Heartbreak.

[Bellaboo83]

Could you try and get someone to stay with you or go and stay with a friend ? I know we’re in lockdown but for your own mental health maybe being alone is not a good idea for now ?

I went through a break up just as lockdown 1 started. 10 year relationship, he walked out. I send my love to you, at times I didn't know how I'd get through the day. I took 5 weeks off work (signed off by my lovely GP), she also gave me propranolol tablets to slow my stressed heart beat and so I could begin to eat and sleep a little bit without so much stress hormone flying around and she arranged for a referral to councelling. Our local councelling service don't accept you if you're fresh out of a break up so I ended up paying privately for a lady in the next village.... Best thing I could have done. I used to sit in her chair and cry for the hour whilst talking about all the things I didn't understand.... It helped soooo much while I was in the thick of it,it helps your mind process it and it helps having someone else's (professional) opinion. If you don't fancy counselling try journalling, write it all down.... Your brain just needs it to be written or spoken externally to process it properly

Beyond that my only advice is to try and do things that make you happy, pick up an old hobby, see a friend for a walk, buy your fave food. Try not to drink alcohol and watch for your pms getting much worse because of the stress hormones....

I actually moved in with my mum 100 miles away for 7 days straight after so don't worry about the lockdown rules.... Your MH is more important at this moment

I recommend 5htp supplements to aid sleep (as long as you can take it with other meds you might be on) . And GABA supplements for a sense of calm in the day.

And my last thoughts are time really does make you stronger xx

 

[Peakyblinders]

Sending love and hope to everyone on this thread. Heartbreak is truely one of the worst feelings in the entire world, worse than that is being “ghosted” or blocked with no answers. It’s easy to say you don’t need answers and to move on etc but I really think you do. I was ghosted a couple of years back totally out the blue, I (embarrassingly) sent tons of messages/voice notes/calls/voicemails to no avail. One day after a while I gave up. A year later he came back with a long essay apology something about his mental health blah blah and how he’s lost the best thing he will ever have. I stupidly forgave him only for him to do the exact same thing a week later funnily enough, a year on from this, he messaged me Friday night! They do always come back but by then hopefully it’s too late and you are over it. Ghosting and blocking is truely evil.
P.a whoever on here said they sent the gun emoji and nothing else... you are my hero

 

[Lovethesun]

I went through a break up just as lockdown 1 started. 10 year relationship, he walked out. I send my love to you, at times I didn't know how I'd get through the day. I took 5 weeks off work (signed off by my lovely GP), she also gave me propranolol tablets to slow my stressed heart beat and so I could begin to eat and sleep a little bit without so much stress hormone flying around and she arranged for a referral to councelling. Our local councelling service don't accept you if you're fresh out of a break up so I ended up paying privately for a lady in the next village.... Best thing I could have done. I used to sit in her chair and cry for the hour whilst talking about all the things I didn't understand.... It helped soooo much while I was in the thick of it,it helps your mind process it and it helps having someone else's (professional) opinion. If you don't fancy counselling try journalling, write it all down.... Your brain just needs it to be written or spoken externally to process it properly

Beyond that my only advice is to try and do things that make you happy, pick up an old hobby, see a friend for a walk, buy your fave food. Try not to drink alcohol and watch for your pms getting much worse because of the stress hormones....

I actually moved in with my mum 100 miles away for 7 days straight after so don't worry about the lockdown rules.... Your MH is more important at this moment

I recommend 5htp supplements to aid sleep (as long as you can take it with other meds you might be on) . And GABA supplements for a sense of calm in the day.

And my last thoughts are time really does make you stronger xx

I will never ever understand men - how after 10 years they can just walk away . Mine did it to me after a year & half and it was bad enough . Male pride is a bastard !! And I also think men cannot & will not face up to things , they are cowards . Instead of just being honest & straight they leg it . If they fall out of love with you , fine just say at least it’s closure . All I got was some bullshit , need to be on my own crap . Some men are very heartless

 

[gigi_93]

Girls I can’t thank you all enough for opening up, sharing stories and offering advice. I didn’t expect so many replies and I’ve been reading everything. If anyone ever wants to DM me to chat feel free.

Being blocked really is awful. I just want to ask how the kids who I love to bits are doing. It’s only been five days but I kind of hoped he would have said something by now, if only to apologise for blocking me. Why isn’t he missing me?? Wishful thinking.

 

[Peakyblinders]

Girls I can’t thank you all enough for opening up, sharing stories and offering advice. I didn’t expect so many replies and I’ve been reading everything. If anyone ever wants to DM me to chat feel free.

