Heartbreak.

[Imonlyme]

This is going to sound harsh but I don't mean it to, I'm just being honest. If a guy dumps you then blocks you, but a few days or even weeks later unblocks you but says nothing, then he's playing games with you.

If a man broke up with you then genuinely regretted it and wanted another chance, he would unblock you and send a message saying so.
Ask any guy, they will tell you that if a man wanted you and was genuine in his feelings for you then you would know about it. He would make it clear that he wanted you. Anything else is just playing games and hedging his bets.

I know going through a break up is hard, been there and done it, got the scars to prove it. But I would honestly rather be alone with my hurt than be with someone who's playing games with my feelings. Taking a guy like that back is only going to have you wondering when he's going to break your heart again.

It's true what they say, time is a healer and you do get over it. You might not forget it, but the pain does go away and you do move on.

 

[Lollyy]

This is going to sound harsh but I don't mean it to, I'm just being honest. If a guy dumps you then blocks you, but a few days or even weeks later unblocks you but says nothing, then he's playing games with you.

If a man broke up with you then genuinely regretted it and wanted another chance, he would unblock you and send a message saying so.
Ask any guy, they will tell you that if a man wanted you and was genuine in his feelings for you then you would know about it. He would make it clear that he wanted you. Anything else is just playing games and hedging his bets.

I know going through a break up is hard, been there and done it, got the scars to prove it. But I would honestly rather be alone with my hurt than be with someone who's playing games with my feelings. Taking a guy like that back is only going to have you wondering when he's going to break your heart again.

It's true what they say, time is a healer and you do get over it. You might not forget it, but the pain does go away and you do move on.

Thank you for your opinion.. i thought the same, why unblock me if its still over & yes agree if he wanted me back he would get in contact. Maybe he has just calmed down from the initial angry & maybe will msg wen hes ready? I wont be messaging first

 

[LateG0ssiper]

This is going to sound harsh but I don't mean it to, I'm just being honest. If a guy dumps you then blocks you, but a few days or even weeks later unblocks you but says nothing, then he's playing games with you.

If a man broke up with you then genuinely regretted it and wanted another chance, he would unblock you and send a message saying so.
Ask any guy, they will tell you that if a man wanted you and was genuine in his feelings for you then you would know about it. He would make it clear that he wanted you. Anything else is just playing games and hedging his bets.

I know going through a break up is hard, been there and done it, got the scars to prove it. But I would honestly rather be alone with my hurt than be with someone who's playing games with my feelings. Taking a guy like that back is only going to have you wondering when he's going to break your heart again.

It's true what they say, time is a healer and you do get over it. You might not forget it, but the pain does go away and you do move on.

I have to agree with this. I completely understand wanting to talk to him but what he's done is so wrong. The blocking thing does sound like game playing.

 

[Imonlyme]

Thank you for your opinion.. i thought the same, why unblock me if its still over & yes agree if he wanted me back he would get in contact. Maybe he has just calmed down from the initial angry & maybe will msg wen hes ready? I wont be messaging first

I obviously don't know your circumstances, but in my opinion, if a man wants you then you'll know about it without a doubt. A man that loves you won't hurt you, leave you without explanation or harshly cut you out of his life. If he loves you he won't leave you feeling confused about how he feels about you or where your relationship is going.

Never spend more of your day worrying about him and what he's going through than you do taking care of yourself, especially if he left you abruptly and with no cause or explanation.

If he loved you and needed some time and space to work through some stuff of his own, then he would talk to you about it and be open and honest first. If he doesn't and just dumps you and cuts you off, then he's only thinking about himself and by that standard, you should do the same.

This sounds bad and I'm aware that not all guys are the same, but some men do get a kick out of watching you chase them. They like having someone that they can pick up and drop whenever they want. They like to know that you fall apart without them. But these men will never truly love you, and be honest, is that the kind of man you want to spend your life with?

