when he caused the split !! Bloody men

If you don’t love him anymore, definitely do not entertain him. I wish I didn’t still love my ex, but I really do. If you’re questioning wanting him back that means you probably don’t...I may have to take my own advice very soon

Breakups are horrendous and the grief you feel after can be unbearable, especially when the guy just cuts you off like you meant nothing. I get where the poster talking about real relationships is coming from however it wasn’t very sensitively put. It’s much easier to not be fully honest or committed when you’re in a LDR or portray everything is being perfect because you don’t deal with the mundane day to day issues that come with a ‘normal’ relationship. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real for OP or that she shouldn’t be heartbroken. As for the ex, he clearly wasn’t the person you thought he was if he was able to cut you off so easily and then reply weeks later not to give you an explanation but share memes and talk about the kids? How incredibly flippant and disrespectful. It’s an absolute piss take tbqh. OP my advice is to draw a line under it because you’re never going to get the answers you want - his actions should be closure enough - and try to move on. You deserve so much better than to be treated like this.

Thank you. I wish he would just tell me straight what his intentions are so I can make a decision on whether I’ll continue talking to him. I really don’t want to ask him myself and I know I should be ignoring him, but I’m still in love with him which is making me stupid. I’m kind of ashamed of myself.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

If you don’t love him anymore, definitely do not entertain him. I wish I didn’t still love my ex, but I really do. If you’re questioning wanting him back that means you probably don’t...I may have to take my own advice very soon



Thank you. I wish he would just tell me straight what his intentions are so I can make a decision on whether I’ll continue talking to him. I really don’t want to ask him myself and I know I should be ignoring him, but I’m still in love with him which is making me stupid. I’m kind of ashamed of myself.

Don't be ashamed of yourself. You've suffered a real shock and are still trying to process everything. I am the same. Every time I get upset in work I feel so embarrassed and end up apologising but I'm soon told I have nothing to apologise for and nothing to feel embarrassed about. You can't just switch your feelings of when you've been in love with someone for a long time. You're not stupid at all.

 

[Papparazzo]

If you don’t love him anymore, definitely do not entertain him. I wish I didn’t still love my ex, but I really do. If you’re questioning wanting him back that means you probably don’t...I may have to take my own advice very soon



Thank you. I wish he would just tell me straight what his intentions are so I can make a decision on whether I’ll continue talking to him. I really don’t want to ask him myself and I know I should be ignoring him, but I’m still in love with him which is making me stupid. I’m kind of ashamed of myself.

Don't be ashamed of yourself! Ashamed of what, having emotions and feelings? Whatever you chose to do is your choice, no one elses. If you got back with him, good for you, if you don't, also good for you. People CAN make mistakes and I do believe in second chances (obviously minus any abusive behaviour, cheating etc).

Do what is right for you. Better days are coming.