Being blocked really is awful. I just want to ask how the kids who I love to bits are doing. It’s only been five days but I kind of hoped he would have said something by now, if only to apologise for blocking me. Why isn’t he missing me?? Wishful thinking.

do you have him on any social media? Has he blocked you on messages and WhatsApp?

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Could you try and get someone to stay with you or go and stay with a friend ? I know we’re in lockdown but for your own mental health maybe being alone is not a good idea for now ?

I don't have anyone that I can stay with.

 

[Oohthedrama]

Girls I can’t thank you all enough for opening up, sharing stories and offering advice. I didn’t expect so many replies and I’ve been reading everything. If anyone ever wants to DM me to chat feel free.

Being blocked really is awful. I just want to ask how the kids who I love to bits are doing. It’s only been five days but I kind of hoped he would have said something by now, if only to apologise for blocking me. Why isn’t he missing me?? Wishful thinking.

you used to post on the covid thread about your anxiousness to get back to visit, really sad to see it’s ended like this,
We could be in a very different world in 6 months time, focus on yourself, I’ve briefly read into what’s happening but it looks like he’s treated you like tit because of something out of your control, you don’t deserve that, walk away and let him do the chasing if he changes his mind, you deserve better.

 

[Papparazzo]

Girls I can’t thank you all enough for opening up, sharing stories and offering advice. I didn’t expect so many replies and I’ve been reading everything. If anyone ever wants to DM me to chat feel free.

Being blocked really is awful. I just want to ask how the kids who I love to bits are doing. It’s only been five days but I kind of hoped he would have said something by now, if only to apologise for blocking me. Why isn’t he missing me?? Wishful thinking.

Do you have his email address? You could contact him on that.

If he doesn't reply, duck him.

 

[Whaaaaat]

Do you have his email address? You could contact him on that.

If he doesn't reply, duck him.

No - absolutely do not do that. By blocking you he has made it clear he doesn’t want to talk to you.

From my last heartbreak I learned that the still asking about each other’s lives just prolongs it. Cut them out, focus on yourself and keep your pride.

In a few years when you look back you’ll feel a lot better knowing you handled it like a boss, I promise you.

 

[HarJR289]

Gigi, I’m now coming up to week 5 no contact. Even my 5 year old daughter asked why he left without saying bye. My 5 year old knows more about common decency than him! What’s helped me is writing out messages to him what I’d really love to say and then saving them in my notes and when I look back when I add another message it’s clear my feelings change each week/time. I think once you see how the messages you want to send have shifted focus it’s good to reflect on the difference in yourself. My first message was all “all I wanted was you to unblock me and say you made a huge mistake” to now I don’t even bother writing stuff out cos with how he’s ended things, I’m angry, he doesn’t even deserve a fake text!!

 

[Peakyblinders]

No - absolutely do not do that. By blocking you he has made it clear he doesn’t want to talk to you.

From my last heartbreak I learned that the still asking about each other’s lives just prolongs it. Cut them out, focus on yourself and keep your pride.

In a few years when you look back you’ll feel a lot better knowing you handled it like a boss, I promise you.

Yeah I’m not being funny but it’s easy for you to say that as you’re not in her position. She’s been blocked out the blue with no answers and not able to say anything she needs to say so I feel like if she needs to contact him to get things off her chest she should. I know it’s great having the idea of being a “boss” not contacting etc but sometimes it just isn’t that easy. Sometimes people need to say their last thing to be able to move on. Yes don’t get me wrong it would be great if we could all just leave it and not contact but it really isn’t easy. I went through something similar and it got to the point I didn’t want him back or even want him to reply I just needed to say what was on my mind.
All advice on this thread is useful but ultimately just do what YOU want to do and what will make your healing better.

 

[under the ivy]

I wanted closure from my ex after he dumped me last April. I’d stay awake all night wondering what I’d done or if I could have done something differently. It put me off work so I took 2 weeks off as I couldn’t concentrate. I’ve realised I don’t need closure, as his actions were the closure. I don’t want answers now, I just want to properly move on! Everyday I’m getting better but he stills creeps into my thoughts - I hate listening to the radio when they do travel updates and they mention his hometown, or his football team he supported or seeing someone drive the car he had - my heart stops thinking it’s him.