My whole life I always had lots of guy friends and they would always say that genuine guys love to do the chasing, they like a challenge of a woman that plays a little hard to get. They like a woman who isn't always readily available the moment they text or want to see them. That they love when women have their own lives and hobbies aside from their partners.

My ex was an utter hole, but one thing he said he always admired about me was that I never needed him. I was never emotionally or otherwise dependent on him. He actually said quite a few times, even after we had finally broken up for good that I always did better in life when he wasn't around. That didn't mean it didn't hurt whenever he would walk out on me. Of course it did. I just never text or contacted him and I got on with my life and tried to build one that didn't include him. I cried of course, but I only allowed myself a few minutes everyday to wallow in my pain and then I got on with the rest of my day.

Eventually, I didn't need those few minutes and whenever he would pop into my mind making me feel sad, I would think of my favourite up beat song and sing it to myself in my head. It works to momentarily distract yourself to stop the train of thoughts about him that only lead to sadness.

This sounds so cliche, but us women deserve better than men who can't even make up their minds whether they want us or not. We deserve better than to be spending our days crying and feeling like tit. We're more than just some guys emotional play thing. If he can't treat you right and with the respect you deserve, then he doesn't deserve you. There's plenty of men out there that will treat you right and love you unconditionally, don't waste your emotions on one that doesn't care whether he hurts you or not.

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

if a man wants you then you'll know about it without a doubt. A man that loves you won't hurt you, leave you without explanation or harshly cut you out of his life. If he loves you he won't leave you feeling confused about how he feels about you or where your relationship is going.

This is so important to remember. Hope you're all doing OK. It 100% does get better xx

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I'm really not OK. I'm worried about my husband. I know you'll all say I should be worried about myself but I am concerned about his mental health. I'm worried about me too. I didn't leave the house yesterday, I'm struggling to do anything so far today. My work is suffering. I am physically and mentally exhausted. When I do sleep I feel worse, I wake up and immediately check his side of the bed to see if it was all a bad dream. I don't know what to do.

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

I'm really not OK. I'm worried about my husband. I know you'll all say I should be worried about myself but I am concerned about his mental health. I'm worried about me too. I didn't leave the house yesterday, I'm struggling to do anything so far today. My work is suffering. I am physically and mentally exhausted. When I do sleep I feel worse, I wake up and immediately check his side of the bed to see if it was all a bad dream. I don't know what to do.

I wish we could help. The only thing that's going to help right now is looking after you.

You don't need to worry about your husbands MH - he's an adult who can look after himself. You need to look after you. He's caused you unimaginable pain and hasn't tried to check your ok. Please look after yourself I know you've said you haven't told people but if you start, then they can support you. The house etc is a big worry too and if you can have people on your team who can support you then it's a shared worry and that helps. Xx

 

[Imonlyme]

I'm really not OK. I'm worried about my husband. I know you'll all say I should be worried about myself but I am concerned about his mental health. I'm worried about me too. I didn't leave the house yesterday, I'm struggling to do anything so far today. My work is suffering. I am physically and mentally exhausted. When I do sleep I feel worse, I wake up and immediately check his side of the bed to see if it was all a bad dream. I don't know what to do.

I know you're worried about your husband but it sounds as if you're also struggling with your mental health. I really think you should talk to your doctor about getting some help. It's so important that you help yourself first and foremost.

Now is when you have to be forceful with yourself and make sure you look after yourself. Start with something small first and work from there.

I have to agree with the other poster, your husband has left you alone and not bothered to check in on you, so you shouldn't be spending more time worrying about him than you are looking after you.

I know this wasn't what you wanted to hear, but taking care of you is the only thing that's going to help you now, and on the long run. Sending you love

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I wish we could help. The only thing that's going to help right now is looking after you.

You don't need to worry about your husbands MH - he's an adult who can look after himself. You need to look after you. He's caused you unimaginable pain and hasn't tried to check your ok. Please look after yourself I know you've said you haven't told people but if you start, then they can support you. The house etc is a big worry too and if you can have people on your team who can support you then it's a shared worry and that helps. Xx

I've been talking about it with my sister regularly but sometimes it makes me feel worse. Some people at work have been trying to help but I get so upset talking to them. It's draining.