Take care everyone x

 

[Cocoflowers]

Sending all the love in the world with everyone that's going through this

Last year my ex and broke up after on and off relationship for the past 8 years but known him 13 years he has cut me of his life multiple times as friend, as a girlfriend and a fiancee, it doesn't get any easier getting ghosted by him he hasnt contacted me since we broke up. Its been really hard, he didn't block me or anything just hasn't spoken to me ive tried everything again. I even had his mum wish me a merry Christmas like what the hell can't talk to your son why he has ghosted me but u can wish me a merry Christmas so i decided to block her on social media like who does that!!

Anyway I've seen the light out of the tunnel in the last few months and we all deserve better than our ex's!

It will take awhile to get used to but take things day by day and focus on yourself

 

[watermelon sugar]

I always thought I wanted closure with my ex but it turned out it was just what I wanted at the time and it wasn't even worth the upset. It takes a while to realise that if they are just gonna hurt you like that with no explanation their not even worth it

Sending all my love

 

[Floopadoop]

I went through this about 5 years ago now. With him for nearly 8 years (first love, thought the sun shone out of his arse etcetc) and he just turned round one day and said he didn't love me anymore.

Turns out he had met someone else and got in a relationship with them straight away so I'm 99% sure he was cheating but he's now got a beer gut and is balding and I'm 8st lighter with an incredibly decent guy by my side so it's funny how the world works out

Thinking of everyone going through this though, especially during lockdown it doesn't feel like it at the moment (and I wanted to punch my boss when he said this but its so true!) But time is the biggest healer and the universe will work it out eventually xxx

 

[under the ivy]

Turns out he had met someone else and got in a relationship with them straight away so I'm 99% sure he was cheating but he's now got a beer gut and is balding and I'm 8st lighter with an incredibly decent guy by my side so it's funny how the world works out

I laughed at this about the beer gut and balding I met up with my ex in Summer (when beer gardens opened to 'talk' - we did but didn't get anywhere!) and he looked so different! Maybe my rose tinted glasses had come off but he hadn't shaved and had gained weight. I don't like to mock anyone but I'd been working out, looking toned and just had my hair done. I looked a solid 8

 

[Floopadoop]

I laughed at this about the beer gut and balding I met up with my ex in Summer (when beer gardens opened to 'talk' - we did but didn't get anywhere!) and he looked so different! Maybe my rose tinted glasses had come off but he hadn't shaved and had gained weight. I don't like to mock anyone but I'd been working out, looking toned and just had my hair done. I looked a solid 8

I Facebook stalked him out of curiosity and messaged my mum "has my ex always been ugly" and she came back with "Yup"

Love is defo blind

 

[LittleMy]

The best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself. Do things that make you feel good and busy yourself enough to take your mind off him. It’s okay to think over things and to feel the way that you do, to let it all out, but then pick yourself back up again and don’t dwell there.

I met my ex when I was 17 at a mutual friend’s party. I had recently ended my first ever relationship after finding out I was being used and the guy (three years older) had been sleeping around with other girls behind my back. There was a lot of drama surrounding it including a pregnancy scare, and I was left feeling very depressed and just a shadow of myself. The only reason I went to this party was because my friends ambushed me and dragged me along. Also, the girl who’s party it was had also been dumped that very day so I felt I had to go along for moral support. In hindsight, I probably should’ve avoided this new guy, but we hit it off and he was a lot of fun. He was in a band, I’d go to gigs to watch him play. We would get blind drunk together and I forgot everything.

We were together on and off for 7 years before we finally split for good. Although I knew in my mind that we weren’t meant to be together, it was the hardest time of my life and I agonised over it so much. I loved him, and he claimed to love me, but we agreed that we both wanted different things. He loved being “one of the guys” and wanted to party and drink and jam all night every night, while I was ready to settle down and start a family. The fact that it wouldn’t be with him was devastating. When he moved out I became severely depressed to the point where I screamed in my mum’s face that I wanted to die. I felt like I was going mad and it took me all my time to drag myself out of bed. I’d lie there thinking about ways to do it.

And then a few months later, this guy who swore he loved me and had begged me not to put it on Facebook if I ever met someone new because he’d be devastated,had found a new girlfriend and was posting pictures of them together, rubbing salt in my wounds. I was devastated. I blocked him immediately although we had agreed to stay friends after we split because we were so close. I felt like such a stupid fool.

That, I believe, was the turning point for me. I started focusing inwardly and deleting him helped that. I lost weight, became more energetic and positive, went out with friends more and took on new hobbies. He was still in the back of my mind but I didn’t dwell on it like before because I was busy being happy. It was a year before I met someone else through online dating. Being with him showed me how a relationship should be, and we wanted a lot of the same things. We’ve been together 7 years now, married for 2, and have two beautiful sons. If I had to go through all of the pain of the past again to have what we have now, I wouldn’t hesitate.

 

[gigi_93]

do you have him on any social media? Has he blocked you on messages and WhatsApp?

I do, he’s blocked me on everything. I did send an iMessage and it delivered because he clearly forgot about that because we don’t use it. No reply though and I’m scared to try again because I don’t want to see I’ve also been blocked there too :/

you used to post on the covid thread about your anxiousness to get back to visit, really sad to see it’s ended like this,
We could be in a very different world in 6 months time, focus on yourself, I’ve briefly read into what’s happening but it looks like he’s treated you like tit because of something out of your control, you don’t deserve that, walk away and let him do the chasing if he changes his mind, you deserve better.

I think I annoyed some people on that thread so I stopped posting, it’s nice of you to remember me. I did end up booking the flight to Mexico I had talked about, turned out to be a waste of time. You are right, I still just can’t quite get past the denial stage.

Gigi, I’m now coming up to week 5 no contact. Even my 5 year old daughter asked why he left without saying bye. My 5 year old knows more about common decency than him! What’s helped me is writing out messages to him what I’d really love to say and then saving them in my notes and when I look back when I add another message it’s clear my feelings change each week/time. I think once you see how the messages you want to send have shifted focus it’s good to reflect on the difference in yourself. My first message was all “all I wanted was you to unblock me and say you made a huge mistake” to now I don’t even bother writing stuff out cos with how he’s ended things, I’m angry, he doesn’t even deserve a fake text!!

I’ve been typing out so many notes! I was doing that even before he cut contact. My phone is full of angry and upset notes I wish I could hate him, I really do, but he has always treated me like a queen right up until the day he did this. It makes it so much harder.

To the person who mentioned emailing, I could probably find his email from old screenshots but I really don’t think I’d get a reply. I was thinking of writing a letter and posting it. His ability to forget me and move on in the space of a few days is just astonishing to me.

 

[ClockworkDolly]

I just recently got dumped by my partner who I’ve been with for 4 years. Somebody on another thread gave me the idea of starting this one to vent and let it all out, and also invite anyone else to do the same if they’re going through a breakup, or just to share stories of older breakups and heartbreak.

My story: long distance relationship, him in Florida and me here in the UK. I’ve been flying over regularly for the past 4 years, I’m close with his family and practically a step mum to his 3 children. Love of my life etc...then the pandemic hit and borders closed. I haven’t been allowed into the US since March 2020, last time I saw him was just before that. I fully believe partner exemptions should have been allowed with testing and quarantine and I wouldn’t be in this mess but that’s another rant.

We held on and held on with FaceTime etc, then we decided I’d go via a third country (Mexico) and he would pay, but my flight was cancelled, and when I went to rebook it he completely unexpectedly told me not to bother and that he was done with our relationship. It hit me like a freight train, there’d been no signs this was coming at all. In fact he told me he loved me and missed me just hours before. I tried to reason with him and then he decided to block me on everything which was another huge blow. I feel like my world has ended, I haven’t eaten or slept since. My life was there with him and he’s taken it away and I don’t know what to do.

Sorry that was so long. Please feel free to share your stories and any advice for this absolute hell I feel right now

Blocking you, what a heartless action for him to take. However, my advice is to also block him, that way you won’t be checking your phone every five minutes and this is what we all do when we are dumped, we hang on to the crumbs of a relationship, hoping and praying they will change their mind. This for you would be taking back some control, because at the moment he has all of the power over you. He is playing the puppet master. I know that you are heartbroken and I know that if he was to appear in front of you that you would most likely forgive his behaviour, but at least by blocking him, he cannot contact you. That is your first step to healing.

Sorry to sound harsh, but in this case, I would be very surprised if he does come back to you. It sounds as though the knock-on effects from the pandemic have been just the excuse he may have needed to sever your relationship.

In my experience, men can often tell you that they love you, they miss you, etc and then go and do something which completely negates all of that! They’re strange creatures and especially when they cannot be open about their feelings.

Splitting up/being dumped is like a bereavement. You cannot function properly and because he has not given you any reasons for his behaviour, you will be forever asking yourself why.

Take little steps each day and reward yourself with something which makes you feel good. Build your self-esteem back up, nurture you.

Trust me, one day, you will have moved on so far, he will be a distant memory.