I know you're worried about your husband but it sounds as if you're also struggling with your mental health. I really think you should talk to your doctor about getting some help. It's so important that you help yourself first and foremost.

Now is when you have to be forceful with yourself and make sure you look after yourself. Start with something small first and work from there.

I have to agree with the other poster, your husband has left you alone and not bothered to check in on you, so you shouldn't be spending more time worrying about him than you are looking after you.

I know this wasn't what you wanted to hear, but taking care of you is the only thing that's going to help you now, and on the long run. Sending you love

I've spoken to my doctor a few times, they are refusing to help. They pretty much told me I just need time to get over it. Very patronising.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Any man that can go weeks without talking to you doesn’t deserve a reply. They will cut you off all over again and hurt you even more.

 

[Imonlyme]

I've been talking about it with my sister regularly but sometimes it makes me feel worse. Some people at work have been trying to help but I get so upset talking to them. It's draining.


I've spoken to my doctor a few times, they are refusing to help. They pretty much told me I just need time to get over it. Very patronising.

Sorry that was your experience with your Dr. No one has the right to tell you how to feel or when to get over something.

I know you're desperate to hear that he's coming back to you, but the only person that can answer that is your husband. If he does come back and that's truly what you want then great, but I do think you have to consider the possibility that he might not come back. And for that simple reason you need to look out for yourself.

How is it going to work if he doesn't come back and builds a new life for himself that doesn't include you? You can't let yourself and your life completely fall apart forever. You have to do stuff for yourself now, that is going to also help you in the long run in the chance that he doesn't come back.

Do whatever it takes now, get outside for a walk, do an online exercise class, trust me you will feel a bit better afterwards. Buy yourself some new pyjamas and even new bedding, something that's just about you that he wasn't part of. Blast some feel good music and sing along as loud as you can. Talk to your sister about building a life for yourself without him. Do your hair and give yourself a manicure if that's what makes you feel good.

Remember who you are. Who were you before you were a wife? Remember her because she's still you and right now she needs you.

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

I've been talking about it with my sister regularly but sometimes it makes me feel worse. Some people at work have been trying to help but I get so upset talking to them. It's draining.


I've spoken to my doctor a few times, they are refusing to help. They pretty much told me I just need time to get over it. Very patronising.

I think there's not a lot short of medication that they can help with. You can self refer to Talking Space, and they can help. I know it's so hard, so bloody hard. I remember the gut wrenching pain of it and I promise it gets better. Small steps. Even if you just need to stay in the sofa and watch netflix all day. Honour your feelings, sometimes we eat vegetables and walk and that helps
Others we need long baths or days in pj's.

I know talking about it is draining and exhausting but it does help. Set a limit
Say to your sister I'll talk to you about it for 20 minutes then change the subject ect. Take control back of your thoughts.

I used to allow myself 5 minutes every hour to think about it all. Then change that time frame as I could. It's hard but allows you to take control back of your feelings and thoughts.

You are worthy of peace and not feeling pain all day. Xx

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Sorry that was your experience with your Dr. No one has the right to tell you how to feel or when to get over something.

I know you're desperate to hear that he's coming back to you, but the only person that can answer that is your husband. If he does come back and that's truly what you want then great, but I do think you have to consider the possibility that he might not come back. And for that simple reason you need to look out for yourself.

How is it going to work if he doesn't come back and builds a new life for himself that doesn't include you? You can't let yourself and your life completely fall apart forever. You have to do stuff for yourself now, that is going to also help you in the long run in the chance that he doesn't come back.

Do whatever it takes now, get outside for a walk, do an online exercise class, trust me you will feel a bit better afterwards. Buy yourself some new pyjamas and even new bedding, something that's just about you that he wasn't part of. Blast some feel good music and sing along as loud as you can. Talk to your sister about building a life for yourself without him. Do your hair and give yourself a manicure if that's what makes you feel good.

Remember who you are. Who were you before you were a wife? Remember her because she's still you and right now she needs you.

That's the thing - he is my life. I know that's not healthy but I was never happy before him. If I lose him I've lost everything.

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

That's the thing - he is my life. I know that's not healthy but I was never happy before him. If I lose him I've lost everything.

Please don't give him that power. Now you have the opportunity to make you again.

You can be happy. Happiness comes from ourselves, not others. Please, please don't go down the rabbit holes of what ifs with him.

He's shown you zero respect and care. You deserve more than this xx

 

[Imonlyme]

That's the thing - he is my life. I know that's not healthy but I was never happy before him. If I lose him I've lost everything.

I know you feel that way, but you haven't lost everything because you still have you. You're giving this man full control of your life and your emotions and that isn't healthy.

To be honest, I think it's probably better for you if you don't get back with your husband right now. I think you have to have some time to work out what you want from life and what makes you happy aside from him.

It isn't good to have your entire life be about someone else, your needs and wants are just as important as his. He has left you without any consideration for how it's made you feel, so why should you care about him and what he's going through? I'm betting your sister has said the same to you about this.

If your husband knows you well then he will know exactly how you're feeling and he will have seen the effect all of this has had on you and he still hasn't bothered to check on you. That speaks volumes. He's looking after number 1, and it's time for you to do the same.

I've been in a position before where I put a guys needs ahead of my own and it didn't work out well for me. I ended up feeling so lost and hurt and just not knowing what to do, so I do understand where you're coming from. But eventually I had to think of myself and it was the best thing I ever done. Trust me, things will get better for you.

 

[Lollyy]

My circumstances are that we love eachother greatly, but he put faith first & asked me to convert I declined and he then said we cant be together. We have been together 10 years

 

[Imonlyme]

My circumstances are that we love eachother greatly, but he put faith first & asked me to convert I declined and he then said we cant be together. We have been together 10 years

That's a tricky one. But I'm sorry you're going through it. If you don't mind me asking, was the idea of you converting ever brought up before?

 

[Lollyy]

That's a tricky one. But I'm sorry you're going through it. If you don't mind me asking, was the idea of you converting ever brought up before?

For the first five years he wasnt religious, something then happened in his life and getting older he became less free & wanted religion, its based on fear and keeing the family happy. I said i would try and convert which i did but was deeply unhappy. I was willing to compromise but you cant compromise with God. I believe he still loves me greatly the relationship was perfect apart from this.

 

[Imonlyme]

I never normally comment in regards to religion because I'm very much of the attitude: each to their own, and I know that many people get great comfort from their faith, but it must be so hard for you since he wasn't always into religion.

But you said his is based on fear and keeping his family happy, nonetheless, he's put something and others ahead of his feelings for you and that tit hurts. You tried to convert and it made you unhappy so at least you tried and that's all you can do.

I hope you're okay and taking care of your needs now. It's so hard when a partner changes from the person you fell in love with. Are you still in contact?

 

[Lollyy]

I never normally comment in regards to religion because I'm very much of the attitude: each to their own, and I know that many people get great comfort from their faith, but it must be so hard for you since he wasn't always into religion.

But you said his is based on fear and keeping his family happy, nonetheless, he's put something and others ahead of his feelings for you and that tit hurts. You tried to convert and it made you unhappy so at least you tried and that's all you can do.

I hope you're okay and taking care of your needs now. It's so hard when a partner changes from the person you fell in love with. Are you still in contact?

We arent in contact at the moment, i turned up to his house, albeit waited in the car and he just went crazy at me and blocked me, i said to myself i wont talk to him now until his stance changes & he will i assume contact me. Its been 17 days, he unblocked me after 1 week.. i have no doubt he loves me. But it hurts when the relationship was perfect apart from this.